AITA For Refusing To Cancel My Wedding Because Of My Sister? [Reddit Relationships Advice]

hey guys check out our new channel for more edit relationship stories relationship hunt link in description enjoy the video am i the antagonist for not being nice with an old teacher who allowed me to be bullied edited and for clarification when i was in 4 78 great i was so severely bullied that i became depressed and my family had to move to another town we were in a small town one school and only five kids in my grade level so moving was the only way to get away basically the school did all kinds of things to avoid addressing the problem until my family moved and let's call her rachel decided to bully a kid of a school board member then she was given appointment consequences i cannot even tell you some of the horrible things rachel did to me i literally have a ptsd diagnosis as a result of this bullying cut to present day i'm 22 now and while waiting in line to enter the grocery store to shop my old school principal pulls up six feet behind me she was apparently with an old friend so i tried to simply acknowledge her greeting and go back to looking at my phone she started bringing up to her friend how i used to be one of her students and turns to me and says you sure must feel lucky to have gone to school at name of school well let me tell ya i set the record straight and gave a highly abridged retelling of all the abusive crap that happened to me on her watch and how my family had to make financial sacrifices to move somewhere that their daughter wouldn't be abused by peers and neglected by people like her i think thank god you're not working with children anymore was in there somewhere am i the antagonist for losing my temper and embarrassing an old lady after all she was just trying to be friendly slash brag to her friend on the other hand i did not solicit this interaction and had some very valid points edit for clarification it was the principal not a friend who made the comment about me being lucky it was in the context of we had such great programs and activities so lucky for you nta bravo to you that woman knows what she did and she thought you'd still play the part of the good student more people need to hear the truth of how their behavior hurts others sad thing is she probably doesn't remember what she did and didn't care enough to remember why she knows opus i don't think she's feigning ignorance when boasting i think she was 100 genuine in thinking op was lucky precisely because she didn't care enough to remember rob being tormented nta honestly the goal of this woman someone definitely has rewritten history but you're not obligated to back up her delusions that must have felt so good i dream of having a moment like that with some of my ex teachers tbh i don't quite get why more people don't just call this kind of [ __ ] by the word liar when discussing such stories that old principle seems like a lie to me probably because it wasn't a lie the school had good programs and activities for students for most they probably do feel lucky to have gone there op is the one the bully targeted though so op is an outlier the principal isn't lying she's just callous and tactless nta holy crap that must have felt good after all these years nta the fact that she's older does not absolve her she brought it up after all good for you nta enjoy that freedom of standing up for yourself where a little you could not nta that must have felt great and props to you for having all the words nta you were just getting justice nta she said you were lucky to go there and you are simply correcting her that you were lucky to get away from there nta she doesn't get to [ __ ] the truth of her tenure the fact that you didn't say anything until she directly asked you is what makes this definite if not the a-hole if you had said it without being prompted i may have decided differently it comes down to don't ask questions you don't want to hear truthful answers to [Music] info just to clarify it was the ex-principal who said you must have felt lucky to have gone to the school and not the friend she was with it sounds that way from the post but who said it really matters if the old principal made the comment about you being lucky then not the a-hole she knew who you were and the comment would be deeply insensitive given that she knew you were bullied or worse insensitive because she forgot that you were bullied i think that level of rudeness justifies your indignant response but if it was the friend who made the comment about being lucky and all the principal did was say hello and point out that you used to be a student then i would probably reverse my judgment if it was said by the friend the comment sounds like the sort of problem awkward talk that occurs when you're talking to a stranger and since the friend would have had no idea what your school experience was it would be unfair to blow up at your old principle fair point stand by and i will post in clarification on the original post nta no my friend's daughter went through the same thing i would describe her teachers as spineless lazy and useless they did not deserve the positions or pay they received good for you and i hope you continue to heal and thrive as well nta i ran into an old high school teacher who violated one of my constitutional rights she tried to be friendly and i told her point blank to her face i didn't want to talk to her and if i knew back in high school what i know now i would have had my parents go to the school board it felt so good to finally tell her that she hurt me after sitting with that anger for 10 years i so wanted to go back to high school once i got to college and correct some things my teachers taught me that i knew sounded fishy at the time but i didn't have the facts to call them on it am i the antagonist for preferring to watch a movie with my younger daughter instead of my older my oldest daughter 23f has been moping around the house for the past eight months she finished her masters in june and had gotten a job in her field but that offer got cancelled