tommy cooper

thank you thank you thank you very much what a lovely audience well I'm SR you have been a good audience and I like to close now for me oh yeah I've been a pain there all day oh is it hot heat that does it it's different every time oh what a day I made I went to see my doctor hyeju is ill and he said to me he's sick and I'll help me I said yes I sigh getting these terrible dreams either what's that I keep the room these little girls club adores me beautiful girls I can't push it away they keep coming towards that keep pushing away he said what he want me to do as a break me on you know what you lie down on the couch I said what for he's I want to sweep up after but seriously defense it seriously I've seen the doctor doctor I said I have broke my arm in several places he said well you shouldn't go to this place here's a quick joke there's a man having a bar between the front guard so you turn to speak like that the flavors getting higher and higher higher and higher and he's singing oh no music oh and the flavoring and Ironhide and a drop box by senior singers alright but your monkeys on fire Oh what well awesome yes our outfit for this hefty cloth a live guinea pig oh yeah my wife just fell reject before the show and she said to me I've got water in a carburetor as always the cars in the river oh that reminds me love it oh hello is that the GPO I won't complain about my my phone bills they keep going after that but why they're so big what because of as a man when you drop pubsey they've got a pint of beer you drink to pay for the glass all the Connor turned the people the right side you're a bunch of idiots now you turn the people after you see you're a bunch of fools that walks out next night is back pipe with the glass all that kind of turns the Rice's you're a bunch of idiots and you're a bunch of fools and he walks out there was a man sitting there and he said look if he comes in tomorrow night he may not commit I don't know well you don't know what do you may he may not we can play me tonight okay I don't know the fella he came he came in got a beer for the guy straight to be able six laps on the car to turn the payola he's your bunch of idiots and you're a bunch of fools and this man said just a minute I'm not a for these what John the idiots over there at Cooper the new waiter ah yes of course do come in through that door would you yes I spoke to on the telephone this morning yes that's right sir I am the head waiter Oh your nose cost the firm either it's one of the most exclusive restaurants in the world oh you know that I should be very wealthy oh so sorry you lost your money gambling too much no I hear too much it was cheaper to eat money well you have had some experience of our standard of service oh yes I think I don't know how you do it you all have our little secrets you see come on suppose you see no matter how nasty things get out there in the restaurant they do get very nasty Envy people become very rude and overbearing and demanding each and every waiter knows they can come in here and let off steam curse scream through little china things and we'd like to look upon this as your friendly room friendly room yes thank you you see no matter how nasty things get out there you must Cooper keep smiling because in here you can do as you like is that understood yes sir I mean out there is a nasty room we have to be nice and in here is the nice room where I can be nasty well yes roughly speaking yes we like to look upon this as your friendly room friendly room yes thank you yes you seem a bit overanxious I am a bit yes nervous yes would you like to relieve your tension of it yes all right of course will then have a scream under throat can I have a throw in the screen by all me all right now you feeling any better oh all the noodles and those demo spinal loosen up anytime you feel like any time if you like it at all but remember Koopa and this is very important in the restaurant it's always the smile and respond he's don't keep doing that there's a friendly yes of course when I cook I carry on kuba good luck Cooper and Cooper check your smile in the smiling mirror as you go oh and Cooper Cooper waiter any danger of any service I'm sorry ballet I've just come on duty sir I would even like to look at the menu why order some drinks we'll have two gin and tonics and don't take all night about it I know if any offer you know I could tell you exactly what's for status what's the main course and what is sweeter don't need you look did you I was denied copy I know the smoked salmon what's good at the oysters but there is no tower in the moment oh you have to work with that hitter April is over there isn't an hour in the month well it doesn't matter here because April follows great rune and realizes I don't want any funny remarks just service yes sir I wonder if the better like some prawns in aspect I'll say what we're going to have you shot it pushing the leftovers on us I know no wonder all the waiters are foreign English wedges are diabolically it's typical of them they give you no service and they want a whacking great tip for the end of a long drink of water like this although every restaurant in the big world everyone No one moment but that's my wine dust you just throw perchance all these things on the table and you have to throw my wine glass get me another one although that was a fairly room get yourself Wow waiter waiter Luke I owe you an apology I was a bit rude earlier on shortage shortage you're doing a grand job lab and we will have the oysters there you are where's my wine glass you want some wine sir wine I have some wine I want my wine glass would you like some or sir I stood Buster's who's talking about Isis there's no R in the knife I just want my wine glass get me my wine glass you swine the swine or windings as far as