Why It's So Easy to Keep a Bad Habit

what's something like I noticed like there's been times in my past where it's like I think I didn't want to change because I wanted to keep having an excuse right like I remember even with smoking I remember it was like um part of me didn't want to stop there was a part of me I realized it didn't want to stop smoking because I knew if I stopped I wouldn't and it wasn't like a it was kind of a subconscious part of me yeah but I knew if I stopped I would I wouldn't have something to blame my in a efficiency on or my what I just wouldn't have something to blame it's like it gave me something to blame does that make any sense it does because everything we do even things that seem stupid or derogatory we do to meet some needs there's only six needs people have we have a need for Comfort or certainty we have a need for variety we have a need to feel significant unique special important everybody has that need we have a need to feel connection and love we have a need to grow we have need to contribute Beyond ourselves it was just Comfort I think yeah it's the comfort and the certainty what you know but there there is a fear that everybody has two fears MH all human beings at some moment feel that they're not enough and to feel like you're not enough for someone who's love you crave makes a person crazy inside for someone who's what I didn't hear that right somebody who's love you crave the average person you don't care but if it's somebody who's love you really want oh yeah so if you feel like you're not enough then you feel like you won't be loved to be worthless and unloved is like psychological death so people drug themselves eat they do anything not to feel that well what are your choices on changing that well you could take on a new project build a podcast build a business do something but you have to take risks to do that and risks you could look like a failure you could fail which might look like your worthless might look like you're not worthy of love so subconsciously we come up with these ways to adapt so smoking a cigarette comforts you because you take that big slow breath in and blow it out nice and slow it changes the tempo in your body completely you go from stress to you can do that same without the cigarette but but once you're addicted and it becomes the go-to some people stop smoking and then they overeat cuz overeating puts all the blood in your stomach and you start to breathe slowly again and feel things and you let go so you can get certainty and comfort by those ways or you can do it by working out and developing the sense of strength that makes you certain or you can do the same thing day after day there's so many ways there's positive ways and negative ways but we also need uncertainty we need variety if you if every day you know what's going to happen how it's going to happen you get bored out of your mind yeah but if you have so much variety you don't know what's going to happen people freak out so these needs bounce up against each other and so when people do a behavior like smoking smoking will give you comfort certainty smoking will give you in some people's case variety because you were stressed out now you change your state that feels different it's called variety smoking will give you significance if you think it's cool although today it's a little harder to do that because most people think you're an idiot we put you in a separate room by yourself yeah they think you are yeah so but it used to be I'm cool if I smoke and some people say you can't make me not smoke I'm significant right for some people it's a way to connect with other people who smoke right so when you meet one of those needs you like it when you meet two you really like when you meet three you get addicted and you get addicted to positive things you get addicted to exercise you get addicted to working out you get addicted to you know growing your business you everyone gets addicted to something if it meets a bunch of your needs it's amazing and in a relationship if a person is certain that you love them and there's always a surprise they oh I I know they love me and we have so many surprises we have so much Variety in our life and I feel like the most important person significant and I feel so much love for them and we're growing contributing I'm leaving nobody says that because when your needs are met people stay like whenever I work with couples I work with hundreds of thousands of couples over the years and they always say one of them always say I gave him or her everything everything except what they needed if you gave them what they needed they wouldn't be leaving do you think we're afraid some to say what we need though too or do you think we even know what we need sometimes most people don't you're absolutely right most people not only don't say it but most people don't even know it they're not even honest with themselves yet so what do you say to somebody like me then or I mean sorry I'm sitting here so also me but um yeah like who's cuz there's ways like I know once I right when I weaned off of my medicine right I got to talked I actually didn't talk to my doctor but I've gotten off so many times over the years I felt like I knew what I was doing I did let my close friends know hey I'm I'm getting off my medicine let me know if anything what you using at the time just uh Lexapro I've been taken right I said let me know if anything seems strange or whatever you know but then I more strange than usual yeah yeah yeah dude if I'm just like masturbating at the house dude yeah that's natural that's normal dude yeah that's normal behavior right but if I'm Pet shopping you know that's a you need to call somebody you know you're concerned call somebody I'm looking at a dog that's really scary dud can you fetch oh yeah it's getting weird um but what I'm saying is um yeah so there but I started running right I knew I said my biggest thing is I don't want to lose this B this this opportunity to see how I'm feeling because I'm not doing my part of taking care of myself y