because of covered in march so she had to move back home she then got another job in the summer but lost it after two months because the company a start-up went bankrupt so she's been working full-time at the grocery store and moping around my house being all depressed in the spare time she keeps talking about how screwed her generation is how it's the worst year of her life and how the world is on fire and it's getting exhausting this month is even worse because her boyfriend broke up with her she didn't tell me why but i'm assuming it's because he's also tired of her complaining all the time to be clear i'm a supportive dad i paid for her masters but i do not appreciate negative energy in my house and want to live in a positive and optimistic environment so we've had some clashes by contrast my younger daughter 14f is a positive and optimistic kid who's been making the best of the bad situation she looks for positives in everything and doesn't mind the hybrid in person slash online schooling it's no secret then that i prefer to spend time with her instead of my older daughter for the past week my older daughter has been suggesting we watch the movie contagion for family movie night she's been asking every day but my wife and i have been busy last night we finally decided to watch but my younger daughter said the movie doesn't look interesting to her and she won't watch it with us she wanted to watch 12 monkeys instead i told my older daughter that we should watch 12 monkeys then so everyone can watch together but she got offended and said she won't watch it with us i said that's fine by me i'd rather spend time with her sister anyways because she's not a sad draining mop maybe kind of mean but after eight months of the hell of having her in my house it just spilled over she was crying for the rest of the night in her room and my wife still won't speak to me for alienating her again i'm supportive i paid for her schooling and i keep telling her she just needs to chin up and accept the situation and look for the positives i just prefer to spend my time with the kid who doesn't drain my energy like a vampire am i the antagonist [Music] ita oldest is probably depressed she's had much more taken from her by the pandemic than your 14 year old chin up and accept the situation and look for the positives 14 year old still has her friends and is already in a position of being a dependent 23 year old was on her way to independence but has been continually screwed over by the pandemic losing not one but two career starting opportunities and being stuck working a minimum wage job when she worked hard to complete her masters she's been utterly robbed by this it's exhausting yes but what she's saying is pretty damn accurate from her perspective it's a lot easier when you've been given a few hurdles to jump through 14 yo instead of working your way to climb a mountain and getting shoved off halfway up 23 yo this is the comment i was looking for i feel like the assumption op is making is that the two have equal workload stresses from the pandemic and 23 yo is just being a grump about it all 14 yo has to do is go to class she logs into school from home her life has practically become easier but 23yo is fighting for a job and keeps losing from no fault of her own her life has been very negatively affected and on top of that she is receiving no support from her parents op has no reason to compare the two kids to each other their situations are nothing alike i'm surprised that 23 yo even asked to spend time with op and the fact that he used it to rub in her face that he likes younger sibling better is a gut bunch you're the a-hole opus i'm surprised that 23 yo even asked to spend time with op oh don't worry i'm sure she won't make that mistake again i do wonder how much op favors the younger daughter even in regular situations considering how quickly older daughters once went out the window when younger daughter wanted something different my guess is that this is a pattern of behavior and op does not even realize it or doesn't thinks it's justified it a man your daughter doesn't need financial support she needs a loving father to support her which you are clearly not doing my guess is that your older daughter is going to get out of the house as soon as possible and then cut contact with you [Music] eta your daughter is depressed and you elected to kick her while she's down yeah his definition of supportive seems to be centered on finances that's just a part of the parents support emotional support is essential and she should be seeking a therapist and or doctor to help her out ita hey now don't forget he told her to chin up if that's not being a supportive parent i don't know what is slash s just in case because this is the internet ita you have an interesting viewpoint of supportive when your oldest daughter doesn't visit you in the old folks home you can complain and ask why in case it isn't obvious you ignored her feelings and then made it very clear that her attempts to have family time were less valuable than your younger daughter's opinion i hope one day the older daughter says but dad i'm supporting you i'm paying for your nursing home i don't need to visit i hope she won't pay more than one dollar a month and then say this ita paying for her schooling doesn't give you credit in the bank in terms of support sounds like she needs some emotional support right now and you've made her feel bad instead his actions were so dismissive he managed to make me feel bad as well like wow his daughter is not wrong at all and my heart breaks for her that she lost two jobs in her field through no fault of her own all she wanted to do was watch a movie with her family and it was likely a big step for her to make that suggestion despite what's going on so happy she helps her mom at least this like this made me feel like i was going to cry am i the antagonist for refusing to cancel my wedding because of my sister so i 25 f and my fianc 23 male known each other since we are kids we dated for two years and we are very happy together the day he