AITA For Refusing To Go To My Brother's Wedding After He Told Me.. [Reddit Relationships Advice]-

hey guys check out our new channel for more addict relationship stories relationship hunt link in description enjoy the video am i the antagonist for kicking my friend out of my house even though she has nowhere else to go my boyfriend 30 male and i 28 f moved into a fairly large house together last year when all the covered things started getting out of hand we decided to open up our house to one of our friends 30 f and my bs cousin 19f the friend who moved in with us kate fake name lost her job before the pandemic and two months ago with the end of lease she couldn't afford a place to live my boyfriend and i have a common friend group that we knew since the college days around seven years kate joined this group two years ago when our friends informed us of her losing her house we decided hey we have free space come stay with us for a while until you can find a permanent solution we also covered the food expenses while she helped with the chores she accepted and moved in within a few days when she first moved in she was acting friendly with me but as time progressed she started becoming colder and colder towards me but was still friendly with my bf a month ago she started acting weird while we were watching netflix she started sitting in between my bf and me touching or hitting his arm lightly when she was laughing touching my bs neck or hair while saying good morning to his ear or trying to massage him constantly i didn't know what to do especially because my boyfriend was not saying anything at the time and i didn't want to be the crazy gf however he sat me down a week or so ago and told me he was extremely uncomfortable by the way kate was behaving let me tell you i was so relieved that i was not the only one who was thinking she was acting strange lol he said when him not around her behavior only increases and he didn't know what to do because he was scared of telling me this as he thought maybe he was overthinking it we decided to speak to her if she did it again and went to bed happy two days ago i drove to my parents house to visit them and help with their needs as they don't go out i got a text two hours into my visit from my bf asking me to come back home urgently when i returned everyone in the house was yelling and i was very confused lol when my bf saw me he said that he wanted to talk to kate about what she has been doing was making him uncomfortable and apparently she didn't take this well because she said she did this with everyone and when i took my bfs site more yelling and calling names happened we told her to get her things and get out i thought our friends would take our side when we told them about this but now the whole group is divided most of them said yes she was wrong if she was making us uncomfortable but that she is just a touchy person and we were [ __ ] for kicking her out in a pandemic when she had nowhere else to go to i trust my boyfriend very much as he has been nothing but an honest partner for the past five years he said he decided to talk to her because she kept caressing his arm and touching his thigh and he hated it so i wanted to ask am i the antagonist for kicking her out nta she is sensitive as code 4 she rocks the boat and everyone else needs to work extra hard to steady it don't steady the boat if they think you are jerks tell them they can take her in you deserve to not feel uncomfortable in your own home beyond that a core tenant of consent is that the behavior is unwelcome when told explicitly the offender needs to back the [ __ ] off not claim they did nothing wrong that is now nice guys behave and apparently kate does too we had a huge argument with the friends over this they thought as long as she apologized which she didn't because she didn't think she did anything wrong we shouldn't have kicked her out we talked to them before she moved in whether someone else can take her in but they all had valid and personal reasons on why they couldn't as far as i know noon offered so far either you now have a valid and personal reason why she can't stay as well don't let that excuse them they want her to stay with you because it is easier on them nta you're letting her live in your home for free and she decided to go home wrecker on you she wasn't respectful of your relationship it doesn't matter if you're a touchy person when someone says stop that makes me uncomfortable it needs to stop no questions asked i blame myself because of this a lot maybe if i acted more quickly this wouldn't happen i just didn't want to seem like a crazy person if i was wrong about her intentions but because of this my bf suffered and i'm so apologetic don't blame yourself use this as a learning experience and keep the lines of communication open in your relationship remember you're with each other for a reason trust him enough to trust your judgment and concerns nta a good friend and gracious guest slash rumored respects boundaries she was clearly trying to get between you and your bf literally who sits between spouses or people in relationships she had a place to stay rent free and she couldn't be respectful you tried to talk she freaked out and offered excuses for her behavior if your friends disagree with you kicking her out perhaps they could offer her a couch we talked to them about taking her in before she moved in with us all of them had personal and quite valid reasons why they couldn't and we had free space so we offered i know the ones that disagree with us are in touch with her but as far as i know none of them offered her a place yet yeah if they have a problem they can shut up and take her in not the a-hole nta saying she is like this with everyone sounds like bs she doesn't do it to you she was being flirty and making advances on your bf i looks like she has a crush and no respect for boundaries or consent and it was only going to be a matter of time before she tried to take advantage of him innocent ppl are usually apologetic guilty ppl throw tantrums and claim to be the victim because of the character count i couldn't add this but she and i were never really close to begin with because of clashing personalities i'm more of her 80 year old grandma on the inside and she is very live loud type of person i don't know if she had a crush but he developing feeling in