AITA For Refusing To Talk To My Ex After She Got Diagnosed With Cancer[Reddit Relationships Advice]

hey guys check out our new channel for more edit relationship stories relationship hunt link in description enjoy the video am i the antagonist for buying apple juice for my grandma and letting her think it's beer in male 16 and my grandma started living with us last year she's not all there in the head think it's dementia but hard to say because she's basically been like that my whole life she only knows who her kids are but man of my other family she has to be taken care of like a little kid and is just not there mentally like one time she tried to eat our dog's food because she thought it was cereal or puts our milk on top of the fridge that kind of stuff anyway she used to be an alcoholic back in the day the other day she goes to me and secretly hands me two dollars she's whispering being all secretive and tells me to go to the store and buy her a beer me an underage kid and not to tell anyone i told her i can't but she kept insisting and i knew she wouldn't stop bothering me over this i got an idea and went to the store to buy her that martinellis apple juice you know the little ones that come in the glass bottle then i went back home and called her over like if i was being all sneaky she acted the same way looking around to make sure no one was around and i whispered that i got her the beer she literally drank the apple juice and made a face like if she was tasting the alcohol she smiled and went to her room to finish drinking the rest i was trying so hard not to crack up and after that she left me alone later on i was telling my sister about it and the fact she actually believed the apple juice was real beer but my sister was serious she doesn't think it's funny i tricked her and i should've told grandma i can't buy her beer but that was exactly what i did and she didn't leave me alone still she doesn't think it's funny to lie to someone and taking advantage of the fact that they got mental problems so i'm kinda on the fence here it felt like something harmless to lie about that also found a little funny but i don't know was i an [ __ ] we did this with our mother except it was sprite put it in a wine glass and she thoroughly enjoyed it four years before she passed dementia is a horrible disease giving her moments of pleasure are priceless you are a good nta this absolutely no harm done harm avoided in fact she's happy and alcohol isn't adding to her already not clear mental state win-win not the a-hole nta i don't understand the people that force those suffering from dementia to face reality what good does it do it just upsets people and causes fights if grandma wants a beer and is happy with apple juice it's a win-win i've seen two ways of handling dementia one woman was insisting the baby was crying one of her carry drivers spent time and frustration trying to get her to realize there was no baby in the house the other said i don't hear it anymore the baby must have gone to sleep the woman said oh but she needed a nap and it was over you did fine caring for someone with dementia is a challenge that requires imagination quick thinking humor and patience you're doing fine there's a lot of situations where playing along is ultimately less stressful and damaging to the patient i'm a 911 dispatcher we deal with dementia patients pretty regularly we had a guy a while ago that would call because he thought his water pump was running and flooding his basement if we told him we were sending the water department out he'd calm right down tell his wife and hang up and his wife would then hide the phone if someone tried to tell him it was a delusion he'd freak out and we'd never get him to stop calling it was definitely more convenient for us to lie to him about solving his problem yes but ultimately i think in that situation it was also kinda to him my coworkers mother is also in her memory care ward she was recently given a baby doll to care for because she kept freaking out that she lost the baby she has no idea that my coworker is the lost baby and is now a 65 year old woman but the baby doll has seriously reduced her meltdowns i guess some might see it as mean to trick an old woman into thinking a doll is her actual child but i don't i think it's actually a pretty compassionate solution to play along my sister worked in a memory care ward for a few years in college and one story that has stuck with me was a woman that was agitated insistent that she needed to find her mother because she was late for school it would have been cruel and not productive for my sister to tell this woman that her mother was dead and she was an elderly woman not a school child so my sister told her that it was saturday and not to worry the patient was visibly relieved and moved on and it actually was a saturday so no lies were told that's exactly what you're supposed to do i had so many shitty coworkers that just couldn't be bothered helen your mom's been dead for years don't you remember yes your sisters too don't you know where you are cue 45-minute aggressive tantrum from a fragile year 85-year-old in a wheelchair my mill is a carer she joined a really shitty care home and they were amazed by how easily she dealt with the patients one woman was very prone to tantrums so mill would leave wait 10 seconds and then come back in again good morning as if it was the first time they were seeing each other that day the woman would then happily begin chatting away again the other carers just had no idea you could do stuff like that nta but tell your parents about this this is my thought too nta that was a very good lie it made her happy sometimes a small lie is the most gentle and kind thing you can do am i the antagonist for telling my son too bad about having to do a 30-day jail sentence i have four sons two with my ex i've been divorced from her since my oldest coddy was 10 we co-parented well until he turned 14 and was starting high school he and his mother wanted him to go to a local school venice high whereas i wanted him to go to private school the odd thing is that my ex and i live in a very nice area but the families often send their kids to private schools for high schools because they can afford it therefore the local high school has a lot of empty seats and brings in kids who couldn't behave in their own schools