AITA For Using My Sisters Allergies Against Her [Reddit Relationships Advice]

hey guys check out our new channel for more edit relationship stories relationship hunt link in description enjoy the video am i the antagonist for kicking my entire family out at 1am on christmas eve after they showed up unannounced merry christmas everyone throw away bc i don't want family drama affiliated w my main account mayo context im 29 male my husband is 27 male and we have a two-year-old son i lost touch with my family in my early 20s after coming out they reached out right after my son was born talking about joy as a family and can we reconnect they want to be grandparents and all we've been very slowly building our relationship but they have no concept of boundaries so it's not been going so well that's a long ass story only reason they call slash visit now is to see baby and be salty to me they live five hours away and they ask me to visit for family christmas so they can see baby i said no we are in a pandemic df they said welcome we come over and see baby i said no that's the same thing they showed up anyway w no notice my mom dad sister bill brother sil their kids etc literally nine people their plan was to stay over and have baby spend christmas with his cousins to make memories we live in a three-bedroom house obviously [ __ ] know for many reasons they got here around 1am i immediately was like leave they said it's snowing outside it's night visibility as [ __ ] where will we go i said idc leave there was a whole fit they made husband cry woke baby up then baby cried talking about it's christmas eve hell it's already christmas now it's family you can't do this where will we go i kicked them out anyway i had to threaten to call the cops which i admit was dramatic baby was up until 5am after crying then dancing on our heads i haven't slept at all and guilt is setting in a bit because i keep thinking where would they have gone there's no hotels on christmas are there it was night it was snowing what if smth bad happened but a part of me is also mad as hell i keep going back and forth maybe it's cause i haven't slept at all edit forgot to add part of reason i feel so bad is because they had young kids with them and i don't like my family but i don't want something bad to happen to them might as well have sucked it up and kicked them out in the morning but then again idk ntawtf you can't spring up on someone like that especially during a goddamn pandemic that could not only put them in danger but your little baby who is still building up their immune system they kind of did it to themselves to come at 1am without getting permission to thank you yeah they tried to hold baby after he woke up wnom asks or anything i was like we not doing this good for you stick to your guns [Music] nta you feel bad about turning away the kids they brought because you're a compassionate person but that's why they brought little kids to your door at 1am so you'd have no choice but to let them in they use the kids to manipulate you you did the right thing the arrival time was also a deliberate manipulation tactic i'll give ops family this they aren't amateurs when it comes to manipulation this is pro level stuff i can't believe so many people went along with this plan is not the only adult in this family i can't believe so many people went along with this plan is not the only adult in this family can we talk about this nine people presumably four of which are adults thought this was a good idea on christmas [ __ ] eve to venture out at 8 p.m and show up unannounced at 1am at a relative's home wow so insanely delusional entitled selfish audacious and just wrong they deserved what they got i also hope that they were so delusional that they did not have a plan b in mind like a hotel reservation to fall back on and had to spend the rest of the night driving home completely deservedly is it possible that the op only spoke directly to one person op could have told them no and then that person told everyone else hey it's on we are totally welcome there might just be one super level manipulator here nta they clearly didn't care enough to respect you when you said no the first few times they asked and they just assumed that you have to let them stay if they just showed up your house isn't even big enough for that many people what were they expecting yeah i was refusing for at least an hour until i got mad mad they were like we'll stay in the guest room and living room i said what am i the antagonist for going to bed and leaving myself crying over christmas presents we are currently on a ski christmas trip with my husband's family his oldest sister is one of my best friends and i do try to be supportive but i feel like every time we are together as a family all of her teenage insecurities come out and it can be really exhausting she is divorced which is kind of a big deal in the family mill is very against divorce and phil's grew up with parents who hated each other but praises his mom for being strong and sticking with his dad adults always open presents on christmas eve and it is a huge deal my mill is the most meteor realistic person i've ever met so i do get why cell equates gifts to love like she does and i knew she was going to be the only person not getting gifts from her spouse except the youngest sill but she is only 19 and she is also mill's golden [ __ ] i made sure that i bought sil a couple nice gifts my husband went all out this year for me and mill always ends up with a ridiculous amount of stuff so i get why sil was disappointed mill literally made a [ __ ] comment about still didn't get any jewelry and it must suck being divorced mill phil and my husband went to bed right after and still was crying to me she wasn't even talking about the divorce but about how many presents everyone else got i tried to comfort her but she just kept going on about the ring her mom got and it isn't fair i finally told her that i can't listen to her cry about gifts and i went to bed obviously it is christmas today and she is still avoiding me she said i was judgey and is giving me the silent treatment [Music] esch yikes i guess this belongs in the wealthy people problems category christmas at aspen lol mmm california beautiful i'm actually not going to make any judgment i've been in many of the positions here i was the divorcee in a family that stuck out out even though they disrespect each other i knew what would happen because my mother made no secret that she thought my divorced aunt was flaky i got comments i got lame gifts in purpose it hurts to be excluded i've also been on the receiving end of a long sad monologue about how hard life is it's exhausting and if it's being articulated in a way that reads as greedy it's hard to take it seriously i lost someone i considered a close friend because my divorce inconvenienced her she wanted me to do a thing and i just couldn't and she was just so offended i have had a nasty mother-in-law and i know how to tension of having a just know in the room can turn conversations to fights because everyone is on edge i don't know maybe stop doing christmas with the nasty in-laws and see if you have more bandwidth for your close friend and her hour of need jesus i don't know what to say except i had no idea people behaved that way towards divorced folks and i'm so so sorry joke gifts to commemorate what was likely a painful experience how immature how cruel i will never understand people who stand on the backs of others to elevate themselves sounds like your family did it in knife shoes no divorce is a bad divorce you made the choice that was best for you and i pity anyone who thinks it's better to live in misery with some societal trophy than alone and in peace my parents divorce was brutal they were our souls in marriage and our souls in divorce but i never judge a person more being divorced it happens it's not the end of the world it's nothing to shame someone over i hope you are in a much happier place this family dynamic is toxic and you should probably not do this christmas with his family anymore ita in laws 2 for obvious reasons but you specifically in this case because you withdrew comfort and compassion from someone you claim to be close to you didn't need to sit there all night with her but you also didn't need to just get up and walk away while implying that her feelings over getting less presence are unimportant slash meteor realistic you know that her feelings towards gifts are tied to her views on love so sill was clearly upset because she felt she wasn't as loved as everyone else in the family not because she didn't get enough presents plus her own mother had literally just been cruel to her about not getting as many presents as her it makes complete sense that she would be hurt and crying about it afterward sorry not sorry but you were just a bad friend in this scenario and should apologize to your sill i agree with you and would only like to add this why should she talk about the divorce her ex doesn't play a role in her life anymore the problem she has is her family bullying her not her ex not being there to give gifts this is exactly what i was thinking when op said that like of course she's not bringing up the divorce she's upset because her mother bullies her about something that was painful to begin with getting a divorce and then being single for the holidays ita for the fact that you are considering her your best friend she is obviously mentally abused by her mother for years if you are her best friend you should get her to seek therapy or cut contact with people who are making her miserable and definitely not kicking her at christmas evenings for her toxic environment i'm not saying that you should spend entire night listening to her but you could be way nicer about it i would never let my friend cry over her abusive mother or at least never told her that i don't have time for her crying over something that seems stupid to me like gifts or clothes or whatever her mother made up am i the antagonist for using my sister's allergies against her so she would stop smoking around me so with the holiday season upon us i have been seeing a lot of my family and have been going to my parents house their house is on a few acres of property and they have two horses that i like to pet and feed while in there now here is where the problem comes in my sister likes call her lilly she smoker fats here call but i don't like being near it and she knows that but every time i go out to the horses she decides to follow me and start smoking right by me i've tried talking to her asking her to just tell me when she is going to smoke so i can avoid her i have pointed out to her that my father built a little smoking area on the property since my mother hates the smell but all the same it is always lily smoking next to me by the horses so i got fed up with days of this and decided to do something lily is allergic to dogs in the sense of watery puffy eyes and a sore throat ish surround them since lily moved out my parents got a dog a golden retriever great girl she's named venus so yesterday i went out to the horses to feed them and play them but this time i brought venus with