two months seems a little weird to me so i questioned myself a lot lol wait so a guest in your house kept sexually harassing your partner and now your friends are saying you're an ass for then removing that person from his safe space as last resort to protect him from harassment how [ __ ] up are you friends definitely not the a-hole not something we expected from them tbh idk if they understand the story or not because they said if she apologizes then we shouldn't have kicked her out in a pandemic because she is a woman i don't think they see this as a big deal am i the antagonist for being honest with my nieces about the reality of my career success i just turned 41 i'm very successful in my career in a very male oriented field with all the expectations and stigma that entails i've been with my boyfriend for three years he's not interested in getting married and at this point that's fine everyone assumes this was my dream and that i'm happy but it couldn't be further from the truth i know there are women who live for this and want to be where i am and i applaud them for it it's just not me i wanted to be a wife and mother and have a just okay job or even just skills so that i could support me and my kids if something happened i was overjoyed to get married when i was 24 and the happiest day of my life was the birth of my son he died of cancer just after he turned one and my husband died a year later leaving me a widow just before my 2017 2078 birthday i've never been close to my family for reasons that have varied over the years i have friends but they got their own families and lives i had nothing except for my career i threw myself into work and found the ability to rise having a woman on their team looked good for pr and a woman that didn't have any pesky women things was their ideal i finally started dating my boyfriend and we aren't using protection but i'm well aware that the clock is at midnight he is close to his family especially his sister my boyfriend's sister who is sahm of five has been really pushing for a mentor to her two daughters four years and finally got her chance to push me into talking to them i've never wanted to because i'm not proud or happy of where or who i am so when i was finally pushed into speaking i told them this yes women can and should pursue whatever career they want but my success isn't because i had a dream and worked hard it's because my life was so empty and painful that i needed something else to think about i didn't want to be the high-powered career woman it's just what i had to do being a ceo not my job title means nothing to me their mother tried to steer the conversion by suggesting that i wouldn't give it all away now that i have it though but i didn't let her and clarified that i would give it all away to have a family of my own honestly if it would bring me my late husband and a healthy version of my son back i would quit my job tomorrow and forget the last 15 years now his entire family is mad at me for enforcing gender roles and making it seem like being rsahn which every woman in his family besides me are is the only way for a woman to be happy i wasn't saying that they asked for my experience and i gave it [Music] nta people shouldn't ask questions that they don't want honest answers to really sill should have just hired an actor if she wanted her daughters to hear specific things there are women around the world who are successful and famous yet have a loving family there's u.s new vice president election kamala harris new zealand's prime minister jacinda arden who are successful career-oriented women with happy families you seriously don't need an actor to motivate those little girls there are plenty of real-life women who motivate us every day op isn't it all wrong in here and is not the a-hole there's nothing wrong with being a rsahn there's nothing wrong with being a housewife there's nothing wrong with being a career woman there's nothing wrong with placing your family above your career there's nothing wrong with valuing your career that you worked so hard on your sill and the rest of bs family are being unjust you have every right to have your own opinion and it doesn't have to align with what image they have of your in their mind nta you still sound like a wonderful mentor in person because of your honesty and transparency but she can't push an agenda she wants on you nta this almost brought me to tears it's so sad and amazing at the same time i hope you do well and she honestly just wanted to put her voice through your body by pushing her agenda which is weird to me because she could have done that herself if she wanted instead of dropping out of college to marry a naval officer at 19 to have kids and travel with him perhaps feeling some regret about the life she chose at 19 and assuming something different would be better for her daughters grass always seems greener etc info how old are the girls i agree this is an important question in addition info how exactly did you phrase the response because being a career woman was not my personal dream is very different from being a career woman isn't fulfilling full stop nta sister asked for your experience and you explained it if anything i feel like it's insensitive of them to be mad at you honestly if it would bring me my late husband and a healthy version of my son back i would quit my job tomorrow and forget the last 15 years like are they really just going to ignore you said this and not check on you by instead being mad they either didn't know or didn't care that you lost family when they asked you to speak and that feels incredibly callous to me if i were to hear you say this my first thought would have been to apologize for making you explain at any rate comma i'm sorry for your loss i hope you're so's family learns to be more compassionate don't force your pain on these poor girls you could easily have been straightforward without being cruel if you legit couldn't then you should have kept your mouth shut it's hard enough out there they asked for her opinion on it and she told the truth into the talk with the daughters was not therapy time for you nta they demanded you speak so you spoke your truth they can deal with it some women want to focus more on family some want to focus more on work and there are a million variants in between those are all okay now that being said