the local school is basically ghetto there wasn't much i could do since my son was 14 and my ex was assuring me he wouldn't fall into the wrong crowd and i was simply stereotyping my son thought venice would be easier and he could walk home from school lo and behold by the time cody turned 18 he dropped out of high school and became a pod head his days were filled with hanging out with other potheads he met at school and skating and trying to be cool his mom said he was finding himself had plans to learn a trade get a jed etc this led to him and i becoming estranged things at his mom's started to get crazy so my other son decided to live at my place full-time my son told me that cody and his mom were [ __ ] with meth it made sense in a lot of ways there's not much you can do with a tweaker who doesn't want to get help earlier this year cody got busted for felony meth i paid a lot of money for a lawyer and rehab so he could have the felony brought down to a misdemeanor upon completion of rahab and probation and would of his record erased he did get a one-month suspended sentence on the condition he didn't get any more felonies he was about to finish his program in probation but he got caught with felony meth again this was after he visited his mother so far he's never spent a single night in jail he was always sighted but he will have to do the 30 days since he has a new felony charge technically i could hire a lawyer to bring the new charge down to a misdemeanor so it won't count against him a public defender could do the same but not before his court date in two weeks where he has to surrender for his 30 day turn i just decided to let him go to jail and i would be perfectly fine with it my ex and cody are begging me to help and i am [Music] nta i went through a similar experience with one of my own children 10 days in jail and 90 days in a state-mandated rehab program that experience was what turned them around and it's now been three years of sobriety and a whole new life they have to sit at the bottom of the well for a while before they are ready to start climbing out and even then they have to do the work don't send your kid to a spa rehab center send them somewhere that will make them do the hard hard work best of luck to you and to your son this rehab can be really good sometimes despite how it's sometimes portrayed agreed sadly i don't think it's going to do ops son any good because he and his mother both are going to say if op had wanted to op could have made this all go away so it's not codder's fault it's opsop is not the a-hole and rehab isn't going to do any good but if cody wants this to never happen again cody needs to do three things one accept responsibility to go to rehab and take it seriously three cut mom out of his life for a few years he may have to cut her out permanently if she continues to use my cousin's boyfriend is an alcoholic slash drug addict and he went to prison for a year or two came out sober and immediately got a job they were doing so well until he went to visit a friend that he used to hang out with and it was back to square one he had been sober for years and had a stable job and now he's back in jail it can be really hard for addicts to see that stuff even after years of sobriety and for all we know his mom could offer it to him or even pressure him agreed one of my old coworkers tried to get her spouse off coke for basically a decade it was a roller coaster he'd get on the wagon then fall off over and over again the last time he got clean they decided he should go live with family out of state she stayed behind and they eventually got divorced but she says she doesn't regret anything because he's apparently clean ever since he moved out of state getting away from his environment permanently was the only thing that helped him nta clearly being supportive didn't work time for tough love once he's done he needs to get away from wherever it is you live it sounds like he needs change of community as soon as possible this is so true my best friend has a cousin paul paul had every conceivable advantage in life well-off family great schools parents paid for college etc but for some reason he couldn't get it together his two brothers went on to medical school but paul just kind of floundered after college and ended up falling in with a group of similar slacker pot heads with enabling parents eventually paul was pulled over for a traffic violation and had enough pot in his car that he was charged with possession and intent to traffic in his state at the time these were serious charges and would most likely result in jail time now it ends up that paul's uncle andy my friend's dad was a lawyer in the town where paul was arrested long story short andy was a well-known well-connected lawyer he was able to hire a great lawyer for paul and paul ended up having to just pay a fine and move on with his life after all this was done andy sat pulled down and said listen i stuck my neck out for you and put my name on the line to help you out here so you didn't derail your whole life with a stupid mistake know that you have been given a second chance that most people do not get this is the time for you to turn your life around get a job find a new friend group and stay away from the drugs if you get in trouble i can't help you a second time well things were good for about six months but eventually paul fell back in with his old friends and you guessed it got arrested for possession again of course paul's first call was to uncle andy who predictably refused to help him then paul's mom and his sister calls and berates andy for not helping paul because he's family i i and he still refuses paul ends up going to jail for three months and now has a criminal record this makes paul's life pretty difficult and he continues to flounder about two years after this paul ended up meeting this really great woman who must have seen some potential that others didn't she really helped him turn his life around they were together for seven years and he really got back on track unfortunately they ended up splitting up eventually but paul has remained in a much much better place because of her paul ends up going to jail for three months and now has a criminal record this makes paul's life pretty difficult and he continues to flounder the way our societies not just the us although it's the worst there