AITA For Not Letting My Boyfriends Family Move In With Us? [Reddit Relationships Advice]

hey guys check out our new channel for more edit relationship stories relationship hunt link in description enjoy the video am i the antagonist for splitting child support and gifts between all three of my children when my ex-husband and i first starting trying to have children he was diagnosed as being sterile so we used donor sperm to have a child a few years later he had to get a surgery for a testicular injury and it turns out that it was a misdiagnosis and he just had a form of obstructive as aspermia the surgery ended up fixing the problem and we ended up having two biological children after that he has since remarried and also has kids with his new wife after there were true children it was like a light switch his entire family who i thought were accepting started openly favoring his biological children he did too for our first child's sake i had to divorce him after things went from awkward to potentially dangerous i have primary custody my ex rarely takes our oldest though because they are not his kid i've tried fighting that and have failed i get child support and i've been able to split a good amount of it into savings accounts for them i split it equally but based on age so the two younger get the same amount and the oldest gets a bit more due to having less time to save up for them than the other two i also find it disgusting that gifts are only sent for the biological children so i take whatever the younger two are sent and divide by three i can't stand this favoritism all three kids are legally his he agreed to have our oldest by donor and they shouldn't be considered somehow not real or dirty because biological children also happened he and now my parents have found out about this and think i'm wrong because i should have expected this to happen and that most people value biology over anything else and that i don't understand because all of them are still my kids am i the antagonist nta your ex-husband is making me so angry i'm finding it difficult to be civil so i'm not going to say anything other than he sucks and so does anyone that agrees with him not just her ex but her own family how could they be okay with this not the a-hole this is really sad oh geez i missed the part where she said her own parents are defending the creep of an ex-husband that's horrible nta wow just wow what a crappy father and of course his family who raised him as well you're an awesome mom happy holidays to you and yours don't forget about her parents as well good lord and have mercy her parents as well info legally all three are his kids so he is paying child support for all three right yes but he and his family consider it to be like me sneaking in a fair child onto the order your ex is a crappy person and a crappy father good for you on divorcing his ass to protect your children ignore the rambling of his crazy family you're doing right by all of your children and doing what you can to not only care for them but also to reduce the buildup of resentment and problems between them that your ex's family are trying to establish nta you're a good mom nta you take care of your children because your ex doesn't nta he took on a parental role in your eldest life they are his kid he should be paying child support for all three if his name is on your eldest birth certificate then the courts will agree with you too nta when i read the title i thought you were spending the child support on a child born after the divorce or conceived through cheating edit i just re-read and realized you said they're all legally his shouldn't he already be paying for all three then so splitting shouldn't be an issue she's splitting up the gifts that get sent to the two younger kids so that the oldest gets something too i mentioned when i replied to someone else that as disappointing as it may be the gifts should only go to the intended person the gifts should be returned to cinder she should not be accepting them at all if he can't treat them equally nta your ex is a horrid person he should be ashamed just remember to empathize your love for all three together and separate instill in them the qualities of brotherhood and siblingness hopefully they are empathetic and don't mind sharing i the antagonist for putting my parents on a timeout i 42 male have two kids with my ex my son alex 17 male and daughter dawn 15 alex is a skateboarder and he plays hockey dawn used to dance but she absolutely hated it she had natural ability she was very good but she hated doing it my ex and i always had the rule that if the kids really hated something they just had to finish out whatever we paid for then they could quit my mother was a dancer and she really loved that dawn danced too so when dawn said she hated it i had her finish out the lessons we paid for then she stopped it caused a huge fight with my mother who felt we should have made her do it anyway my parents have treated dawn pretty passive aggressively since then they have had very limited contact with the kids since they can't treat her well the kids were with me last weekend normally i have them on christmas eve but i'm in healthcare and covering for a sick coworker so we celebrated them my dad dropped off gifts for the kids and each had one big box alex opened his first a new helmet games for his system and money dawn opened hers new ballet shoes new ballet wear and a children's coloring book and some off-brand crayons that's a dig at the fact she picked up art after she quit dance alex was furious and dawn tried not to look upset but she didn't quite manage it here's where i may be the [ __ ] alex called my parents on facetime and after thanking them for the gifts my mom smirked and asked if dawn liked her gifts i was about to tell her off but alex told them he was really disappointed that they were still so caught up in the fact dawn wouldn't do something she hated to appease them that they went out of their way to try and ruin her christmas with me my father demanded i get him in line and make him apologize