Adam Sandler - Best Moments In Talk Shows

how old were you when you moved out of Brooklyn five five years old yeah five so I moved to New Hampshire yeah all right hi New England all right good to see you guys so what happens is my parents are very Brooklyn very Brooklyn yeah we moved to New Hampshire and I'm its first grade and I'm very nervous about my first day of school and I say to my dad I'm scared of the boys they're gonna be nasty to me and blah blah blah and my father in a very Brooklyn way said go find the biggest kid and just knock him out I said for what he goes for being the biggest kid and I'm like all right so he did nothing wrong but I should knock him out knock him out let them all know just let them know mark your turn so I go alright fine I'm terrified that I have to do this I get to school first day I'm the biggest kid they're literally like 14 that at New Hampshire kids just beat the living crap you tell your dad get a lot of really great I show you this what oh no this is I brought this special cousin life my father passed away a while ago but I stole this my mother let me take this from his closet this shows you how Brooklyn my father oh that's very Brooklyn that's really your dad's belt it really is oh my gosh did he ever use this my dad were amazingly tight yes I love my dad more than anything and and I looked up to anything he told me to do I would do but I I worshipped him but I remember I was I don't know why this came up but uh I was in the car with my dad when I was like when I was like 11 or something oh no no I was probably like 14 or something so I'm sitting in his car we're about to go in the house and I look over my dad he's sitting he's about to get and I go dad were you ever with anyone before mommy and he goes what's that and I said were you ever with anyone before mommy what do you mean and I said uh I go before mom did you ever do it you know and he did you go all the way with somebody before mommy and my dad was trying to be honest I think and he's like this is a moment and he goes well on a few ladies before your mother I practiced with God I was a kid and I was like what what does that mean and then he goes well you don't wanted to make sure I was prepared for your mother properly and remembers just going oh I ran into the house and hug my mother and I was like hey daddy your horse I remember them okay so congratulations I'm gonna just say a few jokes here we go all right Jimmy my honorary Jewish friend I turned 50 years old last year and I can tell you from experiences a lot to look forward to Jimmy remember how we used to get embarrassed when our dads would unbutton the top button of their pants at the dinner table well it turns out they were geniuses in fact all my top buttons have been removed if you wouldn't mind [Applause] great thing about being in your 50s is that your doctor will stick his finger inside you even even if you don't ask him to love your character in this film it's you really portray this character beautifully and he's a guy whose dreams haven't quite come true there's a lot of complexities to the character and and also I liked your look in the movie he's a different look for you had a mustache you're kind of a guy that doesn't I think we have a cilia there you grow what's that for oh yes yeah did you like having a mustache it was fun because I lived in New York in a hotel and I was would lay in bed and I'd say must I'd say to my wife mustache rise for a dollar I thought I was gonna end up with a fun evening but then my kids ran in with $2.00 I like can we go no no no I said mustard eyes and I squirted him in the eyes yeah that's right good quickly I just saw in the Internet are you friends with Justin Bieber I know the babes I met him several times it very night he came to my show the other night and he's very even very nice kid very nice to my family like says hi to my family my kids here I was in Hawaii and that's right you liked it there too that's actually the orders isn't rollercoasters it's a new interactive show now well nice to see and so any I was in Hawaii my kids were swimming in the pool and I and I had a FaceTime going with the Biebs and I said hi to the Biebs family and then I said well I got you you mind saying hi to my two kids he said sure and so I flipped the phone around and my kids get the hello but there were like 50 other kids in the pool going I heard you talking about how rickles what he said about when he saw on me you guys were here together one night and rickles spotted you and there's a bunch of people around and Rickles yelled hey let's take up a collection and by Adam a suit now he was just the greatest guy I do I mean you really got to be tight with him I I had like hit and run and I mean I worship the guy too cuz my father worshipped him then oh yeah you know like that's how it goes your dad loved somebody you love so much so anyways I I was at dinner with Steve Buscemi this is like 25 years ago was something we were sitting at Dan Tana's and eating and then Rickles came over to us and we were like oh my god this is this is happening right now and he says to Buscemi something like I think it may be twenty three whatever years ago he says something about I saw your movie mr. pink can be more like mr. steak maybe get some braces [Laughter] [Applause] he sees me any those who would you I think it was happy gilmore somebody goes so happy gilmore watch the whole thing Wow amazing how no talent can get you ahead comes this thing so we play basketball we got to get back to the movie set Shaq has to take a shower so everyone's like alright we'll see you later shag in my head I'm like I got to see Shaq's penis I mean for historical reasons it's not a gay thing it's just like gotta see that yeah like the Grand Canyon are you guys completely thank you so my plan was to kind of I hear the shower go on in the back and I said all right I'm just gonna in the back of what oh I thought you're like in his trailer or something so it's like high school and he's showering away just not you know being the Shaq down there in the showers everyone else left I'm like alright let me see that stage I go back there I hear the shower I start I kind of turn around backwards and walk backwards a little like walking backwards you want to look kind of like I was gonna trick them like I just walk back within an assault and there's like a what's up and but no I walking back what's doing my routine getting closer to the shower and then I turn around and I go alright I gotta see Jack's thing right now his bodyguard is there and his bodyguard is just so strong and big and like this thick neck bald head put this one eyes looking at me with this one iron so I said sorry I was just trying to see you Shaq's penis out of here please don't tell jack okay this happened so I see Jack later on the set and I was like I guarantee that guy ratted me out so I said Jack sorry about that before with you with