me and when lily showed up to smoke she stood back asking me why venus was with me and that she's allergic i told her that i liked venus and wanted to play with her plus it would keep lily away then i pointed to the smoking area a bench with a wooden morning over it and told her she could use the smoking area if she didn't want to be around venus lily got mad cursing at me and my siblings took her side saying i could have just moved when she started to smoke but my parents took my side saying that there's a smoking area for a reason and that i did nothing wrong in my handling of this so now i'm here a few hours before i go back to my parents house for christmas dinner and want to ask am i the antagonist for using lilla's allergies to get her to stop smoking around me nta you tried asking politely for her stop smoking by you she ignored you so now changing tactics to force her to avoid you is about as low and confrontational as you can be here and you did it in a much less aggressive way than i would of if i had a situation like yours where i'd already asked multiple times i would just snatched the cigarette out of her hand and crushed it into the ground i would have probably told her she's disgusting and disrespectful to and been happy when she was upset and kept at her distance from me i know different smokers over the years and most are respectful of others who are bothered by smoke they smoke outside move away from others and make sure they are standing where the wind won't blow it towards others it's not difficult or time consuming so her sister was being a disrespectful bee banky at h second and smoke is bad both enough for humans but horses are pretty delicate creatures and hate bad smells this would be extremely unpleasant for them i'm assuming the horses are in a field rather than stabled but we're not mentioned smoking around the horses i was horrified the fire risk from the hay and straw makes it such a massive no no there's absolutely no smoking anywhere on any of the property at all the barns i've ridden at precisely because of the fire risk [Music] nta you asked nicely and she ignored you your parents have a designated area and she could just as easily gone there if she wanted to be with you she could have done it without smoking she was doing it on purpose to annoy opus she was pushing buttons op pushed back and she became a winnie [ __ ] oh most definitely she didn't expect op to use the dog to get her point across and she most definitely didn't expect the parents to agree with opus op you didn't the adult non-aggressive way after politely asking her to stop smoking around you and the horses definitely not the a-hole nta the way you carried this out was perfection it's petty but perfectly reasonable idk much about horses but she probably shouldn't be smoking around them anyways and if your parents went through the trouble of making a smoke space you sit she's being selfish usually stables are kinda small compared to the size of horses they can't even get away from the smell if it bothers them i hate secondhand smoke i assume the animals with larger noses than me do too nta it smells so [ __ ] awful i get so nauseous when i smell it i'm so glad smoking has been banned in so many public areas nowadays in the u s at least i would be so super pissed if someone ignored me if they kept following me after i asked them not to smoke around me omg i got off the plane in the dominican last winter i had never been and was treated almost immediately with a huge cloud of smoke i had a great time overall but lord the smoke everywhere i went made me unwell so accustomed to way less smoke in canada too that it blew my mind [Music] am i the antagonist for kicking my brother-in-law out and reporting my therapist let me explain even though i don't like to talk about it i male 25 was involved in an auto accident i was the one driving and lost my dad who was with me at the time i had untreated ptsd for nearly a year i couldn't speak about it to anyone my sister got me in therapy two months ago because she said that i needed it this is our first holidays without dad and i wasn't intending on doing anything this year but the family decided to come and spend time with me my aunt my cousin and her kids my sister and my brother-in-law and my mom my brother-in-law started bringing up the accident in detail exactly the way i'd describe it like he heard it from me the number of sessions i've attended so far brought up the name of my therapist and asked if he's the one i've been seeing then he started asking me how i'm doing slash if my therapy sessions are benefiting me or not slash and telling the exact time i got into therapy and then casually said that i shouldn't tell people that i feel responsibility for what happened implying that i told my therapist that i was taken aback i asked how he knew all that my sister said she didn't tell him and i didn't tell anyone my brother-in-law looked confused when he noticed how upset i was and said that it was a coincidence the therapist happens to be one of his friend's brother he snore one my therapist for five years and that's how he knew since his friend said my name sounded familiar i was shocked everyone was looking at me and my aunt started talking about me telling everyone about the accident i was so infuriated i found myself lashing out at my brother-in-law and he started talking about how i need to deal my anger issues disregarding that he told the entire family about my sessions after arguing with him and listening to him blaming me for how i reacted i ended up telling him to leave my sister sided