your clock may be at midnight but you're not dead if your happiness is not this and you definitely sound resigned to it then try what you can to change it maybe you need a different boyfriend maybe you could adopt or do a sperm donor i wish you luck ash why didn't you talk to your bf's sister honestly before you started into mentoring her daughters sure she was tough or pushing but yusun bagged her am i the antagonist for refusing to go to my brother's wedding after he told me not to bring my husband with me my f 29 brother soler 33 wedding is on sunday everyone helped with paying for the wedding except for me because i had other things to take care of my husband got into an accident that caused a severe spinal cord injury that left him wheelchair bond for two years now my brother got upset i didn't help with paying but then told me it was okay my brother doesn't have the best relationship with my husband and there were a lot of arguments between them in the past my family would visit regularly and my brother asked what my husband does since i work and take care of my husband and pay for things i never complained so i'm not sure why he'd say this he'd tell me he's concerned that life will pass me by if i stayed like this and enabling my husband's attitude my brother would complain whenever he asks me to do something for him and his fiance and i tell him i'm busy taking care of my husband at the time between therapy doctor's appointments and going out to buy stuff from the store two days ago my brother called me to tell me about sending an invitation and said that i i should leave my husband at home and come alone i was so mad at him i tried to find out why but he told me that it's just a few hours and that he found it unnecessary to burden myself with my husband and that i should get a break i told him that i will not be coming to his wedding after he told me this and immediately hung up on him he tried to call and basically said the same thing trying to convince me he then had his fiancee calling me she probably heard that i wasn't coming but i didn't answer her calls my mom spoke with me and complained that she was okay with me missing on family dinner celebrations but i should come to my brother's wedding since my relatives asked to see me this caused an argument between me and my family my husband knew eventually from all these phone calls i was receiving he remained quite all day which was unusual and he finally broke down at night and started crying saying that my brother probably didn't want him there because of being in a wheelchair i was so devastated and didn't know what to say i called my mom after that and told her i wasn't going to attend she went on about how i was trying to make my brother upset on his wedding day and how this will cause him hurt that he may not be able to forget in his lifetime my dad wants to visit to talk to me and i'm feeling so tired because of this so let me get this straight your brother is 33 and expected everyone to help pay for his wedding your spouse had a major traumatic event and he's expected to easily find employment he told you that your spouse is not welcome in the family begun at the a-hole for me today and a big old brother needs to grow up i don't know why he thinks i should pay but because my family never tells him no then i should do the same like i could see being concerned about a sibling in your position getting carry ivor's fatigue that is a thing that happens and a legit concern but that's not your brother's motivation getting pissed his sister isn't contributing financially to his wedding wtf and saying leave the husband at home and come celebrate with the family alone isn't the way to make sure you're getting some time to relax finding ways to take things off your plate going to the store for you offering to clean the house or pay for a cleaning service offering to help look interstate resources for aspired care offering to be on call so you can attend a support group or whatever without worrying about your husband those are ways to actually help and show concern not just leave him at home but leave him period because he's a burden his fiance better hope she never gets chronically ill or disabled nta he found it unnecessary to burden myself with my husband and that i should get a break eww that's a powerfully judgmental decision on his part someone should tell his soon-to-be wife what she can and can't expect from him i was thinking the same god forbid she even sprains her ankle you're crippled now see ya brother probably nta nta your brother doesn't seem to comprehend marriage vows specifically the in sickness part perhaps you should go to the wedding and explain it to him during the ceremony yes interrupt it at that part and explain how it applies to your marriage ask is he sure he's willing to do the same yet right upper if anyone here objects she should stand up and explain that the groom thinks helping your spouse in times of trouble and illness doesn't exist so sill should think long and hard on that i enjoy good revenge porn as much as the next person but this [ __ ] would not play out well i know what you are trying to say here but i'm not sure revenge porn is the right term [Music] tan at the a-hole not the a-hole your brother and the rest of your family by extension is being actively discriminatory about your husband because of his disability they seem okay with being exclusionary and dehumanizing toward him it sounds like you're too nice of a person to understand that's what they are doing stick with your husband what ours these people are absolutely and happy cake day colon close bracket am i the antagonist for inviting a guy friend to try an upscale restaurant with me because my boyfriend will only eat fine dining if in the one paying my boyfriend jake and i have been dating for a year he comes from a wealthy family while i don't and he is very particular about money early in our relationship he told me that we shouldn't give each other gifts that cost over 50 and he doesn't like dining in expensive restaurants because he says he doesn't want our relationship to be based on material things and we should focus on saving for the future i easily agreed because i'm not with him to be given expensive gifts or be wined and dined daily and i thought it was a great that he wanted to save for the future what i didn't expect is that