AITA For Refusing To Pay For My Cheating Dad's Hospital Bills? [Reddit Relationships Advice]

hey guys check out our new channel for more edit relationship stories relationship hunt link in description enjoy the video am i the antagonist for not telling my coworkers why i don't want work friends i had a yearly review last week and my manager said i have to go have to to an optional five-day four-night team building event in the middle of a pandemic while we're all still wfh because my coworkers complained that i'm not friendly their evidence that i'm not friendly is that i won't participate in the work fam after hours cocktail zoom which is just everyone gossiping and complaining and getting drunk there are other evidence of my unfriendly attitudes i don't friend my coworkers on social media and while my job does not require any travel at all i also decline invitations to anything that has me traveling past work hours for work or work related things like weddings or parties of throne or hosted by coworkers the reason for this and it's not their business is that before i started working for this company my husband and i were workaholics both of us always traveling and sometimes gone at the same time for up to a week we had a nanny who was also a blood relative who we thought we could trust we could not it turned out she left the kids unsupervised to go hook up and there was a very preventable accident that if an adult had been present wouldn't have happened both kids are fine and healthy now but still have nightmares and we're all in individual and family therapy my husband and i found other jobs and were both home not now cause pandemic by 3 p.m our children don't stay with babysitters anymore but did slash do go to after-school programs and sports that they love our only line in the sand is that mom and dad are home no questions we both still have hobbies and do other things but no overpass work travel for either of us this was hard one peace and safety that i'm not compromising on when i took this job i was in a great position to negotiate so it says in writing in my contract that i do not travel work weekends and that i'm not expected to do so and that my tenure with the company is never reliant on me traveling they adamantly agreed and tbh my field doesn't need travel or training or overtime anything like that i explained to my manager why i don't participate in the zoom parities and other activities because my kids come first she said i'm a helicopter parent and probably need some friends and down time and that people are really upset i don't hang out with them i reminded her about my contract and she said they don't have to honor it if other people complain this made me feel intensely weirdly guilty about everything am i the antagonist for not dumping my purse to people who don't need to know my life story nta in this i reminded her about my contract and she said they don't have to honor it if other people complain is an outright lie i don't understand why they care so much it's weird but if they pressure you slash mandate slash or force you to do anything your contact states against you have every right to file a lawsuit and will more than likely win do what you get paid to do they have no rights to force you to do anything that is not in your contract especially with the pandemic going on a trip away would be dangerous to you and the rest of your family can i also just say that a five-day back-quote bonding trip with coworker sounds like a torture from the seven circles of hell five days of team building forget the pandemic i'd probably contract a terrible case of cholera right before it was time to go i think i'd rather have cholera and i'm thinking a doctor probably many doctors would provide a medical note not to travel with the current covered situation especially in the u.s i'd be willing to catch cholera not to travel for a five-day bonding experience with co-workers i've blocked every work related person that comes up on my social media nope nothing against any of them they are lovely people however my social life and my work life are separate i very much doubt they'd actually respect a doctor's note these people just aren't reasonable i mean they are ready to ignore a contract because some [ __ ] were budget would they really care about anything that's not outright compliance she said they don't have to honor your contract if people complain sounds hella illegal not the a-hole i would see if you could contact ours if they are actually complaining about you not getting drunk on zoom with them that's absolutely ridiculous i literally couldn't believe what i was reading bows would love go hear about a manager trying to violate the work contract that doesn't obligate op to participate in non-work events and it makes a clear concern for retaliation which is only gonna light a bigger fire under hours to handle this is textbook how to easy lose a lawsuit for stupid petty [ __ ] bows would definitely throw the manager under a bus if that's what it would take to limit the damage [Music] nta and i would speak two hours one no one can be forced to partake in duties outside of their job roles i'm thinking attending weddings isn't one of your duties two no one has to friend their colleagues on their personal media profiles three the course can't just be mandatory for you it's either optional of mandatory for everyone 4. your contract states no travel etc and they are trying to break your contract i always thought it was a bad idea to connect with coworkers on social media as soon as one or the other of us leaves fine but not while we work together i will never forget when my 15 year old niece participated in a river cleanup event a friend photographed her climbing out of the water with a piece of debris she had dived for but the photo that ended up on facebook and caused a lot of meetings to be held with cps and her school was of her in the water in a bathing suit holding a beer can while people seem to be partying in the background connecting with cow walkers and bosses on social media can have the same result i don't need my boss looking at photos of me at the river or asking me about my sister's sick cat that's a friends thing not a coworker's thing the two do not