Amos 'N' Andy - Hospitalization (1952)

[Music] to a lot of people 8 o'clock in the morning it's time for getting up getting dressed and going but to the kingfish 8 a.m is just a halfway mark and a good night's sleep at least that's the way it was till this morning [Applause] [Applause] answer the telephone telephone joy well answer the door then it ain't the door it's the alarm clock alarm clock that's what it is the reason you didn't recognize it because you ain't heard it in 15 years but what do you mean send that thing off this hour today scare on a man to death i'll be so jumpy holy i won't be able to hold a pool to you mark i made an appointment for you to see a man about a job now get up now wait a minute yeah oh you can't do that it's an invasion of privacy that's unconstitutional here's your pace that's a violation now get up and i'm telling you george stevens if you don't take this job you don't have to bother coming home tonight now you go see mr hanson the sales manager of this insurance company i think if there's one thing you can do it fail right and here's 20 cents car fair make sure you go straight to the insurance company well where do you think i'm going on 2010 honolulu so you see mr stevens our hospitalization policy is easy to sell because it is very much in demand yeah sound good all right but uh how much commission do i make ten percent in other words for every policy you sell for fifty dollars you keep five dollars and the company gets the forty five dollars now wait a minute here let's get this thing straight if i sell the apology for fifty dollars you get forty five dollars and i don't get my five that's i'm right thinking here now if i had my own insurance company i could keep the whole fifty dollar for myself could not mr hansen what are you talking about if i only sold policies to healthy people what ain't gonna have no accidents that would be a hundred percent profit for me just a minute mr stephens what are you getting at rick danson this is a wonderful country we living in i walked in here without a job and two minutes later i walk out president of my own insurance company good day huh [Music] yes hey gangbitch what's this sign i'll be with you in a minute andy uh sit down make yourself comfortable here [Applause] kingfish what's this multi-million dollar insurance company thing oh just what it's saying i've done multiplied myself up a few millionaires and we've organized the hospitalization insurance company ah wait i'll tell you more about it as soon as i finish making i'll need your claim check to our policy holder let's see the uh mr harry wingrow spring index finger 867 james montgomery two hundred and sixty four dollars and eighty two cents uh what happened to him wait let's see here oh he nicked himself by shaving over there oh ain't got an awful lot of money king well andy i know he padded it a little but we don't check no claims under a thousand dollars yeah okay as long as you're busy i'll go on out but wait a minute it just occurred to me that you might be indirected and taken out one of these hospitalization politics no i can't please i wouldn't be interested but now look handy the stevens hospitalization insurance company don't folks i use no high pressure methods to tell anybody now if our man says that he ain't interested we respect his word all i want to know i'm glad you asked me andy now there's some wonderful features about this y'all politics you is protected from all accidents even explosion and collision yeah what's the difference you did either way ain't you yeah but that makes a difference in the burial clause we know what to do with you now in a collision you will but in an explosion way easier but the only thing and that ain't the only feature that's your quality i mean you had my foot oh i'm sorry i didn't realize it now andy let me give you a typical case now suppose you was up in the empire state building say way up on the 79th floor as i all right and as you lean out the window you lose your balance and you fall from the 79th floor down down to the sidewalk what about it then my company will pay you fifteen dollars a week uh benefits technology they will huh yeah and another nice little feature of this particular accident the time of the payments don't start from the time you hit the sidewalk they start from the time that you leave the window all right money on the way down listen kingfish uh this sounds like a great policy but i just ain't interested i ain't never had no accident in my life but andy suppose you don't have no accident suppose you just get sick and need an operation if you take out one of our policies we pay all your hospital bills medicine and everything [Applause] what do you want lightning over the corner there i wonder could i get a place yeah lightning come on hurry on over there and get it and then get on out of here and now andy [Music] ain't gonna have no accidents or nothing oh me i guess nobody wants to buy hostilization they show us when they feeling good the only time a person wants to buy a policy is when they think they gonna be sick yeah i think you don't give me an idea i do i'm nothing smarter than i think i am [Applause] what you gonna do with that mr kingsley lightning do you remember the large brother who was taking his examination for x-ray technician uh yes well there's an x-ray trooper me when he was just practicing is that you mr king yeah that's me all right you look down there even the initial on my belt buckle come through uh [Applause] this could be