(upbeat rock music) - Hey all, Scott here. With Valentines Day coming up, virginity is out of the spotlight, so let's celebrate by playing a game focused entirely on... Oh (beep), it's pronounced breasts? I always thought it was pronounced beans. So now we're deliberately
spiking everything. We're spiking the punch,
the food, the ballot box. Please don't tell on us. - Oh look, here's the DJ we got. - DJ Abstinence, DJ for school kids. - Scott Wozniak, DJ abstinence creator. - You will not be
disappointed in my services. I made the best playlist for
kids that are half my age. It's all in here, on my trusty laptop. (laptop smashing) - I thought that was a beer. - Hey all, Scott here. So I was just working
on my definitive list of Nintendo consoles
with microphones on them. Ah, the Game Boy Advance
didn't make the list. That's actually a good thing. It's fairly annoying to have to blow into the microphone or
something for a game. But I actually found a loophole with some Nintendo systems where you don't actually have to blow into the mic. So all you have to do is grab your system, grab an air horn, bring it close. (air horn honking) Now, the space generally
reserved for manuals or used for DLC codes,
terms and conditions or advertisements. Can't wait to pop open
in "Sonic Mania Plus". (shouting) "Paws & Claws: Pet Resort" opens up with a great establishing shot, almost like it's gonna
be a vet house tour. Oh, hi. You caught me in a goose. Yes, I'm sure you've heard something along the lines of: "Hey guys Loot Crate sent me this. I love Loot Crate. Let's see what they included
in the box this month." (box opening) Oh (beep), a sock. Loot Crate sponsorships have probably funded Oklahoma's government,
they're everywhere. All right, "Heavy Rain". (rain pattering) We open on a naked man in bed. At least I can finally
say I've played this game. To everybody who's like: "Ah, Scott doesn't play
my favorite games", well, (beep) you, have you
played "Chicken Shoot"? Celebrating the best years of 2018, it's "The Yearies". (audience applauding) (inspirational orchestral music) Hey all, Scott here, and
welcome to The Yearies, the annual yearly year of the year awards that awards the finest
in years, this past year. Before we get to year
of the year for 2018, let's take a moment to
reflect on the years we've lost over the years. (soft orchestral music) Yeah, this might take a while. Yeah, looks like we've got
about six hours to kill while that video plays. The problem is, after preparing
for "The Yearies" so much, the only two things I'm good at discussing right now are years and games. So I just got to come up with some year based video game topics. Oh! And here we have the
ladies of "Dead or Alive", Blinky, Inky, Pinky, Clyde,
they've got them all. I have to pick my favorite
girl of the bunch, and we have all this fun
information displayed. Hey, age not available, that's
"Dead or Alive" lingo for: (jackpot theme music) Apparently, this game has
strong language and violence. Language ? I mean, there's some
words you might see on CBS from time to time, but nothing you couldn't
say in a church parking lot. Violence? Yeah, this left an impression on me. I've been with it for a few hours so far, but from what I've played now, this is what you call a wolf game. That's right, I said it. (beep) that, WolfQuest. Hey all, Scott here. I'm on life support now. No reason just felt like it. I've been told the
machine I'm hooked up to is doing some pretty great stuff. It's efficient. It's useful. It's made by MadCatz. I should probably start
proofreading my will. It's one of the most
memorable experiences to have as a fan for better or for worse. Waiting for new information, counting the days till the release, getting a final name, holy (beep), okay, I'm a mess. My name's Ben and we'll
figure it out later. Limbo ever since I was born I don't know how to deal with this. I be goin off of the (beeping) rocker and just to show you how
insane I've been lately: I ate here. Hey all, Scott here. (gasps) I have a Wii loaded with WiiWare games. I have a Wii loaded with WiiWare games. I have a Wii loaded with WiiWare games. - You have osteoporosis. - I have a Wii loaded with WiiWare games. Four out of five ain't bad. You shoot animated chickens, yes. How dare they knit, we
have to kill them all. You keep shooting chickens until it's time for the next stage, which is a completely
different part of the world, helping alleviate their
chicken infestation. The Himalayas, yeah, big
chicken problem down there. (sighs) Look at this. This is paradise. (gunshot bird screams) So the plot of Sonic CD: Dr. Robotnik has chained
a planet to the ground. That son of a bitch. Even then I'd say the idea of a Atari becoming defunct has lost all meaning. Every time I open up the
fridge there's an article about Atari being bought
or going bankrupt. Video games are a tricky bunch and development of them can be wild. I mean, how many times have you seen a developer interview where they say: "Yeah, it was pretty easy."
(fire crackling) Each cabinet comes with a key chain. This is definitely just to reiterate how small these are, like
wow, they're so tiny. You can fit them on your keys, but seriously, who's gonna do that? Oh my god, I gotta drive to the hospital, let me get my car key. Oh, oh, oh. I ended up ripping the key
chains off of most of these. And they really dig into
your palms while playing'em. Of course you could play
this with the family with all the saucy questions removed. Still, it's a great way to
accidentally let the truth out. - [Game Voice] If you woke up in bed with a giant tarantula next to you, how would you react? - My daughter is adopted, (beep). Now, please keep in mind, when I say a certain game
is my game of the year it is solely based on my opinion. And it could be for a
variety of different reasons. Which game was the most fun? Which game was the most impressive? Which game was the most groundbreaking? It really changes from year to year, what constitutes as a
game of the year for me. And also there's a
reason why these posters are plastered around the neighborhood. Please don't take me seriously. Hey all, Scott he- (water splashing) I'll take that as a sign. I should subscribe to some boxes. Ever since I was a little
kid, I wanted to waste money. Now I've dipped my toes into wasting money by buying a PS4 pro. But I think it's time
to get mega reckless. I'll just look up: "How to waste money". Oh, it redirected me to lootcrate.com. Hey all, Scott here. Happy Cyber Wednesday! The first Wednesday after Cyber Monday, the official holiday for all things me. Cyber Monday is all about
deals, deals and regret. And Cyber Wednesday is
when we all take a moment to reflect on those three things. Ah (beep). Mostly regret. The moment I saw this thing, I knew what was bound come. (upbeat rock music) Well, that was the quickest six
hours I've ever experienced. It felt like 22 minutes or something. And it looks like it's finally
time to review the winner! And the winner for year
of the year, 2018 is 2018. - What the (beep)! - Hey all, Scott here. Ooh, look at me, I'm the Nintendo Switch, I sold over 32 million units. Yeah. Big whoop. How many units did the human race sell? Try 7 billion units. That's right, (beep) you Nintendo. You know, if you think about it, we don't have it that bad. Imagine if we were fish right now, like, (beep), we have it good. They should just make death illegal. (beeping) end the channel already! Well, maybe KidFit Island
Resort is a better fitness game. KidFit Island Resort is a scam. 10 fitness games. Okay, games that get you up and at it. Exercise games. Let's take a look at these mini-games. Surfing, keep your pointer
in the moving circle. Grabbing coconuts, just
tilt the Wii remote. Run on a log, move the Wii remote and nunchuck back and forth. These games are not fitness-based. There's one mini-game where you run with the Wii remote nunchuck. There's one other, where
you run for two seconds and then you have to trace
an outline with the pointer. These are not fitness games, these are run-of-the-mill mini-games you'd find in any Wii
mini-game collection. And the fact that half of these mini-games use the nunchuck and half don't, good god, give me a break. For some reason, they
just have to force you to plug the nunchuck in
for some of these games. All of these games would work perfectly with just a Wii remote. Why do I have to use the
nunchuck to balance on a log? You have to keep on unplugging and plugging the nunchuck to
go throughout the mini-games. And then 30 minutes later, it's over. So, overall this game is: Moving on to Yamaha SuperCross No. What about Kart racer? Now, that's a title. This isn't nearly as bad
as I wanted it to be. This is just boring. Boom. All right, I got one more left in me. We got Birthday Party Bash. Oh (beep), Duncan Hines coupons. The coupons were expired, I just couldn't help myself. Games and years. Can't have one without the other. And plus, those two words are on my top three favorite concepts list. The third word being Geoff Keighley. - [Host] Here to present game of the year, Geoff Keighley. (audience applauding) Well, on to EA. Now, I had absolutely
no expectations going into this EA event. So I refused to make predictions for it. But now we're finally into the real deal. The Mainstay E3 presentations. So my predictions for EA Play 2019 is that I won't watch it. Let's start off with Big Beach
Sports, published by THQ. That definitely helped them out. They only let me input three initials for my custom character, but oh my god, I can draw
my own face with the DS. I will hand it to them with this game. Connecting to the DS to fully draw your own characters faces
pretty charming and cool, especially for 2008. And the product placement from Geico makes things that much better. Can't make a character
without a hat though. But come on, everybody's gotta have a hat. But then we get to the pure terror known as somewhat tight turns. (dramatic music) (lightning strikes) Drifting is something
that separates the men from the boys with Mario Kart. If you don't drift, you'll
look like a buffoon. Hey everybody, look at this guy. Not getting as many
turbo boosts by drifting, (beeping) imbecile. In Super Mario Kart, you justifiably drift by holding one of the shoulder buttons. But man, this is some tricky stuff. I'll say, all right,
guys, I'm going for it. I'm gonna drift, and then proceed to make
a fool out of myself. Look, I'm on milk. Tecmo decided to butter up Dead or Alive's most iconic element
and release it for $50. Oh man, I love volleyball. The only limited edition of
the Lynx was exactly this: But I prefer it to all
the GameBoy additions because this one is the Marlboro edition. You ever ask anybody how they
got hooked on cigarettes? Yeah, the Lynx. You see, that's all fine
and good but a lot of games that were never awarded game of the year still call the re-release
the game of the year edition. For example, Dead Island
game of the year edition. (clicks tongue) Really? (festive Christmas music) - [Narrator] This is a story of a boy who talked about stupid Nintendo games. Ever since 2017, he's done it 149 times and
shows no sign of shame. Every single week, he'd go Madden 08 this, and Fling Smash that. It's really impressive how many sentences he could start with: "Hey all". Any professional could make the argument: "He's gone off the deep end." But I think it's just
how he's always been. He just enjoys talking about these things, regardless of what situations
he gets himself into. Plus he buys a lot of
stuff like, a lot of stuff. And he stated on multiple
occasions he evades taxes. Jesus Christ, I think he does it for fun. But with the Christmas season upon us his passion may have finally brought him towards a bit of a crisis. - Hey all, Scott here. And it's that time of
year, the spending season when it's okay to splurge a little bit and say: "You know what,
I could use a toothbrush." Yesterday was my go-to
buy Fling Smash day. The day before that was buy
the rights to socks day, didn't pan out, lost a few grand. The day before that I bought
a few shares of Loot Crate. I should read the news more. And today I'm gonna get
my gallbladder removed just for the hell of it. I'm broke. The game of the year for many publications ended up being none other
than Dragon Age Inquisition. Nobody (beeping) talks
about this game anymore. I'm sure it's a great game and all but this just never felt like: "Ooh, the best game of the year!" It's like most were like: "(beep) We don't wanna give the award to a game with the subtitle for Wii U, that just looked tacky." Yeah, it's officially
overstayed it's welcome. I've been looking for
my Wii for the past day, but it must be like way deep and 500 miles away from Heard county. Oh (beep), It's a Wii. This is mine! It's truly just an opinion thing, so I'd really love to hear
