5 Reasons Movies Keep Getting Worse

take away pick not play sorry I saw whatever the most popular movie is right now and ran like five blocks of clean how much it suck and now my lungs and mouth feel like old lava pay some water please Oh should be getting so much pop control running anyway five basic ways every movie sucks now what Britain the rooms okay if you're doing really trying to subvert someone's expectations or just really don't want to pay for something and sure old lava would technically just be rocks but in terms of cinema there are some fundamental rules that modern movies are completely ignoring load-bearing rules the kind that when kicked away we have a giant rubble inert gross turns oh look everyone it's a time traveler from forever ago when I asked for this thanks John Smith that is not water number five stop withholding simple backstory film school 101 if your character finds the magic object or it's starting to a crazy adventure it's pretty important to explain why that thing is happening Luke gets his family lightsaber from obi-wan he has it because he's an old friend of his father's the t800 was captured and reprogrammed by the resistance to protect John Connor these are bare minimum explanations for why a plot point is being sent into motion and yet decades later where'd you get that a good question for another time program by who huh who stand back those files have been erased oh that's Camille what that's three for another time that's a story for right goddamn now mad you goddamned butthole I've seen Yoda and yes John Connor it is very convenient that no one knows why the main catalyst of the film is happening nice job pointing that out because if a character points out how your film is it doesn't mean the writers fail to take literally five minutes to think of an explanation rather it just means it's not see any more like a showing jerk add of hack work Schrodinger's crap okay this is external fury ending when a franchisee uses time travel to reboot itself and the explanation for why the same characters would - incidentally come together is just magic or fate or because the producer said so dear God we're making a bad movie number for deleted scenes and bonus material shouldn't be required viewing at 2 hours and 30 minutes Batman lower case V Superman : dawn of Justice was more drawn out and disorienting than a funhouse colonoscopy don't try it it's terrible luckily the three hour Ultimate Edition has been praised by fans for making sense and telling a coherent story remember that opening scene when Superman rescues Lois from a murderous Nairobi general and get in explicably blamed for the carnage it turns out that in a deleted scene henchmen Bono burns the bodies with a flamethrower to make it look like Superman used his heat vision to waste food another cutscene showed Superman flying off after the capital explosion and causing the media to speculated humans involved these are two very crucial themes for explaining the entire purpose of the film and you can only see them as deleted scenes in the extended cut quick tip is getting our theatrical runtime down to a reasonable length requires you to hack off a bunch of vital information you made in that movie deleted scenes are supposed to be deleted because they aren't necessary this is why we have something called pre-production where a script is written approved and then film instead scramble to the last second like a hundred million dollar highschool diorama same thing goes for any Easter eggs viral marketing or cast interviews I shouldn't have to Google additional details to understand who a character is or what their motivations are that's C n B lowercase vs cone DOJ where that CIA operative gets shot that guy was Jimmy Olsen Zack Snyder said so in an interview after the movie came out explaining that he thought it'd be a neat little Easter Egg for fans except that's not an Easter Egg it's a gross misinterpretation of a beloved character that you immediately shoot dead and no one would even know if you didn't mention it if you have to do press events explaining what happened in your movie you made a bad movie another not fast enough I don't touch it or something changes number three mystery boxes are pink loud they are mystery boxes are clowns meaning the literal set of clowns digested party cake and mint schnapps in a bundle on the floor the festive party squad because you have no idea what a mystery box is a lot of the master to explain so one of the things that I bought at the magic store was this cannons mystery magic box $15 buys you $50 worth of magic I bought this decades ago I'm not kidding if you look at this you'll see it's never been opened when I start to think that maybe there are times when mystery is more important than knowledge you hear that future writers mystery is more important than knowledge a lot of cases that can be true like the briefcase in Pulp Fiction or the contents of the cup I'm holding tastes like a rusty tractor only here's the thing about that unopened mystery box that JJ bought at a magic store it was sold and fifty dollars worth of magic for only 15 bucks and as the New York Times discovered is actually filled with plastic garbage the thing is that it represents infinite possibility it represents hope it represents potential no it doesn't Jeffrey Jacob the specific mystery box you're referring to literally read presents a marketing gimmick it represents a magic store trying to creatively sell a bunch of cheap crap they couldn't get off the show by calling it a mystery and overstating its value which ironically and hopefully obviously at this point is a great metaphor for how you make movies there's actually a very real chance Cloverfield was named after the street JJ Abrams office was on but the initial teaser completely withheld EV information solely because it made the film look way more mysterious by doing so without all the mystery hype around this film or cooperate then you're left with some well-made but fairly forgettable monster movie and JJ Abrams knows this which is why he keeps stuffing his average wares into grand us Riddler packages to him the idea of a mystery box is simply withhold random information in order to make the plot seem more important my name is Kai Wow what a dramatic reveal is it makes zero sense in the context of the story to anyone watching that 15 years from now this line