...And So We Never Did That Again (r/AskReddit)

what is your best and so we never did better game story we don't throw things into the ceiling fan anymore it started with poker chips and jumped to cutlery why waiter quickly and now you have a friend named lefty jacking off with headphones in with my back facing the door it's like you wanted to get caught rented a mechanical bull for a Stampede party Calgary Alberta couldn't put it in the yard because it wasn't completely flat so we set it up on the parking pad at first dude riding it got thrown off missed the pads and flew into the alley landing on the concrete gravel and grazing pretty much everything I used to have a 93 Oldsmobile Cutlass Cyril I got when I was 20 and my grandmother passed away one day my friend and I were cruising around and we stopped in this parking lot and decided to try doing Reverse donuts since it was a front-wheel drive it's worth pointing out I'm 6 feet three and my friend is 5 feet six or seven I put the car in reverse cut the wheel and punch it we're on a slight slope the car whips around quickly and then just starts shuddering sideways and leaning really hard I look over and look up at my friend as his side of the car is way higher than mine now we just stare into each other's eyes for a brief few seconds that feel like eternity mouths open silently in terror as I let off the gas and the car stops shuddering sideways and writes itself I can't remember specifically what was said but it was something along the lines of well that was terrifying let's never freaking try that again a friend of mine and I were detonating homemade explosives for shoots and giggles in a field way north of the town of where we lived it was all pipe bombs we had fun blowing up random crap and examining the shrapnel and remains someone abandoned an entire Barbie place that in a house my friend was renting and we shot it up with pellet guns and blew it up we called it Beirut Bar be on time right after we were finished we had to climb this tall hill to get back to our car and right at the top of that hill was a police cruiser with just one cop inside he has this confused look on his face and asked did you guys hear a loud explosion come No okay and he left and my friend and I figured that was our good luck all used up we never did it again set treadmill speed to max then jump on it we once tried to carry the fire that was burning in the downstairs fireplace to the main floor fireplace in a large cardboard box we got it halfway up the stairs before the alarms went off we did manage to make it look like someone was trying to smoke ribs in the fireplace before Campus Safety got there but but we didn't ever try moving the fire again that was so dumb ten stroke ten rode a bike in the city while on acid with a friend most of the wave was fine I'm pretty sure what I do remember is this I got to a stoplight and forgot to run cliff fell over in the middle of a moderately trafficked Road I then had zero feet to help me stand up and my legs couldn't remember the lift twist pull action that requires an unclipping from the pedals so I was laying in the middle of the road doing what looks like trying to pedal a bike sideways somehow I survived and nobody called the cops about it do literally tripping on a bike so we never did acid and rode bikes again I once biked right into a lake on four grams of shrooms just freakin pedaled myself right in dunked my head left the bike and walked out back to land like I was a prehistoric tadpole evolving for the first time I ruined that bike but it was worth it drunk and roman candle fights at the cottage my friend was a couple centimeters away from losing an eye he got really grumpy for some reason and refused to stop for breakfast on the way home the next day so there's now a ban on fireworks at the cottage in fear of missing out on bacon and eggs and I guess losing an eye long sleeves gloves and paintball masks we call doing this playing Harry Potter and it's so much fun we were in a bar and talking about lovemaking when the all toy --bj talk came up after a few more drinks my wife and I went home and I was really disappointed to find out we were out oval toys I thought why not improvise so I found some Listerine patches they are a dissolving strip of Lister mint my wife proceeds to put em on my dong like paper mash it felt good for a minute until it didn't the night ended with my dong in the sink a set of perfectly rectangle red marks on my Wang and worst of all no BJ so we never did that again back when m-80s were legal my friends and I were building a fort out in the woods and there was a tree in the way so we strung up a bunch of m-80s around the trunk and ran away needless to say never again no idea how we didn't die I not we was waiting for a ride when I decided to balance on one of the cement posts that prevent cars from driving on the sidewalk near the entrance of a building I stuck the landing but unfortunately I was too badass to properly tie my skate shoes my foot slipped and that mortar hit the little soldiers dead-on overwhelmed by the worst pain I have ever experienced to this day I rolled over in the fetal position I did not see that coming but eventually I collected myself and stood up that's when I felt it like that first drop-off rain before a hurricane touches land I felt a trickle down my leg crap I opened my pants and examined mr. Johnson no damage done I checked out his at his pals and that's when I saw it my oysters had been shucked if there were ever a site that no man should have to see it is the site of his own testicle son scrotum I had torn a hole in my sack big enough to fit my thumb through end as I lost a lot of blood got a magnificent view of my left bull in all of its pale white glory I got three stitches and thank God no serious damage was done to my boys after three weeks and slew of painkillers I was fully up and running again so no I will never try to balance on a cement post again while drunken slightly stoned with a group of friends we decided to throw an empty 2l coke bottle lid screwed on into our campfire kid sat there for two seconds then exploded blew up half the camp fire sending red-hot debris flying