proposed to me was the happiest day of my life we intend to get married next year when the world is a little more normal the problem started at a family dinner when we announced to everyone that we are engaged my older brother and my younger sister who is also my best friend in the world were immediately excited and my sister came jumping with joy to congratulate me but my older sister was very upset she didn't accept the fact that i was going to get married first than she was my older sister pulled me aside and asked me to postpone the wedding until she could get married first she thinks that being the oldest she should get married first that me i said no that i wasn't going to do that because it wasn't fair to me or my fiance she doesn't even have a fianc and i don't want to have to wait until she finds someone spend time with that person be asked to marry get engaged get married so that i can get married my older sister started to cry and say that it would be very humiliating for her if i'm married first and that it would be like destroying her my parents and some uncles ran to comfort her my mom asked me if i couldn't postpone the wedding a little for my sister's sake i again denied it and said it was going to happen now my parents and many of my family members are bombarding me with messages and calls asking me to cancel the engagement and calling me an [ __ ] for refusing they say that if my fiance and i love each other so much we can wait a little longer the only ones who stayed with me were a few uncles my grandparents my brother and my younger sister i don't want to humiliate my sister or make her sad but i don't think it's fair what she's asking me am i the antagonist here nta your sister and parents are being ridiculous ignore them and have your wedding with or without them this 100 hate to say it but if all she cares about is getting married first and not celebrating your happiness best not invite her to the wedding if all she cares about is getting married first find someone out for a green card and have a good print up this off to vegas and boom she can also get the first c first unwanted pregnancy and divorce first being first doesn't mean being better amen to that my aunt rushed to vegas from the uk to marry before my mother her younger sister because she couldn't stand my mum being happy and married before her within two years she was divorced and my mum is happily married still first isn't always best plus her husband hit on me at my mother's wedding weeks after marrying my aunt wait so is this like a thing then my younger sister got married a couple of years ago and i literally cannot fathom feeling anything but happiness for them they're a great couple and i love her husband they recently bought land to build their forever home i guess your aunt and ops big sees would have me be less than thrilled about that too why should you have to wait why can't she wait this idea that the oldest should marry first is ridiculous life is short if you and your fiance are ready to get married make it happen you're not a bad person just because your sister hasn't found someone not the a-hole exactly not the a-hole the sister is a huge are your sister shouldn't be preventing you from happiness that makes her extremely selfish you should tell them that if they don't support having your wedding now then they don't need to be there since they aren't acting like family right now they are enabling your sister being a brat sorry that you think birth order might mean wedding order how far would you take this not having a child until she does not buy a house until she does not take a high paying job until she takes one that pays more you are not the a-hole be well and enjoy your future i agree with you slash i farted too how far will you be willing to let this go you do this once the sister will keep coming back and making you wait nta yep you won't be allowed to have a baby first buy a house first the list keeps going what a joke what if she never gets married then you must die an old woman unmarried what's next that you have to wait in line for sucks that she's upset but if she's an adult she'll get over it it's petty of her to ask you to waylay your own happiness on the off chance that back quote one day maybe never she'll get married i'm 40 and never married i'm also the eldest of three i would never think to ask my sister to wait for life to happen to me first cause it would be embarrassing and it's my right as the oldest my sister got married about 11 years ago and divorced three years ago she also had a baby at 16. imagine if i asked her to wait so stupid nta your sister and family are crazy is there some kind of cultural aspect that's driving this belief that she should be first or is she just thinking that as oldest she gets to have all the special events first even if you were to acquiesce to her demands what is next she tells you and fiance not to have a kid and that she gets to have the first grandchild i would make sure you password protect your plans going forward not allowing her to be alone with your dress etc maybe i have been on here too long but the stories of the crazy people resort to when they don't get what they think they should is astounding [Music] this is so weird you are 100 not the [ __ ] here and i'm so sorry that they have made this weird for you do not change your engagement slash wedding because of anyone else congrats and i hope you and your boo have a great life seriously don't even entertain this idea of postponing am i the antagonist for reporting my wife's cousin to his employer my wife's cousin is a sheriff's deputy in a southern u.s state he is in his mid 20s and i've known him for about a decade my wife and i live in a northern state so i don't see him very often usually just on christmas or thanksgiving i've never really had a problem with him but for as long as i've known him he has struck me as entitled and naive becoming a cop has been his dream since before i knew him and he's very proud of the fact that he achieved it since we live so far away from most of my wife's family