BEST OF TOMMY COOPER youtube magic act show

[Music] thank you thank you thank you very much what a lovely audience well i must say you're having a good audience and i like the clothes never may oh dude i've had a pain here all day look at that oh is it hot there's a heat that does it ah it's different every time hey [Applause] oh what a day i made i went to see my doctor i had to he's ill [Laughter] and he said to me he said can i help you i said yes i said i get these terrible dreams i keep drinking these beautiful girls keep coming towards me beautiful girls i keep pushing away they keep coming towards that keep pushing away he said what do you want me to do i said break me on [Laughter] he said i want your lie down on the couch i said what for is i want to sweep out [Laughter] i said but seriously doctor i said seriously i have broken my arm in several places he said well you shouldn't go to this place here's a quick joke there's a man having a barbecue with a front guard so you turn the spit like that and the flame's getting higher and higher higher and higher see and he's singing oh solemn no music oh soul amir farewell and the flavoring and iron high and the drug walks by your singles are right but your monkey's on fire [Applause] you should have finished this has nothing to do with it [Laughter] you should fix another do of me i mean you're the problem these snakes should come down it's a bit late now and it's a bit late [Applause] it wasn't was it what yes very nice what yes how would i produce for this empty cloth a live guinea pig [Applause] oh yeah my wife just told me just before the show and she said to me i've got water in a carburetor i said where's the cars you're in the river oh scooter that reminds me hello is that the gpo look i want to complain about my my phone bills they keep going up and up but why they're so big what because of what [Music] [Applause] huh [Laughter] uh uh [Applause] [Music] cooper the new wake up ah yes of course cooper do come into that door would you no yes i spoke to you on the telephone this morning yes that's right sir i am the headwaiter oh yes you know of course the flamingo is one of the most exclusive restaurants in the woods yes another yes oh you know that well i should be very wealthy oh so sorry you lost your money uh-huh gambling too much no i it here too much it was cheap to eat money well you have had some experience of our standard of service oh yes i have to i think it's that i don't know how you're doing well we all have our little secrets you see cooper because you see no matter how nasty things get out there in the restaurant they do get very nasty indeed people become very rude and overbearing and demanding each and every waiter knows they can come in here and let off steam shout curse scream throw little china things and we'd like you to look upon this as your friendly room friendly room yes thank you you've seen no matter how nasty things get out there you must cooper keep smiling because in here you can do as you like is that understood yes sir i mean out there is a nasty room where i have to be nice and in here is the nice room where i can be nasty well yes roughly speaking yes we like you to look upon this as your friendly room friendly room thank you yes you seem a bit over anxious i am a bit yes nervous yes a little bit a little bit would you like to relieve your attention a bit yes all right of course well then have a scream and a throw can i have a throw in the screen by all me all right now are you feeling any better marvelous all the new all the noodles and those done my smile loosen up you're lovely well have another one can i oh anytime you feel like it at all but remember cooper and this is very important in the restaurant it's always the smile please don't keep doing that i thought you said it was a friendly room yes of course well now cooper carry on cooper good luck cooper i'm cooper check your smile in the smiling mirror as you go out whispers waiter yes sir any danger of any service i'm sorry but i've just come on dude sir how would you like to look at the menu while you order some drinks we'll have two gin and tonics and don't take all night about it i know that men you're off by out you know i could tell you exactly what's for starters what's your main course and what's with sweets i don't need your lovely you have what you like caviar another smoke salmon you can have the salad get it off your chest all right i was going to uh what's going to happen oysters but there isn't an hour in the morning oh you don't have to worry about that hitter april is over there isn't an hour in the month well it doesn't matter here because april follows ray roon and reliance i don't want any funny remarks just service yes sir i wonder if they're better like from prawns in aspect i'll say what we're going to have oh no dude you're trying to be honest you shut it i'm pushing the leftovers on us i know no wonder all the waiters are found english waiters are diabolically typical of them they give you no service and they want a whacking great tip at the end of a long drink of water like this all that good anything else with me i eat it regularly i not only eat here eight in every restaurant another big one for nick wants everyone he did my job well i'm not playing really well night [Applause] glass you just threw who cares all these things on the table and you have to throw my wine glass get me another one although there's a friendly room get it yourself well maybe wait a waiter luke i owe you an apology i was a bit rude earlier on because i said yes you know he didn't mean [Music] there you are where's my wine glass you want some wine wine i have some wine i want my wine glass would you like some oysters ice creams ice creams who's talking about oysters there's no r in the mouth i just want my wine glass get me my wine glass you swine certainly sir the swine will get you your wilderness straight away the stronger [Laughter] concerned your reputation is a high-class restaurant is over i don't know whether you are aware who i am but you soon will be here is my card come on chill you just go go the international gourmet that's who that was that's me fry yes well i didn't know that i got all confused you see because you know all this is going on just because i thought this was nicely right here to be nice and then there was a nightmare i could be nasty you know what i mean and i got confused and i was last in both rooms you see [Applause] once and for all cooper in here you can do what you like do you want a good laugh yes take that [Applause] [Music] [Applause] oh hello good evening and welcome to face to face an in-depth