AITA For Refusing To Move In With BF If Im Not Allowed To Bring My Cat [Reddit Relationships Advice]

hey guys check out our new channel for more edit relationship stories relationship hunt link in description enjoy the video am i the antagonist for letting my kids call my late wife's parents their grandparents throw away because ppl know my mane my wife f passed away suddenly seven years ago while she was pregnant with our first child was obviously completely devastating we had been together for six years plus close friends for another five before that so i was pretty close with her family after she died my mill told me that no matter what happened they'd always consider me family and would always be there for me if i needed anything three years after her death i ended up fostering twin siblings as a single parent who i have since adopted they were free at the time as a first-time parent my mom helped me out as did f's parents it started off pretty small with them just coming by to drop off food and small gifts but eventually they really ended up bonding with the kids so much so that i decided they may as well be honorary grandparents to the kids as i only have my mom and i thought the more people in their life who care about them the better they've honestly been amazing grandparents to the kids and my kids really love them anyway about two years after i got the kids i met my current girlfriend l currently 33f recently after two years of dating i asked her to move in with me and she moved in two weeks ago i love her and she's great with the kids however the kids birthday was this week and f's pair and stopped by to drop off presents for the kids and wish them which was the first time she met them afterwards he told me she thought it was inappropriate for me to make the kids call them grandma and grandpa and that it showed that i was clearly still not over f and that i saw her as their mom and what else could be the reason i treated her parents like their grandparents she said that the attachment i had with f's family was unhealthy and i was pretending like she was still my wife and the mother of my kids and it was bad and confusing for the kids and that it makes it difficult for her to connect with them and see herself as a parent to them because this makes her feel inadequate and likes competing with f over kids f never even met i don't really see how it's unhealthy or confusing as i rarely talk about f to them least of all treating her as their mother they have got to the age where thieve asked question about how i slash they are related to their grandparents and i just tell them that we chose them to be part of our family like how i chose them to be my kids at this point my ex-in-laws have been part of my kid's life for four years and i feel like it would be more damaging to try and cut them out now but i can kind of see where she's coming from and i don't want to sabotage the bond with the kids either as they'd become very close idk was i the [ __ ] for letting them be grandparents to them and for refusing to stop it now and not even at least slowly distancing the kids from them as l suggests i could try to do nta but your girlfriend is there is absolutely nothing wrong with anything you've done she's being manipulating and selfish your kids love them and they love your kids do not let her step in and ruin yours and yours kids relationship with your ex in laws i say lose the girlfriend unless she apologizes agree about the apology and her bond with the kids won't be impacted by the grandparents however her need to play mind games and her insecurity will ruin any relationship including with you and your kids op has a great family situation going on where everyone benefits girlfriend is selfish and insecure and she's only just starting fancy pulling that crap the first time you meet someone grandparents were probably happy op was moving to another chapter in his life absolutely if you consider it from a position of what's best for the kids nobody would be anything but thrilled these kids have grandparent figures that adore them girlfriend is selfish not the a-hole op nta how is this any different than if they were actually your biological children and your in-laws were actually their grandparents what ugf is saying makes no sense at all she's just using it as a reason to alienate your late wife's parents she can connect with the kids in her own way that has nothing to do with either your late wife or her grandparents that was kind of what i was thinking but at the same time biological connection isn't irrelevant it would be very weird if for example i actually did tell my adoptive kids that this person that they've never met and had no connection to them was their mom and expect them to see her as such whereas it would be different if she were actually their birth mom i'm also adopted and i've never met my bio mom but she is somewhat more significant to me than any random woman i've never met and i'm not related to it now not sure if this makes sense it's all a little confusing for me rn [Music] nta enough people have explained why gf's out of line here that i don't need to instead i will say that you have a responsibility to protect your children either by making sure gf straightens up her act or by getting rid of her fail to do so and you backslash backslash will be the [ __ ] i have already told her i'm not willing to cut off their grandparents i guess i just wanted to make sure i wasn't the [ __ ] for doing so as i could kind of see where she's coming from and i also didn't want my kids to lose her either but you and the other comments have reassured me that i'm right to make this a hard line in the sand you are the opposite of an [ __ ] you provided a solid family thought to children who had nothing they got a parent and grandparents who love them daily even if they are not related by blood she's insecure but that's something she has to work on without destroying what you and the kids have there's space enough for a mother without turning it into a competition nta i'm sorry to say it but your gf sounds like a horrible insecure nightmare person she's trying to pathologize your loving relationship with your in-laws because she's jealous the fact that she waited to move in to express her creepy selfish opinions makes it worse and she's so incredibly self-involved that she wants to separate your children from their grandparents how utterly vile