A man walks into a bar. In a corner seat, a group of women quietly
judge him. He’s ok, not bad-looking, but nothing special. Fast-forward a couple of hours and those same
women that hadn’t shown much interest in this guy are swooning over him. They hang on his every word, blush when he
looks them in the eyes, and when they leave the bar, they think about him all night long. What’s this guy’s secret? What did he do that made him so attractive? Today we’ll reveal all, and perhaps you
can also work on being more like him. First of all, what’s up with looks, are
they really that important? Ok, so this is complicated. A group of young women in one study was asked
this question and they all came back with different answers, but the main theme was
that they weren’t all after that picture-perfect guy. In fact, many of them said focusing mainly
on the body alone was “shallow.” This is what one woman said, “I’m looking
for the personality in the picture of their body and I’m not getting that necessarily
from someone that posts a picture of their washboard abs.” While there might be a lot of guys out there
that are obsessed with their bodies and post pictures of their post-work-out muscles at
every opportunity, most of the women said men’s preoccupation with their bodies doesn’t
bode well for a long-term relationship. In fact, one woman said this, “I really
love that dad bods are in … that’s the perfect body, guys who are having fun and
a little bit of a tummy.” A psychologist named Jeremy Nicholson wrote
in Psychology Today that what women find most attractive is a man that shows some amount
of self-care. He said that a guy who seems like he takes
care of himself might show a woman that he is capable of taking care of her and any future
children they might have. So, it’s not about being perfect, it’s
more about not being a slob. Men that really are obsessed with their bodies
might give signs to a prospective partner that they care more about themselves than
they ever will about her or future offspring. Sure, if the woman is a fitness fanatic she
might well want to date someone who is also a fitness fanatic, but in general, a man doesn’t
need a washboard stomach to attract a woman. Magazines and movies featuring perfect bodies
breed insecurity and insecurity is what companies want you to feel. There are some other things, too, such as
the majority of women are attracted to men that are taller than them. It’s not always the case, but studies have
shown it’s what most women want. As for the face of a man, the average woman
will prefer a symmetrical face. This might seem weird, but according to science
symmetry of the facial features is a sign of healthy genes. One scientist wrote that symmetry suggests
“fewer genetic and environmental disturbances such as diseases, toxins, malnutrition or
genetic mutations.” Women on average also tend to be more attracted
to men who have a kind of V-shape body, rather than an egg shape. Shoulders that are quite large and a waist
that doesn’t bulge too much are things that might be attractive, but science also says
women tend to focus less on this than men do. As we said, it’s more about taking care
of yourself than it is about getting the perfect body. Studies also say that a masculine face is
more attractive to women on average, but that’s not always the case. Research has shown that men with masculine
faces often give off signs of dominance to women, which could show they are assertive
and competitive and want to dominate in all that they do. But the same research said these types of
men are also assumed to be guys that are better at a fling, a one-night stand, than men with
more feminine faces who women tend to think have high prestige with their buddies and
family. Women might want to have a longer-term relationship
with these men due to their psychological attractiveness, intelligence, their ability
to hold a conversation and build rapport. Sticking with the face, there’s a lot you
can do to be attractive. Studies have shown that women are less attracted
to guys that look stressed out and don’t get enough sleep or look ragged in general. Bags under the eyes are not the best thing
to have, for the reason that it could mean elevated stress hormones, which might relate
to not having a great immune system. One psychologist in Scotland explained it
like this, “Women seem to be able to detect the men who’ve got the strongest immune
response, and they seem to find them the most attractive.” So again, taking care of yourself can be as
good as being born with those chiseled features. As for the hair on the body, this seems to
differ from country to country, but in general, women prefer men with not so much body hair. Some studies based in China, the US, and New
Zealand seemed to point to this, that not much hair on the chest and other parts of
the trunk was the most attractive to women. Although women in Britain preferred some hair
as opposed to no hair. In all, keeping that hair in check might be
the way to go. In one study, a large number of women from
Turkey and Slovakia were shown pictures of guys with either bald chests or hairy chests. The men’s heads were not in the photos. The thing was, it was the same men in each
photo. In one image he had his chest hair and in
the other, he’d shaven it off. Quite incredibly, in both countries, only
20 percent of the women liked the image of the man with a hairy chest. Still, different studies have revealed different
results, which has made some scientists think there’s more to this than meets the eye. Perhaps a hairy chest is fashionable during
some periods in certain countries, or perhaps a woman’s liking for hair or no hair is
affected by her hormones at the time of looking at the pictures. Then there’s facial hair, which some studies
have suggested is attractive to women if it is well-groomed. One Australian study found that men with full
beards were designated by female participants as being mature, aggressive, and masculine. Men with only light beards were seen as being