interview with our star now tonight tom we're going to ask you some questions on behalf of our viewers and find out as it were your innermost thoughts so i'll ask you the first question now which says does tommy cooper believe in metim psychosis it's funny you asked me that because a man asked me that like two two or three days ago do you think that on earth everyone has a double i'll double just before the [Applause] show no no no i don't mean that i mean do you mean that we all have somebody who looks exactly like us that's nice isn't it that really is nice i know what you think you think that we were all born before you think they were all born before as someone else that i believe right all right well who were you before you were tommy cooper well i i got to feel i was a viking uh slave on a galley ship really well what makes you think that because of my backaches and another thing never mention the word whip because you'll get me wrong straight away whip you should have done it you see you've got me going nice look um how do i stop you you can't you can never stop the galley slaves there once they start they keep rowing and row again romey until they drop look at them they're all dropping they're all dying like flies well are you all right yeah i'm the lucky one why is that well they forgot to give me a land ahoy oh thank goodness for that that was a welcome response certainly it's quite obvious from that story that you were there in those days oh yes but i'd like to see a little evidence if you have something all right what about if i have it right here look oh that's that's a viking a genuine viking yes oh yes listen [Laughter] doesn't sound much does it no but farmers from now this place will be full of vices watch watch watch what wait you should be under there sure yes [Laughter] they say we'll vanish in front of your very eyes anybody the slightest clue where it's gone why don't we look at that nobody up there wow look it's gone and you don't know where it is here where are we on now another one no look at that this one how's that hi how's that uh-huh thank you and if we had this other bag and you're bringing the egg out to thunderous applause it's not my night is it i've always been unlucky he wasn't a boy i was unlucky i had a rocket horse once in a dime so uh i said to the doctor i said it hurts me when i do that don't do it oh look at this water from india well it's been a very long hot summer you sure you would like some tea it's very hot [Music] [Music] [Laughter] there's a guardsman on century you see but on guard duty and it's about four o'clock in the morning it's very dark he's got the rifle there and it's telling it about 4 o'clock in the morning very dark and he falls asleep now there's a crime in it i mean i could put him inside for that straight away so he's standing there asleep like that and all of a sudden the sergeant major comes around with the only officer marshall and now he's standing right in front of him and there he is asleep there's a sergeant major like that but all of a sudden he just opens his eyes just a little bit like that not much just a little bit [Music] and you can see i'm standing there you see so he's got to think quick now yeah that was going to be inside so it sounds like that for a few minutes and he opens his eyes amen we're only five minutes in the heavyweight belt right sit down [Music] what's it like out there then i bagel pardon oh you must have been in a fight i've never seen a face bastard bachelors in all my life it's grateful i haven't fought yet oh really i'm fighting you we had the gloves on before yes when i was 10 years old you've been fighting since you were 10 no my mother made me wear my boxing gloves so i wouldn't bite my fingernails you're going to bash the hell out of me aren't you i know you're right you're going to show me up in front of the officers out there i know there's always one i don't want to touch him i mean i think it's a dead liberty getting two complete strangers to bash hell out of each other just to satisfy some bloodthirsty ceo right i'm gonna put him complaint about it really i have never boxed before in my life i don't want to get hurt i mean can't we work something out fake it i'm going to bash the hell out of you now please don't be like that look look i didn't want to get in this in the first place i've engaged me madden after all i am officer material i don't care [Music] it was a very good idea of yours well fake it all right then how uh uh how how are we gonna go about it well i think we'll start off we're start off with well they all do that doesn't they you see them all do that in the boxing rings they go it looks good in it and it sounds good yeah it's good i think so it's a good idea yeah it's a good idea what is that right here ready you're ready i should have went to clang then what do you think i think you're winning by two two no one is getting us nowhere i don't know about that oh god i don't know i think one's good i could be lying on the floor yeah big cream puffs look at some point we have got to hit each other right i mean how how how how how how hard are we going to hit each other [Music] that wasn't too bad now it's my turn no no no no no i better hit you no you we don't have to prove that now because we know we know don't have to prove it anymore do we we don't do we yeah big clean puff what does he mean now look i have got it i have got to hit you otherwise i won't know when i'm going to hurt you when you have the actual thing am i all right well all right there were just a little one then not like you did to that locker all right where do you want it [Laughter] that's it very much i like that very much from now on keep them down there down there all the time i can't hit you down there while we're fighting well i can walk around the ring like don't be so stupid i'm less hitting below the belt what i won't worry about it's got nothing to do with it you're stupid great fool what is fool that hurt me that did listen do you want to fight i wanna fight you you wanna oh come on let's try again having a workout come on come on on your feet hold on hold on your feet right go for his left eye jones look at wide open there'll be blood everywhere are you sure he's not with you who tarzan oh yes he's my second well you should have stuck with the first pleasure tell him to keep out of this yes you're quite right he'll quite right cedric cedric will you we're trying to work out something together here uh you really think i could open up his left eye of course you could he'll go down like a pack of does cards really think i could take him no just a minute just a minute you're not going