am i the antagonist for planning on leaving my sister with downs in a care home background i 36 f i'm happily married with three kids four two and three months i have a younger brother 34 who is engaged and very recently went through f2 male transition surgery i was very supportive of him during this time and have helped during recovery where i could considering i have a newborn we are very close and he lives only five minutes away from me we have a younger sister anne 24 24f who has down syndrome neither my brother or i were ever close to her because of the age gap she has a fairly severe case where she essentially cannot look after herself our parents have also not helped by declining to put her in special classes get her therapy or do anything else choosing instead to baby her and blame everything she does wrong like smashing our mum's expensive vases on her having ds the problem is that our dad 62 passed away from the virus our mum 58 has reached out to us she lives six hours away asking us both to contact her to arrange who would look after anne if anything happens to her she has been a lifelong heavy smoker and has done radiation and chemotherapy in the last three years basically my brother has said he wants nothing to do with mum or and because mum refused to even consider his transition and still refers to him as she and dead name because she said the change would be too much for him to cope with as a result my brother had been nc with them for the last seven years i don't feel as strongly about mum as my brother does but i'm still very disappointed over everything and additionally i work part-time and have three small children and my husband works full-time i know how much karen needs and i just don't think she would get it here and i don't want her wild moods and tantrums around my kids i told mum all this and she basically accused me of favoritism because of how i've helped my brother since his surgery a month ago she then tried to threaten me with the family inheritance saying that if i didn't take and then she would leave nothing to my brother or i i said go ahead the inheritance would probably cover the cost of a care home for anne for the rest of her life she got very upset with me and hung up and is now sending me awful emails i feel like such a shitty person tbh even though we aren't close and is still my sister and i feel like i'm failing her am i the antagonist here nta it sounds like and might benefit from a care home to help her learn some skills your mother hasn't taught her if she smashes vases i'd be worried how she would be around small children definitely would need constant supervision it's okay for you and your brother to want independent lives without having to provide daily care for a disabled adult i have a child who will likely not be able to live independently i try very hard to teach him self-care skills i do not expect his siblings to house him i hope they care for him in the sense of checking on him and visiting him should he end up in a care home but just expecting them to provide his daily care is too much they have the right to have their lives how they choose whether that includes their brother or not asking us both to contact her to arrange who would look after anne if anything send links to suitable facilities and tell her to pick one because that will be the arrangement there's no discussion and no argument that arrangement is all that's on the table the point is would the mum choose what's best for allah amongst the facilities since she didn't put her in special classes etc i'd leave the choice to op that seems to care more at anne's wellbeing tbh agreed op should find the home for ran and just say this is what's happening and offer to be in charge of a trust for anne i don't know what else the mum is expecting is she so crazy to think anne is going to move in with siblings who don't have a close relationship with her nta and the inheritance should absolutely go to your sister's long-term care you put your mom on notice that she has to start planning now the kindest thing to do would be to start looking for a facility soon so she can begin to get acclimated to be clear though if mom has no other family and one of and siblings don't step up to oversee her care that money may disappear there's often a lot of legalities surrounding money being willed to people who cannot live independently if and becomes a ward of the state assuming us here the state gains the money left to anne many people name a specific care person to avoid that happening i hope bob will consider overseeing and scare by making sure she's in a good home and her money actually goes to her care her mom needs to go to an attorney and have a special needs trust set up those attorneys can be surprisingly hard to find if you have any recommendations please pm me really any tips would be helpful thank you eddie to add i've been wanting to set up a special needs trust for my brother for years and every time i talk to an attorney they say they don't do that your state's dshs or the disabled person's case worker should be able to point you in the right direction nta i work in the disability sector and run a community house with four clients with disabilities caring for someone with a disability is not easy especially when you have a small family of your own to take care of care homes are not the dreadful places they perhaps were many years ago the vast majority of people who work in disability love our jobs and our clients and are committed to ensuring that they are not only cared for but are also happy your mum is not being reasonable expecting that you take on caring for your sister you guys do wonderful work my husband's uncle with severe disabilities was moved to a care house like this after grand mara passed and he was happy there lived in the same one for over 20 years same caretakers too phil was guardian slash conservator and he would pick up uncle on holidays and one weekend a month to spend time with family and by the sunday rolled around uncle was ready to head back lol unfortunately uncle passed rather suddenly two weeks ago i feel as terrible for his staff and housemates as i do for the biological family i'm so glad that your husband's uncle was so well taken care of we honestly love our clients and it's always difficult when we lose someone i'm so sorry for your loss i need to send flowers or something down there i'm sure that whole house