he would never even ask me to have dinner in a nice restaurant it was either fast food a local place we always split the bill or for special celebrations he would cook for me himself and we'd have a meal in his apartment there's nothing wrong with that but even just on special occasions i wish we could go somewhere nice i get that fine dining is something jake is used to because of his family but it's not the norm for me so of course i'm excited to try an upscale restaurant once in a while he tells me that they're just overpriced and serves so little food anyway and the only times he has agreed to go with me are the times when i told him that i would foot the bill for both of us i had a tough week at work last week and i really wanted to treat myself this weekend so when i learned that an upscale restaurant i wanted to try just reopened i thought it was a great idea to have dinner there i'm not swimming in money right now because of unexpected expenses due to the pandemic so i'm not that excited to be paying for two since i know that jake wouldn't go if he had to pay for himself much less both of us so i asked my friend tom who i know also wants to try that restaurant if he wants to have dinner there and we can go dutch he said yes when i told jake that i was going to have dinner at that restaurant with tom he got angry and said i should've asked him i told him that i had no reason to believe that he would have a different answer for me because i've asked him to eat at nice restaurant six times in the past and he always says no the two times he has said yes were after i assured him that i would pay for both of us and i don't want to pay for two right now he told me that if i think 150 is too expensive to spend at a restaurant then why do i think that it's all right to spend 75 dollars he says i should just save that money anyway am i the [ __ ] jake's reasoning around money makes no sense i'm okay spending 20 on pizza but i think 40 is too much so should i just not have pizza at all i'm okay with keeping the thermostat at 68. and paying the electric bill that brings with the ack but i'm not okay with cooling the place to 63 so should i just never you sack you have a price point you don't want to exceed that's perfectly fair jake has been very consistent in not wanting to attend or pay for these meals it's fine to ask a friend to go instead now if jake's concern was it's a date and it's cheating and tom has a thing for you that might be different and worth a talk but jake seems to just be looking for a free ride and is mad you're catching on that while it's fine to agree to not spend over a certain amount that means there will be things you do to treat yourself that he doesn't benefit from he wanted no gifts over 50 so why is he making a stink that you won't spend 75 on his meal he has disparaged your interest he's absolutely treating you like a gold digger while pretty much behaving like one himself and he's now trying to dictate how you spend your money none of this is reasonable and healthy relationship behavior completely agree i also agree with your point that if he felt like it was inappropriate for her to have dinner with another man it would be worth the conversation but man can you imagine being in a relationship where you can't hang out with friends i always wonder why people let that kind of stuff go in relationships info is this what you want the rest of your life to look like because i guarantee you that once you reach the point in your relationship where you share finances with scrooge mcduck and he gets an actual legitimate say in how you spend money you will never get to do anything fun or frivolous with it again can confirm was in a relationship like this he'd buy a new guitar but i didn't purchase clothes or shoes for myself when needed four years bc it was unnecessary he flipped out when i opened my own bank account for the money i made and told him joined was for bills he ended the relationship over it i can also confirm i had a boyfriend who flipped out when i spent the equivalent of 120 on a winter coat for myself we were living somewhere with long cold winters so i would be using it literally every day then a couple of weeks later he arrived home with a new pair of sunglasses that he bought for 150 and he did not see the irony at all same guy would happily let me pay for meals when we went out until i would have to point out that i had paid the last four times don't you think it's your turn this time honey and once asked me to pay him back for a hotel stay that i had paid for it doesn't get any better with people like this i could never datumize her again not the a-hole nta first you guys have gotten past the point of him being concerned that your relationship is based on money it should be based on compromise and he's not doing any second are you too financially compatible third take your friend and don't feel bad about it first he's upset because you didn't ask him and then he's upset because you're not saving the money he doesn't get it both ways i don't even know how to answer that question to be honest i can be a bit of a free spender and one of the things i like about jake is that he's very prudent so i thought we would balance each other out now i'm not sure there is a big difference between him preventing you from making too many bad purchases and in pitching a fit because you're going out to eat with someone who isn't him and then trying to use money as a weapon once you point out the floor in his logic nta saving money is good expecting someone else to pay for your expensive meals is not your boyfriend is being ridiculous and you have every right to treat yourself to a good meal without having to pay for his meal as well

Channel: Reddit Hunt

Views: 14,889

Rating: 4.8959537 out of 5

Keywords: aita, askreddit, reddit aita, reddit open marriage, reddit, cheating reddit, reddit cheating wife, reddit cheating, aita update, reddit relationships, reddit update, reddit stories, reddit funny, reddit breakup stories, reddit confession, relationship STORIES, reddit family relationships, reddit relationship advice, relationship drama, break ups, reddit cheating girlfriend, reddit revenge, reddit creepy, reddit school, reddit relationship stories, tifu, reddit hunt

Id: tO1gd79Ph68

Length: 27min 1sec (1621 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 10 2020