mesh well sheesh great point thanks for your service now here enjoy your cps investigation am i the antagonist for telling my parents i can't forgive my siblings for them i'm my parents only child when i 21 f was a kid my half siblings from my mom's first marriage did not take my arrival well in part because their dad was a nurse who didn't want my mom to remarry and poison them against me in part because they thought it was gross that i wasn't their dad's kid as well my mom actually let them go live with their dad after years of them acting out against me and my dad they called us names bullied me relentlessly and no amount of therapy and discipline helped one time i was coloring a picture of my family and the oldest who was 13 at the time got into my face and told me to stop drawing us all because they hated me and didn't want someone gross like me being their family my mom told him to apologize he told her to get [ __ ] rid of me she took away all his stuff and sent him to his room he blamed me told me if i had never been born his and my sister's life would have been better and that they and their dad used to pray together that i wouldn't be born i was maybe like five at this point another time my mom was trying to help the bond by taking one of them out with me at a time and it was my mom my sister and me this particular time she wandered off repeatedly and said she didn't want to hang out with me my mom tried really hard to get her to engage and we left when my sister found one of her friends there and told her i was still wetting the bed at six and wasn't i so gross my mom punished her for that too again it was seen as all my fault i think it might have been some after that when my mom agreed to let them stay with their dad they still continued talking [ __ ] about me to their friends they invited mom to their birthdays and high school graduations but not me or my dad i actually ended up with a lot of issues because of them low self-esteem followed and i was bullied repeatedly in school at first because of the esteem issues and then some kids knew my siblings didn't want me and use that to hurt me at 16 i was diagnosed with depression and was in a really bad place i'm in a better place now and my siblings have apologized to my parents for how they acted my parents want me to give them a chance to apologize to me and to be in my life but i don't think i'll ever be able to a lot of the stuff they said to me stuck in my head even more than a decade later i do believe they might have grown and realized their dad was wrong to say and do what he did my parents think i'm being unfair and have asked me to do it for them even if i don't want to do it for me or my siblings i told them i can't am i the antagonist my parents think i'm being unfair and have asked me to do it for them even if i don't want to do it i think your parents are being unfair expecting you to make them feel better told me if i had never been born his and my sister's life would have been better and that they and their dad used to pray together that i wouldn't be born jeez that kid has issues nta i wouldn't want anything to do with them your parents need to get a grip both of them said things like that to me a lot some of it really dark and not what you would expect to hear from kids their age i also know some stuff from grandparents about when i was born and the first two or three years of my life that my parents would not like me knowing i'm really sorry that sounds super rough i hope you can stay in that better place don't let them pull you back into that mess it was there's a lot of stuff that went on in the first few years of my life and i honestly don't think i'm still fully better after it i'm just in a much better place than i was before keep your head up friend get a professional to help you work through those depressive tendencies if you're not already i couldn't see it from the other side but working through those improper thought processes was very impactful for me ntawtf your siblings apologize to your parents back quote did they start to apologize to you to acknowledge the wrong they did the bullying getting out of their way to hurt you you don't have to once again force yourself to accommodate them just because they grew a conscience no amount of time will erase the fact that they were preying on their baby sister you only need to take care of your mental health and they are not the kind of person to have around all this is about them they seek their redemption your parents hope to have a christmas calendar family picture no one asks what you need or want dear parents after a long time trying to get better after my mental health was left in peace because of the relentless bullying of the step siblings i really don't need to feel pressured to get along with my former abusers back quote i understand they might have realized that they did me wrong but their salvation doesn't depend on me and it is unfair to put so much expectations on my shoulders after all i already been through i think they were apologizing for their treatment of the parents and in particular their stepdad i think they realize how bad their treatment was as kids and are trying to make amends for their actions as kids while this is up to op and she has no obligation to do it if it will open old wounds there is a high likelihood that the siblings were being manipulated by their dad realize how awful their treatment have opened her dad was and want to apologize that said the op is under obligation to accept this apology or be face to face with her tormentors op was treated far worse than the parents and the parents need to understand the damage the siblings caused through their abuse maybe give a burner ml address to them if they wanted to email and work their way up to muting for the op not the a-hole but some sort of resolution may be good to heal i totally agree kids were brainwashed by the dad i mean praying all together for the baby to not be born is another level of sickness but where understanding is possible forgiveness is not always abused kids sometimes become abusers we can acknowledge this and have some compassion but it doesn't erase the actions and the feelings of the victim and it is up to her to decide if she has