LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BILL BURR!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪
>> THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THANK YOU. I AM SO -- I AM SO EXCITED TO BE
HERE I HAVE BEEN DOING STANDUP
FOREVER. AND THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN A
LIFELONG DREAM OF MINE TO COME AND HOST "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE.
SO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING OUT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE COMING OUT DURING THESE
DIFFICULT TIMES. YOU GOT TO LOOK LIKE SURGEONS
WITH YOUR MASKS ON MAKES ME FEEL COMFORTABLE THAT
YOU'RE WEARING MASKS I LIKE PEOPLE WHO WEAR MASKS
THAT'S GOOD. YOU'RE LISTENING TO THE
EGGHEADS THE PEOPLE WE ALL CHEATED OFF OF
IN HIGH SCHOOL, RIGHT? KEEP LISTENING TO THEM
AND THEN IF YOU DON'T WEAR A MASK, THAT DOESN'T BUG ME
EITHER, RIGHT? TAKE OUT YOUR GRAND PARENTS.
YOU KNOW TAKE OUT YOUR WEAK COUSIN WITH
THE ASTHMA, I DON'T CARE IT'S YOUR DECISION
THERE'S TOO MANY PEOPLE. IT'S A DREAM COME TRUE
IF YOU'RE THAT DUMB AND YOU WANT TO KILL YOUR OWN FAMILY MEMBERS,
BY ALL MEANS, DO IT. STOPS YOU FROM REPRODUCING
IT'S LITERALLY A DREAM COME TRUE
AND SPEAKING OF DREAMS COME TRUE -- DID YOU SEE RICK MORANIS
GOT SUCKER PUNCHED ON THE UPPER WEST SIDE?
NEW YORK IS BACK, BABY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
NEW YORK IS BACK, YES! WE LOST OUR X-FACTOR FOR A
MINUTE CITY STARTED LOOKING LIKE A
GIANT BED, BATH & BEYOND THEN BAM
RICKY TOOK ONE IN THE CHOPS. IT HAD TO HAPPEN
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU STICK AN M&Ms STORE IN TIMES
SQUARE, ALL RIGHT? THE UNIVERSE HAS TO BALANCE
ITSELF GET THE PEEP SHOWS BACK IN TIMES
SQUARE, OLD PEOPLE CAN WALK SAFELY 40 BLOCKS AWAY.
I DON'T KNOW I'LL PROBABLY GET CANCELED FOR
DOING THAT, YOU KNOW, HOW STUPID THAT IS CANCELED THING
THEY'RE LITERALLY RUNNING OUT OF PEOPLE TO CANCEL
THEY'RE GOING AFTER DEAD PEOPLE NOW.
THEY'RE TRYING TO CANCEL JOHN WAYNE.
IT'S LIKE, GOD DID THAT 40 YEARS AGO.
THEY'RE ALL UP IN ARMS THEY'RE LIKE DID YOU HEAR WHAT
HE SAID IN THAT INTERVIEW IN "PLAYBOY" IN 1970?
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT IT'S LIKE, YEAH.
HE WAS BORN IN 1907. THAT'S WHAT THESE PEOPLE SOUNDED
LIKE YOU NEVER TALKED TO YOUR
GRANDPARENTS AND BROUGHT UP THE WRONG SUBJECT?
ALL OF A SUDDEN THEY WENT OFF THE RAILS?
LIKE OH, GOD KEEP MAKING THE COOKIES.
YEAH, DON'T BRING UP RACE OR RELIGION WITH YOUR GRANDPARENTS.
YOU KEEP IT SIMPLE ANYWAY, I DON'T KNOW
I KNOW, I GET -- MY GRANDPARENTS ARE OLDER, I DON'T KNOW.
PLOWING AHEAD. PLOWING AHEAD, LET'S TALK --
LET'S TALK WHITE WOMEN HERE, SHALL WE
LET'S TALK WHITE WOMEN AMAZING.
AMAZING YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS OVER THE LAST FEW YEARS.
THE WAY WHITE WOMEN SOMEHOW HIJACKED THE WOKE MOVEMENT
GENERALS AROUND THE WORLD SHOULD BE ANALYZING THIS.
TO REFRESH YOUR MEMORY, THE WOKE MOVEMENT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE
ABOUT PEOPLE OF COLOR. NOT GETTING OPPORTUNITIES.
FINALLY MAKING THAT HAPPEN IT WAS ABOUT THAT, FOR ABOUT
EIGHT SECONDS. THEN SOMEHOW, WHITE WOMEN SWUNG
THEIR GUCCI-BOOTED FEET OVER THE FENCE OF OPPRESSION AND STUCK
THEMSELVES AT THE FRONT OF THE LINE
I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY DID IT I'VE NEVER HEARD SO MUCH
COMPLAINING IN MY LIFE FROM WHITE WOMEN.
I'M HURT WITH MY SUV AND HEATED SEATS
YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE ME
TRASHING WHITE GUYS. THE NERVE.