but i told him they should apologize to dawn for their passive aggressive piss-poor behavior instead of throwing a fit they were called out i also said i didn't want to see or hear from them in a time in the foreseeable future and i was putting them on a timeout since they wanted to act like children both kids left the gifts here when they went back to their moms i don't think i'm wrong here but my brother is blowing up my phone telling me to stop being an enabling [ __ ] and demanding i make my kids apologize i blocked his number but honestly i'm tired of the crap as my friend also said alex should have just kept his mouth shut am i really tar here because i don't think i am you have raised a really good and articulated boy with a very good heart too he expressed very clearly what he thought stood up for his sister and didn't let your parents manipulate him with expensive gifts what a brave boy if your daughter is interested in art drop me a dm i'm a professional artist and have tons of things in double i could box a few and be her secret santa nta edit wow you guys it is christmas for me too i guess thanks a lot take care and be kind you just made my christmas so lovely to see random strangers random acts of kindness will now be donating to charity on behalf of the random reddit stranger who made my night take a poor woman's gold thanks a lot stranger nta at all you support your kids let them think about it for a while and hudos to alex for standing up [Music] nta your parents clearly can't respect your family's decision you and their mothers kids and you decide what's best for them this is actually the same thing my parents did we had to give the new hobby full effort and if we hate it we just had to finish out whatever lessons were paid for i think it's a fair system but that's besides the point it sounds like you two raised great kids the fact that your son was respectful to your parents while standing up for his sister is pretty amazing and your daughter trying to put on a brave face after receiving a fast of a present i think your parents need to apologize to you and the kids not the kids to your parents and maybe an extra holiday treat for the kiddus for handling this situation so maturely nta not the a-hole not the a-hole to the contrary you seem like a great dad you're protecting your daughter from terrible behavior and you're teaching your son good values of standing up for and in support of others kudos nta your son was great at standing up for his sister absolutely someone has obviously done a fine job raising a man nta honestly your son seems pretty awesome for standing up for his sister like that your parents should go suck a lemon agreed conditional love isn't love at all children and grandchildren don't exist so others can vicariously live their lives and fantasies through them sounds like you've raised great kids despite having [ __ ] parents yourself not the a-hole you should be extremely proud up one thousand percent not the a-hole and it's great that alex is sticking up for his sister keep your parents in time out as long as you need their behavior is that of a toddler and can be treated as such nta i applaud you and our ex for the way you've raised your kids your son is a stand-up young man and you should be beyond proud of him exactly what i was thinking alex saw how the gift hurt his sister and addresses it head on w his parents tough thing to do for a young person then he left the gift he loves behind for his sister's sake even tougher i think these two are going to be all right in life they support each other and know you support them good for you all you're not the a-hole the grandparents sure are huge ones though nta you're doing a great job that your parents want to act like children they can face the consequences of children please do not back down when faced with familial pressure it is so important that you show your kids you're willing to take a firm stance even if the effects are long lasting i the antagonist for not letting my boyfriend's family move in with us okay i've talked to some people and received conflicting views so i'm bringing it here my 30th and my bf 32 male have been together for four years we have two kids and one on the way his family barely speaks to him unless they want money or favors from him now me and my bfs relationship is great however his family mum step dad brother sill and their son have found themselves in a situation where they are losing their homes and want to move in i said no even though my bf wants to help and doesn't want them homeless background i have no problems with his family at all i love them a lot the problem is that they have lived with us before under similar circumstances we got a house and because of their situation they moved in it before we did mind you i had my second child and brought her home to that house a week after they moved in they never helped with bills although that was discussed prior they never cleaned they used our car refused to get jobs ate our food destroyed our new daughter's things etc they literally ran us into the ground financially and mentally when they did move out they took half of our stuff without permission it was very rough on me and my bfs relationship for a lot of reasons fast forward to now and we have a house that will be a little crowded once my new child gets here but other than that financially we are doing better they are guilt-tripping my bf to move in because we have the means to help them and they want to help with the grandkids but honestly i don't want a repeat of last time and i want my family to enjoy the new addition without the extra stress i've offered to help in any way we can again i do love them and will do almost anything shy of letting them move in it's causing some friction between us and his family and my bf is kind of stuck in the middle i don't want them homeless or struggling but man i just cannot do it again am i the antagonist edit just to clarify my bf agrees with me the problem for him is that they are relentless in their constant attacks of him and are