is hurting right now am i the antagonist for refusing to move in with boyfriend if i'm not allowed to bring my cat i 22f have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year we absolutely love each other and want to marry have kids etc a little of background info in the university student and have my own apartment about an hour away back in august i adopted a cat so i wouldn't be lonely she had been at the shelter for a long time due to health issues i absolutely love her and planned on her being with me for the rest of her life well now coming up in may i will be graduating my boyfriend and i know we want to live together and eventually marry here's a problem he owns his house 50 50 with his brother and their two dogs boyfriend has had his dogs for much longer than i my cat 13 years and 6 years his brother does not want any more pets i didn't know that adopting a cat would cause such an issue my boyfriend cannot simply move out with me because he owns this house and that would be impractical i have brought my cat over a few times and she's a great cat just the dogs are scared of her when we talk about moving in together the cat causes issues i cannot bring her with me because his brother doesn't want it i love my cat and pretty much told him either both of us come or neither i think it's sad that i'm expected to just get rid of my cat i tell him fats like him getting rid of one of his dogs but he argues it different because my dogs are family i've had them for years yeah i've had her for months i love my boyfriend but i also love my cat it seems silly to choose a cat over my boyfriend however i would just expected him to assume the cat comes along with me that's the sacrifice of a relationship him frustrated and don't know what to do you should not give away your cat the cat is now your family and you would be cruel if you gave her away do you want to live with a person who would not even consider this and your feelings not the a-hole that's my argument i'd never put her back in a shelter where'd she never get adopted again she's had a broken jaw prior to me having her has severely congested nose due to the previous broken jaw and is a manx so she also has rectal problems oh and very little teeth it's awesome that you are giving her a loving home give her cuggles from me nta but genuine question at what point is he not going to be living with his brother and at that point who is getting the dogs anyways i get that they both own the house 50 over 50 but if you plan to get married and have kids and all that you can't possibly be planning for all of you to still be living in the same house so someone is moving out of that house eventually saying it would be impractical for him to move out with you doesn't make sense to me because if he wants to live with you and start a life together eventually either him or his brother are leaving their 50 of the house behind i've had this conversation with him many times i had hoped that this would be able to happen soon after graduation if i hadn't had plans for master school i told him i'd like to just focus on us for a while and have our own space also failed to mention the younger seas lives in the basement while she attends classes i try to be a very understanding person in that they are very fortunate in owning this house and needing to pay it off but your question is my question when will we be on our own i want to be able to marry have children etc without having a big happy family household with his siblings no hate to the siblings i love them but i wanted to take the next step in our relationship as well alone i don't think your boyfriend really has any plan to leave the house he shares with his siblings you say you've had the same conversation about this with him multiple times and you haven't gotten a straight answer you didn't say how old your bf is but you're very young from what you've said it sounds like your boyfriend expects you to make a lot of sacrifices for him but isn't willing to do the same sometimes in relationships each person's goals and values drift apart it sounds like that might be happening here from my perspective i think you really have three options here for the foreseeable future continue living apart but dating live with bf and his siblings and give up things that are important for you or break up one of the hardest things in the world is to learn that very often choices come down to accepting the way things are or accepting that you'll have to move on there often isn't a magical third option where the situation conforms to what you want it to be since you can't make others change if they don't want to the current state of your relationship works for your boyfriend and it doesn't seem like he's helping to make things work for you one of the hardest things to admit is that when it comes to relationships you can love someone with all of your fault and still have insurmountable obstacles to the relationship my first engagement ended when i realized that i needed to go to grad school couldn't get into a good enough grad school in my fiance country for the profession i wanted and he decided that he would be deeply miserably unhappy if he moved to my country for the seven or eight years my degree would have taken i fell in love with a local lad when i did a year's study abroad the end of that relationship left my heart broken into tiny pieces but i wasn't willing to give up the career i wanted or to be the cause of misery for the person i loved more than almost anything it eventually worked out and three years after we ended things i met my husband who is a better man kinder smarter more generous and a better match in terms of interests and approach to the world i became pretty severely disabled my husband takes care of me with love and affection and i do not think my ex-fiance would have been willing slash happy to do anywhere near as much for me as he was very much cosseted by his mother am i the antagonist for bragging about working for an extremely prestigious company when it changed my life eight years ago i was searching for answers at the bottom of a bottle the answers never surfaced but my bipolar disorder type i and alcoholism did i've cleaned up my act and somehow graduated but i'm one of those people who went to college for a dumb degree four years ago i started as a receptionist our company was recently absorbed into a dream company like a household name if you dream