I'm concerned your if you taste us a high-class restaurant is all I don't know whether you are aware Who I am but you soon will be here is my god come on - that was sir possum any fried the International gourmet that so that was personally fries well I don't know that confuse you see because all this is going on just because I thought this is then nicely right had to be nice and then there was a nice Iraq would be nasty you'll remain and I got confused and I was lost in both rooms you know nothing once and for all Cooper in yeah you can do what you like do a good laugh yes first defense an in-depth interview with our star now tonight Tom we're going to ask you some questions on behalf of our viewers and find out as it were your innermost thoughts so I'll ask you the first question now it says does Tommy Cooper believe in metempsychosis Jinnah funny you asked me that because I might ask me out two to three days ago but do you think that on earth everyone has a double I don't open for the trip I don't mean that I mean do you mean that we all have somebody who looks exactly like us no like you I did that's nice isn't it that really is nice I know what you think you think that we were all born before you think that we're all born before as someone else oh that I believe right all right well who were you before you were Tommy Goodman well I I got a feel I was a Viking slave on a galley ship really well what makes you think that because my back aches and another thing never mentioned the word whip because you'll get me wrong straightaway whip you should have done it you've got me going this but how do I stop you you can't if you never stop the Kelley slaves there once they start they keep rowing and rowing and rowing and to the drop look at them they're all Dobby they're all dying like flies well are you all right yeah I'm a lucky one why is that well they forgot to give me a [ __ ] it's quite obvious from that story that you were there in those days yes but I'd like to see little evidence if you have some right was about if I haven't right here though words that's a Viking [ __ ] and Viking yes oh yes listen cuz it's how much is it no but farmers from now this place will be full of Ike what-what-what-what we should be under there oh I always say a friend in need is a Pesce true and if at first you don't succeed forget it here's a little trigger light issue now is there a famous lady bag trick know this trick starts way slowly and the grassley Peters own race people take you back through you know I was talking on the street the other day they all say that to me I was I was walking on the street the other day different and there was a little fence there so I said himself on the hole with it I didn't have to you know I just thought that my will so I looked over it like that and it was a little chick in there a little roll on in red and he didn't it was me for a minute and then he must have sensed I was there because it turn around and he looked at me like that I know look at him and he was gonna be like that I look at him and a please we have a lot of erasers we used to follow - take it back - it was very close they say you were vanished in front of your very eyes I didn't have the slightest clue where it's gone whatever that thing was nobody Wow look it's gone but you took a weird answer well how do we are now another one now look at this one how's it hi how's that and you've been hiding on the bag and you bring the egg out to thunderous applause it's not my night is it how much been unlucky he wasn't Oh boys are lucky I'm a rocket horse wasn't dying so I I said in the doctor I said it hurts me what I do that don't do it Oh water from India what's been a very long hot summer issue a licensee very hot there's a gospel odd century see but is our God dude I was about four o'clock in the morning very dark he's got the rifle there I understand it about four o'clock in the morning very dark and he falls asleep that was a crime in it I mean you can put him inside for that straightaway so he said in their sleep mother no like that and all of a sudden decide to make it comes around with the only officer like that and now he's standing running framing and there he is asleep there's a sergeant major like that but all of a sudden he just opens his eyes just a little bit like that not much just a little bit and he can see I'm standing there you see so he's gonna think quick now he yes Carla was gonna be inside so she sounds like that for a few minutes and he opens his eyes amen we're only five minutes from the heavyweight back where I'd sit up what's it like out there I baked a bubble oh you must been in a fight I never seen a face best advice of us in all my life grateful I haven't fought yet oh really I'm fighting you grab the gloves on before yes when I was 10 years old you mean fighting suits you were 10 no my mother made me wear my boxing gloves so we'd bite my fingernails you've got a better hell out of me oh you're gonna show me out in front of the officers out there I know there's always one I don't know touch it I don't I think it's a dead Liberty getting two complete strangers to bash hell out of each other just to satisfy some bloodthirsty CEO right I could have put even complained about it really I have never box before in my life like I'm gonna get hurt I mean can't we work something out fake it I'm gonna bash your head are you know beast up so I could Monica didn't this is the first place I've engaged me man enough for all I am officer material I don't care there's a very good idea you'll see well fake it alright how how are we gonna go about it well well I think we're start off with well start off with it well the old dude that doesn't know you should have ordered that in a box and ready to go it looks good on it and it sounds good idea all right should have