everywhere singed a few leg hairs off and I fell backwards out of my camp chair never doing that again word of caution to anyone that reads this do not attempt to recreate this with a cannot beans living in an old sixteen hundred's mining town doesn't leave you with a lot of things to do me and my friends dealt with this by taking regular night drives to one of many abandoned industrial complexes in the area to break in and throw molotovs the heavy metal door was always bolted but with a bit of finesse it was easy to get it open a light violent tap to the hinges with a sledgehammer was all we needed now this place was run down all the windows were busted out holes in the walls broken glass metal and concrete's littered the floor a huge deep draining trench filled with sharp pieces of metal sticking out dangerously ran long covered right across the floor years of kids breaking in to rid themselves of frustration had left the place pretty much completely trashed we didn't help once inside we had it down to a science one of us would make a small fire for light one would prepare the bottles and one would tear old t-shirts into strips from there on it was easy grab a bottle fill it with gasoline add a strip of fabric get it soaked set the thing on fire and let it rape I tell you the sound of fire soaring through the sky the red trail burned into the retina the satisfying sound of glass breaking and the tell-tale whoosh of a fireball nothing is quite like it one day we had a great idea if we threw one of these into the ceiling rafters the fireball would surely spread out under the roof illuminating the floor in a glorious shade of red so we decided why not my friend had the strongest throwing arm so he got the owner Molotov ready arm cocked back and let it fly the second the bottle hit the roof and broke we realized our mistake we had forgotten about gravity broken glass and burning gasoline rain from the I and in an instant my friend was nothing but a burning silhouette let me tell you it looked awesome panic ensued jackets were removed stop drop and roll we smothered the flames quickly and he escaped with nothing more than a singe beard and a slight smell of gasoline it did however scare the living crap out of us and so we never did that again I mean we still threw Molotov sand did stupid crap up there that almost killed us we just never threw anything at the ceiling when I was a junior in high school one day me and my friends were bored and had the bright idea to get some habanero peppers and see if we could eat them I went first and ended up drinking half a gallon of milk eating half a loaf of bread and throwing it all up before the stinging went away and so we never bought habanero peppers again I was taking a dump at my school just minding my own business when some other person walked into the bathroom and sat down in the stall next to mine things were silent for a few minutes until I heard a whisper coming from the other stall hey do you like boobs what ah Oh Frick it fine I'll bite of course I heard a splash that sounded off then the guy left his stall good he said then you're gonna love this the pungent odor of crap that was always prevalent in school bathrooms got slightly stronger while he washed his hands and left I got finished with my business and opened the door to my stall and on the wall before me was a magnificently drawn pair of DD titties drawn in the tile with pure crap and then the principal walked in thankfully I was able to convince them that I didn't draw the art on the wall however I'm never taking a crap of school ever again plot twist your principal was the one setting you up threw a snowball across a road car came around the corner ended hit the windscreen car was a police car a buddy and I were pretty hammered one night and our wives were getting exasperated with us over a particularly long and drawn-out living room UFC match he has a black belt in something I don't even know I have no training of any kind so I mostly wrap him up and try not to get choked out he is slightly larger than me it's fun but I almost exclusively lose so I am getting brutalized in the making a bunch of noise so the wives say enough already stop being idiots fine I stand up to catch my breath and my pants are almost all the way down hey nice panties you're queer not being the shy type and with basically four of my closest friends I say you like IT and just drop my pants old away if I roles made a sound the wives would have deafened us I then pull my shirt up and give a flex that is roundly and deservedly laughed at my buddy rushes in and pretends to lay down a massive belly slap bring IT we are both crying laughing at this point my pants are around my ankles I lift my shirt up he lays an open hand slap on my gut that almost knocks the wind out of me I saw freaking stars is that IT baby pants another one this one brings me to Annie the wives quietly Google annulment options not to be outdone I am now two belly slap the crap out of him so I get my two shots in and he too is now crying laughing doubled over in pain we can pay hand marks mine hadn't even begun to go down you can see his wedding band in the hand mark I had a purple hand on my stomach for two freaking weeks two weeks every time I took my shirt off my poor wife would just give me this sort of hopeless it is impossible you are this stupid type odd look so we never did that again I once drank a whole bottle of Bailey's when I was about 14 somehow got home got to bed fell asleep was sick in my sleep in my bed woke up to a sort of whipped cream mountain of Bailey's and carrots the smell was horriffic so I ended up adding to the pile almost as soon as I woke up never regained bayless I made a mixer of all my friends dad spirits in the last thing I added was Bailey's it turned into a fetus I drank it anyway instant vomit had a few too many beers and decided I could stick the landing if I jump the entire flight of stairs probably 10 total landed and immediately fell over to one side woke up with two very sprained ankles drank most a bottle of tequila at 11:00 a.m. while camping ended up naked walking along a gravel road in the middle of Pennsylvania I got the strangest looks