with him then they both left my aunt defended him and said that i shouldn't have yelled at him and hurt my sister's feelings that he was just worried about me i was so mad especially when they all started guilt tripping me and berating me for what i did i sent my therapist an e mail telling him what happened after i couldn't get a hold of him and mentioned that i will be reporting him and file a complaint against him for disclosing information without my consent so far i haven't heard from him and what bothers me is that i'm not close with those people and hearing them gossip about me like that is not okay my brother-in-law has always been like this but it never occurred to me that he'd do this the family said i ruined dinner for them and that i overreacted and was lashing out at everyone for no reason i feel terrible nta i'm sorry this happened to you you're not the ass at all your therapist violated your confidentiality and that's a very serious thing report them and let them suffer the consequences focus on your betterment and it doesn't matter what others say you didn't ruin christmas i really hope you're able to find peace someday i know my brother-in-law he's always disrespecting my boundaries and to even think about him talking to people about personal stuff like that is incredibly infuriating and they tell me that i need to control my anger they're blaming me for how i reacted and they still have no idea that i'm now having an issue with my therapist i also have family like that so i keep minimal contact with them personally i believe your anger is justified i don't believe that emotion should be bottled up and suppressed feel what you need to feel what your therapist did was illegal and you probably signed contracts at the beginning on the sessions about confidentially contact the bosses there is one and the licensing place where the therapist is located if they did this w there's chances they did this with other clients as well notify your doctor and ask them to refer you to someone else after explaining the situation nta your therapist definitely should be reported and hopefully lose their license therapists should never be sharing their clients names much less going into detail about what the clients are sharing with them the people who ruined dinner rather people who decided to spend time with you and then did not stop your bill from deciding to share what is going on with your therapy to the rest of your family you rightfully wished that your privacy be valued but he couldn't be bothered to show you that respect the person who ruined dinner was your bill and everyone who sided with him you're right part of me believes he did it on purpose this isn't the first time he gets involved in personal matters and i'm not sure if he shared with other friends and how long they've been gossiping about what i've experienced i believe like you that he did it on purpose as well but please remember the person most to blame in this situation is your therapist if i'm understanding the timeline correctly your sister found you a therapist who just happened to be related to your bill's friend then the therapist mentioned your name to your bill's friend and this led to the therapist sharing a bunch of information about you with bill and bill sharing it with the rest of the people at dinner understand that there is a very very narrow set of circumstances where a therapist can ethically share the fact that you are their client not even mentioning anything about your therapy and someone being related to you isn't one of them unless you yourself have given written permission for that specific relative to be apprised you didn't do that if the therapist had not been disclosing there would not have been a problem yes and when the therapist is in a situation where they know they might interact with people who know you regularly they are supposed to refer you to someone else i had a psychiatrist declined to see me because my mom worked for the same hospital system and technically had access to my chart but it would have been electronically logged if she did look at it and could have gotten her fired i talked about a hobby of mine in therapy early on and my therapist immediately said i need to disclose to you that i also share that hobby and i'm also involved in some local hobbyist groups should we run into each other at any meetings or events i cannot acknowledge you unless you approach me first i don't want you to be offended and think i'm ignoring you i just want to protect your right to privacy and will not ever disclose how we know each other privacy is a big [ __ ] deal hipaa exists for a reason and ops therapist has blatantly violated it [Music] nta hipaa laws exist for a reason your therapist is an idiot and your bill is a terrible person how can you pry into someone's personal pain and then weaponize it in front of others honestly i can't fathom your pain up i hope you find a way to cope for this situation is totally unfair to you

Channel: Reddit Hunt

Views: 6,555

Rating: 4.932961 out of 5

Keywords: aita, askreddit, reddit aita, reddit open marriage, reddit, cheating reddit, reddit cheating wife, reddit cheating, aita update, reddit relationships, reddit update, reddit stories, reddit funny, reddit breakup stories, reddit confession, relationship STORIES, reddit family relationships, reddit relationship advice, relationship drama, break ups, reddit cheating girlfriend, reddit revenge, reddit creepy, reddit school, reddit relationship stories, tifu, reddit hunt

Id: lWjI9x75n8Q

Length: 23min 38sec (1418 seconds)

Published: Sat Dec 26 2020