WHERE'S THE CAMERA THE NERVE OF YOU WHITE WOMEN
[ LAUGHTER ] I DON'T WANT TO SPEAK ILL OF MY
BITCHES HERE, OKAY I KNOW
LET'S GO BACK IN HISTORY HERE, OKAY
YOU GUYS STOOD BY US TOXIC WHITE MALES THROUGH CENTURIES OF OUR
CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY. YOU ROLLED AROUND IN THE BLOOD
MONEY. OCCASIONALLY WHEN YOU WANTED TO
SNEAK OFF AND HOOK UP WITH A BLACK DUDE, IF YOU GOT CAUGHT,
YOU SAID IT WASN'T CONSENSUAL. YEAH, THAT'S WHAT YOU DID!
THAT'S WHAT YOU DID! SO WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP, SIT
DOWN NEXT TO ME, AND TAKE YOUR TALKING-TO
[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]
THANK YOU. SO, I HAVEN'T BEEN IN NEW YORK
FOR ABOUT A YEAR, YOU KNOW I WAS HERE LAST YEAR, SHOOTING A
MOVIE. HAD A GREAT TIME WITH JUDD
APATOW, PETE DAVIDSON, AND ALL THE GUYS
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YES, HAD A GREAT TIME.
AND I HAVEN'T BEEN HERE IN LIKE 13 YEARS
I IMMEDIATELY NOTICED HOW EXTRA CROWDED THE CITY WAS
I WAS GETTING CLAUSE TRO PHOBIC. WHAT'S GOING ON?
PEOPLE NOT USING SAFE SEX, MAKING ALL THESE BABIES, YOU
KNOW SO I FINALLY WALKED UP TO THIS
NEW YORK DOOR GUY, WHAT'S GOING ON
WHAT'S WITH ALL THESE PEOPLE HE'S LIKE, OH, NO, DON'T WORRY,
IT'S JUNE. HE GOES, IT'S PRIDE MONTH.
AND I'M LIKE, WHAT'S THAT? YOU KNOW
I'M 52, NEVER HEARD OF IT, RIGHT?
DIDN'T HAVE THAT WHEN I WAS A KID.
HE GOES, GAY PRIDE MONTH AND I WAS JUST LIKE, OOOH!
YOU KNOW WHEN YOU'RE JUST STUCK IN THE MATRIX AND YOU CAN'T --
EVERYTHING'S PRESSED UP, YOU CAN'T SEE ANYTHING
SOMEBODY GIVES YOU THAT NUGGET OF INFORMATION THAT PULLS IT
BACK WHY'S IT SO CROWDED?
IT'S GAY PRIDE MONTH OH
TANK TOPS! ZERO PERCENT BODY FAT!
TWO GUYS KISSING RAINBOW FLAGS!
AAH! I DIDN'T KNOW THAT
THAT'S WHAT I LEARNED. THE MONTH OF JUNE IS GAY PRIDE
MONTH. THAT'S A LITTLE LONG, DON'T YOU
THINK? FOR A GROUP OF PEOPLE THAT WERE
NEVER ENSLAVED HOW DID THEY GET ALL OF JUNE
THE BLACK PEOPLE WERE ACTUALLY ENSLAVED, THEY GET FEBRUARY.
THEY GET 28 DAYS OF OVERCAST WEATHER.
SUN GOES DOWN AT 4:00 IN THE AFTERNOON.
EVERYBODY'S SHIVERING. NOBODY WANTS TO GO ON THE
PARADE [ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ] HOW ABOUT YOU HOOK THEM UP WITH
JULY THESE ARE EQUATOR PEOPLE
GIVE THEM THE SUN FOR 31 DAYS. THERE'S GAY BLACK PEOPLE, THEY
COULD CELEBRATE FROM JUNE 1st, JUNE 31st, 61 DAYS TO CELEBRATE.
THAT'S MY TIME WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
GUYS, EVERYBODY. JACK WHITE IS HERE
EA SCKROD,E' BAZING. PLSETI AUN WLLE
RIGHT BACK
I love how with Bill Burr there’s always a moment where the audience isn’t sure whether they’re supposed to be applauding or not
20 years of overpopulation jokes led to this moment lol
Mirror.
Bill Burr once looked me in the eyes and called me a “fuckin’ hipster”. Best day of my life.
I don't know, I was expecting the reaction to be much worse from reading the comments. Crowd still laughed and didn't pull back that much.
Maybe cause my twitter feed is biased towards black twitter but i found more people praising bill burr rather than complaining about him
Oh look who it is. Zip...
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... Recruiter
EDIT: Monday Morning Podcast gang RISE UP.
I like how he approaches the Gay Pride Month stuff with weirdly unprovoked anger, only to transition into a literal month-based argument. It gets whimsical in the last 15 seconds.
He basically said "I probably won't get invited back....so I am going to say exactly whats on my mind!" And he did!