from people driving by I can't imagine why one time I tried anal with an ex gf and a watery crap jet landed in my balls and I almost vomited and so we never did it again yeah who comes out over there read a blog fourth of July playing around with those reloadable mortar tubes if you put two projectiles in a tube at a time it mostly works adding a third does not at least one of them will come out wonky and go off near ground level possibly after traveling distance normally safe for spectators in a random direction if you set off the projectile upside down you get a cool jet off flame and then a shower of sparks this place is undue stress on the tube the second one will blow out the base of the mortar not as bad as the first experiment at least we weren't invited back curiously the stated reason for not inviting us back was pouring gasoline on a pile of firecrackers and lighting it with a roman candle but that one seemed perfectly fine to me got quite a few but here is one of my favorites a friend and I were at his place mucking around as you do well we found a trapdoor spider nest a trapdoor spider builds a tunnel as a nest and as the name suggests they put a trapdoor over the top so we were using sticks and things to try to get her out but she would pop a leg or two out there lies what was happening then duck back out of sight my brilliant idea burn her out so we grabbed a can of wd-40 with the long hose on the nozzle tucked it into the nest and sprayed for ages then sprayed a fuse to about 50 centimeters away and got ready this was going to be fun so we lit it now the last thing I remember seeing before hearing an almighty bang on the fence behind me was a rather large angry burning arachnid flying past my head screaming the noise was so loud his parents came running we turned and saw 20 centimeter wide scorch mark with bits of legs still twitching stuck to the fence we got in big trouble off his mum but his dad looked kind of proud I ate a special brownie on a school trip in wahington DC I shared some with my friend he ended up passing out I wasn't so lucky it first hit me on the Metro where I proclaimed to my team that I'm the fastest woman alive while pretending to run in front of the windows we went to see a movie and I got an enormous popcorn race in S & M I see next thing I remember is stuffing my face and having the sudden realization that I'm in the balcony and scared of heights ended up crawling out of a movie theater and falling down some stairs before having the worst most extended panic attack of my life I refused to move for three hours and my entire class had to wait outside the movie theater for my dumb bar to simmer down I had to be carried back to the hotel so yeah no more brownies for me you sound like the kind of personality that shouldn't be doing drugs H second place taking acid at a house party my house party we didn't have a mortar for New Year's so we made one out of a pizza box my life flashed before my eyes when the firework didn't take off exploded about 20 feet away and the crackling aftereffect crackled right next to my ear meaning I was literally inches from being hit in the head with a white-hot report yeah we never did that crap again back in 2001 or 2002 my buddy and I were messing around with his camcorder driving around doing dumb crap and filming it no vandalism or anything just being idiots and annoying people at one point we drive past this couple walking their dogs at night I get the idea to suddenly stop right next to them film them and then just move on they were really confused and we laughed about it several minutes later we see another couple and beside to do the same thing only it's the same couple more confusion and more laughter then we call it a night I think it was the next day or a couple days later we're doing the same dumb crap with the camcorder and we see a couple walking around and decide to do the same thing you guessed it same freaking couple more confusion more laughter but a little more aggravation on their part and this is where we flicked up I said let's do that one more time at this point they're on a side road just around the corner we film them but the husband comes at us we garnet and laugh our asses off until we realize we're in a small part of the neighborhood that only has one exit and the couple are standing right by it we give it a minute and try to leave but they are not budging determined to do who knows what to us so we give it about 10 more minutes and they're still there and now there's a car blocking the road Frick we wait even longer and decide we can only just try to jump the curb and gun it past them we give that a shot but they maneuver too quickly we hit reverse end up hitting a bush and that's when the car blocking the road turns on the red and blues freakin undercover cop car fortunately we knew enough to know we hadn't actually broken the law save the bit with the bushes so we just calmly did what the cop said but first off which was put down the camera then he asked the driver my buddy to come over he asked him what we were doing and my buddy explained the whole situation the cop said something about doing that in times like these post 9-11 but he was good-natured enough to not arrest us or anything he did make my friend call his mom and tell her what happened which was a pretty hilarious conversation I've been stopped by a cop what why were you speeding no I was filming pedestrians w-what then he took our information down and said he'd be watching us and that was that so we don't film pedestrians anymore I tried to blow out a flaming metal marshmallow stick by bringing it up to my face and blowing it out it did not go out it made contact with my face my flesh melted what happened to your face marshmallows if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: Internet Is Fun

Views: 56,693

Rating: 4.8748651 out of 5

Keywords: #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, emkay, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub, askreddit school, r/askreddit how to, best of reddit, top post, comment awards, best stories

Id: g3QF0epyA-4

Length: 20min 0sec (1200 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 14 2019