anything to gain to forgive them for now the only ones who have something to gain are step siblings from my prof for obvious reasons and the parents who certainly want a united family nta an apology now does not undo a lifetime of hurt and abuse you can choose to have nothing to do with them in the same way they chose it all those years ago you do you xxx am i the antagonist for refusing to pay for my cheating dad's hospital bills my dad cheated on my mom with another woman and had a kid together dad left us for said woman and is now living with her he recently had a heart attack and hospital bills are piling up already exceeding his insurance limit now his siblings who have tolerated his behavior and even let the woman and the kid live with them temporarily without a knowledge while dad was in the process of moving out of our home are forcing and guilting me and my siblings to shoulder his hospital bills because he's still our father after all am i the antagonist for refusing to shell out for his hospital bills would i be the antagonist if i block off any form of communication with my dad's side of the family nta his finances are not your responsibility if his side of the family are harassing you block them all and enjoy the peace and quiet this op is definitely not the a-hole op isn't a slave op can do whatever they want with their money op has no obligation to spend a bunch of money on a cheating [ __ ] if they want to help dad then they can if they wish to op doesn't have to to be fair you can even leave cheating [ __ ] out of the story op has no obligation to spend a bunch of money on anyone his siblings are free to spend their money the way they want to i mean you're not wrong but i think not helping to pay your loving father's hospital bills would make you an [ __ ] just because you don't technically have to doesn't make it morally right sub's name is am i the [ __ ] not am i a criminal i do want to point out that i'm not talking about the posted story just kind of focusing on the lever cheating are so loud part excuse me this is a concerted effort to dump daddy on opus we have seen these posts before and when they've given and they've had a toxic person dumped on them while the other relatives and everyone scatter to their little bolt holes and refuse to help in any way shape or form you know what is coming if his siblings think that he is so great and so worthy of help then they are free to help him as much as they wish he backslash backslash left your mother some time ago if he has a child with the new woman that means that he voluntarily left the financial protections of that marriage let the new woman back quote s family help he made his choices now he has to live with the consequences he still your father is an empty refrain from people who cared not a wit about what being a father meant when you and your siblings were hurting not the a-hole just like he's still by a brother so they can pay not the a-hole nta he chose his life with his new family let him sit with that decision your dad broke your family unit your dad's siblings are allowing your dad's behavior to be acceptable let them know that your dad has an entire family on his new girl's side to ask for money your dad's siblings do not sound like the type of people i would want in my life then if you're like me let them know if universal healthcare was a thing then your dad wouldn't be in this situation give them the contact information to their state's political representation and encourage them to make changes to the healthcare system i think you are on to something every reply linked to a social issue and a call to activism sorry for the cheesy award i'm low in coins edit thank you for the award kind stranger my first ever nta maybe your dad's siblings should help out instead of expecting you and your siblings to pitch in this maybe wouldn't be a problem if dad didn't hurt you and the rest of your family nta actions have consequences nta if they care so much they can pay it second that it's hard not the a-hole nta your father is a grown-ass man and should have planned better it's not like his risk of a major health issue was going to decrease with age and if he has any brain function left he knew that was the case he knew that he should have set money aside for that hell i'm in my mid-thirties and i've known that since i was in my early twenties if his family is really that concerned about his well-being they can get off their asses and pay for his care and or take care of him that's not your responsibility no matter how much they try to guilt you into feeling as though it is if they have any more to say about that you can send them my way i have words for them am i the antagonist for refusing to accommodate my husband's sister and her family by making a separate meals for them my husband's sister's youngest child was diagnosed with cancer shortly after birth she and her husband have spent two years fighting for him and his health then covered hit and what was already a very bad financial and emotional situation became worse in september they were forced to leave their home due to a mold issue that may or may not have been there a while but went unnoticed because of how difficult the last couple of years have been on them then her husband's office was closed down and all employees were forced to move to the one in our town three hours from where they lived before or find another job which they did not feel safe doing in the current climate with their family circumstances my husband and i discussed it and agreed to let them move in until after christmas when hopefully the mould issue could be fixed and they could start the process to sell up and find another house so i will start by saying they paid for some groceries and helped award bills but not a lot because of their financial situation i started having an issue two weeks after they moved in it was agreed upon by all four of us that i would make dinner and we would each do our own things for lunch but she and their older kids started complaining about dinner wanting something else and expecting me to make it for them it got to the point where the other night where my husband's sister asked me to make a lasagna for them in front of all the kids both