dominant, and guys with light stubble won out, being the most attractive to the women
in the study. It might depend on where you live, too. In some countries, beards on men are less
liked than smooth skin. This might just be cultural, but it could
also be linked to evolution. Scientists say that a full beard could make
women think of hidden ticks and parasites. In general, it seems you can’t go wrong
with a neat bit of stubble – although it should not be patchy. Ok, so to recap. You might have better luck with a woman who
is a bit shorter than you. You don’t need to be an Adonis, but your
chances with women will be better if you at least groom yourself and get enough sleep. If you like your beard, fine, but in general
a bit of stubble is the way to go. As for that hair on your trunk, it seems a
little is better than lots on average. You can’t really change your facial features,
but rest assured, some women will go for feminine features and others will go for more masculine
features. What’s much more important is how to hold
yourself, how you speak, what your body movements suggest, and how you come across in general. All these things you can work on. Ok, so let’s imagine you’ve been using
a dating site. One thing we should point out here is that
an older man gets a larger dating pool compared to women of the same age. That’s because more women are interested
in older men than men are interested in older women. According to the experts, many women see older
men as more financially stable, more mature, and less prone to cheating so better fathers
for children they might have together. We can’t really give you a perfect age gap,
though. All we can say is if you are say, 35, and
she is 25, there’s absolutely no reason you can’t have a successful relationship. And before you start thinking this is all
about ‘daddy issues’, a study involving 173 women who were dating men 10 or more years
older than them came to the conclusion that this wasn’t the case. Many women just like older guys, something
that has been called the “George Clooney Effect.” Evolutionary psychology research has said
that in general women will look for a man that is slightly older than her, but you shouldn’t
sweat it too much regarding the age gap. If it feels right for you and for her, and
you are both adults, then go for it. Countless studies have shown that age differences
can be just fine. Still, research has said that the older male
may have to show that not only is he responsible, financially secure, but he may have to have
a fair amount of social charisma. This charisma is often noticeable when women
see you interact with your buddies. It’s actually very important, not only what
you say to her, but what you say to them. There was a well-known study published in
2010 called, “Men's Sense of Humor and Women's Responses to Courtship Solicitations: An Experimental
Field Study.” Basically, a scene was set up in which a guy
was with two of his friends in a bar. The guys made themselves noticeable to a group
of women who were sat nearby. What happened next was one guy told a joke
and his friends laughed a lot. Notably, the jokes were not crude or sexual
in nature. Later, the man who had told the joke asked
one of the women for her phone number. The same scenario was repeated with other
women, except the guy that told the joke changed. The upshot was that the man who had told the
joke had three times more chance of getting the phone number. Later, the person conducting the study asked
the women about the men. They agreed that the joke teller seemed more
attractive and more intelligent. Showing that you can hold people’s attention,
showing that you understand the complexities of life through humor, is definitely attractive. It also shows that you might make her laugh
one day, or make her children laugh. In a separate study, humor was tested again,
and this is what the researchers wrote in conclusion:
“Consistent with the Social Transformation Model of Humor introduced in this article,
individuals, particularly men, expressing humor were rated as more desirable than non-humorous
individuals for a serious relationship and marriage.” Still, the study also said the men might have
to be physically attractive. There is also how you interact with strangers. Let’s say you are on a first date with a
woman and you’ve decided to go to a restaurant. What do you think it says to her if you are
rude to the waitress? It shows her that this might be a personality
trait of yours. Sure, if you show assertiveness and politely
send some food back it might be attractive to her, but being rude in general is a big
turn-off. There’s something called the “Halo Effect.” This means you might just become more physically
attractive to someone because you showed an attractive personality trait. In one study called, “Is Kindness Physically
Attractive?”, women were showed pictures of men, except each picture came with a word
that described the person’s personality. Sometimes the word would be positive and sometimes
it would be negative. The same pictures had been shown to participants
before, except they were asked to rate the men without any information about their personality. What happened is if a person had a nice word
under their photo, they were usually given a higher score for physical attractiveness
than if they had no word at all or a negative word. Men were more handsome when they were deemed
good guys. One of the researchers wrote, “These findings
indicate that human interior psychological activity is related to exterior physical features,
and that a human is the whole entity of psychology and physiology.” If that’s a mouthful, it means you might
look more handsome if she likes the way you are. There was another interesting study related
to this in which students on a 6-week summer archaeology course were asked to rate the
physical attractiveness of each other on the first day of class. They then did the same on the last day and
the scores were dramatically different. One of the researchers said, “Among people