I have so much respect for you doing that it's so hard to do but you did the right thing which is what I teach you got to replace it with something you don't stop doing something you replace something else but what you're replacing it with actually changes your biochemistry yeah I don't want to run now I'm starting to freaking like it dude I met somebody yesterday and we got some damn Brook shoes to gabing well that's a good first step yeah literally you're right but you get the runner's high and it's it's a good high for you and you're making so it's like it's not about stopping what you're doing it's about starting something else that's more fulfilling like running what needs does it meet does it make you feel comfortable afterwards you feel certain you're going to feel good when you run 100% you have variety when you run is like a totally different state yeah sometimes I'll go around the track this way sometimes I'll go around the track this way okay okay and do you have sense of significance like I'm really changing I'm improving I'm becoming more some guy the other day like this kind of tough guy was like man you've been out there for a while that's cool you feel good yeah and do you feel more connected yourself or God when you're running or the universe or nature or anything like that yeah I feel like I'm able to have some or like my brain will have conversations that maybe I've been meaning to have or whatever they just kind of show up while I'm running and do you feel like you're growing by doing this running by getting better um yeah I feel like it's not going to hurt me that's for sure yeah you know and there may be some form of contribution that'll come out of it because because you feel so much better you'll be able to give more so you're meeting at least four or five of your needs by running yeah versus the drugs made you feel certain mhm did they make you feel variety um no that was the biggest problem that was boring feelings that's dead did they make you feel significant no no and they make you feel connected no no they make you feel like you're growing no contributing to others no so it met one need but when you get in the habit of it and you're numb it's hard to shift so the only reason people shift is they hit a threshold I'll give you the chemistry of transformation you see how it works for you okay like there's five elements that when they're there people transform so the first one that usually happens is satiation satiation means there's nothing wrong but you've been doing the same thing over and over and over again after a while if your favorite meal was steak and lobster and you have it every day three times a day there's going to be a point where you go like there's nothing wrong with Stak and lobster but man I'm satiated right and that makes you look around what what might what might do different but it doesn't usually make you change it just opens your mind to change then you need the second element and that is dissatisfaction now it's not just you're doing it and it's not as good now you're doing it and it doesn't feel good and you start to feel that in the relationship side you like this I don't I don't want to feel this way then that's still not enough that makes you look more for a change that's the second piece of chemistry the third piece of chemistry is now you hit a threshold thresholds like you ever been in a relationship like way too long you know oh yes you sorry I want to apologize too to a couple of women um yeah I you knew it was wrong you knew it wasn't serving them or serving you but you stayed because it was certain it was hard to change being well what if I'm alone afraid to say certain things yeah but if you got to the point where the way you stay is you go it'll get better it was better in the past or you jump to the Future and say it's better but there's a day we hear threshold you go it's been painful in the past it's painful today it's going to be painful forever I'm the F out of here right that's when people start to change when you hit a threshold you get the fourth piece you get an insight and the Insight is what's really true and usually figure it out it's not my partner it's not my job it's me what's going on in me and you make a distinction and that creates an opening like there's a chance you to change your life in that moment you had that when you were here and you couldn't feel anything with this girl you felt dissatisfaction you eventually got to a threshold and you finally said wait a second these drugs are just making me numb I got to do something and you had to jump through the opening because you didn't know was on the other side or there's uncertainty a lot of people go through all that and they get to the opening it only stays open for a few moments if you don't do something with the Insight it closes you start all over again you got to go through all the time period of getting satiated and getting dissatisfied again hitting a threshold and some people just never jump through the hole so I used to kick people through the opening you know yeah I've seen a couple videos you done like whoa so but right but now what I do more is I I bring them to the opening over and over and get them to jump through so they get the muscle cuz otherwise it might last a year or two but it's not going to last forever if you do it you got a chance lasting for a long time but you went through that chemistry but very few people do yeah you got dissatisfied enough

Channel: Theo Von Clips

Views: 612,774

Keywords: Theo von, this past weekend, theo von podcast, this past weekend podcast, tpw, joe rogan, joe rogan experience, jre, joe rogan podcast, brendan schaub, bryan callen, the fighter and the kid, below the belt, tfatk, theo von brendan schaub, king and the sting, king and the sting podcast, chris delia, chris delia podcast, joey diaz, bert kreischer, tom segura, bobby lee, tigerbelly, Clip, Highlight, Theo Von Clip, Theo Von Highlight, Congratulations

Id: gkbsl2KdaaM

Length: 9min 57sec (597 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 10 2024