what others could play forever. Everybody has different picks. That's what makes this
topic so interesting and being stranded is great for us Brink players out there. Get me off of this (beeping) island! Alright well, now I have a better idea of what kind of games
I should start playing. It's not like I got much else to do. I mean, all they have
here is a Five Below. Like, come on, no wonder it's deserted. Hey all, Scott here. And tonight's the big homecoming dance, not to brag or anything
but I'm gonna get laid! Hey all, Scott here. And tonight was the big
night, seven years ago, not to brag or anything,
but I wish I got laid. The general game of the year nominations for each year I'll be showing are just what I perceived as the general game of the year nominees,
kind of the average ones, the game awards and the big online gaming websites nominated. But what I pick as my game of the year will be solely based on what I played. And hey, why not, we'll go
all the way back to 2001. Yeah, we're only covering
my post-fetus era, my pre-fetus era can wait another day. A great homecoming dance doesn't require just blood, sweat and tears, just sweat and tears. That's why I'm gonna
great lengths to ensure this is gonna be the greatest one ever. I turned my car into a walking
advertisement for the dance and I put in place some rules to ensure no pregnancies happen tonight. There's a strict No Skin policy. If it ain't covered up,
it's getting thrown out. If you don't abide by this policy, you must have flashlight taped to crotch. Yes, I spelled that right. This is to ensure things don't get too PG when the lights dim. And if things get out of hand, that's where our trustee
chaperone enters the picture. He's been violently conditioned to resist all forms of alcohol,
drugs, violence, and sex. And most importantly, sex. (claps bat) I propose a toast. This event had a single sponsor, being Ice Mountain mini bottled water, when you're thirsty, but not that thirsty, Ice Mountain mini bottled
water available now. So please, raise an ounce. To you. Merry Christmas. Jesus, that tastes small. So to end things off to make your insufferable pain more fun. I got you all gifts. - Is it a cure for zero degree burns? - Oh, even better. Listen, take them, open them up. And let me know when you guys forget that you were totally
murdered a few months back. - What is this? ♪ When you got American Idol on PS2, ♪ ♪ it's $2.99 of course it blew. ♪ ♪ Karaoke Revolution with no microphone, ♪ ♪ that might be fun. ♪ ♪ DJ Band and Guitar
Hero, just the games. ♪ ♪ Price point 0, games are games, ♪ ♪ ignore the fuss, it's
Bargain Bin Christmas. ♪ ♪ FIFA there and everywhere, 99 cents, ♪ ♪ It's not even fair! ♪ ♪ Skylanders, it was just a phase. ♪ ♪ I turned these copies into a maze ♪ ♪ Lego Dimensions that really exists. ♪ ♪ I guarantee you, it was a miss. ♪ ♪ Game set are the anti-ass ♪ ♪ It's a Bargain Bin Christmas. ♪ ♪ Just take Battle Born, you swine ♪ ♪ Play it before it goes offline. ♪ ♪ Madden 16, 17, 18 not as
good as 08, pretty blatantly ♪ ♪ But who cares? It's at a great price! ♪ ♪ Presents that will
make anybody say, nice. ♪ ♪ Gifts with value and some class. ♪ ♪ It's a Bargain Bin Christmas. ♪ ♪ Yeah. ♪ - What the (beep)! - All right, let's play the Spike 2003 Video Game Awards
winner for best animation. and well, sorry human women. You've had a good run,
but this game may help me in my quest to complete my character arc. I'm finally gonna get E-laid. (doorbell rings) (slams) Here we have the newest
addition to the family, Lincoln. I'm cool with Lincoln, can never tell a lie, wooden teeth. I've always liked him. Ever since I learned
about Lincoln in school I was like, man, this guy's pretty cool. I wanna grow one. Look at him, you just wanna see him with grass in his skull. So we have to soak the chia in water regardless of the method, it feels like I'm drowning
or waterboarding him. So I'm just gonna give him a bath. Now we gotta spread these chia seeds. I ran out of them halfway through, I panicked and used chili for the rest. It's all the same in the end. So we gotta keep watering Lincoln to keep the chia healthy and growing for the next one to two weeks. I can't wait that long. I have a Lincoln to raise. I don't wanna wait for it to grow. So I looked at some advanced
chia pet techniques. All we need is some gloves and a hammer. We put the gloves on,
take the hammer and swing. (glass shatters) Dammit! Okay, this is article name is starting to make a little more sense now. Hey all, Scott here. I got nothing. And when I'm completely bone dry, when it comes to ideas
that's when we bust out the idea wheel. (slams) Let's see what we have
to talk about today. (wheel whirring) Ah, son of a bitch. Okay well, I guess I'm talking
about the L button today. Holy (beep), I have no idea how I got 23 minutes out of that topic. Oh Jesus Christ. Well, we're 10 seconds away from the Wii shop channel ending. If there's anything I've learned over the past 312 days Excitebike Rally was pretty good. (suspenseful music building) The apocalypse immediately stopped after the shop channel closed down. I think everybody realized who the hell wanted to play Rabbit's Lab again. There was truly a metric ton on Wiiware, but considering the quality of most of the games on the service and the fact that many of the best games
are available elsewhere, have physical copies
or have been succeeded by new games that do
fundamentally everything the Wiiware version did, and then some. I have one final question: Was the Wii shop channel closing worth going through this whole apocal- No. Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball. Man, you can't get less
beach volleyball than this. Putting this game on my
shelf may make me feel like I have to clean
all games surrounding it but let's not focus on all of this. And let's just focus on all of this. Featuring Dennis Rodman. Well, there you go. It meets the quota. Oh man, we can gamble at
the casino in this game. That's a pleasant surprise
I wasn't expecting, that's the same feeling I get whenever I open up the newspaper. Oh (beep), they got Dilbert in this thing? One day into staying inside a cave and only playing Wiiware
games and I'm feeling great. I packed some milk to help sustain myself so I can really take on anything. (beep) this sentence. Now this is every retro
enthusiast's worst nightmare. Oh yeah, pixels! Oh (beep), 3D Racing! I can summarize this
game in a quick paragraph and you could still tell
it was a great story. You'd still wanna see it played out. BioShock infinite I'd be explaining the
story for 30 minutes, waving my arms around. And even I would have a hard
time comprehending the plot. At least I can do this. I've always wanted to
say yes to Guy Fieri. Movies weren't off limits either. Especially Balls of Fury
available now on HD DVD. I remember the parody
stupid comedy movie era. This fit right in alongside Scary Movie, Date Movie, Epic Movie, This was a fun way to experience the Balls of Fury movie trailer. And it even came with a
free (beep) ping-pong game. It's a little unsettling having these gross 3D model
recreations of the actors. But besides that, this is
just a lame ping-pong game with finicky as hell controls. Hi, Scott Wozniak, bankruptcy activist. - Case West, bankruptcy patrol. - So I was hoping you could
help me out a little bit here. According to the bank,
government and wallet. I have no money. - Are you sure? Most people who claim bankruptcy have a forgotten gift card or something. - I was actually gonna ask you to see if you could check my account and see if I left an Arby's
card there or something. - I don't know what to tell you man, you're completely broke. - Oh my god, I don't know
how this could have happened. - Really? You don't know why you're broke. You brought your entire
stack of Fling Smash. - Never leave the house without it. - Never? - It's a bitch. - No one man needs this much Fling Smash. And why are they all wet? - You don't get it, do you? Bankruptcy is just a hobby of mine. I'll quit it tomorrow and buy out the bank to replenish my funds. - You don't have any money
to buy the bank out with. - Can you give me a loan too? It was great. Right before Christmas too. Is bankruptcy a crime now? Is it illegal to be worthless? Well if it is, I'm (beep). - Now of course you may ask, why am I resorting to real life virtual women this Valentine's day? I could always try out dating apps. I could download Bumble, it's like Tinder for when you run out of matches on Tinder or I could try meeting somebody in person (beep) Hitomi is looking really
good after saying that. Hey all, Scott here. Super Mario Kart, right? First one in the series. I haven't fully played through this and unlocked everything yet. So I should really do
that to form a full opini- Hey Scott, Scott here. I'm you 14 minutes into the future and I'm here to warn you that you think Super
Mario Kart is just okay. Thank you. Let's head to the poolside next. (tropical music) This is great. You think the guy that programmed Math Grand Pre knew video
games would become this? (gunshots firing) Oh man, there's a mini-game I can play. (beep), (beep), (beep), (beep), (beep), (beep), (beep), (beep), (beep), (beep). I've had so many gaming accomplishments. Like, I almost beat Kirby Star Allies and I can't even get
through the hopping game. Hey all, Scott here. Check it out. It's the sequel confirmer, tells you if the game you're
scanning is a sequel or not. Yeah! - Just right this way. (footsteps) - I hate yards. - The desk you sold is here now. - Why is the desk in a dress? - It has a new owner. That's just how he uses it. - He's feeding it tea, why is he playing tea with a desk? - That's just what he wants to use it for. - Well yeah, but it's a desk. - The point is, look how happy he is. Giving up your desk to fund
an event for those in need and having it go to
someone who will love it just as much as you did,
you should be proud of that. (sad music) - You know, even if we didn't
like some of these gifts, we found some, we did like. And just because some of these
are worthless to somebody doesn't mean someone else
won't find value in them. - That's a good point. Like, I hate organized
crime but that doesn't mean I want to ruin their fun. - You know, he left a receipt here. It looks like he sold
his desk to fund this. (moaning) - What the (beep)! - You know, I didn't
have a desk for 12 years and look where I am, murdered. - I haven't shaved in 12 years. - You shaved when you were 10? - Seriously, no desk? What kind of freak has no desk? - A freak who's willing to give it up to give others something nice. - Yeah, like these Ice
Mountain mini waters, tastes like a fresh puddle. - We got ourselves a
Captain Marvel T-shirt. Now, when they ask me for my T-shirt size I personally hit the largest
size they offered by accident. So I can officially say, I
own a captain Marvel blanket. First things first,
this game has controls. We use them to play this game and playing results in a win or a loss. Using the controller is the
real deal with this game. And the graphics are really
something on the screen. Ears? This game uses them by emitting sound, and don't get me started
on having a title. This game does that and it does it well. It's Major League Eating The Game. Those five words do it more
justice than I ever could. The school dance is defined as the concept of dimming the lights in the school gym, hiring an underpaid DJ to play. Dear god, anything but "Low" by Flo Rida. And forcing children to
show up to a school at night and sweat for three hours. You'd reach for your nearest
JC Penney dress shirt, pay 10 whole dollars to stand
in the school auditorium on the weekend and
assume that, this was it. This was the night you totally experienced what it's like to score. And then you realized, oh yeah, I'm 15. I'll just stand and do
nothing for most of the dance. Well, if people get paid
to talk about Loot Crate. Then it must be good. Let's check out their website. All right. LootCrate.com, home of Jacob's
favorite box, apparently. Well I can pick a Crate. Oh my god, they've really expanded to all different kinds of Crates. Last time I checked they basically only had one Loot Crate box but I guess enough people said good stuff but needs more Slam Crate
and boom, we got it now. Oh wow, the Loot Vault. I can pick up random stuff they included in previous Crates that are
just rotting in their warehouse. All right. I think I know
what I'm getting here. You see, I gotta go with
a standard Loot Crate but they offer a Loot Crate DX. I'd be a (beep) for not getting that. I'm not super into comic books. And when Loot Crate says pop culture they basically just mean
superheroes at this point. I'm obviously much more