there is a group chat with a lot of family members that people use to keep in touch over the last year or so my wife's cousin has a habit of posting videos and pictures of things related to his job that i disagree with some of these include body cam footage of arrests body cam footage of people in vulnerable or traumatic situations and plenty of videos of insensitive jokes from him and other police officers now i'm no expert on police matters but i'm pretty sure he shouldn't be sharing those things with people since it's not my family i've kept my mouth shut to the group but have told my wife privately that her cousin could probably get in trouble if he was found out for leaking these things to family members she said that her cousin is just very proud of being a cop and this is his way of looking for recognition and pats on the back because he has always needed to be praised a couple weekends ago he sent body cam footage of him and another officer mocking a person they were arresting for dui the things they said and the way they treated that man made me sick to my stomach it was like to them this guy was less than human they showed such a callous disregard for him as a person that for me it was the last straw i told my wife that since it was her family i was going to give her a chance to say something to her cousin otherwise i was going to contact his supervisor and let them know what he has been doing she called her cousin to talk with him but he literally laughed at her on the phone he said these people are criminals so why should he give a crap what they think about how they are treated after the call my wife came to me and said her cousin is an a-hole and that it's okay with her if i contacted his department so i looked up his department info created an anonymous email and sent over the whole collection of pictures and videos that the cousin never sent out after a couple back and forth emails from them asking questions about how i obtained those items they thanked me for the information and i didn't hear back from them a couple days later my wife's aunt cousin's mother blew up the group chat looking for whoever contacted the sheriff because her son was now on paid suspension and desk duty i told them all it was me that did it now my wife's entire family hates me and thinks i'm a huge a-hole but my wife and i feel we did the right thing nta these kinds of people are the reason people hate cops and it makes me sick to my stomach whenever people interact with these kinds of people they begin to think all law enforcement are like this i'm not sure what made me more mad his disgusting view of humans who make mistakes or the fact that he didn't even lose his job he just got moved to desk duty and gets a paid suspension i don't work in law enforcement but i could get fired for posting and clear footage and evidence of disrespectful behavior while on the job nta he was moved to a desk most likely as a formality while the investigation takes place this is normally done when any serious complaint is filed it's so that if the individual is found to be innocent then they have not fired four false allegations and if they are fired for cause they can't file a lawsuit for lack of investigation except cops rarely get properly punished or even fired for wrongdoing because of qualified immunity and whatever other bs things they have to protect them sadly qualified immunity is for civil cases here the deputy would have violated their employers policy and state slash federal privacy laws your wife's cousin requires constant reassurance for what a great job he's doing so he sends you videos and pics of people in vulnerable situations i don't buy it he sounds cruel and heartless his attitude is a perfect example of what's wrong with policing among many many other things not the a-hole i don't think he's necessarily cruel or heartless i think it's mostly just youthful ignorance and him trying to fit into a culture that was probably already toxic when he arrived it's very possible he just thought a lot of this behavior was normal because that's what he saw older vet cops doing i'm not saying it's right but that's a huge part of why police reform needs to happen it can't really be called youthful ignorance when he's in a position of power over people laughing and mocking people in custody is pretty cruel yeah youthful ignorance covers like showing up late all the time to your first job or partying too late at night and bothering your neighbors or getting taken in by a snake oil salesman and spending too much of your money on idk aromatherapy products being cruel as a character flaw being dumb doesn't make you mean nta i back quote m not normally one that's fond of involving someone's employer but these were actions taken while on the job so i feel it was appropriate plus i respect that you stood up and said back quote it was me when they asked who told my wife was already being accused by her aunt since she was one who called her cousin out on it but i spoke up and said it was me before my wife took any more blame than she already had i'd rather her family hate me than her even though a lot of them have taken sides against us over this if they can't see reprehensible behavior for what it is then they are equally part of the problem how would they feel if the person being discriminated against was them would they say it's just how police operate well they are white and live in the south so i don't think discrimination flows that way

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Keywords: aita, askreddit, reddit aita, reddit open marriage, reddit, cheating reddit, reddit cheating wife, reddit cheating, aita update, reddit relationships, reddit update, reddit stories, reddit funny, reddit breakup stories, reddit confession, relationship STORIES, reddit family relationships, reddit relationship advice, relationship drama, break ups, reddit cheating girlfriend, reddit revenge, reddit creepy, reddit school, reddit relationship stories, tifu, reddit hunt

Id: -d0Ve7YD67g

Length: 26min 8sec (1568 seconds)

Published: Fri Nov 20 2020