rating is it's going to seem weird and hammy because played entirely for contemporary Star Trek fans if you're making a movie the only makes sense in context as a marketing and fan culture of the time you're making a bad movie number two hey maybe make likable characters with actual arc character arcs are simple you start with a flaw and desire then you overturn their expectations and from that the character grows and eventually changes their behavior like if someone starts out a jerk they might learn to respect others by getting their needs fulfilled in a way they didn't expect whatever dips so let's look at a classic example like Alan Grant in Jurassic Park grant starts with a contempt for children which he demonstrates by publicly slashing into child genitals with a monster's claw but then he's forced to either run away like a cowardly lawyer or protect Lex and Tim from the t-rex fighting every urge to slash it in chunks grant learns the merit of parenthood and eventually cast away his genital mutilation lizard hook the show ends with all three characters huddled together having earned a bond along the way compare that to Claire like world who also hates children but cuts off from her nephews in the first 10 minutes of the film never seeing them again until an hour and 20 minutes later during that time she has a love story subplot with Chris Pratt and the kids end up saving himself from the jungle and when they finally reunite Clare doesn't immediately create them because she's too busy tugging star-lord some closes with her petting their heads like it's some kind of payoff to an arc that just isn't there there are entire arcs that completely dropped halfway through this movie and if you don't think this matters go ahead and ask yourself how many Jurassic world characters you can actually name versus Jurassic Park or hell just try to name a single likable horror movie protagonist in the last 15 years or compare Luke Skywalker's Jedi learning curve to Ray's non-existent one in the force awakens she mastered the mystical force like a Foursquare in the playground and to everyone commenting they'll explain it in the next movie her past mysterious I say all the stuff I've already said and will sing anyway this lack of development is what happens when studio is trying to make every movie part of an episodic cinematic universe Spock and Hoover need to constantly have relationship problems Iron Man needs to remain ideologically contrasted with Captain America Wolverine needs to constantly be at war with his past the same mistakes are made over and over again so that nothing gets concluded for the next film nothing changes nothing ends it's hell this is hell and if your audience feels like they're in a waking purgatory it made a bad movie number one films are supposed to end quick lesson on cliffhangers you ready this is not a clipping this is prematurely ending the last scene so everyone has to see the next film to know what happened actual cliffhangers are supposed to be a dramatic and ambiguous moment that sets up the next movie of the series ideally this should come as a surprise to the audience which is family or impossible thanks the studio is calling a shot ten films in advance imagining how less cool the x-men Phoenix teaser would have been if Bryan Singer had already told us about it years in advance and this modern lack of surprise cuts to the heart of everything I've said in this video the mystery box viral marketing deleted scenes incomplete pause details and character development are all indicative of films no longer having a preconceived beginning middle and most importantly and when franchises don't end each film starts becoming commercial for the next one and stops being a complete and self-contained story Star Wars was special not only because it captured our imagination and can compute all that but because there were only three of them it was fleeting and finite and therefore created real tension for the audience if you don't end your story then nothing matters there's no real stakes when we know the good guys and bad guys will be fighting forever no one will ever die or change or settle down your franchise will become meaningless shocked like the Hellraiser sequels are a daytime soap opera and eventually it will end not because you planned out a perfect ending but because everyone will get sick of it it'll fizzle out anti climactic and messy and you'll be left with nothing particularly memorable you're killing the basic storytelling principles that made these series beloved in the first place in order to suck them dry for money monsters gasoline by the way I'm drinking gasoline this whole time take that your gun man mystery mugs hey guys thanks for watching that hey did you know that monogamous sexual relationships are actually a recent development in human history I know that's the sort of thing you typically hear from a 50 year old guy with ponytails thanks all naked bodies are beautiful but as someone who finds the naked human body gross and repellant in most of its forms I'm here to tell you that science and sociology and history surrounding sex are actually really interesting even to a person who's never been to an orgy anyways that's not just a the more you know style public service announcement it's what our live podcast is about this month so Saturday February 11th 7 p.m. me and Michael swam Theresa Lee are going to be talking to dr. Christopher Ryan who wrote a fascinating book about what sex was like a long long time ago when humans were just starting to you know tickets are $7 they usually sell it pretty quickly so click on the link somewhere on your screen now if that sounds interesting to you

Channel: Cracked

Views: 1,826,235

Rating: 4.4566488 out of 5

Keywords: Movies, Films, Jurassic World, Funny, spoof, cracked, cracked.com, sketch, comedy, funny, parody, marvel, chris pratt, dc universe, Jurassic Park, backstory, film school, Star Wars, Luke Skywalker, t-800, Terminator, John Connor, The Force Awakens, Time Travel, Wolverine, Hugh Jackman, Batman v Superman, Superman, Batman, Rogue One, Mystery Boxes, JJ Abrams, Pulp Fiction, Star Trek: Into Darkness, Iron Man, Captain America: Civil War, viral marketing, character development

Id: YW3o2JYoK6Q

Length: 12min 42sec (762 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 05 2017

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