who actually know and interact with each other, the perception of physical attractiveness
is based largely on traits that cannot be detected from physical appearance alone.” No doubt a lot of you have already experienced
this because you’ve likely met someone who at first you didn’t seem to think was very
attractive at all, but as time went on, you started to re-assess and then tell your friends,
actually this person is really good-looking and you just didn’t see it at first. Never underestimate personality. A super-handsome bully with no sense of humor
and little intelligence might be able to get a one-night stand every now and again, but
they will definitely not be top of the list when it comes to long-term relationships. Then you’ve probably all heard about women
who like guys that take risks, maybe guys that act a little rebellious. This is true to some extent, but not if the
guy is totally out of control. Researchers have said that men who take “hunter-gatherer
risks” can come across as being attractive. In one study, women were asked to rate guys
on their behavior. They didn’t know that some of the guys were
linked to what the researchers called “modern risks” and others “hunter-gatherer risks.” The former was risk-taking related to cheating
or driving without a seatbelt, and the latter was more about doing extreme sports or going
alone into a vast forest. The researchers wrote in their conclusion,
“Results confirmed that modern risks were rated as unattractive for both sexes, whereas
hunter‐gatherer risks were rated as especially attractive when performed by males.” Playing it safe might not always work out
the best, but you already know that. Just have a brain and don’t do something
that might hurt you badly, because that also isn’t attractive regarding long-term partners. Even scars were preferred in some studies
by women, again likely related to risk-taking and our past as hunter-gatherers. In one study, photos of men were showed to
women and then the same photos were showed to other women except a facial scar had been
photoshopped to the face. With the scar, men were ranked higher for
short-term relationships but not long-term relationships. Maybe women don’t mind having a fling with
a rough and tumble kind of man. Let’s face it, if you’re ever going to
become a father the woman you are with will want you to be a loving father, someone who
puts his family before anything else. Various studies have shown that certain things
you do in life can point to you being a caring kind of person who has nurturing qualities. One of them, no kidding, is just walking dogs,
or being especially playful and affectionate with them. So, you met a girl in the park while playing
around with a dog that evidently loves you more than anything. You then went out on a date and made her laugh
while being very friendly and courteous to the waiting staff. Then you dropped the bombshell, you do volunteer
work at the local orphanage. Another study we found was titled, “Selflessness
is sexy: reported helping behavior increases desirability of men and women as long-term
sexual partners.” It revealed that altruistic behavior makes
a person attractive because we’ve just evolved to think that the helpers of this world will
be better partners and better parents. These people might also be seen as having
better genes since they have the strength to make some sacrifices for others. As the scientists wrote, selflessly helping
people gives you fitness points. In this study, the researchers gave photos
of people to others and asked them to rate their attractiveness. There was Daniel, who below one photo was
said to work in recruitment, like rock climbing and watch a lot of TV. The next photo of him said the same except
TV was changed to working for free in a school for disruptive kids. He was always ranked as more attractive when
he worked with the kids. It was the same for other photos, whenever
they volunteered, or donated, or sacrificed in another kind of way, they got a higher
physical attractiveness score. But please guys, don’t go volunteering at
the local dog pound just so you can put it in your dating profile. You have to mean it, of course, otherwise,
the truth will come out sooner or later. As for those photos you post on those websites
or apps, what you’re doing means a lot. Various studies proved that men who posted
photos of themselves next to expensive cars or outside wonderful houses were liked more. The very same men not showing how much cash
they had suddenly became less popular. The thing is, faking a photo of you leaning
against a Ferrari that isn’t yours is only going to get you the swipe, real life will
have to get in on the act at some point and if the woman really is looking for some rich
dude and you’re not him, then what a waste of time that has been for everyone. Take a nice photo by any means, but keep it
real. Intelligence in some studies was seen as more
important than just about every other trait, at least for 10 percent of women. Liars lying against luxury villas don’t
exactly come across as deep thinkers. Studies have shown that men who can write
music, write books, understand complex science, are very attractive to many women. Ok, so you can’t have it all. But please take some hope here. You might not win any prizes for your looks,
but you know you can be funny at times, or you can impress people with your knowledge
of 17th-century European architecture. Some of you might not have much cash, but
you might have courage and determination and the will to work hard, and at the same time,
you might devote much of your time to helping others. Or, maybe you don’t care much about material
wealth, but you have a derring-do spirit which suggests you’ll have amazing adventures
with your partner. Don’t focus only on looks or your body or
material things. You are no doubt attractive in your own way
to someone out there. Now you need to watch, “What Exactly is
an Orgasm?” Or, have a look at, “Does Size Matter - Why
Size Differs by Species?”