of a video game guy. So I should grab a Loot
Gaming box as well. And then why not, Loot Remix. And they basically just take random stuff from the Loot Vault, stuff from previous Loot Crates
and cram a bunch of (beep) they can't get rid of into a Loot Remix. So let's go with all of these. (ka-ching sound) My Crates are here. Yeah, I think the most interesting part of the casino is probably the table game. So let's do some blackjack. I don't know what's going on here but these words are
making me pretty happy. So I'm gonna keep doing it. Say what you will about team ninja, but those guys know how to pick a font. Roulette. So this is what all-in looks like. Yeah, I lost. I don't know how most people
can wake up in the morning knowing Vanilla Lake One exists. I'm bad at that track. Just let me get fifth place and move on. Playing through the Grand
Prix is like playing with a paddle ball backwards. Back in my room, Zack gave me crabs. And I think I'm gonna spread it. This generosity needs to
go all over the island. I'm sending two bottles
of nail polish remover to some other girls, well (beep). Onto another day of poolside, volleyball, gambling, goodnight. Poolside, volleyball, gambling, goodnight. Poolside, volleyball, gambling, goodnight. Poolside, volleyball, gambling, goodnight. Poolside, volleyball, gambling, goodnight. Jesus Christ! Now is the internet a truly stupid looking garbage man for killing what once were these little joys of video games? I mean no, are you're kidding me? They got ChatRoulette on this thing. Even with the song change, I think I've gotten about as much out of DOA XBV as I can muster. But Scott, you may squeal, you can play the hopping game again. Well, it is true. I can also get leprosy. So really, anything's possible. This is definitely why so many NES games don't really tell you
what to do or how to play because you were expected
to read the manual. And oh boy, were these
things made for reading. Plus they all had a notes
and memo section in the back where you could jot down little reminders. I don't think anybody actually did this, so I'll start the trend. Gotta use these more often. Microsoft is up next and I predict that Phil
Spencer doesn't exist. - [Host] Please welcome the head of Xbox, Phil Spencer. - Dammit! Man, I sure do wish they
made another Final Fantasy. Like, are you kidding me? They made it 15 plus games,
and then you're acting like they're gonna stop there. (sad music) (thunder rumbling) Hey all, Scott here. Quick, what's the first thing you think of when you think mysterious? Mysteries, right. There's so many questions to
life that are left on answered. Like what's the point? Why bother and who cares? That's why I'm scouring the closet for answers to gaming's
greatest mysteries. Like didn't Luigi say
(beep) in Mario Golf? All right, we have the answer
to why the Xbox One cases are the way they are
and hey, check this out, it's my first fan art of Madden. Okay, oh. Yeah, I got invited to a
dinner party by Chet Shaft. He used to be my manager when
I worked at Games On A Shelf and then I quit slash ran
the store out of business. I think I put this with
all the other letters I don't want to deal with. (upbeat vintage music) Hey all, Scott here. Nine steps ago I wanted to experience hardships and indigestion but then I discovered
this nine step plan on how to successfully fail in
the video game industry. And now I'm finally broke and depressed. So now it's time to spread
that bankruptcy to you. Here's how to successfully
fail as a video game studio. First off, please take a look at this. Yeah, I (beep) my pants too. This is some scary stuff. We wanna do this, but fail. So maybe if we eliminate the
N's, the T, the E, the D, the O, and throw in some
A's some C's an L and an M, well son of a bitch, we have ourselves a role model. It's something more people
want then you may think. Myself and countless others have had many sleepless nights where the only thing we could hear echoed in the darkness. (wii sports theme song) Wii Sports and Wii
Sports Resorts are great. They may seem like nothing
more than motion control mini-game collections. That's exactly what they were. Well, as a tribute to
the instruction manual, I will fully commit to one and carry out whatever it tells me to do. Oh, okay. Hey all, Scott Wozniak. Dinner partier here. - Jeff Jab, vegan. - Terry Lessler, veganer. - Officer Steel Wool, justice supporter. - Rex Mose, school dance
chaperone and historian. - Wendy's employee, Wendy's employee. - Oh, so how do you all know Chet? - He was a former vegan
and he bought milk. - That son of a bitch! - I pulled him over for money laundering. - I'm chaperoning his dinner party. - He stole a Baconator. - That son of a bitch! - I tanked the store he manager
and he convinced me to quit one of the only jobs I ever had. Now I'm living off of
unemployment checks and fear (TV static and lobby music) - Hi, Chet Shaft, former
Games On A Shelf manager, current doer of all things nothing. Welcome to the Shaft family estate's first annual dinner party. My largest priority at the moment. Due to some prior obligations, I can't be there with you tonight. But please, feel free to help yourself to an old Shaft family recipe. - This is Jimmy John's. This title always perplexed me. Literally, any game released on the Wii could technically be titled Wii Play. They are all Wii games, I can play. The title giving folks were really working overtime on this one. (beep) just call it Wii Play. Now, some of the games I looked at here, I'd consider simply mediocre. Most of the games I'd consider shovelware. Now, would I consider the
Data Design games shovelware? No, I'd consider them (beep). What a way to spend the
week of Valentine's day, living it up playing Dead or
Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball. Wow, just saying that hurt. Imagine actually doing it, it's pathetic. I should really start contributing
more to the human race. Maybe I should start protesting and demanding changes to society. (introductory music) We eliminate the number four and replace it with the letter H. Outlaw headphone jacks, foot gloves, penguin flight school, stamps for stamps. The NBAA should bring shirts. Reclassify aspartame as a vegetable, make R a vowel. I love begging companies
to not do new things and to just do the same
thing over and over again. But hey, let all my desired
sequels out of the bag. I'm pretty sure I didn't forget any. I have sinned. (glass clinking) - The Shaft family would like
to express their gratitude to all attendees of the
dinner party tonight Terry Lesler and Jet, thank you for your
strong acts of veganism, carrots wouldn't be the same without you. Rick Mose, without you, I
wouldn't be an alcoholic. - It's Rex. (loud banging) - Officer Steel Wool, thank you for your years of service. Wendy's employee, thank you
for your years of service. And Scott, without you, I
wouldn't have lost my job at Games On A Shelf. Thank you, everybody. Please, help yourself to a
complimentary table knife and dig in. (television shutting down) (dramatic music) (gasping) - He's dead. - All right, listen guys, I'm not one to leave the party early but when people start getting murdered, that's where I draw the line. - Yeah, somebody's been murdered. Yeah, can you pick that
up on the way home? - No okay, we can't leave. Okay, Chet said the party's over at nine. He's (beep) dead. We at least owe him this. - I'll stay, I'm free. - Listen, we can get the
murder stench out of here by listening to some good old fashioned video game mysteries. - Yes, of course let's talk a series of with just as many mysteries as it has- - Somebody (beep) died! - What better gift is
there than video games? These things were expensive
at some point in time. Name better press than giving murder victims Battleborn. I should really do something
big for these guys. Throw a charity gala. I just need to find a way to fund it. Can I take out a loan? - What the (beep) is wrong with you? - [Scott] But instead of
making a great service for 60 bucks a year, Nintendo opted to make
a mediocre one for 20. It was just so annoying that this was what we
got after waiting a year for Nintendo Switch online. They always kept saying,
we'll have more to reveal about this service later. If Nintendo delayed the service, just to get the online multiplayer for NES games working right, oh god. If a billion dollar company had problems getting NES games to run online, we're (beep) as a society. But even then the games in
those areas are either re-skins of other games or unclothing
mummies, hook a frog. Gladly. Okay, so if any of you die
you have to tell me, okay. - Wait, look. (dramatic music) - It looks like whoever the
killer is had dark hair. - Good, that narrowed it down a bit. Nintendo Switch has potential to be one of the greatest systems of all time. It just needs to fix a few things. The E shop needs a better design. The overall quality of the online service needs to be improved. The releases of newer and older titles should be much more evened out. It needs to refrigerate food
better, kill 99.9% of germs, eat my vegetables, tell me ghost stories, drive my cousin to school,
and if it does all that, then I think we have
a winner on our hands. Yeah, there's just not a lot
of background to this one. It's a Mario Kart that came out. That's one point for Super Circuit. (bell dings) Oh, this is a close one. However, I'd make the argument that one of the most famous downfalls
of a company was THQ. (footsteps) - Alrighty, so now that we're all alone, we're all friends here. - Who the (beep) are you? - We're just gonna cut to the chase, were you the murderer? - The only thing I
killed is not abstinence. - So it's possible you killed him. - That's impossible, I hate murder. - So do I, but you don't
see me bragging about it. - That's it, I've had it. Good luck not murdering people, murderers. - The best ones felt like an
extension of the games world. Like oh man, it feels like I'm with Marcus Phoenix right now. Where did all this blood come from? Like think about it, would you really wanna
be a video game company? I tried being Activision
once and it was hard. Nobody liked me. I was too scary and I
laid off over 800 people. It was the worst Halloween ever. - (beep) yeah! We put a Battle Royale in Fallout 76. - Ooh, he said (beep)! He's one of us! You're a parent in the
Walmart video game section. And you have only one thing on your mind: "I have 20 dollars and I
need a weekend from my kids!" Well, now that I've sustained
a paddle ball injury and fully think that Super
Mario Kart is just okay. I have to let past me know that he'll have no (beep) clue what to think about the game without me. Hey Scott, Scott here. I'm you 14 minutes into the future. And I'm here to warn you that you think Super Mario Kart is just okay. Thank you. You did good future Scott. Well now I guess I would
just play Mario Kart 64. Scott wait! These studios whipped together games that barely have any thought
time or money put into them, spanking them onto the
store shelves generally for around 20 bucks or so, waiting for people who don't
know any better to pick up the game because: "Oh, my little Jimmy has a Wii and he (beep) hates chickens." In actuality Majin refers
to Masato Nishimura as Majin was his childhood nickname. So it's fine. The screen is fine. I mean, it's not like the
screen is gonna kill me at a dinner party or anything. So it's fine. It's a common saying. And there you go, listening
to me talk for 13 minutes was step one of our nine step plan. We only have eight more to go until this bankruptcy meter
goes even further down. I can't go through with this. We need to make money quick. We're selling soup now. (bell dings) It always works. Great talk guys, limited edition
systems are fun to gawk at, but you know what else is fun to gawk at? This official statement from my doctor. Let's see what this illness
is officially doing to me. Oh no. If I don't do anything
about this mild congestion I'm gonna die in 60 to 70 years. We used to be able to walk into a Walmart shove your hand into the
video games bargain bin and pull out- Well my evening is set. Chicken Shoot! After manure, it's the
first thing I think of when I hear the word (beep). - Seriously, this is my worth
to him? Kinect Adventures. (slams table) I'm a Wendy's employee for god's sakes. - Yeah, You know I'm
sick of people assuming I want NHL 16, like stop! - Guys, look at this. What am I supposed to do with this? - Actually, I can sell
this to my Rock Band 2 guy he loves stuff like this. - You know actually, I could really use a new copy of Truth or Lies. Mine got worn out. - And you know I could
use another emergency copy of Kinect Adventures. - Oh my god, there's a Wii Play! - Partner, you have two ways