better claim this what do you think I think you're winning by two tomorrow I don't know about that I'm nothing was good on the floor I mean how how hard are we gonna hit each other they were just trying that would tap on your shoulder right yeah wasn't too bad that's my turn no no I better get you know you gotta prove that now because we know we know that if it prove anymore do we we don't do it yeah big clean pop what's impossible now look I have done it I have got to hit you otherwise I won't there was I gonna hurt you won't have the actual thing about all right well are there were just a little one then all right not like you did to that locker all right where do you want it was this the only test of Hazen it right that's it very bad don't like that very much from now I'll keep them down there down there all the time I can't hit you now they won't we're fighting we'll have to walk around the ring like that's stupid I'm not hitting below the belt so I won't worry about it's got nothing to do with it you're stupid right fool what is fool the hurt me I did listen you want a fight you want to find it what a fight over fire the fire starts oh come on let's try again humming a workout come on come on on your feet good fish left i Georgie look like a car kind of a quiet will be yes are you sure he's not with you who tartan oh yes he's my second well you should have stuck with the first magic number to keep out of this yes you're quite bad no part right Cedric well you uh what do you plan to keep out of this we're trying to work out something together here we you really think I could open up his left eye of course she could he'll go down like a pack I can take just a minute just a minute he by other you hired agreement I'll tell sergeant I'll tell him you've both been trying to cook up a finger of it chuffing janko's yeah yeah big cream puffs I'm most awfully sorry I got carried away I'm Terry so what are you gonna do now well we can't fake it anymore can we he's gonna tell the sergeant otherwise any okay I'm totally gonna do well in a real pocket a real sucker punch done professor you're a real punch repeat yes see we do a real sucker punch yes and this hit me all over really good well New Orleans I did the full acting I won't cut any well I just received a letter from Bill Bailey he's not coming home I always say do unto others but do it fast now that the rain favorite smells you said I was referring closely do you know my wife smokes in bed she does a friend of mine see a lot of white smoking babe that's what face down yeah I'm so surprised for my parents I was they tell me on their doorstep they expected a lot of milk my wife said to me do you mind if I wear my hair in a bun as I don't have any weight law for bread what's this oh yeah and she's always on a diet I was on a diet she's on a diet now he's nothing but coconuts they're bananas all day Dom token hasn't been on he has lost any weight well you want to see her climb trees a candle okay has been a wonderful summer you know it's amazing what people do some of you bring my wife said do you know I saw your husband on the beach with a blonde on his own and my wife said what do you speak that is a John is on the back of the Spade the right famous Chinese leader earrings own good wah wah wah wah what my father's do this trick he was a great magician you know his name in the mid I tell him one strip of my time isn't big man he was just like me didn't have hair on his chest twigs now together the part I thought you do they don't shake let's drop a pot and put your very eyes hi thank you now it's mine you want to buy you want to buy it yeah I'm up to quit what is it I knew buddy was I charge a five Queen there's the king of the jungle see you know the king of the jungle the lion and one day you work out me a very bad sampler and he said to himself I've just got to outside now and teach them all who's the king of the jungle just to teach them it was really mad you know I mean mmm always on a Thursday anybody so it's all a little chip he said you lose the clear the jungle he said you you you gonna take the job well that's all right then all right I walked along a bit law they came across a lot laughing hyena and said hey you lovely boy here's the king of the jungle yeah oh oh you are you are you on see what's on let me further and what did the variables in any for the new gorilla talking and this gorilla looked at the elephant is it alright here he comes jumbo he's gonna do that king of the jungle bit okay he always does it hey I'm not gonna sit around I'm not gonna stand anymore I'm gonna leave you I'll be whatever tree I'll give you a trunk Oh later haha sorry what a puss elephant and he said are you not go to your big is he the king of the jungle but oh I said his trunk and rapid run him and threw up there and as he was up the air coming down he was going who's the other devil who's a clear Joe and I hit the ground bang any people my game swim against the tree through nice the other ones get the other one in the other one in the other one and he sank to the ground like that it made me like that no was like and he said it the elephant look he's gonna get mad just because you don't know the answer what are you being a couple they just come on I'm selling a drink just before the show and a man said to me do you always drink whiskey neat I said no no I sometimes I don't don't wear a tie and it be sure and now here's a magic wand is white tip here and a white tip there now the reasons the white tips is to separate the end from the center it was look at least upper hand see that top or down if that is you one solid line this form of banishment for young Faria just like a flashlight yeah I was walking on the other night and I had to grips with me see and to grips and a policeman so but they could do that allowed