Bill Burr - Its IMPOSSIBLE To Impress Your Wife

[Music] have you ever had a moment where you got a paycheck where you kind of looked at her like can you believe that oh yeah yeah but you know the deal dude they they can be like they they gotta play it they can't act overly impressed their whole [ __ ] thing dude oh oh oh let me tell you a story real quick bill oh we're getting into it this week we're getting into it i did a i did uh i did a gig in aspen it was for uh it was for a corporate i'd never really done the corporate and they gave me a check it was 25 000 to do the gig i was [ __ ] through the roof i was like i was like this is it this is the money i've heard about like i was so blown away and i came home and i dropped it on the table in front of her and i was like what do you think of that and she goes well you gotta remember we only keep half of it and i went hold on like that's not i just came home with the fish you don't go well we do have to cut it and clean it and that'll only feed us for three days yeah i was so i was so defeated and angry about that that i was like hold on like how big is it gotta be what like what no do you know what you can't go in motion the move there if you give a [ __ ] if you want to waste your adult life trying to fix something that's unfixable the move there is to nod pick up the check or leave it with her even better play the martyr yeah and just say hi you know what i'm gonna go for a walk and you go for a walk and you let him think about it now the best that'll get you is a clarified apology when you come back but you cannot on any level expect the next time you show up you could have one for 30 000 that she's gonna be like wow that's amazing and this is what i learned is it's not because they they don't love you it's because they do love you and if you start walking around with this big dick [ __ ] i'm making 25 grand energy you're gonna start attracting horse so what she has to do out of love for you and her family is she has to keep your ego where you where she needs you to be and where she can handle you being so she can be comfortable and you're going to be comfortable and there won't be any fights dude it's a whole making money do when you weren't making money becomes the whole game within the [ __ ] game and for all you young bucks out there who think that you're gonna make a certain amount of money and then your life is gonna get easy with the woman you're with that is the biggest [ __ ] pipe dream you're ever gonna chase because it's they're gonna take it off the table don't throw it in my face and whatever just happened is who the [ __ ] you are and what you have to answer to you could literally save a busload of kids from a burning bus you got the mesh gloves because you burned your hands pulling the last two out and you're a [ __ ] hero all right god help you if you leave the seat up that night oh i used to have a joke about uh i would love to date a young woman not to not to have sex with her or not for the relationship just to impress her because it's so hard to impress my wife like i would love for a girl to be like wait we're going to cleveland this weekend oh my god first class tickets this is amazing oh my god we're gonna have to pay for drinks at the bar oh this is so cool oh they can bring his chicken fingers oh my gosh yep well all right now in defense this is what i want to get out of this i want to hear from women that are in our situation with a guy how they have to play it because i got to be honest with you know when they sit there and they go you know it takes a really strong man to be with a woman that makes more money than he does and i've had these debates with nia i'd be i was like she goes could you handle that if i did that and i was like i i don't think i could i go i wouldn't like try to sabotage your career i would support you and i wouldn't get out of the relationship but what i would feel like then would be i would just feel like an adult teenager if you can make a baby and make more money than i can you've just made me useless that would be like if i made the money i made and i could have a baby and then you're supposed to sit there as a woman and be like and what i'm bringing to the table is i go yay yay you're doing everything i just think that like both men and women you want to feel like you know unless you're just a lazy [ __ ] person okay i i think that you want to feel like you're uh you're contributing so it's really not about her making more money it's about my guilt of like i'm just a [ __ ] i'm useless i mean i might as well just still be in seventh grade like you want my driver's license can i at least just ride my bicycle to work yeah well i can feel like i don't know like i'm i'm somehow contributing where where oh my god uh uh

Channel: Bill Burr University

Views: 161,150

Keywords: bill burr, mmpc, tammp, monday morning podcast, bill burr podcast clips, advice, impress your girl, dating advice, relationship advice, bert kreischer, bill bert podcast, not impressed, bill burr advice, mckayla, mckayla not impressed

Id: H5jChIxlASQ

Length: 6min 15sec (375 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 01 2021