to leave this establishment... immediately or dead! Yup, that's a threat. He calls me a Corndodger. Any of them that talk, it's very likely they're
gonna be incredibly rude. Like you ever have a carny
act like this to you. - (beep) you. - Now there's only one
thing more addictive than reading actual
mysteries about video games. - Nicotine? - Most Wii owners had
debatably the best bowling game ever created bundled
in with their consoles. So Brunswick tried to be more realistic take on the sport. You can customize your bowler, you even have all possible options for different types of glasses,
aviator, jazz, or none. This game has an interesting font choice. They squish a lot of the letters together which makes some words not look right. Hey, it looks like Noose
has the best lap time. At least I can finally fulfill my dream of driving as an M&M. Some tracks are more competently
designed than others. As in, these are actually playable, but that does not excuse the handful that we're obviously not tested at all. Like the chocolate factory or the house. But hey, I did finish the tracks. (game music) I don't care what anybody says. I didn't like M&M's Car Racing. I'm never gonna eat an M&M ever again. This looks like they wanted
to call themselves Info Games, that name was already taken so they went: um, yeah! Their entire game plan seems to be, to acquire every single B-Tier game franchise ever conceived. THQ Nordic will probably acquire
the state of Nevada soon. Masculinity is a big deal for me. So I should really kill some (beep) deer or something to keep it up. Yeah, deer have really
been pissing me off lately. So Buck Fever will let me kill some. Hunting games are all over the place. But Buck Fever is the only
one that has a funny title if you swapped the first
letters of buck and fever. We can only shoot bucks, of course, shooting doe isn't allowed. This is Buck Fever, after all. I just end up saying whatever
and go F-ing wild shooting. Hey, look at this, I murdered. This was a pretty proud moment for me. I'm gonna make the sound of
this deer falling my ringtone. But really, the uDraw
problems started coming in at full force when THQ
decided to release it for the PS3 and Xbox 360, yikes. Put the sign up anywhere
you'll scare somebody. This year, the Cyber Monday
deals pretty much the same as the Black Friday ones. The Ash Wednesday deals
were terrible this year, so I was really looking
forward to these days. Look at this. We have all
these fun deals on Play-Doh. That was a fun thing to click buy on but it doesn't really
make me feel complete. But as it stands, this was always the most
frustrating one for me to play. I wouldn't say this is my least favorite of the package, though. I just like anything
the human race has done. It has more value than Find Mii. Hey all, Scott here. It's time to kick back, relax get your heart rate questionably low. Because today, I'm gonna be showing you what happens when drywall and
video games come together. (bangs wall) (beep) Now, when a studio is
acquired by a bigger company that must mean that studio is safe from being shut down, right? (television static) What are you, stupid? Kalimari Desert is easily the coolest one, it has a train. It's like compared to most humans, Kalimari Desert will always
have that going for it. - Hey all, Scott here. Happy Small Business Sunday! A while back I started a
nonprofit charity organization, the Wii Play project where I'd take old, abandoned Wii Plays
and give them a home. Then I started to think, well, if I wanna be a true nonprofit
charity organization, I gotta find a way to
make a profit off of this. So welcome to the only
business that specializes in selling Wii Play, and very little else. (phone ringing) - [Caller] You guys sell Wii Play? - Don't even get me started! Hey all, Scott here. I've made it nine years staying
spoiler free on Heavy Rain. And the only way to stay
as spoiler free as possible before playing it, is to not play it. Christ, I'm only human. You're entire life you've
come to expect this, but then Nintendo decides
to throw this at you, oh (beep), the letters are evolving! Wii Play, do you? Is that a threat? Yeah, this was a solid game on the system. And that's coming from your local RPG hating Fling Smash owner. I like that they got Rare to provide Donkey Kong's
model for this game. I like the thought of Intelligent systems trying to make it themselves. We just can't do it. So you have to play through all four cups. You get gold by placing first
overall in each of them. Then the special cup unlocks and you can play the
final cup in the game, just kidding. Now you have to go back and
complete all the cups again but now collecting at
least 100 coins overall. And that way you unlock the extra cups, which are filled with the
tracks from Super Mario Kart. Man, measles are sounding
pretty good right now. With the console's
advanced technical specs and four controller ports
for four player games a new Mario Kart seemed
like a shoo-in for the N64. Holy (beep) They did it. Mario Kart 64 was initially called Super Mario Kart R during development. All these letters, nah ah, this one. The developers just decided: (laughing) You know what, let's just (beep) do it! And gave it the same subtitle as every other Nintendo 64 game. I wanted a cool and effective setup for playing games and watching movies. An organized collection
of the games I loved and always wanted to play. A room somebody could walk into and go: "(beep), you got Fling Smash?" Find Mii. (wii theme song playing) (wii sounds effects) I spent $250 on this system. This is a classic game of Where's Waldo but with various different Mii's. Sometimes they swim,
other times they stand. And let me address this letter from the Find Mii fan community. Sometimes the Mii's are in space too, all right, there's some variety. This was always a throwaway game in the package for me. It's not bad but it's just not good. And then the Saturday night of that week the big dance would be held and kids would smoke and drink before and after it. No thank you. You see, I prefer just questioning why a lot of seniors in high
school were taking freshmen. What the hell was going on there? You see a big part of homecoming was asking
somebody on a date. All you had to do was grab a poster board, think of some pun and ask them out. It was not about flashiness over function with those things. As long as you were memorable
and had a pun involved. (door creaking) Nobody cared. But the fact that Wii Play
is decently fun to play means my Wii Play reselling
business will never die out. Not to be sold separately. (beep) The jig is up. (wind gusting) (games spilling) The back of Yoshi's head is
more iconic than Warren Harding, my favorite 29th president
of the United States. I can easily tell you all
the playable characters in Mario Kart 64, but who the
(beep) was the 28th president? I don't know. This soundtrack has some
incredibly memorable tunes. Oh (beep), it was Woodrow Wilson. Although I would say Super
Mario Kart had better ones. The 64's are great, it just can't beat its
predecessor in my opinion. So this game has a terrifying cursor. Could've used a paw print, maybe an arrow, a (beep) triangle. No, arthritis. We can play each game in multiplayer which hey, with all
games requiring only one Wii remote per player, this is one of those multiplayer games you can gracefully play all by yourself. Well, ever since the game launched many fans noticed this sign in the courtyard of Peach's castle. Now, under normal
circumstances, it's gibberish. But when we slide the virgin gogs on, we can make out that it potentially says: "L is real 2401". Now, what does that mean? No sex for me, thanks. (train rumbling) (train horn) (crashing) (brakes squealing) (orchestral music) Hey all, Scott here. You wouldn't believe it. I was on a train, it crashed. And now I'm washed up
on this deserted island. Really shouldn't have
worn this shirt today. All right, we're talking politics. It's your favorite honor. And today we're gonna be
settling this right now. Does Mario Kart 64 control
poorly or all right? (bangs gavel) Yes. Well, well, well, what do we have here? The company I have the most
embarrassing feelings towards. Well, that means I have
the most predictions for Nintendo at E3 2019, like Metroid Prime 5. GameCube games will finally
come to Wii U virtual console. DLC for Mario and Sonic at the Rio 2016 Olympic games on Wii U. A photo emerges of Shigeru Miyamoto, looking completely lost
in the Epic Games booth. Doug Bowser proves his worth as the new Nintendo of America president by eating an entire ice cream sandwich in one bite on Treehouse Live. Bill Trinan is visibly impressed. Hey all, Scott here. And I'm freaking out here. I was outside and I heard somebody say one of the numbers of my soche. Privacy's my number
one concern, all right. I don't want anybody to
know anything about me. For Christ sakes. I blur out my Inkjet numbers. You may ask why I'm so keen on privacy. Where did it all begin? Well, let me ask you this. How the hell did we learn about Geist DS? That game was canceled,
we weren't supposed to know anything about it, but now we know everything about it. Really, anything can get
revealed at this point. Here's my blood type. Dammit! Come on, what other expenses
did I have back in high school? Medical bills? Please, I've had this
dark spot on my thigh for the past six years
and nothing's happened. I don't need a doctor. So all in all, I like my game room. There's not much I can
really complain about. (objects breaking) Except that, that does happen sometimes. If you want a fuller experience as in being able to race on
whichever course you want, being able to play as
whichever character you want or play battle mode, get
multiple copies of the game. What do you think, this was a charity? Hey all, Scott here. I just got back from an art auction and I'm really excited to finally have such a pristine piece of art in my home. Something people will look at and say: "Oh (beep), I just realized this is the box art for warrior world." So now that I've proven the
validity of video games as art or at least box art as art, I feel like I can convince
anybody to do anything which is why I'm gonna start this rant against serial killers. Here's a message to all you
serial killers out there. Stop! Yes, my favorite method
of showing everybody what games I haven't played up until now, I pulled two things off
of my shelf to pick from. So let's see what comes
off of the backlog first. Ah damn. But out of all Game Boy
Advance accessories or models, they all pale in comparison to the Visteon dockable entertainment, featuring Game Boy Advance. An entertainment system for vehicles that could also play
Game Boy Advance games with a wireless controller. This is by far the most
unique and mind blowing Game Boy Advance model of all time. That's sure to put anybody
who comes in contact with it into a state of shock and awe. (car idling) Oh (beep), it's a Game Boy. Well, if I'm gonna be on this deserted island
for the rest of my life, it would be nice to know what games I should have shipped to me so I can have something to play. I have lot of time on my hands, so why not? Hi gang, It's Scott's inner voice here. I just realized what I said
was really (beep) stupid. If I can ship games to the island, then I can ask somebody for help. So I'm gonna make sure I
can hear my inner voice. Well, heatstroke struck. Well, let's talk about my
five desert island games. Wii Play, et vous? (foreign language) Blasting hoards of
enemies is incredibly fun, mainly because, dare I say, Resident Evil 4 is one
of the most well-designed and balanced games I've ever played. It has this giant named
El Gigante, that's right, (beep) you Max Payne 3. Now, Sonic 1 and 2 were
actually originally released on mobile years before they were updated to be the Christian Whitehead versions. Yeah, these weren't great. Sonic Spinball was
originally on the app store, but was later de listed. Dammit! Oh, so there's a lot of random things I keep forgetting you can do in this game. Like change the mini-map and
turn it into a speedometer and a much more artsy mini-map or turn off the background
music by hitting L. I forgot you could do that. I accidentally hit the L button and I thought it was a glitch. But hey, you learn
something new every day. Yesterday I found out I was doing laundry wrong this whole time. You gotta be kidding me. Wii Play Motion's all right, all things considered. However, I do have a stronger
attachment to the first game but this one does have
some hidden games in there. If you wait on the
title screen long enough you can do this and this. And if you hold B on the
title screen you get this and you can see all
the Arzest in the game. But one question remains. Can you sell it separately? Son of a bitch. (phone ringing) - [Employee] Hello,