treat both current and former inmates is absolutely disgusting just how exactly is the justice system supposed to help people get productive members of society when a simple pot conviction keeps them out of getting housing or jobs above berger frying wage for many years am i the antagonist for refusing to talk to my ex after she got diagnosed with cancer i was with my ex for six years about three years ago she broke up with me out of the blue i was devastated i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and the ground beneath my feet vanished she completely ignored me from day one i was severely depressed and had to find professional help it was a very dark time of my life to make matters worse she suddenly started to do everything to torment me following me around and provoking trying to make me jealous etc eventually she even turned most of our mutual friends against me i still don't know how she did it i was completely isolated it was like she was a completely different person to this day i don't know how i moved on but i fought and i'm doing pretty good now in all aspects of my life i'm actually proud that i beat this battle i'm still on talking terms with my ex's best friend the other day she came to me very seriously and told me my ex was diagnosed and it is not looking good not good at all i work in medicine myself not oncology though and she won't make it with her age two maybe three years i won't lie i was very sad once i loved this person with all my heart her friend said she was taking this very hard and she talked about me lots of times very fondly after the diagnosis her friend thinks i should get over our bad blood and talk to her to help her deal with this as much as i feel bad for her i refused once i would given everything for this girl but she tossed me away and tormented me in the most cruel way i had to fight with all i have to recover and become what i'm today i don't want her in my life and i don't want to give her what she threw away she knew i'd be always there for her and she rejected it now she has to deal with it i do wish her the best but i want nothing to do with her her friend and some of my mutual friends are outraged and think i'm being a major [ __ ] am i nta please avoid this toxic stew i'm sorry she has cancer but you can't sacrifice yourself for her especially since you know how she treated you all these years you've worked too hard to get where you are now do not engage yeah she only wants to talk to op now after all she did to him because she's scared of dying alone and unloved or she wants to make sure she will die with a clean conscience clean consciences are a luxury for those who have led a good life this and everyone dies alone so really is so she can feel better or torment up one last time nta nta she was cruel to you and it obviously took a huge toll on your mental health you are not obligated to reconnect with her just because she's having a bad time it also doesn't matter that she's speaking fondly of you after the diagnosis and i'm not saying she is or isn't because we have no way of knowing for certain but it also might be the fact that she knows how hurt you were over everything she did and she's just trying to make you feel guilty so that you'll come back because she needs someone now and thinks you're an easy target but despite her having motives or not because i can only speculate you don't owe anyone your time especially someone who was abusive in any way she can speak fondly about him because he is a nice person who treated her well and didn't go out of his way to ruin her life for no apparent reason if he could say the same about her i'm sure he would speak fondly of their time together too if she just break up and end their relationship there's a chance maybe not much op will get back to her but the way she treats op have seal her fate that op better stay away from her nta your feelings are valid don't let anyone tell you otherwise she tossed you away like trash you cut contact and you don't need to change that because of her health as someone who lost a family member to cancer and understands how hard it can be in this situation i'd say not the a-hole they broke up with you it seems out of the blue and severely hurt your mental health i'd say you're perfectly within your right to not want to speak with them nta sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet because they didn't kill you with the first one that's quite an interesting comment we'll have to keep that in mind nta she ruined your life and her being sick doesn't make that hurt she caused go away are not true she tried to ruin their life sounds like they're back on track though and with less than three years to go she's going for a world record speed run am i the only one who suspects she may be wanting to reconnect in order to be taken care of am i the antagonist for throwing away a whole pot of chili out of spite i'm extremely sensitive to the taste of salt nothing will happen to me health-wise if i do eat a lot but i absolutely cannot stand it and salted food is inedible to me my boyfriend on the other hand is a salt fiend he adds extra salt to everything which is fine everybody has their own taste palette i don't care what he does with his own food i got up yesterday and decided to do chili in the crock pot 5 p.m rolls around chili is done we bowl up for dinner i'm not very hungry so i just make a tiny bowl with the plan to go back later i made 10 quarts with the idea of leftovers for at least two days i go back a few hours later make another small bowl and shrivel into a raisin upon taking the first bite he didn't just salt his bowl he salted the entire pot now i'm aware that 99 of the population would probably have to season their bowl i expect people to when i have someone over to eat i tell them i don't use much salt and direct them to the shaker so they can do up their own portion how they like it but i do expect people to have some consideration for others eating and limit it to their own plate this isn't the first time he's done this and we've talked about it before he swears he won't do it again but it's a 50-50 chance next time we eat heal salt the main dish before putting it on his plate instead of just salting what's on his plate it ruins leftovers for me which pisses me off because i'm the sole buyer of groceries and i usually cook in bulk i didn't