literally holding any and everything against him to the point that he considered mainly so it could stop he loves his mom and brother and the thought of them homeless does freak him out a little the family came to me because they thought they could get in that way they are essentially making us both feel like [ __ ] for not allowing them to move in so close to christmas with no other options and enjoying christmas while they barely have food their words edit you guys are amazing thank you for your input seriously i try to help people as much as i can but you guys have totally validated my decision thank you nta you tried this before and they abused your generosity you don't need to try this again this is something you need to agree on with your bf it can cause a major relationship problem if it goes untreated right or wrong think about how much you want to fight this [Music] nta you have been down this road and have no desire to do it again bf needs to get out of the middle and get on your side particularly if they literally stole from you and did not honor the agreements last time it sounds like a traumatic experience the first time around you could say you didn't know how it would be but now now you know this the freeloader stole from you what's even the question here for the bf he's outside his mind you know better so do better this means saying a hard no and reconsidering your bf as a partner if he is even entertaining the idea op is not the a-hole the op has only been with bf for four years how can they even be thinking about letting the family do it again the damage isn't off the ops credit report yet yikes i know this will be unpopular and downvoted to oblivion but if this household has four physically capable adults and between the four of them is repeatedly unable to pay for basic shelter there is a bigger issue money mismanagement addiction laziness poor planning whatever this issue is something major is behind these bouts of homelessness and since apparently none of them has identified or addressed it it's unlikely to get better in the near future yes there is a pandemic causing huge unemployment which makes things much harder for everybody but again between four adults there should be at least one of them who can find some sort of income from some source you've already tried helping them by letting them move in so you know exactly what it will be like they will not clean contribute or take care of your things adding only chaos to your house you can't solve their issue for them you can only sort of help them at great cost to yourself and to your children is this what you want your children to see and learn nta if you don't let them move in see that was my thoughts too we tried lending money doing everything we could they're honestly kind of lazy and feel that since we have money and decent jobs we should be helping them that's the issue my bf faces is their constant picking at him and using their love against him because he's not providing for them in their time of need i honestly feel so bad for him because they are relentless which is the only reason he even kind of considered it thank you for this i felt so guilty they've been manipulating you both look at how you phrased it they're in a situation where they are losing their homes no their homes did not fall into a sinkhole or burned down four adults were somehow unable between the four of them at a time when there's an eviction moratorium to remain housed you cannot and should not rescue people who can rescue themselves i agree i think my major problem in all of this is that i have a hard time seeing people struggle and try to believe in second chances and that's something i'm working on personally it's easy to play on my hard strings and they know that i'm sticking to my know for sure but i think by even letting them make me feel bad and already inserting strain into my family is my fault if i'm being honest one thing you can do to help them not that i think this will work but you may feel better is try to help them help themselves offer to find financial counseling for them slash rent and utility assistant food banks things like that offer to help them make budget offer to help them with job leads offer to pay them for doing odd jobs for you i would bet my first born they turn this all down and are outraged because they seem to think they are entitled to your money but maybe they will surprise us also you and your husband need to remember that you have children to whom you are obligated every penny you send to able-bodied adults who should support themselves is money you are not saving for your children's future or for an emergency fund for your family in case you fall on hard times or for unforeseen medical expenses or other life challenge or for your own retirement so that you do not become a burden on your children edit not the a-hole nta given your previous experience i don't even know why your bf is asking you to entertain this ridiculous idea does he want his parents to steal from his children again remember you will not be making anyone homeless they made themselves homeless through poor decision making you won't be doing anything to them they did it to themselves letting them move in won't solve anything making them feel the consequences of their actions is the only way if you're feeling kind pay 99 for them to go through dave ramsey's financial peace university and get yourself a book on boundaries am i the antagonist for yelling at my girlfriend and storming out after she ate food off my plate reposted because first one got deleted i know this sounds awful but please hear me out i 28 male had a pretty rough childhood grew up dirt poor and raised by a single mom with an older brother always being hungry and not having enough food was a constant of my childhood i can't count the number of times i didn't have enough money for lunch at school and would have to sit there hungry in hope that a friend would give me their leftovers my older brother was a bully growing up when mom wasn't looking ahead take food off my plate because he was even