A Car Accident Is a Real Mood Killer - Hannibal Buress

I moved to New York a few years ago I wear the first time I came to New York I didn't really move to New York I just popped up in New York because my sister was living here I just popped up at her place hey what's going on I have $200 in dreams let's do this I was rude as hell so they kicked me out after two weeks and so I was packing up and my sister said what are you gonna do in Anibal what are you gonna do I said don't worry what about to do you just kick me out it's like a few shots of my bap bap so well well Hospital you going to it sure is you got an HMO or PPO just get some calls on yours forward those gunshots so I was in New York I had to find a job I applied for a job at Starbucks one of the questions was why do you want to work at Starbucks because my life is in shambles stuff isn't going I thought I'd be going at $200 is gone I mean I was just trying to crash wherever I could crash when I was hanging out with some other comedians and we were at this girl's place hanging out smoking and drinking her place was so disgusting it was the most disgusting place ever been in and everybody bouncing she said Hannibal you can crash it if you want to I said now you know what I'm gonna just go sleep on the train I'll take my chance sleeping around strange I was on the train made eye contact with this woman the train stopped and she got off and moved to another cop it was a good move on her part because I definitely was about to pull my dick out so ready to whistle random lady on the train good call but it's my move now again legs - what's up my preview plans out easily I'm dedicated to this I was waiting for the train and I fell asleep and I woke up and it was a guy sitting two seats away from me but he was wearing my hat I welcome us hey man that's my hat he said you gave me the hat which means either I'm just really generous when I'm sleeping hey man that's a cool ass hat whatever leave me alone take the Hat he's on with generous when I'm sleeping or he's the boldest thief ever is how bold is it to steal something from somebody and then fall asleep wearing it things you stole from them two seats away like whatever have no fears turned 29 recently at the worst birthday ever I got into a car accident on my 29th birthday and sucked I was a South Carolina we really sucked about is I was in the car with three strange women and I think I had a good shot at the one who was in the backseat with me but once the car accident happened that kind of threw everything golf it's kind of hard to jump back in the game after you were in the ER for ten hours you can't pop out with stitches so where were we I woke up it was I don't even a moment in the car exit when you could what's happening I just woke up hurt and I think as a man when you eat you say you in a car accident people who think you would drive no I wasn't driving other people failed me I wasn't wearing my seatbelt that was a mistake I was in the backseat because when UniFirst see the car cares about you and annoys you into wearing your seatbelt in the backseat - Kailah a the seatbelts there do what you want to do what a gamble again mm nothing your life I just woke up bloody in the ambulance that's how rappers said in the ambulance out of five time put him in ambulette North ambulance man rappers bruit I said ambulance for ten years I was saying amber Lyon no is ambulance I woke upmy pull my health insurance card out right away I have helped insurance this ambulance ride shall be reasonable so I get the ER I'm laying there bloody and I was out there doing shows with comedian Aziz Ansari he comes to the ER and some male nurse either he was in those movies but I'm starting the reality show called do bleeding out of his head and I think need to turn down your phantom to be a medical professional because I'm fainting in now so I get my nurse her name was Jill she was country as hell yeah she could have been an extra in a bubble Sparks video that's how country she was my name's eel they call me Jill belly so country to treat me you could be sudden but don't have a thick southern accent if you gonna give me a medical tree can I help you with something sir you give me somebody who doesn't talk like you and then you can go get me some biscuits talking like that [Applause] I was cursing the line I don't remember exactly what I was saying I was cursing because I my hand was split open it was my birthday I was drunk I cursed when those things aren't sir there are families in here also my cursing is ruining their emergency room experience it's usually such a pleasant place how was your experience when my dad got shot the doctors and nurses we very attended the facilities were top-notch the world ruined there was the guy in the next bed he just kept saying mother so the doctor comes in he explains what's going on Hannibal you have you have a gash in your forehead so we need about seven stitches to sew that up and you also have a slight fracture in your skull without a hill and I saw it three to four weeks tell where my face is broken yes it's on a few weeks hey wait why are you saying that so calmly cuz now you making me feel calm about it and that's now I want to feel about it I didn't you my face is broke the man Sullivan sees don't jump aces brother what not worry I got a crash saw whatever walking around the streets one of my enemies find out they uppercut me my top gets pop my brain like that my mom will be horrified about that like that so my style of man I got help deserves so I didn't died I was pretty cool that I didn't die you know I'm worried about dying I'm scared of death I'm scared of somebody like [ __ ] walking on my grave somebody could just [ __ ] walk on your grave and you can't do anything about it this is ruining your legacy one-stop Creek pumping on my grave man I want to be immortal sometimes I think about what families people are dying for me natural cause it's just who's healthier I think little wayward died before him because he drinks a lot of syrup with no symptoms and I feel like LeBron James lived longer than me to do it as healthy he could dunk I can't dunk he'll live longer than me Will Smith is in his 40s I need Will Smith to die before me I don't want to die before will Smith but then I missed that awesome Fresh Prince of bel-air marathon and all the great movies that'll be on TNT - we got the wheels man dies I want to miss that if you're a real American you wouldn't want to miss that either vote Will Smith's dying before Hannibal I'm living in LA for the next few weeks I had to rent a car for the full time but then I had to come here to New York for two days and so I went to the Avis people say hey I'm renting this car can I give it to y'all for two days while I go away and y'all just hold the car cause it's yours I'll be back to get it and they said no we can't do that I said well you should just take the car cause it's your car and I got the full insurance so if I have to leave with it I might just crash this out of spite they say we can't do that we might Brett the car out on accident just put up a sign and say hey this is Hannibal's car he's a cold Dew he'll be back to get the kind two days he's still paying for it he said what if we do that for you then we'd have to do it for everybody now you don't you just do it for me and then never speak of it again [Applause] else in life I don't got any examples you

Channel: Comedy Central Stand-Up

Views: 4,348,191

Keywords: Hannibal Buress, John Oliver’s New York Stand-Up Show, Hannibal Buress comedian, Hannibal Buress stand up, stand up comedy, comedy central stand up, comedy, comedians, comedian, New York City, sister, job, Starbucks, subway, hat, thief, confident, car accident, seat belt, ambulance, hospital, nurse, Aziz Ansari, Southern accent, cursing, Will Smith, Lil Wayne, LeBron James, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, funny, funny video, comedy videos, funny jokes

Id: uQecHQfy8eQ

Length: 10min 24sec (624 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 23 2019