this is Scott Wozniak's Wii Play Motion reselling studios. - [Scott] Liquidate the company! - All right, so we all hated Chet, right? - Yeah. - He's a born again carnivore, he's led many to unemployment. He's money laundered. He's wronged all of us, Who's to say one of us isn't the killer? - That's right, if we can't leave we might as well find out
who viciously murdered Chet. - Oh, I love puzzles. - Guys listen, one of us may be a murderer but we're all human at the end of the day. Let's just listen to some gaming mysteries about Luigi and call it a night. - Wasn't that the guy who
said (beep) Mario Golf. - One neat feature is you can save your performances as videos, add a bunch of filters and text. It's great. I'm all out of paper. I'll just use boogie for my grocery list. So far, wii Play isn't
doing too much revolutionary with the pointing functionality of the Wii remote outside of Mii abuse. Wii sports, yeah, the game wouldn't be as fun without the Wii remote. The motion control makes that game. Wii Play these games can be
played with a computer mouse and they'd be virtually the exact same. That's where Pose Mii comes in. A game that couldn't be played with a computer mouse because
while it uses the pointer it forces you to rotate it all around. You swap between different
poses with the A and B buttons to fit them within the silhouette bubbles appearing all over the place. You got to get as many poses as you can into them,
without having the bubbles reach to the bottom of the screen. And for god's sakes,
don't look at the birds, they're just a distraction. This was never a personal
favorite of mine. It's always something where I was worried somebody
would notice me playing. - [Roommate] Is that Pose Mii?! - (beep) - Now, like I said, you
could buy a controller and set your phone up
as if it was a console. But at that point, just buy a (beep) Switch. But mobile phones do have a pro to them compared to the Switch. They have Atari Fit. One of the most infamous
being Donkey Kong Racing a bit of a successor to Diddy Kong Racing. With Rare being a Microsoft
company after the buyout, they couldn't develop for
Nintendo home consoles anymore. So they tried to rework Donkey Kong Racing into Sabreman Stampede. That didn't come out either. So move over, Donkey Kong
Racing, we got laid instead. One of the first things I
used my sweet sweet coins on was this Wii remote holder. Yes, I looked at all of this and said, (beep) these my Wii remotes need a box. This is just a simple collapsible holder for the controllers. I use this for all kinds
of remotes and lighters. I thought it was so adequate at holding. I got the other color,
which after saying that, I should have brought that little factoid about myself to the grave. But one could argue, I didn't need this, but more could argue, I didn't need two. Don't think I'm a big
subscription boxes guy. I get the whole appeal is getting a box full of new stuff every month and not knowing what you're gonna get. Lots of people like that,
and I totally understand it. It's just for me. I personally see that as
getting a bunch of (beep) I don't want, but hey, that's just my opinion,
please respect that. Just don't act like this thing is this almighty deity to you. I don't wanna hear anything
about how you met your wife through Loot Crate or something. Welcome, murderees, to
the first centennial charity gala for recent murder victims, - I knew it was a good
idea getting murdered. - Oh yeah, we all went to
that dinner party together. Got murdered, got treated for it. How was all that? - Well, have you ever died? - Not personally, but I'll
get around to it eventually. This is great. I know these guys, We all went to Chet Shaft's dinner party, great food, ended in murder. But everybody was diagnosed with murder. Except for me, these guys got treated and look at them now,
but that's the thing. They all survived and
they already like me. So I just have to make sure
they rave about this gala. So I'm just gonna try to sweeten
the deal for all of them. Terry and Jeb, vegans. I laced their meat with tofu. Rex Mose, school dance chaperone. I color coordinated all
the things that aren't beer so he knows what he should
and shouldn't eliminate. Wendy's employee, Wendy's employee. I heckled some Arby's
drive-throughs before I came here, I didn't even know he was coming tonight. It works out perfectly. Listen, these guys have seen it all. It must've been hell to go through the recovery process after being murdered, but it'll all be worth it
after they get their gifts. (loud fall) So those were just a few canceled
games throughout history, but far from all of them. And who knows, like I said, maybe we can return to
this topic eventually or even take a look at specific
canceled games themselves. But as of right now I'm a little more concerned
with maintaining my privacy. How does it look on me? If Geist DS can leak who says my blood type
and hair color can't. You know, I might wanna go a step further. Maybe a little more. Just a little more. (background music stops) While there aren't any
adoption deals going on. I was looking for some deals
at the hospital this year. This gunshot wound is really
starting to piss me off. Hey all, Scott here. Nothing makes the blind more uncomfortable than a good old fashioned
game of charades. Wii play, ¿Y tu? (speaks foreign language) The Eighth Generation
of game consoles that some of the most infamous cancellations of all time in my opinion. The most heartbreaking of which was Project Rap Rabbit. Please care. Hotel for dogs was a movie
I almost saw back in 2009 and 10 years later, I still haven't. Now, I mean, something
like Bomberman R, yeah, that released in 2008, it would be like 15 bucks
max on Xbox Live Arcade. And now, you see that's a little thing us people who are talking
about reboots right now call bull (beep). Yes, we return to the
fabled backlog games I own but just have been refusing
to play for the longest time. I personally consider
something to officially be in the backlog if I've
owned it for a full month and haven't played it yet. Out of all the games in there I have calculated the game
that has spent the longest time in the backlog is Max Payne 3. So I decided to start
playing Resident Evil 4. How did Silent Hills not
making it a store shelves but Mega Flarp did? Well, a bit of 64's more
arcadey feel is present here. This is definitely most
similar to the first game. And that's evident by one
major returning element. Well, the feather item didn't
return from Super Mario Kart. Intelligent systems made sure
to bring back a fan favorite. (slams table) Coins are back, bitches! Yeah, I wasn't too awful
thrilled with my Loot Crate DX. I'm also not too terribly
interested in a lot of what Loot Crate
considers "pop culture". There's lots of stuff I
like, but the majority of stuff in this box, wasn't up my alley. I know a lot of people will probably say: "Jesus Scott, you're so
negative, what do you like?" The game asks you a question,
you answer the question, it'll determine if it's a lie or not. That's right. THQ made a
lie detector for the Wii. I knew they could do it. Like how Super Mario Brothers
3 was supposed to be a play. You see how it opens up
with a curtain rising, various platforms cast a
shadow and have bolts on them, like they were constructed
as part of a set. Whenever a level ends, it's almost as if Mario
was running off stage. This was a fan theory for the longest time until it was actually
confirmed by Shigeru Miyamoto. Now, if this was an actual play
I could sit down and watch. (super mario sound effects) Who wrote this? Project Giant Robot was a
game created to make the Wii U game pad seem worthwhile, and that was it. Just a tech demo for the
system that was all about making a giant robot and
wreaking havoc as it. It was announced, alongside Project Guard, which did end up
releasing a StarFox Guard. I would have assumed that
this was just a tech demo, but Nintendo kept reaffirming that they were intending on releasing it for the Wii U as a full game. And I'm sure we all know
how that turned out. Just think where the Wii U
would be if this game released. Today it's called the Smurfs Dance Party. At least two of those words are right. Double Dash has barely aged a bit. It's still a blast to play and it offers so much that
no other Mario Kart has. Now, that still makes
it fun to play today. But what makes it truly one
of the best Mario Karts? Honestly, it was the bonus disc. (wind blowing) It's midnight. Yeah, this one wasn't doing the launch. Okay, back to Game Stop where I was supposed to pre-order the game before waiting in line, (beep). I bought a balance board instead. I bought it at Walmart at 01:03 AM. `Here's my mugshot to prove it. All right, in coming back, I can now experience the midnight launch of the digital versions of these games. At 1:30 AM. It was a bad night to wear flip-flops. Wait, I don't even like Pokémon. Club Nintendo was one of
the only cults I was in that offered 3DSXL charging cradles. They were the best. The Nazis did do some crazy
stuff with gravity though. - It carried some unusual munitions that canceled gravity when it detonated. - Nope, Hitler. Everybody has their happy place. They wouldn't make the T-shirts
if that wasn't the case and mine is Shiverburn Galaxy
and Super Mario Galaxy 2. Such a fun level. There's fire and ice, can't
ask for much more than this. Sometimes I like to hit up
to go into first-person view and look up at the mountains. Everybody has their happy place and mine is Fleet Glide Galaxy
and Super Mario Galaxy 2. Everybody has their own
personal favorite Mario Kart. I've heard countless people
go on and on about how Super Mario Kart is the best. And I mean, I listened to them. Super Mario Kart is the best one because of how simple and intuitive it is. The track design is great
and the items are balanced. It's challenging. And the battle mode is phenomenal. Diablo 3 mug hey, not bad. Let's see if it's of any quality. Oh (beep), it works. Finally, oh my god. Now that's one thing I can
finally cross off my bucket list. Finally playing Resident Evil 4. Now I can move on to my next one, holding a Sega Saturn. I can die now. I have no clue how this game determines if what you said was a truth or a lie. I tried to sound like a bumbling idiot and it labeled it as a truth. I screamed into the mic and
it labeled it as a truth. I said this game was garbage
and it labeled it as a lie, it's broken. - You're taking this pretty well, man. - Who's to say you're not the killer? You're acting pretty carefree right now for someone whose life's at stake. - It's a murder, not a
tax audit, we'll be fine. - Well, what about the Wendy's employee? Nobody ever suspects the Wendy's employee. - Well, what about Steel Wool? He has a gun. - Jeb has a knife. - Yeah, for fun, not for murder. - Guys, deep down, we can
all be a murderer if we want. Let's just get down to the bottom of this. By a show of hands,
who here murdered Chet? Dammit. Hey all, Scott here. I don't know why it's taken me this long to start committing
witchcraft, but here we are. I'm gonna try and look into the future and find out what all the E3 press conferences are gonna be like. (eerie sound) Well that ruined the surprise. So that was a short buildup
to release board game. There's not much left to do other than actually play the thing. Oh, wait, I stand corrected. We have to check out the bonus disc. So this is why people gave a (beep) about this game. Capcom announced that they'd
be bringing the original Resident Evil and all of its
3D glory to the Game Boy Color. Oh man, just thinking about what life would be like if that actually came out. A cool idea, but Capcom just ended up making Resident Evil Gaiden instead. Eternal Darkness was shown
off for the Nintendo 64. I'm not repeating myself. Canned and eventually
put on the Game Cube. But it was just a 100 minute
long Nintendo commercial with footage of Mario 3 at the end. Man, (beep) the kid,
is that a warp whistle. I mean, you have to place
first in All Cup Tour on 150 CC to unlock Mirror mode. And then you have to beat the
Star Cup on Mirror mode to unlock King Boo and Petey Piranha. You can't have one
without the (beep) other! Toad and Toadette are the only other unlockable pair of characters, and their unlocked by beating
the Special Cup on 100 CC. God, Toad is such a flacid
unlockable character, like, is it really exciting to unlock Toad in a Mario Kart game? Who goes: Holy (beep)! So I take out a loan for two grand and spend it all on dewormer paste. My finger slipped. Hey all, Scott here. After being born in 1997, I decided the next thing I wanted to do was go to E3 1999. Want proof? Well, here's the VHS tape from the event. What's up 1999 livers, here we are in the year, 1999, at E3, 1999. And if you need photographic