to do this and it was a bit harsh he said to me what do you got that grip there as I've got sugar from a tea is it what do you got the other one sugar from a coffee Annie took this treasure he went boom is there's a lumpy my wife said of this this morning she said you're driving to my grave I had the car out in two minutes this is a dojo now there's no job I'll joke this evil step and prehistory and prehistoric brother two men two men prehistoric man see how the city that saw the caves and the region some town of solar sandwiches with some pickles little salad and then one thought you tell a joke to the other one so he went oh will be war - who won't go go go and the other one said I heard it you know I'd imagine it was over eight years old when I was eight I was doing a bicycle was the present and I've gone along on this bike very fast I don't have to no lady that she didn't like it and she got up and she said to me can't you ring your bell I was like a ringing a bell I can't ride the bike and I'm gonna log a very fast always fast and I fell off and when I got up my arm was why that it didn't look right to me I mean I went further doctors he said that's not right that's funny to say that asset that I said what is it either your left arm I know that I said well when it's mended can I play the piano is it yes that's funny I could play it before I invented this you know sometimes when you go to the cinema and people behind if you caught me I'm all right that's throwing it see so I'll put that on socket this is the film and then fields not all that good I go to the conversation medicines of God I'd give it a sharpshooter now see the stage with the plates on their watch is very closely here we go through a mirror I'm for the good news start leaving bad i watch me - Inspector Smith is that you spec is that you inspector what is me you know me don't you listen I've got the news you wanted I could tell you who the killer is The Killers name is the killer's name is because neighbors I'll ring him back later is too much noise it is very much hey I feel so nervous I may do a trick right do you want a good laugh he's a good do this tomorrow thirty-two antique shops hey what's new why don't you go front back like that what I don't what I'm say - oh good No stop thinking about get dressed roses land viola or bloom did I straight my back I have I was playing peaking about my little boy and a fellow I went most far there is a big [ __ ] 17 hands no features head I won't have one it looks Li it wasn't after I do that for you I like to sue for you you must remember this a kiss is still a kiss as hi is just something laughs on I was a Girl Scout 12:14 number boys grow as time goes by yes I should never forget the first time I met her she was sitting atop Waterloo Bridge Dagon her feet in the water I see couple I at me and I took one iron man and they were stood together cover she had lovely long hair all the way done effect not honor him as chevreul usually goes on top and she had a beautiful head on her shoulders it would have looked much better on it and I hate this for tuning teeth so after we the best dentist in town and I got a wonderful set of teeth or caused me a lot of money and then she left me a family of it and she left me and after about a year I saw her again and she looked at me and she laughed with my own teeth Dobby I throw it on suture you know my wife she never stops talking next he's talk talk talk talk all the time I don't go no longer my motorbike the other day sitting at the back of me still talking did she put you put to all the time and I was going along at a pace car stop there so what have I done he's nothing he's but I thought I'd like to tell you your wife fell off free bar I said thank goodness with that I thought was good stone death now hazelnuts rely to shoot I was a famous wasn't very closely and when I finished this trick I do any applause at all I want everybody to stand up and sing for he's a jolly good fellow did I give anything to sit out there watch this my wife the other day was working a fashion book as you put into a furrow she I want that so I'll cut it out thank you I'll tell what I do now I'll show you how it's done what didn't easy it's too heavy what do you need us to hang away together I won rate see know what you do you should we pick it up I'm not afraid of work now my voice started sweet before you start the trick so you put the ridge where did your head at you in your hand first but you don't let anyone see you do this you do this quietly secretly under the bed just there like that you keep it there all the time my back's killing me I've strained my back I have I was playing piggyback my little boy and I fell off you put the red Hagar's you visit there you see and the people there all the time then you put the other one on top the red one which you know is already there but keep this hand closed all the time otherwise they see the red hackers keep it closed all the time now you put the Yellow Handkerchief on top the red one what you know is already there here's a little tip don't do this don't show up in a yellow and a bit of red because if you do that you give the game over they know that you've got to hang so you must make sure you push the yellow one well down in the hand first like that well done in the hand first keep it close otherwise this time they're seated yellow one people close all the time he's my favorite bowler glass trick one of us is Molly's glass the bubble will now change pace with us the bot was now changed place with us no cific apart is the baby will go back oh yeah Oh

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Views: 576,708

Rating: 4.7444158 out of 5

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Id: vEjFZ093k9M

Length: 64min 23sec (3863 seconds)

Published: Sat May 18 2013