our husbands were at work and her kids started to demand it where i lost it and told her if she didn't want to eat what i'd prepared then the least she could do is make it herself because it's not easy cooking enough for nine people and then having three people reject it outright and often rudely and expecting me to cook something very specific for them it's even worse because the kids have made a fuss about dinner a lot since they got here and she says nothing to them and she isn't too far behind in that but at least she normally expresses it in a less demanding nature and has never pressed it in front of the kids before i have struggled with some guilt because they have a lot going on and i maybe should have just sucked it up i can't always coordinate in advance about what they want for dinner but also we don't always have what's needed to make what they want anyway and i'm already getting more groceries and doing more than i was before i'm trying to be understanding but i worry i was an [ __ ] things have been tense since the complaints have not stopped though am i the antagonist nta they are being rude you need a new system either everyone does their own family dinner still does dinner for everyone you switch off or you meal plan together easy peasy but your husband needs to talk to his sister about his family's manners while they're in the house edit relationship to husband not his brother it's the ops husband's sister being the problem the husband in that couple is just his brother-in-law you're right i forgot the exact relation and was too lazy to double check nta they can cook for themselves edit thanks for all the upvotes we used to have a rule in my house growing up too many kids that if we didn't like dinner we could make ourselves a pb and j or have nothing those should be the options we have a pretty similar rule and only two kids at the moment lol if someone had allergies or a religious requirement that would be different of course and in this case when someone is letting you live in their house for free even if you did have allergies for a religious or diet requirement it would still be on you to take care of your meals rather than your host if someone's hosting you for a week they can accommodate you if it's for four months then you can't expect them to accommodate everything like that for you info can't your sister-in-law cook the dinner for you all herself if her children want something different all the time you're still cooking for you or would perhaps solve the problem is this because she's taking care of the child who was diagnosed with cancer who decides what will be cooked for dinner it would help if she cooked for them normally me i will ask them what groceries they want me to buy and get their list but i'm usually flying solo when dinner prep starts so it's on me maybe make a meal plan at the start of the week and put it on the fridge give them a data review if they have any objections and then if they want something else after that point in time it's on them to make i know that's extra work for you possibly which isn't necessarily fair but it may help ultimately keep the peace since it looks like sill won't be attempting to do that herself having a meal plan when feeding that many people will save time money and stress i agree i just feel bad op seems to be taking on most of the mental load in the household but definitely time for some more firm boundaries and expectations [Music] nta but maybe have your still cook three nights a week for dinner or sit down all nine people and go on a rotation of each person picking dinner for each day and start again so everyone gets a say or set up a default alternate dinner that anyone can make for themselves anytime they don't like what's for dinner something like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or canned soup and crackers something that you don't have to do anything more than make sure the ingredients are in the house also good options boxed mac and cheese should be simple enough depending on how old the kids are but they have microwave versions too nta beggars can't beat users you're cooking edible food that most of the people in that house eat without complaint you are not a short order cook if they want to be picky about everything you cook that isn't your problem it's this besides your still is perfectly capable of catering to her picky kids herself it just sounds like she wants the free labor of a chef who takes orders nta also sorry butler zanya takes time and effort if she wants noodles and sauce she can whip up spaghetti herself and if she wants lasagna she can buy a frozen one but suddenly expecting someone to make you a lasagna is insane the cheese grating alone takes so much time and effort and that's not mentioning if she wants meat or a spinach and ricotta layer right if there were some dietary stuff it would be one thing but just straight up no a holes here don't like it cook something else is so rude even a store-bought lasagna can sometimes require defrosting slash long cook times it's one of the most our alternatives she could have asked for nta invite them to cook a meal one night a week or you could have the kids help you i find that kids will eat a lot of different things if they get to help prepare it as for yourself i think just have a heart-to-heart like hey i know things are really hard this year but taking out your frustration on dinner plans is making an already hard situation worse it's possible she doesn't realize she's being so difficult i hope things work out this is almost our slash two singers territory not the a-hole

Channel: Reddit Hunt

Views: 9,156

Rating: 4.8693876 out of 5

Keywords: aita, askreddit, reddit aita, reddit open marriage, reddit, cheating reddit, reddit cheating wife, reddit cheating, aita update, reddit relationships, reddit update, reddit stories, reddit funny, reddit breakup stories, reddit confession, relationship STORIES, reddit family relationships, reddit relationship advice, relationship drama, break ups, reddit cheating girlfriend, reddit revenge, reddit creepy, reddit school, reddit relationship stories, tifu, reddit hunt

Id: Tt5lSzk9Ye0

Length: 26min 1sec (1561 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 26 2020