proof this is 1999, couldn't write that in the year 2019? See, I was there, I was also 2 at the time,
but I was also there. So yeah, my love for this
game is purely nostalgic. Looking at it critically. It's fine. It's just nothing special. So now I have to compare
it to something else that I'm nostalgic over. So how does Mario Kart Super Circuit compare to Classroom Jeopardy? Yeah, it (beep) stinks. If I pick Luigi and Paratroopa, because they're both
products of crossbreeding, I can get the fireballs
and the triple shells. Hey all, Scott here. I haven't checked on my birth certificate since last September and
I'm really falling behind. So let's see what it has in store for us. So my name was just a placeholder until they thought of something better. And they never did. Nothing like an existential
crisis to start your day. Yes, Loot Remix, 15 bucks for this thing. Full with past Loot Crate
items, son of a bitch. Guys after I sell these, I'm
about to be swimming in $4. There are two specific eras of my life. When I didn't own two Battlestar Galactica Cylon
Raider figures, and now. Ghost Recon Break Point. I'm sorry, but most of the Tom Clancy game trailers just kind
of blend together for me. So watching this trailer was the longest I ever held this expression. All right, well, here we
have just a few things I'd like to see from a future Smash game. Of course I could go on about this but I decided to keep it fairly brief. Of course, if you wanna see anything from Smash Brothers in the future, be sure to scream it from the rooftops. Let everybody know,
while you're doing that, I'm gonna mail this to Nintendo. (shredder shredding) Should probably move that
away from the mailbox. So that's why the IRS didn't
receive my tax payments. I'm getting audited. Hey all, Scott here. You know, people don't get that anymore. Combining the words
Scott, all, hey and here, just doesn't connect
with modern word hearers. That's why I'm gonna change
up the first four words I say to everybody to be
understandable to more people. Here I have a lot of
options to shift through. Hi gang, it's Scott. Welcome to Scottsburg. Everybody, no, just Scott. Guys look, a me. I played Fling Smash. People of you, hey! Anybody up for tennis? I bought a hat. I'm talking about reboots. I liked that one. All these games and I was still just gonna buy the 3DS
for Pilot Wings Resort. Ubisoft probably asked themselves, what the hell are we doing here? And pulled the plug. I got a second box. Let's see if they redeem themselves. Here's a Voltron beanie and scarf. Oh yeah, it's June. Marvel shoelaces, yeah, I am a strict fan of not shoe laces. And a Power Rangers mini figure. I don't know which was Lamer. And next time I'm gonna
beat a game from my backlog. I have no excuses to
finally play Max Payne 3. So next time I'll be checking out Adventures of Dino Riki on the NES, But hey, at least it wasn't
Bioshock for the Vita. You wanna know how much we got on this? Just that, that's it, that's all we got. It never came out. Imagine what it's like
to be Bioshock Vita. But a lot of the junk with
the gaming treasures box feels like here's a (beep) mouse pad. Hey all, Scott here. With a beret on top and
anxiety on the bottom, I've created my latest masterpiece. Van Gogh's gotta be rolling
in his grave right now. I can't believe I'm saying this. I miss EA's 2018 show. At least with that, there was just an hour of
stuff I didn't care about. Now I'm terrified of any video online with these three terms in the title. Now, because you have a partner you can actually team up with an actual human being to play co-op. One player drives, the other uses items. Give me an E give me an H. This mode is just fine. Baby Mario and baby Luigi. This raises more questions than answers. Koopa Paratroopah. These two are literally the same character except one is the
product of crossbreeding. So here we are at Best Buy for the launch of
Pokémon Sword and Shield. Where's my bug spray? We're back at Best Buy with bug
spray and no camouflage hat. (beep) One hour from launch
and we have everything. I forgot the snakebite kit. I hope the bug spray repels the snakes. Morally, I feel it's just
right to pick the characters that are already partners. But I love making combinations
that just make no sense. Like how the hell did
we get to this point? I do love the character
selection in this game, just for having all the Mario characters you'd expect to have in a Mario Kart. Plus some why the (beep). You can't have a Mario Kart roster without some why the (beep). But NES games are way
easier to re-release. That's why we're mainly getting them. I miss Wii Virtual console era, because it didn't feel like
Nintendo made up excuses as to what they will and won't re-release. Now it feels like they say: "Oh, GameCube games are
so hard to re-release." Here's Wrecking Crew, you'll like that. All in all, even if the service got worse with each console it appeared on, I'm gonna miss the virtual console. Even if Yoshi's Cookie
never came to Wii U. Am I the only one that cares about that? General population, do you give a (beep) that Yoshi's Cookie never made
it to Wii U virtual console? - No. - You heard it here first, folks. After Hotel for Dogs, I'm in the mood for a cat scan
and a pet simulation game. So how about we start
things off with Puppy Luv? So I'm brand loyal. I'm devoted. I wanna scream my love for
a company from the rooftop. So I named my character Tums. And I went out and named the dog that too. Nice and clear. Reboots can be groan worthy sometimes. But I think they can be
totally understandable and necessary. You can't make 20
installments of a game series called Need for Speed
without five reboots. You just can't. - [Host] This is the
Xbox E3 2019 briefing. - I hope this announcer gets work outside of Microsoft's E3 every year. - Hey all, Scott here. Let's role play. I'll be Sonic CD. And since I'm the only other person here, I'll also play the role of Scott. (beep) you. King Boo and Petey Piranha are total. Yeah, we had some extra
time in development and felt like drawing circles. They're really fun characters
to have as options. Birdo? And they introduced Toadette. Hey all, Scott here. I've always been a big
supporter of local business. You can catch me every week, commissioning and the fire department to put out the fires I start. I love business so much, I am one now. Wanna know why the economy has failed ever since it was introduced? Because there's nothing to buy. Well, I'm here to change that. Introducing my new product. Scott talks about game commercials. I recorded myself talking
about game commercials for 17 odd minutes and I decided
to sell it at full price. What's full price? Stay tuned. To ensure this product will
be as successful as possible, I am forcefully giving
everybody it, right now. It will start playing and at the end, you will have to pay. If you don't wanna be a bum. Oh (beep), it's starting. I've been chipping away
on my bucket list lately. Now all I've got to do is
have a irrational desire. - PSP, it's like a nut
you can play with outside. - [Scott] I want that. Nice venue, right? Scored it on a labor day sale, 14 grand, instead of 15. My goal is to make the
greatest homecoming dance ever with just as much no sex as I remember, but I can't do it all myself, which is why we hired
a professional planner. - Sir, you won't regret your choice, with me planning this, it'll be the best funeral ever. - Son of a bitch. The Promo for Kirby Air Ride is a promo for the Kirby Right Back At You show, which leads into an Air Ride Promo. I almost had to sound the alarms. So literally, this audience
freaks out over anything, Todd Howard can come back on stage. Hey Everybody, it's Todd Howard. I'm an arsonist. (cheering) Rage 2 update, Wolfenstein Young Blood and
Cyber Pilot coming soon. Yeah, we know. - Wolfenstein Young Blood. (audience cheering) - Words, words! He said words! This plot is perfectly fine
for a classic Sonic title. Just, when I say it out loud you end up having some questions. Why is he blue? Oh god, we're in E3 1999
memorabilia country now. Well, here we have a
hat from the convention. It's one of the neatest ways to get lice. There's nothing new to any of this. It's literally just playing all the tracks in the game again. Am I really gonna go through with this? No. I did it anyways. My patent just came in. It looks like I'm the
official owner of the phrase: "It looks fine now." It's a great phrase to use, to describe games I don't care about, but don't wanna piss anybody
off with my opinion on them. We'll be hearing that a lot this show. Of course, reveals can go haywire. Now, I don't think it's deliberate. I doubt marketing folks are
in their board meetings going: All right, guys, just finalized our
reveal plan for the game. First we (beep) up. - We can't wait for you to
play Baldur's Gate 3 on Stadia. - Now on PC, you can (beep) right off. Heroes: The Video Game. If this game came out, okay. If this game got canceled, okay. I have absolutely no opinion either way. Hey, there's my favorite murder victims. - Hear that? We're his favorites. - How are you guys liking the gala so far? - I hate it. Reminds me that I got murdered. - How? - That. - What am I supposed to call you guys? - I'm a big proponent of
the term hospital junkies. - I'm more of a fan of the
term "charity messiah". - What are you talking about? That describes no one in this room. - What's wrong with him? - Oh, you see well, he was
simply bludgeoned to death, but at the hospital the doctors wrongfully diagnosed
him as a burn victim. - Can't you just take them off? - Not if he wants to recover. (screaming) - Now, it originally released
on the PlayStation 3, was later updated for PlayStation Move. Yes. It looks pretty good. But this pesky little
thing won't come off . Here, we have a Loot Crate DX box, something designed specifically for people who take things too seriously. This cost me $50 per month. The only thing I ever
remember about this game is that a gave Nathan Spencer wife arm. What a twist, your dead
wife has been a part of your robotic arm throughout
the entire adventure. That's something worthy of
being on the back of the box. They actually announced that
Dolphin would play DVDs. as in, movies. I've been trying all day,
it's just not gonna work. Now, there was a Japan
exclusive model of the Game Cube made by Panasonic that did play DVDs. The Panasonic Q and Panasonic
was one of the partners Nintendo announced alongside the Dolphin. So with the DVDs, they
didn't lie, but they lied. Hey all, Scott here. The only true way to know
if you're tough (beep) if you got a Wii remote holder for free for buying hundreds of dollars worth of Nintendo games and systems. That's a big (beep) you to anybody who doubted me buying a Wii U. Yeah, I could do this. Hell yeah, death. Super Smash Brothers, the most beloved crossover fighting game on the planet, no doubt. But by now, you should know
that nobody reads this and says: "Is that a sandwich?" Castlevania Resurrection
was being developed for the Dreamcast and was gonna be in the style of the
Nintendo 64 Castlevanias. It was canceled because,
remember, Dreamcast. And here we have the college essentials. Having a bunch of your older
systems plugged in at once is my favorite T-shirt right now and leaving them all unplugged and in the closet makes it less likely you're gonna play them. You have to pull everything out and find all the cables that go with it. Just to realize you're breaking out a second CD just to play double switch. It's a mess. And NBA Live 04. How many sentences start with: "I bought NBA Live 04, because of the Mario Kart bonus disc." Yeah, you can use GameCube games so much. They incorporated the
feature into the logo itself. I'm really surprised others
haven't gone with this design. Instead, I usually went
home early and just started to count how many copies
of Premium Rush that I own. That's why I wanna throw
my own homecoming dance. One that doesn't have the
pressure of trying to get laid. One that's open to everybody. I mean, the Wii was the
perfect platform for NES games. You look at the Wii remote
and give it a little of this: Boom. NES controller. Well, I did it. I went over all the E3's from the 1990's. So grab your nearest cake. Blow out the cigars since you don't have any candles handy and rejoice because we only have 17
more E3's to go through. Well, this doesn't call
for a celebration anymore. This calls for a coping strategy. Sega Game Gear games were eventually added in March of 2012. Oh yay. We have to hold the right trigger while moving the left stick and to interact with objects, we use the right stick
when prompts come up. I have been waiting so long
to finally use this banner. I realized I may not be