your security guard and he goes I don't got a security guard that was my dick [Applause] I think ever in your life maybe join the military I swear to God my whole life when I was a kid I was like I am gonna be in the military I'm gonna defend it's all I ever talked about in my house like I'm going I I'm defending I am this is what I made for then I was like 15 at the dinner table and I was saying that same speech I can't wait to join the military my father goes in that joint in the military I got why not he goes because you're a to do one chin up back tabloids yeah I have to ask you about this this is a picture it was this article is all about how Jack Nicholson and you go to the Lakers game together and the Lakers are getting beat so it's that you guys left early because at the end of the game and it was sort of saying like hey you know you guys you guys walked out on the Lakers well Lakers were having a dry spell but it's not like I have anything in that decision you know what I mean what happened Nicholson says all right so we're losing the Lakers are losing by like 19 and Jack says something like six minutes left okay yeah yeah and he goes 19 points you're gonna lose oh you know they could come back he's like well I don't know something like the Lakers have to score 20 and OKC has to score none oh yeah yeah I guess we're going and I got ya ya know maybe we should stick around I think maybe finish of yours leave so I'm trying to talk them out and then all of a sudden you know Nicholson leaves and gets up and and so I you know I'm not gonna leave them straight yeah yeah let's go baby and how do we go and I I see even Lakers are like yeah a lot of times when you call your manager or your agent they work at these giant agencies and management companies they talk to you they make try to make it look like it's just you in their day but they got other people so anyway Sandy's on the phone with me talking he's telling me stuff I'm telling him stuff I'm like this is my manager I feel very safe telling him things and then we end the call and I hear him say Linda call showing so some like Linda who's Linda and he has his assistant listening to the call and he was calling the next person so I catch him doing that apparently so I call him up and I say dude did it was Linda is Linda was she on the phone while I was talking to you and he's like yeah but she's very cool and I said I'm kind of telling you stuff I don't want her to hear everything and he's like yeah right I said so don't you won't have her on the phone anymore and he's like nah no not a problem so I'm talking on the phone the next time I call him I'm talking and I'm hearing like he so I know he's got some money on the other line so I say so like no one's on the other line sandy and he goes no nobody and I go hey guys your wife okay is she mad at you he goes why my wife manic and I said you know what you told me earlier about about Linda and you masturbating to her [Laughter] [Applause] [Laughter] and then Harrison Ford you know Harrison he's a great man I know and realize that ISM like the most iconic movie story you can imagine right is Harrison Ford exactly and I'm like 25 or whatever the hell I was I was like and then Harrison void looks at me he's like I was like oh man what's happening right now and Harrison Ford like gives me I like is that you kind of thing I was like yeah and then he comes over and he's like you're the guy from the Billy Madison I go yeah yeah yeah he goes I would love for you to come over to my house and I yeah he goes and I would love for you to wash my car my kids think you're funny and it would just be such a kick for them to see that and I say okay that's crazy yeah but you know Perry he's you get away with that yeah you can do so okay so we're going it's like 20 years ago what you're having - I think the Today Show or Good Morning America was just a show a morning show we're in the car we're driving New York City you know how you make the rounds they've got a movie coming out so we're pulling up the street I see a bunch of guys on the street we'd pick it sides the old sides and I was like what's going on what are they picketing it goes I see cameramen I go look at what cameraman because you cameraman can you show your Piketty and I go they're picketing the show about to go on he goes yeah and I go why didn't you tell me that he goes yeah I didn't think it concern you I don't cross it a picket line again I tried it's mine I don't know it's not fine Mike I grew up my father would kill me I would never do that cross a picket line and he goes no but they won't know we can go around your back but aren't they're gonna see the show man he was not ain't no watch his show their families are getting most of these guys are divorced it's like you gotta we we shiny I go no no I'm not and I and I Drive away and all the guys with the picket signs you know cheering hey way to go Adam buh buh buh buh so the next day in the post in the New York Post it says Adam Sandler won't cross picket line and then sandy comes in with the article and goes look what aunt did I tell you we'll get some good fresh added [Laughter] and I wanted my kids to go in the lake after Lake Tahoe's gorgeous so I said let's go in the lake and my kids are freaking out my kids can't handle anything with water they get a little nutty and that scared what's gonna happen and so we're in the little lake and ice I started hearing uh there a shark in here and I wasn't it's a lake it's a lake you'll be fine I like is it poison ivy poison ivy you know awake and then I know your kids they'd over rock this way kids yeah anyways I like a lot of times in my life I have to lie to them and they were like are there any but there's fish in here and then I swear - there's no fish in Lake Tahoe now it's not big enough fish need bigger space there's a guy fishing he's gay he's trying to find we're afraid always yeah those guys were the tightest that David and Chris was so tight and like but I was tight with Chris on it like those guys were like real best friends I I was another kind of best friend he had heat when he get pissed at David barley he'd always come over to me like he had a crazy temper Farley so he would just be stewing mad about nothing about him but just like whatever like if a girl talk to me be like girl I get so angry that if David was talking to a girl or something he'd be like I'm gonna kill him I'm gonna punch him and I'd say eat don't Wow don't hit him and he'd be like no I got I got it man I'm gonna crush her and I would say cuz it doesn't make any sense if you not come out you're known as a jerk and if you lose my god you're known as just a GI ed

Channel: BDZ

Views: 3,033,506

Keywords: adam sandler, snl, saturday night live, actor, comedy, comedian, funny, compilation, best moments, talk show, jimmy, kimmel, fallon, tonight show, conan

Id: 3rWjUNDUh_w

Length: 18min 58sec (1138 seconds)

Published: Tue May 07 2019