Hey everyone, and welcome to TopThink. Today, we
are going to learn about 7 habits that make you irresistible.
Now, let’s begin. Quiet Confidence
Not every kind of confidence is attractive. Arrogance, for example, is
a common turn-off for both men and women. It’s difficult to take someone seriously
when they’re bragging about their success or boasting about their accomplishments. You
don’t want to hear about how much money someone makes or what kind of car they drive. But you
do want them to be confident in themselves. You want them to be proud of their
achievements, and secure in who they are. This is called quiet confidence. If
you are a quietly confident person, other people can feel your confidence,
even if no one puts a label on it. Because you don’t need to be recognized
or praised to feel good about yourself. You’re not desperate for someone else to validate
your choices, achievements, or triumphs. Instead, you supply that validation all on your own.
In other words, you’re happy with and secure in the person that you are, and that happiness
creates a strong aura of confidence around you. So keep your humble-brags and success stories
to yourself. The most irresistible people are confident without saying a word.
The Social Leader Irresistible people are leaders, not just in
the workplace, but in their social circles. They’re not afraid to make the first move.
They’re not afraid to talk to a stranger, try something new, or take a risk. In other
words, they believe in themselves. They believe in their ability to do what others cannot,
and that makes them incredibly attractive. If you want to be irresistible, overcome
your fears. Don’t sit on the sidelines wondering what could go wrong. Don’t
hide inside your comfort zone, hoping someone else will make the first move for you.
Because they won’t. If you don’t take the lead, no one else will. If you aren’t willing to make
a change, take a risk, or create a connection, there’s a good chance none of
those things will ever happen. This is true in all aspects of your life—in
the workplace, in pursuit of your goals, and in conversations with strangers. Irresistible
people are trend-setters and path-pavers. They don’t wait for someone else to give them
permission to do something they want to do. It may be asking another person if they’d like
to dance. It may volunteer for something when everyone else is too afraid to step forward.
In every environment, attractive and confident people believe in themselves, no matter who
is watching. And that mindset is irresistible. Imaginary Rejection
Before you can take the lead, there’s one bad habit that’s going to stand
in your way. You may summon the courage to cross a boundary, overcome a fear, or take
a risk, but do you believe in your ability to succeed? Or do you expect yourself to fail?
Irresistible people don’t expect to get rejected. They know it’s a possibility. It’s always a
possibility. But, if they are going to try something new or risky, irresistible people
believe they can overcome any challenge. That belief empowers them to be
confident and secure in their decisions. You may not have the same faith in
yourself. You may anticipate failure, but that mindset leads you down a destructive
path. If you don’t have faith in yourself, you may accidentally bring your worst nightmares to life.
In other words, when you expect rejection, you’re more likely to be rejected. When it happens, you
might think, “I was right to expect the worst.” But the problem isn’t the rejection
itself. It’s your mindset. It’s your negative expectations. When you expect to fail,
you lower your chances of finding success. People can tell when you don’t believe in
yourself. It’s written all over your face. On the other hand, if you believe you’re capable
of anything, people will find your confidence irresistible. But this attractive and confident
mindset starts with you. It’s your responsibility to empower and support yourself. So make a habit
of believing in yourself, and others will follow. The Heart of the Conversation
When you approach someone you like, you want to make an attractive first impression. Right off
the bat, you want the other person to think, “wow, this is someone I want to get to know.” But how
do you make such a strong impression on a complete stranger? How do turn those awkward opening
lines into an irresistible first impression? What do you do when you meet someone for
the first time? You engage in polite, surface-level conversation called small talk.
Many people complain about how much they don’t like small talk. They say it’s rigid, formal,
and uncomfortable. You introduce yourselves. You talk about the weather. You exchange
formalities back and forth. And that’s about it. The kind of small talk might work in the office
or at a conference, but if you want to make an irresistible impression, you have to step up
your game. Because standard small talk is boring. If your conversation is boring,
people are going to lose interest. If you talk about the weather, you’re not going to
leave the kind of impression you’re looking for. If you’re awkward and formal, you’re not
going to capture someone’s attention or steal someone’s heart. Instead, you’ll have
a forgettable conversation and make a forgettable first impression.