say anything i just dumped my bowl i was pissed feeling disrespected and uncared for and in the heat of the moment i dumped the rest of the pot my thought process was if i can't eat neither can he he has a habit of getting up at 1am and digging into leftovers so like clockwork he goes downstairs digs around in the fridge then stomps back up to our room and asks where the [ __ ] the chili went i told him i threw it out because it was inedible and he lost it about wasting food said it's not his fault i have no sense of taste and didn't think i wanted any more 10 quarts of chili and he thought nine of it was solely his apparently this is the first time i've actually thrown out basically a whole dish normally i just butchered him about it remind him to stop doing it and move on this time i just snapped i guess i'm tired of only getting to eat a tiny portion of food that i pay for and cook it's costing me money because i'm having to make separate food for myself when there's perfectly good leftovers i can't touch it seems like such a dumb thing to fight over and now that i've thought about it i wonder if i did overreact i'm still pissed but it does feel petty and wasteful i've entered in my group chat and it's been a mix of your food your choice and it's just salt get over it am i the antagonist for throwing it away purely out of spite info is it possible that he salts the main dish to keep it all for himself is he that greedy if so throw away the food every time he does this presumably he will realize that his food sabotage is not getting him anywhere and he will stop or throw away the boyfriend this is what i thought too there's no reason to salt the whole thing unless he's being petty or greedy especially since op specified that they've talked about it more than once food tastes way different and better if it's seasoned when it's cooking not just throwing salt on it after it's done of course op is entitled to her own preferences especially when she's the one buying the food and doing the cooking but if she sees a future with this dude she's better off just splitting the batch in the first place so both of them can be happy you know he should be the one to split off his portion into a new pot and season that then nta he is disrespecting you in a major way he knows you won't eat salted food it continues to ruin the majority of the food you cook it's no different than you throwing it in the trash he deserved a taste of his own medicine and you had every right to do as you pleased with the food you paid and prepared it if he continues to sold food that is not on his plate i would end the relationship it seems like a small thing to some but it's really a fundamental lack of respect at the heart of the issue i agree and i think his response was really telling it's not his fault i have no sense of taste it sounds to me like he's been harboring some resentment about her not salting her food like maybe he doesn't really believe her salt sensitivity so he's salting the whole batch after the fact hoping she'll admit that it tastes better salted not the a-hole exactly what i was thinking at this point he knows not to do it so he's doing it on purpose and then only reason i can think is to prove a point to her about salt [Music] nta your boyfriend is being selfish and greedy i'd stop cooking for him entirely why isn't he paying his fair share right info why is the op paying for all the groceries and doing all the cooking that would not fly with me i have this arrangement with my partner i cook and do laundry he does dishes and hoovers i buy food he pays utilities lexi gas we fee water it's not uncommon but to add in the rest of it is unnecessary context to this story dick moved to hijack all the leftovers by making it inedible to the person who cooked it though my partner and i have a similar arrangement to yours but that's why i wanted to know why the op has this they don't mention that the bf does dishes pays utilities etc if the op pays for groceries etc and the bf contributes in other ways then i would argue he has a claim to the food as well having paid for it in those other ways if as it sounds in the story he doesn't contribute then what he's doing is close to stealing and shouldn't fly at all even if he was contributing it doesn't entitle him to all of the leftovers he is actually making most of the food.cooks unedible for her she gets one plate right when she finishes cooking and he salts the rest so she can't eat any more of it he will be entitled to some leftovers and i totally get that food tastes different if you cook with salt rather than salting it afterwards but he isn't changing that he isn't asking her to do half the batch salted so they each have some he is still salting it afterwards but it seems he is doing it on purpose so that he gets all of the leftovers also he is probably wasting food too since it seems to be like op cooks to have leftovers for two people for two to three meals if all of the leftovers are salted and won't eat it at some point he will want something different and part of the leftovers will be left in the fridge uneaten and food goes bad and gets thrown away at some point my first thought went to wasting food and that you would be the [ __ ] for that but no you've repeatedly asked him not to salt everything it's almost as if he's claiming any leftovers for his own nta i think you needed this nuclear response i also want to point out his response to finding the chili gone stomping upstairs and swearing is a rather aggressive reaction and i think also shows that he was specifically planning on going back for the chili and not just looking for a different snack and also shows that he turns to aggression when he doesn't get what he wants dt mfa

Channel: Reddit Hunt

Views: 8,738

Rating: 5 out of 5

Keywords: aita, askreddit, reddit aita, reddit open marriage, reddit, cheating reddit, reddit cheating wife, reddit cheating, aita update, reddit relationships, reddit update, reddit stories, reddit funny, reddit breakup stories, reddit confession, relationship STORIES, reddit family relationships, reddit relationship advice, relationship drama, break ups, reddit cheating girlfriend, reddit revenge, reddit creepy, reddit school, reddit relationship stories, tifu, reddit hunt

Id: mh-Z6oOhED0

Length: 27min 42sec (1662 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 04 2020