more hungry than i was my bro and i are very cool now and he has apologized profusely for doing that so i grew up very scrawny and hungry all the time but was lucky to get into college on scholarship and majored in mechanical engineering and now have a good paying job i guess compensating for my childhood i'm now obsessive about food cooking bodybuilding weight training etc i think i'm well adjusted and i credit my childhood for making me resilient and tough but my one weird quirk is i can absolutely not stand it when people take food off my plate in like a territorial dog with his bowl of chow as such whenever i cook i always make double so there's always leftovers and i'll never worry about anyone i'm feeding not having enough anyway i've been dating my gf 27f for three years now living together for one she has some idea of my childhood but i don't like to dwell on the past early on in our relationship we were at a restaurant and she took some fries off my plate and i just sort of laughed and said hey i know this is weird but please don't do that in order more fries if you want some she knows this is a quirk of mine a few days ago we had a couple friends over for dinner outside we all wfh at this point and fear our only bubble friends we see and same with them we were talking about quirks our partners have in my gf a little tipsy joked about how i hate it when people eat food off my plate to emphasize her point she scooped a bit of mashed potatoes off my plate i was like haha yeah i don't like that and then she did it again had her babe seriously please don't do that there's more mashed potatoes inside a few minutes later she did it again i reiterated i wasn't done with my plate and that she could get some more inside but i don't want to go inside she said and then took another bite off my plate this made her and our friends laugh that made me lose it i felt disrespected i said it's not [ __ ] funny and stormed off and went inside our friends were understandably weirded out and left shortly thereafter were now barely talking now and she is beyond pissed for embarrassing her emit a total loss and feel terrible for making a scene but at the same time this is just the one thing that drives me crazy and the fact that my gf hasn't apologized either isn't helping so am i the antagonist nta she knew something about you that really bothered you and then she decided to use that to entertain her friends disregarding your feelings they are laughing at the expense of ops misery and triggers which quite frankly isn't right in any cases not the a-hole exactly i agree up your title does make it sound like you might be the r but when you explain it all not the a-hole opus that's totally inappropriate the fact that she think it's funny to pick on you like that is so gross and immature couldn't agree more honestly the title wording is a bit dodgy but when you read what op has wrote you realize how sick this is because it's like his girlfriend has done this back quote look at what my boyfriend does when you take food off his plate wait for it there's the reaction nta you established a boundary and she broke it i would perhaps had a sit down talk with her before it escalated this far or went into a bit more detail like han i grew up poor and it's a trigger for me but she still broke a boundary you might want to take a look at counseling working out the body is all fine and good but the mind also needs to heal from your childhood i agree that you are not the a-hole she was taunting you for her friend's entertainment and that's not cool i would say that a good trauma counselor could help you with that past trauma i know you don't want to dwell on the past but it lives in your body as stress when you are triggered by someone eating off your plate your brain takes the more established pathway of going into a survival fight or flight mode this releases stress hormones and leads to bad health outcomes with some work you can break that pathway and really leave the past in the past agreeing with the above and adding therapy is not to fix your trauma response so that you don't make other people feel awkward therapy is to help you deal with the underlying issues so you can live the rest of your life less burdened it is 100 fine to not be okay with people eating off your plate and it's also an opportunity to look into healing old wounds if you choose thank you for saying this nta you have a trauma trigger and she needs to never never try to trigger it for any reason this is such a specific trigger that there is no reason why she would ever need to do this besides being an [ __ ] you need to have a very frank serious discussion with her about your boundaries and that even if she doesn't think it is a big deal she needs to never do something like this again she had no idea it was a trigger though he described it as a quirk to her it's normal to tease your partner over their quirks she can't read his mind if he wants her to treat it seriously he needs to treat it seriously and tell her what's going on not laugh it off one second and storm off in a rage the next victim blaming 101 but let's take a deeper look into your logic let's take the trigger quirk aside he asked her multiple times to stop and she didn't either way you break it down there's a clear lack of respect exactly even if it is a quirk he asked her to stop multiple times so she should've stopped end of story

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Views: 8,952

Rating: 4.92278 out of 5

Keywords: aita, askreddit, reddit aita, reddit open marriage, reddit, cheating reddit, reddit cheating wife, reddit cheating, aita update, reddit relationships, reddit update, reddit stories, reddit funny, reddit breakup stories, reddit confession, relationship STORIES, reddit family relationships, reddit relationship advice, relationship drama, break ups, reddit cheating girlfriend, reddit revenge, reddit creepy, reddit school, reddit relationship stories, tifu, reddit hunt

Id: o3Nee71mBko

Length: 26min 11sec (1571 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 25 2020