to believe me mine i thought you were hired agreement i'll tell sergeant i'll tell him you've both been trying to cook up a fake you'll get shoved in jankers yeah yeah big cream puff i most awfully sorry i got carried away i told you so what are we gonna do now well we can't fake it anymore can we he's going to tell the sergeant otherwise didn't he all right over here okay i thought we got to do it well i've got a real package a real sacrifice [Laughter] a real punch right yes see we'll do a real sucker punch and he'd be all over will it you're quite right here for one year [Music] thank you that's been a wonderful summer it's amazing what people do somebody ranked my wife and said dude i saw your husband on the beach with a blonde on his arm and my wife said what do you expect at his age on his arm the back of the spade the very famous chinese liquor rings my father should do this trick he was a great magician you'll know his name in the minute i tell him i was on the strip of my tongue big man he was just like me didn't have hair on his chest twigs aha [Laughter] uh hi thank you [Applause] [Laughter] laughs now together the part i saw you do a little shake and then drop a part in front of your very eyes [Music] a little shake [Applause] hey [Applause] you want a bite don't wanna buy it yeah how much two quid what is it if i knew what it was i'd charge you five quid i know i like to do something look it clicks to my hand see that can't fall down got my finger there the vanishing one solid one this form was vanished in front of your very eyes just like a flashlight sunnyball [Applause] i invented this you know sometimes when you go to the cinema and people behind who keep talking am i right that's true i did see so i'll put that on so i can listen to the film and the film's not all that good i can listen to the conversation vanishing cigar [Applause] yes yes i do a bit of sharp shooting now see the stairs with the plates on there watch it very closely here we go [Applause] through a mirror [Applause] right mad don't do anything what a father god thank you [Music] uh i want to speak to inspector smith is that your inspector what is me you know me don't you listen i've got the news you wanted i could tell you who the killer is the killer's name is the killer's name is the killer's name is i'll bring him back later it's too much noise in here what's that why did i get your front and back like that i don't care what you think i'm staying in the sugar [Applause] wow [Applause] no no stop hanging about get dressed roses all bloom like that did i straighten my back i have i was playing piggy back my little boy and i fell off i went horse rider today big horse 17 hands no feet just hands through the sound of a that was the halloween it looks good when they come up what are you doing there thank you it wasn't was it i tried to die for you i'd like to sing for you you must remember this a kiss is still a kiss a sigh is just a sign the fun i was a girl scout 12 14. not my voice bro as time goes by yes i should never forget the first time i met her she was sitting on the top waterloo bridge digging her feet in the water and she cut one eye at me and i caught one eye on him and then we stood together covered she had lovely long hair all the way down her back not on the head and she had very unusual teeth goes on top and she had a beautiful head on her shoulders it would have looked much better on her neck and then i took she had this protruding teeth so i took her the best dentist in town and i got a wonderful set of teeth for her it cost me a lot of money and then she left me i fraught me a bit and said she left me and after about a year i saw her again [Music] and she looked at me and she laughed with my own teeth the world will always welcome lover as time goes [Applause] [Music] oh i got a spitting headache [Laughter] thank you oh charlie charlie put the cat along on it oh you turn it on suture [Applause] you know my wife she never stops talking next she's talk talk talk talk all the time i don't got along on my motorbike the other day she sit at the back of me still talking to twitter all the time and i was going along and a police car stopped me i said what have i done he said nothing he said i thought i'd like to tell you your wife fell off three miles now i said thank goodness with that i thought i was going to stone death now here's a little trick i like to show you now is a very famous watch very very closely and when i finish this trick i do any applause at all i want everybody to stand up and sing for he's a jolly good fellow did i give anything to sit out there and watch this [Laughter] my wife the other day was working a fashion book and she pointed to her fur culture i want that so i cut it out and gave it hey thank you i'll tell you what i'll do now i'll show you how it's done no that's the wrong one [Music] what your knees it's two hands all you need is two hangers one yellow and one red see now then what you do you see me pick that up i'm not afraid of work now before you start before you start the trick you say you put the red one in your hand in your hand first but you don't anyone see you do this you do this quietly secretly under the bed just there like that you see you keep it there all the time my back's killing me i've straightened my back i have i was playing piggyback my little boy and i fell off you put the red hangers in there you see and you keep it there all the time then you put the yellow one on top the red one which you know is already there but keep this hand closed all the time otherwise they'll see the red hat keep it closed all the time see now you put the yellow hanger chief on top the red one which you know is already there here's a little tip don't do this they'll show a bit of yellow and a bit of rain because if you do that you give the game over they know that you've got two hangers so you must make sure you push the yellow one well down in the hand first like that well done in the hand first see like that man keep it closed otherwise this time they'll see the yellow one keep it closed all the time thank you here's the very favorite bowl of glass trick hey glass this one is glass too many balls the bottle will now change place for the glass the bottle has now changed place with a glass the most difficult part is the baby will go back in [Applause] [Laughter] hey [Laughter] [Applause] is [Laughter] [Applause] oh there we go

Channel: DANDY DANNO & DIVA G

Views: 4,143

Rating: 4.6363635 out of 5

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Id: mESnUbTAM1U

Length: 53min 2sec (3182 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 28 2020