Bill Burr Answers the Internet's Weirdest Questions

season two of answer the Internet is here bill Burke kicks things off and the card game is now available it's all the questions as [ __ ] up as you are to ask all your [ __ ] up friends get it at barstool sports Amazon Walmart and Spencer Gifts click the link below in the description hey I'm bill burr and I'm here to answer the Internet alright I'm not good at reading out loud alright answer the Internet do you think you could throw a football farther than a 1940's Heisman winner no never never in my life could I I just was I was good at catching things I wasn't good at running throwing I mean I think the longest I ever threw one was maybe 40 yards and I still feel that pain in my shoulder so then it was 30 I just don't maybe I was on the metric system I don't remember you guys are impressed it was never impressive all right would you rather hit a home run as a pitcher school that's a good one score a goal is a hockey goalie or scorer TD is a lineman this is a no-brainer pitcher demoralizing it's the pick-6 of baseball and my favorite one ever was when what's-his-face Cologne oh and when all those guys had the presence of mind to go into the into the locker room so he wouldn't be there then they treated him like it like this new rookie that was gonna come up and hit like he was gonna hit 400 more that was my favorite thing ever and I always loved how seriously Pedro Martinez took hitting like he actually used to take BP and all that I loved it all right answer the internet would you rather see it that's old-school showbiz I keep saying the name of the bit you know in case you cut this up the answer the internet here would you rather always be hard or never be able to get hard my age I thought you meant like ripped would you rather always be hard or never be able to get okay is there a way to remove the semen from my body so I can artificially become a parent it's like a needle in your balls I'm going no boner and I'll tell you why I am I am old enough to know like you remember those devices of torture that they had were like they put you in it and as much as it hurt the more you move the tighter it got that's what it's like to be in a relationship with a woman you're not gonna win and your dumb dick is what leads you into it so if I could neutralize my dick I can't imagine the things I could have accomplished all right debate the Internet I feel like I'm doing this [ __ ] old-school talk show you have a choice between a sum of money and world peace how much money would you would it take for you to give up well I go for world peace period and a story no no no no dude I'm doing great I have enough of a met the American I would absolutely I read a thing today you know cover the paper how in Kashmir they doing something there and this woman's son 22 got bit by a snake and couldn't get past the people to get in there just seeing the mother's anguish there's a number I don't think there's enough I don't think you went big there's not enough Wild Wings do I got a number could you beat Tom Cruise in a fight no way cuz he would [ __ ] weird me out with how into it he'd be he just gets in the [ __ ] I would worried that he would do that Val Kilmer like that thing with his teeth and I don't think I'd be able to get over the fact that it was it was Tom Cruise I'm like why I get to see if he really knows how to fight all those mission Impossibles I think I would lose I think I would lose you know [ __ ] overwhelm me with that Scientology energy uh I know where the spaceship is I'd be like what the [ __ ] and then I'd be on me it would be it do you think the president jerks off in the Oval Office not only do I think he does I think they all do and you have to it's a man the first day what can we do for you president and they already know what you're gonna say I would just like to have everybody get out of the office for about four minutes thank you and everybody knows what you're doing you know and I think even the Illuminati shuts off their cameras that's probably like they're locked the door test as he jerked off in the Oval Office yes yes he has all right good we got another one the wars will continue all right uh answer answer the the Internet I want to old sport coat next time I do this if you if you found a porn online of your buddy and his girlfriend would you watch it would you say anything to him no I wouldn't oh no I would tell him I would not watch it no [ __ ] way dude that's weird now that's that's a young person thing like like how polluted your hard drives are you know the fact that you have your buddies come facing your head I mean I don't know that's why I never understood the two on one with another guy you know I know I can't cuz it's somebody else's story I'll tell you the guy who it is and you gotta ask him Ari all right answer the internet would you rather have no music for the rest of your life or have all music be sung by your significant other oh my wife's adorable and I love music yeah well my wife she actually has a good voice I never sing oh then no in any ket cuz that would be a double whammy but after a while but if there was no music and he was the only one singing he would be the benchmark and he come out in a boxing ring like Sinatra [ __ ] Madison Square Garden how many are there Jesus Christ [ __ ] this is what they get it all these guys with their extra content okay I mean to me this in a dance show I'm Hollywood bill I don't have time for this answer the internet who would win up in a fight in their prime Michael Keaton or Jon Bon Jovi wow dude that's like when like [ __ ] I don't know like Ball State is playing [ __ ] a rap a whole Community College it's like I don't know any players on these teams I don't know how these guys fight let's see Jon Bon Jovi in his prime he had that hair lay your hands on me I'm trying to figure I would say what would you say his Michael Keaton's prime was physically night shift night shift Oh baby if I were to workout for that I would say this I would say that Michael Keaton and founder or when he played the cop and the other guys could beat Bon Jovi when he tried to buy the Buffalo Bills that's that's as far as I know I would go Michael key last one last one before we take a break with your local sponsor answer the internet would you rather go back to being 18 years old knowing everything do I get propecia this time everything you know now or get a million dollars would you rather go back to being 18 year no [ __ ] way what and there it knows there is no number to go back to being 18 again huh and music makes sense to me and I had those red locks are you kidding me oh my god in all the stadiums and all that then I would know what games to be yet huh I would go but yeah no I would go back to being 18 in a second I'm gonna sit there in a [ __ ] Jacuzzi with a cigar or be 18 again that's when the easiest questions ever thank you ladies and gentlemen this has been answer the Internet

Channel: Answer the Internet

Views: 5,815,614

Keywords: Kfc radio, barstool, barstool sports, kfc radio podcast, comedy, internet, entertainment, answer the internet, barstool answer the internet, kfc barstool, feitelberg barstool, feits barstool, feits, feitelberg, john feitelberg, hypotheticals, weird hypotheticals, dumb questions, weird questions, Bill burr, bill burr paper tiger, bill burr stand up, bill burr mandalorian, bill burr mandalorian trailer, Bill Burr Answers the Internet's Weirdest Questions

Id: AcmY4K0I2pc

Length: 8min 2sec (482 seconds)

Published: Tue Oct 29 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/pm_nudes_or_worries]

Bill Burr is, hands down, my favorite insane comedian...

[u/dudededed]

Bill is insanely funny

[u/msaad1986]

Went to his show last year well worth 60 bucks

[u/Usmanify]

Timestamp ? I’ve watched the video. Couldn’t find it XD