A Bike's Rights

♪♪ >>MR. MEESE, WILL YOU POINT OUT TO THE JURY WHO DID THIS TO YOU? DON'T WORRY SON, HE CAN'T HURT YOU NO MORE. >>[BELL RINGS] >>[SHUSHES] >>DESCRIBE TO THESE GOOD PEOPLE WHAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT. >>WELL, I WAS AT A CROSSWALK, WAITING FOR THE LIGHT TO CHANGE. IT CAME ON SO I STARTED TO CROSS AND THAT'S WHEN HE HIT ME. >>DID HE SHOW ANY SIGN OF REMORSE AFTER HE STRUCK YOU? >>HE DIDN'T EVEN CHANGE GEARS. HE JUST RODE OFF WITH HIS THIN LITTLE TIRES. >>[BELL RINGS] [GAVEL] >>ORDER IN THE COURT. >>WELL, WHAT HAPPENED THEN? >>WELL, WHEN I CONFRONTED HIM ABOUT IT LATER, HE GOT SUPER DEFENSIVE AND SHOUTED AN OBSCENITY. >>WHAT EXACTLY DID HE SAY? >>[CLEARS THROAT] [HORN SOUNDS] >>[GASPS] NOW, YOU WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE, SON. >>WHAT HAPPENED NEXT MR. MEESE? >>WELL, HE SAID THAT HE WAS A PEDESTRIAN AND HAD JUST AS MUCH RIGHT TO THE CROSSWALK AS ANY PERSON. >>HE SAID HE WAS A PEDESTRIAN. THANK YOU MR. MEESE, YOU MAY STEP DOWN. THE PROSECUTION CALLS MS. EVERTON TO THE STAND. MS. EVERTON CAN YOU RECOUNT WHAT TOOK PLACE ON MARCH 14TH? >>WELL, I WAS DRIVING IN THE MOUNTAINS AND I CAME UP BEHIND THE DEFENDANT AND SOME OF HIS FRIENDS. >>AND WHAT HAPPENED? >>WELL, FIRST EVERYTHING WAS FINE, BUT THEN IT ALL WENT UPHILL FROM THERE. >>YOU MEAN, DOWNHILL? >>LITERALLY UPHILL, METAPHORICALLY DOWNHILL. >>I SEE. SO WHY NOT JUST PASS THEM? >>BECAUSE THEY COMPLETELY TOOK OVER THE ROAD AND THEY WERE SO SLOW. I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYBODY WORK SO HARD YET ACCOMPLISH SO LITTLE. >>WELL IF HE WAS GOING SO SLOW, WHY DO YOU THINK HE REFUSED TO PULL OVER? >>THEY SAID THAT THEY WERE VEHICLES AND THAT THEY HAD JUST AS MUCH RIGHT TO THE ROAD AS ANY CAR. >>THEY SAID THEY WERE VEHICLES AND YET EARLIER HE DONE TESTIFIED THAT HE WAS A PEDESTRIAN. SO WHICH IS IT, MR. BIKE? BECAUSE YOU CANNOT BE BOTH! >>OBJECTION! MY CLIENT IS AN OBJECT, NOT A PERSON. IT HAS NO CONTROL OVER ITS RIDER'S DECISIONS. >>SUSTAINED. >>IF IT HAS NO CONTROL OVER ITS RIDER'S DECISIONS, THEN WHY DO RIDERS CLASSIFY THIS AS REAL FOOD? LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, EXHIBIT "A", THE POWER BAR. AN ITEM SO DISGUSTING THAT STARVING MEN HAVE CHOSEN CANNIBALISM OVER IT. >>UH SON, I BELIEVE YOU MIGHT BE EXAGGERATING. [WRAPPER CRINKLING] >>YOUR HONOR, IF YOU PLEASE. >>[SOUNDS OF DISGUST] [COUGHS] [SCREAMS] THE COURT HOLDS YOU IN CONTEMPT, DEMON. ORDER. ORDER IN THE COURT. >>WELL I THINK I'VE MADE MY CASE. >>OBJECTION. >>IT'S OVERRULED. >>OKAY, SO HE PERSUADES PEOPLE TO EAT NASTY FOOD. THAT'S NOT A CRIME. >>THAT MIGHT NOT BE, BUT THIS IS. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, EXHIBIT "B", AND THESE ARE A MEN'S LARGE. >>HE'S NOT FORCING ANYONE TO RIDE HIM. THEY'RE FREE TO LEAVE ANY TIME THEY WANT! >>THEN WHY DO THE SHOES LOCK IN PLACE? >>LOOK, I'VE HEARD ENOUGH. ALL RIGHT, NOW THE COURT SENTENCES THE DEFENDANT TO LIFE IN PRISON AS AN EXERCISE BIKE. ALL RIGHT? AND BAILIFF, YOU MAKE SURE THE PRISONERS ARE VERY HEFTY AND LET'S MOVE ONTO THE NEXT CASE. WHO'S THE DEFENDANT? >>MR. J.B. LONG BOARD. >>HEAVEN HELP US. >>THANKS FOR WATCHING THAT SKETCH, GUYS. MAKE SURE YOU SUBSCRIBE AND LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW ABOUT WHAT INANIMATE TRANSPORTATION DEVICE YOU'D LIKE TO SEE ME DEFEND; ROLLERBLADES, POGO STICKS- I'LL REPRESENT ANYTHING EXCEPT FOR SEGWAYS. THOSE THINGS DON'T HAVE A LEG TO STAND ON. ROLLING RIGHT OUT OF A COURT OF LAW. SO I'M READY TO PROTECT YOU. AND BY YOU, I MEAN THAT PAIR OF SKIS BEHIND YOU.

Channel: Studio C

Views: 2,881,442

Rating: 4.9481964 out of 5

Keywords: BYUtv, BYU tv, BYUtelevision, Studio C, StudioC, Cycling, Road Bike, Bicycle, Court, Crime, Criminal, Bike, mallory everton, jason gray, stacey harkey, matt meese, jeremy warner, sketch comedy, courtroom, judge, prosecutor, defendant, attorney, bicycling, injury, pain, pedestrian, road, biker rules, comedy, laugh, funny, lol, snl, clean comedy

Id: fRXBHT9NJhM

Length: 4min 15sec (255 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 08 2016