of books random house if you're a space nerd nasa movies paramount animals san diego zoo etc i suddenly had a fancy title at dream company my salary changed from 20 to k to 40 with benefits i couldn't believe my luck to be making so much when i announced it to my family mom and dad were thrilled they were so proud of me they told everyone then it went from i was excited to i was bragging i was making people going through hard times feel bad my bill confronted me because my nieces found out 10 15 and asked questions and bill only owns a sandwich shop that was shut down for a while he started drinking to cope my sister works at a salon and she lost her business bill laid into me about being arrogant and kept reminding me that seven years ago they peeled me off a bar floor and i spent the night sobbing about my abusive ex he made sure to tell me that this was just luck and i was still a nobody with a [ __ ] degree it's not gender studies but it's not much better i bit back maybe if he cut back on the after work beer's head be able to reopen his shop or be able to see his dick the shower again cue the vagabusting mocking me and my bill tagging me in posts where he's reminiscing of things i did when i was sick like diving into snow from a second story when i was naked and yelling taylor swift lyrics i keep telling him this could jeopardize my career and he mocked me with oh so you have a career now you're a glorified receptionist i stopped talking about work but then my mom asked me how things were going when we were on the family call and i talked briefly about it and my bill erupted saying stuff like she can't go 10 minutes without rubbing it in everyone's face i told him to get over it and my sister told me that i should take a hint and that nobody cares and to just shut up already i left the chat and have been upset about it all week on the one hand i get that others in my family are struggling but on the other hand i don't have a lot of friends to share this kind of success with and i wanted my family to understand him not the loser [ __ ] up they all thought i was am i the antagonist going to say not the a-hole i'm not understanding the reply saying otherwise op had their life turned around and they should feel good they are not drinking themselves into a hole anymore was the family not allowed to talk about good things happening to them when op was in a depressive spiral i don't understand the other replies either it seems the ops parents told people about her job and she answered a direct question when asked idk how that's bragging in any sense of the word nta op and congrats for being in a better place now staying sober is tough and you should be so proud of yourself yeah like i get why the bill is insecure probably feels like the roles are reversed right now and it was kind of a windfall that ops situation took such a positive turn career-wise but that's something you take up with your therapist you don't attack the person receiving the good fortune simply because you don't want to hear it i don't want to sound like him detracting from ops journey from rock bottom to where they are now by the way takes a lot more than a good job to climb out of that hole and they can enjoy the good life they're living now and should be allowed to talk about it especially when asked bill and sister are being huge ours assuming op isn't constantly droning on about it although i'm just now wondering if they helped up when she was at the bottom is she returning the favor now that it seems fear struggling also sounds like bill might be the type to need to feel like he's better than other people op no longer fills that role for him so he's trying to remind her of her lowest point slash possibly get her fired if he's doing this on social media she should block him very true i think if this situation was at all salvageable that chance vanished when they started bringing up ops history and possibly endangering her job security with the social media posts best if she blocks them and keeps clear for a while hopefully they can look back and realize how out of line they were and maybe op will be willing to open up communication then nta but as a bipolar person myself cut off anyone who rubs your lowest points in your face just to make themselves feel better just because they are jealous they are being incredibly immature over a 40k job when someone shows you who they are believe them clearly your family always thought lowly of you seriously dollar signed case last year is getting my degree actually paid off entry-level cash that's 20 an hour if it's gross possibly equivalent to 25 if you count great benefits baked in not the a-hole and i'd seriously consider cutting out your bill and sister edit i do congratulate you op your progress is excellent but damn i just cannot believe how [ __ ] petty this man is to go after you over a job that can support one person comfortably in a high slash medium cost of living area i made roughly dollar sign 42k slash year growth with some benefits backed in in a high cost of living sf bay area for reference and i could barely scrape by like i was pretty much paycheck to paycheck rarely buying anything outside of my basic needs food and such while i don't intend this to negate ops achievements but more to highlight exactly how petty the bill and sister are being also this is their family like op has worked exceptionally hard to get clean and stay clean and now is able to take care of themselves they should be proud also the mom asked a direct question regard ops job this is not rubbing it in on a more personal note i hate people that vag a book either say what you want to say or don't say it at all like damn you're not in hs man i'm stupid at first i thought you guys were saying gross as in disgusting smh

Channel: Reddit Hunt

Views: 7,732

Rating: 4.8862557 out of 5

Keywords: aita, askreddit, reddit aita, reddit open marriage, reddit, cheating reddit, reddit cheating wife, reddit cheating, aita update, reddit relationships, reddit update, reddit stories, reddit funny, reddit breakup stories, reddit confession, relationship STORIES, reddit family relationships, reddit relationship advice, relationship drama, break ups, reddit cheating girlfriend, reddit revenge, reddit creepy, reddit school, reddit relationship stories, tifu, reddit hunt

Id: UmaSqFXZh34

Length: 26min 58sec (1618 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 21 2020