If you want to be irresistible, and unforgettable, you need to turn your small
talk into big talk. In other words, you need to use those opening lines to your advantage.
Don’t worry about “what you’re supposed to say,” and create a real connection by
opening the conversation on a high note. Irresistible people leave attractive
first impressions by creating those intimate connections in seconds. They talk to
strangers like old friends, and they give you 100% of their attention. In that moment, you
are the only person they care about. And that makes you feel heard and special.
If you’re connecting with someone new, skip the awkward small talk. Don’t talk about the
news or the weather. Instead, get the good part. Establish a meaningful connection right away,
because that connection can make you irresistible. The Irresistible Listener
Irresistible people lead almost every conversation, but they don’t
spend the whole time talking. In fact, irresistible people often keep their mouths
shut. They don’t control the conversation by talking the other person’s ear off. Instead,
they direct the conversation from topic to topic. Irresistible people ask good questions and
prompt the other person to tell stories, because best conversationalists know how powerful
a good question can be. These people are fun and engaging to talk to, because they devise
interesting, personal questions that lead the conversation in exciting, new directions.
If you want to be irresistible, practice coming up with great questions. You don’t have to talk
for hours. You don’t have to transform yourself into a bubbly or passionate storyteller. But
you do need to take a real interest in the other person and listen closely. If you’re actively
listening, good questions will pop into your head. Ask the other person about something you didn’t
understand. Or let them elaborate on something that they’re excited about. Irresistible listeners
use this foolproof strategy on a regular basis, because a handful of good questions can make
you the most attractive person in the room. Expressing Vulnerabilities
Do you honestly express yourself around other people? Many of us neuter
our personalities in social situations. We tone down our excitement, stifle our
happiness, and pretend like nothing phases us. But your cool, calm, and collected demeanor
doesn’t attract others that you think. Instead of attracting other people with your
go-with-the-flow attitude, you’re pushing people away. The truth is… people want you to care. They
want you to get excited. They want you to show your feelings, because your vulnerability
opens the door for a mutual connection Irresistible people aren’t afraid to be
vulnerable. They show their emotions. They express their genuine concerns, and they
take a real interest in the people around them. They aren’t always the coolest person in
the room. Or the most level-headed. But they’re often the most attractive, because they’re
vulnerable, approachable, and honest. They’re the kind of people you can be yourself around,
because they act the same way around you. So express your vulnerabilities. Stop trying
to play yourself down. Irresistible people let their emotions show, because it’s
those emotions that make you attractive. Shifting Your Perspective
Can you read people’s moods, body language, and vocal tones? You might think this a complicated
thing to do. If you’re trying to decipher tiny, subtle details, it can be; however, most people
send pretty obvious signals that anyone can read, as long as you know what to look for.
A friend or partner may not vocalize their feelings, but those feelings are
often expressed through physical signals, facial expressions, and body movements.
For example, let’s say you ask your friend how they’re feeling. They say they’re doing
alright, but the bags under their eyes, the slump in their spine, and the anxious shaking of their
leg tells you otherwise. While it’s important to listen to what someone says, you should always
consider the messages their body is sending. But why does this make you
more attractive? What does body language have to do with being irresistible?
Paying attention to other people’s body language gradually changes your perspective in a way
that’s irresistible to others. Before you pay detailed attention to someone else, you have
to shift your attention away from yourself. In other words, paying attention to others teaches
you to look outward—to observe the people around you and understand how they’re feeling.
Irresistible people are some of the least self-centered individuals you’ll ever meet. They
rarely worry about the things they say or the way they look, because they’re more concerned
with others. They’ve changed their perspective. They’ve learned to read, understand, and
connect with the world around them. And that skillset makes them irresistible.
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