cut out to be a father. I tried the whole treat an egg
like a child for a day thing but you can't put chia seeds on those. But I did take out life
insurance on the pets and now I can cash that out and
afford a trip to the doctor. Just for a little checkup. My foot hurts, that gunshot
wound, just the basics. The chia seeds gave me a
yeast infection on my head. The 3DS Virtual Concert
release of Super Mario Brothers was the way I first beat the game. You don't have to interact
with lots of this stuff. For example, you can look
at yourself in the mirror just to make Ethan look
like a smug son of a bitch and very little else. It's shower time and we
see some form of nudity. And this is all starting to make sense. Age of empires 2 definitive edition. It looks fine. Wasteland 3. It looks fine. Xbox Buy's Double Fine. What better way to mourn
the loss of a loved one than to fully replace them. I bought a backup. A hedgehog, look at him. I can't wait to be a
better Lincoln dad to him. I won't kill him. I'll treat him like any
pet should be treated. I have a unicorn now. A new Chia Pet means a
new packet of chia seeds. So I'm gonna take this opportunity
to pour some on my head, to live a day in their shoes. It's gonna be great. I'm gonna feel so- (glass breaks) Time for Sean to go to bed. I go upstairs. I see he drew his brother dying. Oh, that's so normal! So Ethan has a bit of
a blackout afterwards. And then... Who the (beep) is that? You'd have to pop in an
Xbox Live Arcade disc but then you could download
smaller bite-sized titles stuff like Feeding Frenzy and Dig Dug. Okay, we're getting another
Smash Brothers reveal. This is a reprise of
the King K Rool trailer. I assume this is gonna
be like Dixie Kong or so (screaming) (orchestral music) What the (beep), M&M's Car Racing wasn't good? I have $20 and I need
a weekend from my kids! Did somebody order terrible? Everybody who's like: "Scott doesn't play my favorite games." Well, (beep) you. If you play Chicken Shoot, Jesus humanity. Now would I consider the
data design game Shovelware? No, I consider them (beep). Hey all, Scott here. (raining game cases) Oh yeah, garbage. But hey, if you want a
more standard experience here's the second Genesis Owl Pad. I'm sure somebody stood
by this controller, like you're waiting in the living room for your date to come downstairs and you're talking to
her dad about how much you like the second Genesis controller. We're an Owl Pad family. What is up with the C button? I don't know how easy it is to see but it is significantly stiffer
than all the other buttons. The back is a soap dish. Now, Petz Crazy Monkeyz, that's where things get interesting. The monkeys invade the Wii system. Three pets died and my foot hurts today but I have one last shot
to make things right. Because I will start to
raise Daniel from Karate Kid. For (beep) sake. Pretty much after every scene with Norman, he has to take a hit of
whatever the hell this thing is. He's not addicted. He just does it every day. (gummy bears theme song) Gummy Bears Magical Medallion. Have you ever wanted a
mediocre 2D platformer staring a fake bear? I got bad news for you. One exists. My favorite part about
this game is (beep). There's nothing outright
terrible about this game, but there's nothing good either. It's literally the most
basic 2D platformer that you could possibly imagine. This is like gummy bears zip lash to me. I'm sick of this, time to move on to something different. (gummy bears theme song) Gummy Bears Mini Golf takes those classic gummy bears we got to
know on Magical Medallion, forces them to play golf. I didn't like this. (gasp) The controls felt stupid and
the ball physics were weird but other than that, it was (beep) great. Shelby visits this guy's
father and is just like: "Is he the killer is he?" And now Ethan. His next trial is to cut
off one of his fingers. (beep) that. Ethan doesn't cut off one
of his fingers and leaves. Right, I think I figured it out. See, these are potentially
the rarest games of all time. One of these may just be
the rarest game of all time. And after all the research,
after all the eBay searches, I've come down to which one would give me the most unique game
collection of them all. Which one is, in fact, the
rarest game of all time? It's Sonic 2 with a line. The Super Pad 64 is the type of thing I think of first when I hear the term third party controller. Cheaper in every sense of the word. But this was made by Performance. The company I immediately think of when I hear the term third
party controller is Mad Catz. If you walk into a building constructed by Mad Catz get the (beep) out of there. Now it's time to fight Jason, god, I'm kicking this kids ass. Jesus, they should've called this game Jason (beep) dies. It's feeling like one of
those Bebon Cool kind of days. Here's the Bebon Cool
for the Nintendo Switch. This hurts. Everything
just doesn't feel right. These triggers, the sticks, the D pad. No, okay, I've never bought into third-party controllers before because you are almost never
gonna get the same experience or quality than from the
first party offerings. Sure, some stand out, but 90% of the time you're asking for trouble buying these things. Oh wow, a Nyko controller. Might as well be saying, oh wow, I can't just buy a pre-owned
first party controller or save up just a little
more for the official one. Sure, some of them have
their place in the market. But time and time again, I just ask myself why do most of these exist? And on top of that, Mad Catz
pulled a fast one on me. This isn't a life support machine. This was just a bread box. - Jason, you really shouldn't
wander off like that you know. Awful lot of people in here. - Please dad, can I have one? - What's wrong with you? Don't run away like that just to force me to buy you a balloon. Dammit, he did it again. Everybody in this mall is gonna know how loud I can truly say Jason, but seriously, where'd he go? Oh my god, this crowd is ridiculous. I'm never gonna find it. Oh, here's the food court. Oh Jason, he's across the street. Why is he across the street? What is he trying to gain from that? So Jason runs towards Ethan in busy
traffic and gets hit by a car. Jesus, They should've called this game Jason (beep) dies. This is supposed to be a textbook
example of Eye Toy usage, a game that shows us what
Eye Toy is capable of. So what exactly can Eye Toy do? Nothing. On the way home, I have to come up with
a response to Lauren. Uh, this one. - You're gonna be a good girl. You're gonna go home and let me get on with my investigation. - What the hell was that? Actually it seemed like Sony was really pushing the Eye Toy as a security device. Kinda. Eye Toy Play 2 had this
feature where you could leave the Eye Toy running
as a security camera and it would capture what
goes on in your living room. That'll scare off the burglars. Oh (beep) he's got an Eye Toy. Well, if anything we can
repurpose the Eye Toy as a security camera. Norm does more investigating and it turns out the origami killer and John Shepherd's son this entire time was Scott Shelby. He can't be the killer. He has asthma. - You sure you don't want a funeral? I'm really good at funerals. - If I'm free next week, sure. But right now I want a school dance. - All right well, I did some
research, made a few calls. I got officially saying I'm legally able to plan school dances now. - Legal, yes! - It really wasn't that difficult. A lot of my training
carried over funerals, school dances, tomato, tomato. - So what's the plan here. I was thinking we could
do some fun activities. Like we could stand up against the wall and just wait for somebody to talk to us. - But why do so many
people like school dances? The way I see it, you can't spell homecoming
without alcohol poisoning. - No! - Oh (beep). What system is this for? My obsession with Heavy
Rain's lame characters has really taken a toll on
my life these past few days. I have not cleaned my kitchen in days. I'll leave it like that. See, leaving garbage on the floor is a smart way to know if
you have rats in the house. I'll know if I have rats,
if the garbage gets eaten. - You just don't get it. Their just kids, it's their big night, It's their homecoming dance. alcohol never anyone. - Well, the chaperone is getting psychologically conditioned to be all for alcohol and drugs, violent sex, and most importantly sex. Well Data Design made another
Kawasaki licensed game. This time centered around quad bikes. Well then it must be good! Back to Ethan. He's at a
psychiatrist and is told he is not responsible for Jason's death. Sure. At the park with Sean now. And it is my mission to have this kid like
me more than his mom. You know what that means time to whip out the secret weapon. Take out the boomerang. He'll eat that up. Now that is one happy kid. Ethan, you finally did it. Okay, we're back to sitting
on the bench and not talking. And then we're back to having fun. Man, things are finally
starting to look up. Ethan and Sean having a good time. And then Sean just has to
bring up his dead brother. We were so close. We were so close! All right, we got the DJ,
advertisements are out. Chaperone is being conditioned to be actively encouraging immorality, The ballot box has been spiked. All right, all that's left is the banner. We used a pre made Restaurant template. So you control your character by shifting the nunchuck up or down and by holding the Z button. You can probably make it by with just the one that came
bundled with your console. But what if you wanna play
a local multiplayer game or what if your controller
breaks for some reason? This game puts the fun back into mini. It's about (beep) time. Introducing the Boomerang 64. The analog stick fell off of mine and all that's left is a stick. So I had to improvise. Hey all, Scott here. Big day for me, I finally bought a shoe lace. It's really firm and on one
end we have a USB connector. That's pretty unique. And on the other end, oh dammit, this always happens to me. It has built-in rumble if
you slide some triple A's in and there are two whole
Z buttons for maximum. Pretty cool, right? Those are games, video games. And I gave you like fifty of them. - Yeah, but these are terrible. - I feel like I've been
murdered all over again. - Is this even legal? - Guys, I'm sorry, I just didn't have enough money for gifts. That's all I could have done. - Oh, you didn't have enough
money for actual presents but you had enough money for that sign? - Honestly, I've had that
in my trunk for years. - What even is this? - That's NBA Live 14. - Well, knowing that
makes this present worse. - I've got murdered far too many times to accept the Lego
Dimensions for Christmas. - And what am I to do
with all these Madden's? 25, 15, 16, 08? - You son of bitch! - Whoa, all right, we weren't the ones who just
gave out trash for Christmas. - Well, excuse me for loving bankruptcy. I'm only doing this to
get out of the hole. - You're only doing this for the money? - And you gave us Battle Born? - I'm sorry, okay. Listen, let me try and make it up to you. Terry, Jeb, have a burger. - We're vegan. - Yeah, I know, no teeth. - Listen, just stop, okay. (gurgling) - What's going on? - Oh god, he's been drinking too many of the Ice Mountain mini bottles. He's way over-hydrated. - Somebody get him some sand. - This is a (beep) disaster. I didn't wanna push for
sinning, now that I am, and we got the chaperone pushing for it. People don't care. - No! Oh (beep) sorry man, I thought that wasn't a beer. - Wanna know who did try
with their controller? Nickelodeon. Put SpongeBob in your hands. - Man yeah, we were pregame at the homeless shelter earlier tonight and then we went to pick up
Blade on the side of the road, it was great. - Well, I donated blood in the car. It was great. - Hey guys, condoms right? - Why aren't you (beep)? - Norm time. We're discussing what we know about the origami killer. Not much, but he drowns
his victims in rainwater and only when it rains a certain amount. We'll meet with a meteorologist, tell him to stop the rain. Hey, welcome to homecoming. Before you go, just to let you know, you can get, as some
would put it, "drunk". I'm a little worried about
the alcohol endorsement. That wasn't a part of my original plan but apparently that's what people want. - Hey man, appreciate the offer. How about a Bible around
here I could read? - Get all the kids out of the room. Three, two, one, Jesus
Christ, sensor that. Technically, any copy of any game can be slightly altered to become the rarest version of that game. See, here, look. One of a kind. Something that really
makes you ask Nintendo: I'm getting hypothermia, can
you just release the Wii U now? No. All right, we got a lawn chair
for eating food rations in. We got a sleeping bag to