anybody's x-ray even andrew h brown [Music] i tell you i ain't interested no hot civilization insurance look at it i wouldn't send you a policy if you baby i got more business than i can take care of and the only reason that i happy to see you i want to try out my new x-ray equipment x-ray equipment yeah i need my company's doing such a tremendous business that we ain't got time to send the prospects out to be x-rayed so from now on i'm gonna take of myself and you just want me to help you test this thing that's all andy well there ain't no arm in that i guess really let me come right on over into the x-ray department [Music] this is the x-ray machine yeah any uh this is one of the new small types uh like they used in the millionaires brothers uh clinic oh yeah now stand right over here son uh here i'll stand right there and you try the machine out just see how it works here the shoe is dark out there uh andy uh open your mouth so we can get a little more light down there thanks very much andy i'll just run into the dark room and develop the things it's really turned out beautiful andy uh this is the picture you yesterday yeah they all have been back soon only i had their logic [Applause] uh what's wrong kingfish oh nothing nothing at all andy uh i think nothing of it but on second thoughts are just teared up forget the whole thing hey what's going on here andy i don't know how to say this but since you as my best friend that's something i got to tell you to make the most of the next few months there's something wrong with me and you is my best friend and you gotta tell me what it is all right andy come over here and sit down on the couch let me help you [Applause] i don't know where to start at this look like a nine car wreck kingfish what is this down here at the bottom it looks like a belt buckle well anything that's a really old trouble and that ain't no belt buckle that's part of your anatomy yeah but what's that gs oh the gs oh yeah that stands for gold stonestone i thought you knew it when you had them things oh not all the time andy uh but tell me this do you eat uh many mashed potatoes yeah i eat a lot of them well that's the reason you didn't know you had the gallstones the mashed potatoes keep them from rattling well indeed i don't see no sense in going any further with the diagnosis uh just a good thing uh that i didn't send anyone their hospitalization policy you mean i can't get one up now oh no andy i can't do business with anybody discreet as you is listen kingfish you just gotta get me one of them policies cause if i gotta go i wanna go with the best of care i know that andy but uh these kingfish well as again the company's politician but as you as my best friend i'll kick in now that'll be 50 now let me help you up so you can get to your wallet oh [Applause] this is a serious thing amy look at that my gallstones were in a nine car wreck with some mashed potatoes i don't know what you told me but when i saw you this morning you feel like a million dollars yeah well that just goes to show how fast the plan can fall apart i'm going home and wait for the end oh wait a minute i don't know what's wrong with you but if you the second you act you ought to go see a doctor i think it's too late amos i feel like they're rigging up my motors already [Music] don't be silly there's a doctor about four blocks over come on hop in the cab i'll drive you over there myself well all right emma help me well i'll tell you mr brown i've given you a fairly thorough examination and frankly i can't find anything wrong with you well then doctor you ain't looking in the right places cause i was a sick man well i have no explanation for the way you feel but i admit there's a peculiar aspect in this case that i want to look into and on top of that i do want to make some additional tests so suppose you come back tomorrow morning and we'll go into this further if you don't mind doctor i'd rather go right to the hospital because i need a lot of medical care bad well actually there's no need if you're going to the hospital until we know more about your condition look doctor i was a bachelor and i ain't got no one to look after me and in the hospital i might have a chance to recover well i guess there's no harm in having a test made there and furthermore i'm very much concerned about this high state of nervousness you're in in fact it might be a lot more convenient if you did go to the hospital thank you doc thank you sir all right here's dr georgie now you can be real comfortable oh thank you honey oh thank you oh george i'm so proud of you earning 500 on the first day yeah honey you got a live wire for a husband all right i paid off the butcher the grocery store and some of the wins oh george is so wonderful having money come here yeah honey joyce there's one thing i don't understand you turned down that job with the insurance company that i sent you to but you're still in the entrance business yeah honey i made different arrangements and everything going to work out fine yeah i made arrangements where i'm going to make double the profits on each deal oh it's going to be great well george i certainly you get the telephone i got the hump soap hello who andy you'll have to talk louder where are you in a telephone booth no change than the hospital in the hospital that's nice hospital what are you doing down there i ain't here for testing examination i was a sick man kingfish i just called to tell you to start that insurance stuff but i'm gonna need a lot of money calhoun do you