Theo Von Answers the Internet's Weirdest Questions

I'm Devo I'm about to about to answer the Internet I had bronchitis would you rather know when you're going to die or how you're going to die dang these are good questions I would rather know how I'm gonna die because I'd rather know like women Oh indoors or outdoors probably so I could kind of be prepared on how to not dress but how to like I don't want to die in the wrong shoes you know would you rather have a dog's personality in a cat body or a cat's personality in a dog body I'm not sure exactly but I don't want to be a cat at all so whatever one of these is not being a cat you know see that's the thing you would have the dog body but the brain of a cat you kind of are a cat but then the other way you'd have the body of a cat everyone would think you're a cat so would you rather know you're a cat or have other people think you're a cat I'd rather probably do euthanasia you know yeah no offense to catch anything but also [ __ ] cats so basically cies of loneliness that are in your apartment if you had to pick one person to be the ambassador for the human race to meet aliens who would it be oh this is good a probably Pig probably a Filipino dude I'm really impacted by Filipinos they're happy they're joyous you know they call them the smiling people somewhere on the internet and and every Filipino I meet their real gracious they do a lot of senior care centers hospice so you don't [ __ ] who else you gonna send out there dude you know what I'm saying a [ __ ] drunk you know what somebody from Scotland know somebody on coke you can't do any of that you got to send somebody who is caring I think oh you mean like a specific person Manny Pacquiao we're good on Filipino yeah yes yeah yeah maybe Manny Pacquiao there would you rather be blind or [ __ ] dude these days probably [ __ ] I think I had a blind kid in my neighborhood when I was growing up and actually you know this dude was deaf actually and and they beat him up for doing bad magic because he was always doing all of this and [ __ ] and people thought he's doing magic with no tricks and they [ __ ] beat him so would you rather go to jail for one year or go to jail with a Rubik's Cube and you can leave what it's done ha ha ha science won huh I would rather I go to jail for a year I think it would be great these days relaxing get some reading done you know get in shape you know yeah get some diverse friends a Rubik's Cube I bet I could probably do it in a week oh dude look at some time to just relax honestly and I'm a pretty simple man as long as yeah if I'm in there I heard the lights are on at night though that would be the part out that wouldn't you would you rather have everyone naked all the time or everyone clothed all the time mmm I'm okay pretty much with how things are I think so I'll take clothes it's a big question to ask and just assume somebody's gonna change it based on that question would you rather sit down with your parents and watch every sexual encounter you've had or watch your parents sex tape when they conceived you I don't know ma'am I'd have a 70 when I was born so I probably watch the tape honestly man I think it would be cool would almost be artistic these days I'll be looked at it more as art than it would be as something to deviant do you think there's more porn stars or murders in the world hmm I think murders you know I actually know a guy I shouldn't say this on here but I'm not gonna say names but I know a guy who killed someone and he said and this isn't me saying this dude I wouldn't do something like this but he said that it [ __ ] feels good and he did so that murdered oh no anything else man let me see that would you take four million dollars to be on To Catch a Predator I would take a I would take about $700 back because Chris Hanson was on my podcast and he tried to run up a bunch of tail bills with spa stuff extra spa treatments and stuff like that so Chris Hanson tried to [ __ ] me on about seven hundred thirty dollars you know getting rose petals and [ __ ] [ __ ] well ottoman students called your names but I wouldn't do that to you and I would appreciate that you know you shouldn't try to do that to to us because we're trying to be you know some Patty Co what STD how many of these you have do this isn't what STD would you be willing to have if you were able to pass on your biggest enemy I'd probably say something new something they wouldn't see coming you know something that seems fun and then it's and then it's not and then and you you know it's not fun and you die so something's fun out of the gate something that sounds good you know like I don't know there's some foods that also sound like STDs or Def Leppard that sounds like an STD which fictional character would you love to beat the [ __ ] out of dude I don't know if I can beat a lot of people I think I could beat that dude from the mask you're something movie mask with rocky Dennis I can fight that dude I bet who else probably Rosie O'Donnell pins on me yes brother but I'll shut that thick fella down you know that if you were sent back to the Roman Empire with a fully shards iPhone do you think you could take over the world [ __ ] no dude I think you David probably beat you up they would say you're gay and they would beat you if you want to be honest and no offense if anybody's game might be good so this is it yeah and no offense to you I just don't have anything else to say and I feel bad talking this much how long would it take for you to drink all the water and above-ground pool on my hand this is [ __ ] good dude I don't know man probably I bet a year and a half oh no way dude but and also you can't drink consecutively can one drink about a gallon straight before I'd like the electrolyte in your body switch up and you can die so dude I drink a gun on my buddy Tim's house one time [ __ ] went to take a nap broke pissed on his floor 12 by 12 square-foot room dude and the pool touched all four walls bro but thank you guys so much for having me man I appreciate it yeah yeah you bet man it was so much fun dude you

Channel: Answer the Internet

Views: 5,536,361

Keywords: Theo Von, Theo von comedy, Theo von podcast, Theo von standup, Theo von Netflix, internet, entertainment, answer the internet, barstool answer the internet, kfc barstool, feitelberg barstool, feits barstool, feits, feitelberg, john feitelberg, hypotheticals, weird hypotheticals, dumb questions, weird questions, theo vonn, interview, fighter and the kid, brendan schaub, joe rogan, joe rogan podcast, comedy, stand up, ati, ati barstool, stand up comedy

Id: auK6yr-bztk

Length: 7min 2sec (422 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 07 2019