store food rations in. We have food rations
for eating food rations. If I run out of food
rations, I have fishing maps just in case, if gotta fish, I gotta fish. I have an emergency snake bite kit to Pokémon launch. Water pouch, I am
strictly anti-dehydration Got bug spray. It's gonna be outside. Camouflage so I can sneak
in front of the line without anybody noticing. I was gonna buy snow pants but I decided to only buy things
I would realistically use. Disney plus was created because Disney owns 29% of the world. The other 71% is water. Now what's the point of camping
out for a midnight release? There is none. The gunman gets Shelbied and
in return the cashier gives us a box. Thanks. No, it's a box the
origami killer sent him. Well, that's our cue to leave. And the whole game could have ended here. Now midnight releases
are normally reserved for the big boy games. Games that would draw a big crowd, games that you could put on your resume for waiting for it. So Call of Duty. I love Call of Duty Midnight launches. Actually this is a doctored photo. This is from the midnight after
Modern Warfare 3's launch. I've never intentionally dabbled in midnight releases for games before. I usually just go to the store after waking up in the morning. Which is weird because
I do midnight releases for pretty much everything
else in my life. I assumed Nintendo started
production of this thing because what else did they
have releasing in 2016? Jesus. Oh, dammit! - Why did you do that? - So then people are too
distracted by the punch thing, they don't realize it
looks like I pissed myself. - Hey Scott, the coffin just came. Where do you want it? - I already told you this
is a no-coffin dance! - Hey, I'm just throwing it out there, I called the police and asked them if it was illegal to give beer to kids without asking for their ID's. They're gonna be out
here in about 10 minutes. All right, homecoming's over, take your goodie bags. - This is just a copy of Premium Rush. - Get out. Well, I got questioned by the police. I yelled at everybody. Beer was everywhere. I got home at 4:00 AM
and I got (beep) soaked. It was the homecoming I
always wanted in high school. It looks like I have to
crawl on this broken glass. This was a bad day to wear cargo shorts. All right, Mario Party 5 has a demo. I get to pick the characters I play with. I like to choose strange
groups of characters. If you were invited to
a party and these were the only ones there, would you go? It turns out that Ethan's
ex-wife is telling the police she thinks Ethan's acting weird. Well, no (beep)! One son's dead, the other been kidnapped. She's saying how, since he's acting weird, he may be the origami killer. Hey all, Scott here. And I'm on a quest. A quest to find a Mario
Kart I grew up playing. This is gonna be harder than I thought. Hey all, Scott here. Can you imagine what life
is gonna be like in 2019? We'll have more air, no
more murder, immortality and two subscription services. So I was eating cereal this morning and it was (beep) dreadful,
thanks for asking. Hey all, Scott here. I wanna try a new thing every day. So today I'm gonna be self-conscious. Do I really have what it
takes to be a video game fan? Just to make sure nobody
has any doubts that I am. I went to the store. I bought this (beep) mug okay. I like video games, all right. Hey all, Scott here. (beep) Finally we have Teenage
Mutant Ninja Turtles. A big thank you to Konami for
putting this demo in here. Now I know for a fact I don't wanna buy Teenage
Mutant Ninja Turtles. You can get bonus items
for Fire Emblem on GBA. If you connect the little
guy to the GameCube with Fire Emblem in it. I don't own the game. And before you ask, you can't trick it into downloading the Adams
into Mario Party Advance. - All right we should just
call the police already. - We should just draw from a hat. Figure out who's the murderer. I'm getting real tired
trying to figure out who the murderer is. If somebody just wants to step up and be the murderer so we can
all go home, I'm all for it. - All right, Scott, Steel Wool. Rex, you're dead. Hey all, Scott here. Try before you buy. That's my motto. You can give a product a test run. And if you decide you don't want it shouldn't have to pay for it. I don't actually know
if I actually want this. Where's my receipt? - It's all about obtaining
a continuous flow of money. Regardless of the product offered. As an example, you buy one $20 digital movie
on the PlayStation store. First off, let me add to my
list of people I don't trust. And secondly, we saved the best for last, the final unlockable
character in Mario Kart DS. Rob. It's about (beep) time. Amazon prime video. So first off navigating
Amazon Prime on any device is a half baked slug of a time. And the selection is Netflix
and Hulu's table scraps. D All right, apple TV plus, you get a Y, for why? How do you prove you love video games? With a lawn chair and an open schedule. The Office. Became more popular than some religions in recent years. And you wanna know why? Because it was on Netflix. Then NBC said, we'll make
our own streaming service and put The Office on it, exclusively. Stop it. Dragging your hand
there's a bit of a delay. So everything feels like
it's almost in slow motion and you have to hold
your hand over an option for a few seconds to select something. Back with the Kinect originally came out, this was an effective way to make any casual gamer lose their mind. Yeah, you can get laid on the go. And as the game progresses,
we get more powerful gophers. Oh, we're (beep) Modern Retro gaming
merchandise is nothing new. If you've ever had a wedding
catered by Hot Topic, you know they've always been
into this kind of garbage. But nowadays you can easily
walk into a Walmart or Target and find all these little knick knacks based on games from yesteryear. And if Walmart or Target isn't your thing then Cracker Barrel will do. Come on, I'm a gamer,
I love Cracker Barrel. - Just like Wii Play, Wii Play Motion included something. Nintendo went for the gold,
jumped around any and all ways of making a profit on this. This is what we like to
call a big Wii Play moment. Now apple made apple TV plus because, I don't know, they were bored. - That's the self-destruct. - If we have to bail on the battlefield, - Oh my goodness! He's fixing to kill us! Whoa, hey, so you go that far, it ain't funny no more partner. - Jeez what Parker said.
Put your (beep) hands down. The (beep) you doing? (explosion) - Some people camp out for days ahead of time just to be the first in line. And I've always dreamed of
being one of those people. What the (beep) is this? That's just how a lot of
commercials are these days, lifestyle pieces. And that works well but I will always cherish
the more unique ads the ones that just stick in your mind. And I just got back from the doctor and they said that's not normal, it's a disease. It's reverse-alzheimers. (upbeat music) Well, I hope you enjoyed. Scott talks about game commercials. To pay, please send a check through one of the following methods. If you cannot send a single check, a check book will do. What will I do with all the money? That's tough to say I think I might buy out the economy. You can do stuff like that. Technically speaking,
IBM owns the weather. Now if I was a Star Wars
fan, I could imagine how that midnight release would go. Whoo. Tons of love poured into
the packaging and menus. These are great love letters
to fans of classic Nintendo. And then guess what happened in 2018? The rapture, this thing
was sort of old news. However, with the motion
plus accessory attached you couldn't fit the Wii Remote in a bun. So in 2010 Nintendo
introduced the Wii Remote Plus it was a Wii remote with
Wii motion plus built-in and thus is the exact
same size as a standard Wii remote. Now how do you get more people
to own a Wii remote plus? You bundle it in with
Fling Smash of course. You bundle it in with Wii
Play Motion of course. Mini arcade cabinets are everywhere. Seriously there's like
six something companies making fully playable
versions of arcade games. You can, geez, fit in your pocket. Hey, all Scott here. Could you imagine a world where
we play motion didn't exist? Hey, all Scott here. Can you imagine a world where
Wii Play Morion existed? Yeah, it's (beep) terrifying. I was wearing a polo. A developer was playing Brain Age and said, oh, Call of Duty. I mean, come on. It only made sense. Two screens, an X button. The DS was made for these games. Popping in an embarrassing
amount of batteries and turning this thing on were
greeted to son of a bitch. For pretty much all the My
Arcade releases I've come across. They aint using the original
arcade versions of these games. They're using the NES
versions of these games. Yeah. I'm pissed. Well, you know, things
are accidents do happen. What the (beep) it broke? Now I'm sure somebody must be saying "Well, Scott, that's just Pac-Man. You should try karate champ." Who the (beep) said that? Most people live their lives contently believing there to be no
true sequel to Wii Play. You hear that it's anarchy. Seems like every year
SNK tries putting out a new Neo Geo nostalgic grabber. And I am under the opinion
that "Neo Geo is cool and has it's place in video game history, but I'm tired of people acting like it's bigger than it really is." Before you get mad. Remember, I'm the guy who owns
Just Dance 2020 on the Wii. Do you really think my opinion matters? WII Sports Resort already did that. The entire point of that
game was to do that. People weren't necessarily begging for another mini game
collection showcasing the power of this thing, but maybe
they did something different and new enough with the technology to warrant this game's existence. Right? Take a guess. That's right. Wii plays back. I don't need other games. Now at this point, you may go, "Scott that's great. You
like gaming merchandise. Have you played any actual games recently? I bought a Roomba if that counts. Teeter Target's the only
game made by Nintendo. Could you imagine Arzest
asking Nintendo to develop Teeter targets. What the (beep) no. Look at the difficulty select. Each one is represented by this guy at different stages of chewing. You got to shift the Wii
remote back and forth to balance it all. Now, before you go- This isn't Wii Play. This
is a bunch of bull (beep). I don't know. They already
gave me what's the point. - [Disembodied Voice] Hey, Scott, let you know, man, just listen, sometimes you gotta do things
to make it all right, man. Regardless of how hard
they just make it be. - I don't know who the
(beep) that is but thanks. Listen guys, - That's Mister Guys to you. I'm sorry. I treated you all like you were worthless and
that's just not the case. Sure. I started doing this
to get out of bankruptcy but I realized there's so much more to this than just what benefits me. - Well we want to apologize also. We should be more grateful
for what we were given and we were way too harsh at first. And to be quite honest this copy of Kinect Adventures
really hits the spot. - Yeah. And I needed some
firewood and you know Skylanaders Superchargers is just that. - I didn't know what I was doing
on Tuesday, but now I know. - And DJ Hero 2 makes a pretty mean plate. - We know how much you went through to make all this for us so
we wanted to get you this. - Madden 08 on the Mac! - And this. - Madden 08 on the PSP! - And this. - The 08 Collection for the PC! - And this. - No, I'm good. Oh my God. I finally
have all the Madden 08s. - Scoot sounds like you did good man. - Vince Young! - You really did it keep
up the great work man. We all proud of you man. - Yes, of course. You're so much smaller
than I expected you to be. - Is he okay? - Might be dehydrated. I know just the trick. (gurgling) - My Arcade must have
been proud of this one. It's a big feature according to the box. Like most consumers flip their
(beep) when they see this. Whoa! Maybe there's a gas leak or something, maybe that's why everybody is dying. Thanks. I was talking Oh (beep) it was you. Take
off your mask. Who are you? (beep) I never would've guessed. - It's time you meet your end. Getting murdered is the least
of my concerns right now. Why did you do it? - Chet deserved it. He laundered I was too shy to mention that I was the one that killed him. So I find it'd be easier to kill everyone. - Really find homicides
and that's your reason? - Make that six. (scuffling) - You ever hear of the Madden curse? - Oh my foot. - I did it. I solved the mystery. I have seen a lot of murders in my day and all six of them were today. The guys are all getting treated
for murder at the hospital. They should all be fine. I'm pretty happy nothing
happened to me though. I have jury duty tomorrow,
which means I can't die if I don't show up, I'll go to prison. (upbeat outro music)