mean to say that i got to pay all of the bills well now kingfish as a bonafide personal consultant i'd say that you is responsible that boy can sue you oh me calhoun the thing that's killing me is andy ain't sick i scared him into it oh now kingfish they ain't a human being in their right mind gonna be in no hospital when they're feeling good why just don't make [Applause] uh uh uh where was we you were talking about anthony being sick he is but where is it oh yeah yeah yeah i remember now andy wouldn't be in no hospital if he wasn't really sick because ain't a man on the page of the earth would be laying in the hospital when he could be walking around outside after all even they're up there carol will you please keep your mind on the business at hand oh yeah yeah well now like i was telling you knowing how scared andy is adopted you can be sure he's good and sick if he upstairs in bed as a matter of fact anybody who didn't have to go to the hospital would be created to go there if it didn't [Music] what do you have to do to get in a place like this when you take your mind off the opposite gender and buckle down the end of my problem oh yeah yeah yeah well uh let's see here according to what you told me you scared andy into the hospital that's right well there you are you got your answer right there scam out of here well how are you gonna do it well i don't know kingfish with your normal common sense thinking and my speculating brilliant mind we ought to be able to come up with a pretty dirty idea yeah wait a minute kingfish i got it i've got it and i'll even help you put the thing across now here what we're gonna do first you go up there all right oh hi gangfish will how you feeling son i'm gonna be all right i guess i hope your insurance company ain't so at me for going to the hospital right after i took out one of the palaces oh don't be silly i didn't have them all the time we expected but the multi-million dollar insurance company takes their philosophical view of the whole thing yeah well that's good hell india i just dropped up here to go over a few little details about your confinement yeah oh you know our main concern is to protect the interest of our policyholder i want to see of this hospital is on the approved list uh olympic hospital she is on the approval it's all right yeah well i'm glad to hear that all right now andy uh who is your doctor uh dr joseph wilkins hey doctor let's see if he's on the approved list watson western wilson yeah here we are andy dr joseph wilkins uh is he approved kingfish yeah and then you show picked a good one uh better look at his background here academic work taken at usc medical course full year that ucla four years of surgery at c f h i heard about them other two but uh what is csh chicago slaughterhouse [Music] you mean i didn't pick myself a doctor that said it at a slaughterhouse we don't know what's wrong with that any doctor that's good enough for the long horns ought to be good enough for you yeah maybe you're right about that all right only thing is kingfish i have a little squeamish about having a cow doctor but andy look on the bright side now in case you got hoop my mouth disease he is the one man that will know how to locate it yeah you're right about that yeah and i'll get back to your doctor here uh [Applause] yeah and he ain't got nothing to worry about yeah he's an outstanding man he is huh yeah he graduated csh magna slaughter top man in his class uh hacking and sniping yeah well i'm glad i'm only here for a test and examination because it ain't never come to none of that hacking and slicing dr wilkins going to be there in about 15 minutes yes yeah oh callum well everything of all the well look who what's going on here well i come up to t andy he's sick now ain't that a coincidence i just got a job here in this hospital i'm assigned to dr wilkins and they tell me they gotta make some tests in here yeah that's right he gonna test me yeah i'm so glad somebody i know is gonna be around yeah i'll be with you all the time cause they tell me dr wilkins gotta make quite a few tests i don't know andy you'll get it as good as mine [Applause] andy english what you think this doctor gonna use all this stuff for well andy i don't know too much about it but just off hand i say gonna give you a metabolism test yeah oh be sensible andy do you know where your meter boat is no well neither do the doctor they're just gonna slash around until they're crying fish i didn't know it's gonna be nothing like this i thought all the doctor was gonna do was to make sorry andy we might have to tie you down what's up we ran out of ether if you hold this up there by his head really uh i guess you better make it six six they might want him to wear his durbin see you later and uh got to go see the carpenter now keegan dr wilkins i wonder what got into him doctor look like you done lost the patience i can't see for the world what made the boy act up like that must be the nervous type this preliminary test showed nothing wrong but i didn't want to speak to him about this x-ray you know this is not the x-ray of mr brown well y'all don't mean to tell me well if it ain't hidden i don't guess it's important it's very important i'd want to know whose x-ray this really is because this man has a bad case of gallstones that needs immediate surgery [Applause]

Channel: Reelblack One

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Id: ScSPGqLY6DM

Length: 25min 5sec (1505 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 04 2021