6 Things That Make People Dislike You

hey everyone and welcome to top think today we're  going to learn about six things that make people   dislike you now let's begin number one emotional  suppression many people have this bad habit of   suppressing their emotions they bottle things  up and they pretend like nothing ever bothers or   excites them well why is that well nerves are a  big part of it let's say you're talking to someone   for the very first time you don't know them you  don't know how they think or how they're going to   react so you decide to play it safe you suppress  your emotions and you pretend like nothing's wrong   hoping that that will save you from trouble  down the road fear also plays a major role in   emotional suppression many people are scared of  getting rejected they're scared of the unknown   or they're just afraid their emotions are going to  come back to bite them in both of these scenarios   it feels like suppression is the safer option like  you're protecting yourself by bottling up those   feelings but you're not in fact people respond  much more positively to emotional expression   this comes from a 2015 study in the journal  of personality and social psychology   researchers had participants watch two different  video clips the first one showed someone freely   expressing their feelings while the second one  showed someone actively hiding their emotions   after watching both clips participants were  asked which person they'd rather be friends with   so who do you think participants liked more time  after time participants liked expression much more   in other words you're suppressing your emotions  to keep yourself safe but it isn't actually doing   you any favors if you want people to like you you  shouldn't be afraid to express how you really feel   number two detracting attention if you're a shy  or a nervous person you may draw attention away   from yourself you might avoid questions or stay  out of the spotlight but that shy behavior is   making it harder for people to connect with  you so whether you like it or not you need   to spend a little time in the spotlight  because that's how people get to know you   according to a 2013 study from the journal  of personality and social psychology   friendship relies on something called  reciprocal communication this sounds a   little tricky but it's actually something you do  all the time all right let's say you're asking   someone questions about their life during that  conversation information is traveling one way   you're learning about them which means you  have the opportunity to connect with their life   but if you're asking all the questions that bond  is only building in one direction in order to   establish a real friendship that connection has  to go both ways you have to talk about yourself   otherwise your new friend has nothing to latch on  to so don't spend the whole conversation listening   or asking questions you're never going to bond  with someone if they're the only one opening up   number three deep dark secrets friends should  feel comfortable trading secrets with each other   but what about telling a secret to someone you  just met should you be telling a stranger the most   personal things about you you'd be surprised how  many people make this mistake they'll say things   like i'm an open book or ask me anything while  that confidence is good you may end up giving   out more than you bargained for the truth is  boundaries are good for almost any relationship   you should gradually release information over  time you don't spill everything all at once but   that's where most people run into trouble they  use their secrets as a tool to bond with others   but secrets rarely bring people closer together  especially when they're one-sided remember that   friendships have to be reciprocal information  has to travel both ways to make a connection   in other words if you tell someone  a secret and they say nothing back   you're not building a bond you're just making  them feel uncomfortable you told them something   too personal and too sensitive so that secret  ends up changing the way they think about you   that same study from the journal of personality  and social psychology showed just how important   reciprocity really is researchers compared two  different scenarios in the first one person   disclosed a secret to a stranger but that stranger  said nothing in return in the second both parties   disclose secrets to each other so which one do  you think brought participants closer together   just as they expected there was a huge difference  in closeness between these two situations   the first made both participants feel awkward  and uncomfortable creating distance in their   relationship but in the second pair people  felt much closer because they traded secrets   they exchanged information both ways and  they bonded over their mutual vulnerability   so what should you take away from all of this if  someone tells you a secret it's okay to tell one   back but as a general rule don't use secrets to  connect with people stick to accessible topics   like hobbies and interests if you really want to  say something personal childhood memories are a   great place to start they give people a glimpse  into who you are without spilling any secrets   number four over sacrificing kindness can be  a double-edged sword people gravitate toward   friends that treat them well and make an effort to  be considerate of their feelings it's a wonderful   skill putting someone else's needs in front of  your own but sometimes nice people just go too far   they're so nice that it actually pushes people  away they make sacrifices they don't need to make   or stifle their own progress just to help someone  else instead of improving their relationships that   kindness actually hurts them in the long run this  discovery comes from a 2010 study in the journal   of personality and social psychology researchers  had a group of participants play a team game with   one objective collect as much currency as you can  but here's the catch there were options built into   this game for altruistic behavior in other words  you could choose to help your teammates in a way   that hurt your own performance now you'd think  players would like the people who made those   sacrifices right the ones who hurt themselves  to help their teams but they didn't in fact   those altruistic players were the most disliked  across the board at the end of the game players   were given the option to boot certain teammates  from the game and they almost always chose the   nicest ones the point here is kindness doesn't  always work out because people want you to look   out for yourself and they want you to keep your  own interests in mind so don't spend all your time   making sacrifices because that isn't what people  want and it's not going to make them like you   number five dropping big names name dropping  may seem like a good idea right if you know   someone famous you may casually drop them into the  conversation because it makes you seem a little   cooler and a little more important but you're  basically piggybacking off of their reputation   and people are going to see right  through you most of the time name   dropping is going to get on people's nerves  because it feels like you're trying too hard   like you're bragging just to make people  like you and that's a recipe for disaster   so don't load about your famous friends or  lie about some celebrity you claim to know   name dropping is a surefire way to turn people  against you so keep those big names to yourself   number six sharing too much sharing can be a great  way to connect with people but there is such a   thing as too much sharing if you're constantly  bombarding people with facts about your life   they're going to get tired of you they'll think  you're obsessed with yourself or you're just   hungry for attention either way it's going  to have a negative impact on your likability   social media is the most common arena for  this kind of over sharing the whole point   of social media is to share and connect with  others but what if you're sharing too much   what happens if you start posting every little  thing that you do is that going to affect other   people's opinions of you well according to a  2013 study from the university of birmingham   the answer is pretty clear this study examined  whether or not sharing photos on social media   improves the quality of your relationships it  turns out it doesn't over sharing discourages   people from interacting with your posts  and it significantly decreases likability   now of course social media isn't the only place  where you should avoid over sharing in a normal   conversation this bad habit can send people  running for the hills because sharing too much   makes people feel bored or uncomfortable just  imagine someone asks you a simple question like   what'd you do today this kind of question deserves  a quick and casual answer right oh but instead   you dive into every tiny detail of your day  talking that person's ear off for 20 minutes   you may not realize you're over sharing you  may think you're just answering the question   but there's a limit to how much people actually  need to know so if you're rambling on for 20   minutes you've definitely crossed the line and  that may drive people away from you in the future   it really helps to pay attention to the way people  are reacting especially when you're in the middle   of a story because their reactions tell you when  it's time to wrap things up if they're invested   and entertained feel free to keep going but if  they're restless or not paying attention hey   you've probably talked long enough so whether  you're online or offline be careful about how   much you share because there is a limit if you go  too far you will push people away hey thank you   for watching top think and be sure to subscribe  because more incredible content is on the way

Channel: TopThink

Views: 146,604

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Keywords: things that make people dislike you, habits that make people dislike you, people don’t like me, people dislike you

Id: UvIR1MV6jRg

Length: 9min 41sec (581 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 09 2020