5 Goals You'll Never Reach | Getting Unstuck

having goals is really important and we talk about that a lot here on my channel because goals allow us to have direction and guidance and markers and guideposts for moving forward for learning growing and expanding but there are goals that i see a lot of people setting that are not helpful goals because they are not goals that will ever be reached you will not be able to reach them and so having these as goals is more often than not just going to be frustrating and discouraging and so they are not helpful not needed and not necessary in order to be able to move forward to learn to grow and expand so i want to talk to you today about what five of those goals are that most people have at least a few of them and maybe they're not even conscious but when i bring them out you're going to be like oh my gosh yes i've totally secretly had that goal maybe even without being aware of it and i have been finding it really frustrating and discouraging this makes so much more sense now so i hope that you have that realization at least at some point during this talk today if you're new here welcome to our incredible little corner on the internet take a second introduce yourself in the comment section below if you're back again say hello love being able to connect with all of you uh oh and if you haven't already subscribe to the channel the button's about right down there either way my name is julia christina and i'm a registered clinical therapist a researcher a coach and the creator of my incredible membership community the shift society that you can get more information about in the description below and get on the wait list so that as soon as we open up registration you can get in there because you need to get in there it's an incredible program and full of incredible people doing this work in a more intensive intentional way together i help heart center go-getter people break through the crap that is holding them back so they can like themselves and their lives more every day and setting forth trying to reach these goals that cannot be reached can be very frustrating and it can make it so that you don't enjoy your life as much as you could so let's get right into them and talking about these goals that are not reachable so we've got to well it's going to be helpful to stop even trying and putting our energy towards things that are going to be helpful and the first one is the goal of never having to fail this idea that you should be able to do something and never have it go the way that you don't want it to go all of the perfecting and performing and planning and preparing and i'm not saying that we don't plan and prepare absolutely but there has to be a certain point where you let that be good enough and then you take the leap and you trust that no matter what happens you will be okay that if you do fail you will catch instead of kick yourself when you fall so often the reason that we fear failure failure is just it's actually a neutral event failure in and of itself is just something not getting the outcome that you had planned or expected that's it but we make failure mean so much more i'm a failure i don't have what it takes i'm not good enough i can't do every anything right there's something wrong with me everybody else has something that i don't have which means something terrible about me as a human being whatever that is whatever your brain tries to tell you when you don't get an outcome that you want so no wonder we don't want to fail because it feels failure doesn't feel terrible we make ourselves feel terrible when things don't go the way that we want instead of knowing that when it comes to life when it comes to trying things when it comes to putting ourselves out there of course that it's vulnerable because it's uncertain right because we don't know the exact outcome but it becomes so much less vulnerable so much less anxiety provoking when again we know that we will be able to handle and deal with whatever it is that happens when we know that when we go out and do anything in life try anything making ourselves available for anything sometimes we win and sometimes we learn and when you know that in getting out of this idea and this ideal that everything has to be perfect and you cannot fail which is impossible the only way not to fail is to not do anything and the more things you do for those of you who the kind of more you actively you participate in life and the more things you try and the more experiences you have the more you kind of get this right i think so often the first couple times we fail at something that we really want we're like oh my gosh it's so awful what's wrong with me i don't have what it takes and i can't do this and i'm pathetic or whatever that is but then you sort of start to realize and see that failure is just part of the learning and growth process it's part of it it doesn't mean anything bad about you it actually means something good because there is no failure without showing up there is no failure without trying there is no failure without putting yourself out there in some way failure is a sign of success so a goal to never fail is not a goal that will ever be reached unless you do nothing and go nowhere and love no one the next goal that you will never reach is having a life that is always easy and free of pain and this for you who may be struggling maybe going through something hard maybe you have been struggling for a while and you have this idea and this ideal that if i do everything right if i get the magic solution if i push the magic button i'll get to a place where life is easy and free of pain and so maybe you've tried doing that right you've tried watching videos taking courses going to therapy getting a coach and you think that oh my gosh i'm doing something wrong because i've never gotten to a point where life has been easy and free of pain and the truth is that is not a goal that's going to be reached because that is not possible for life no one gets a free ride in life and no one gets to coast yes we might have times in our lives and periods in our lives where things are easy and they're going well and you know it just feels less painful even even pleasurable and enjoyable and it feels good and that's great but it's not gonna feel like that forever and that's okay because that is part of life the upsire part of life the downs are a part of life and so to think that somehow i'm doing something wrong because i haven't gotten to this place of continuous coasting you're not doing something wrong that's not possible as we do this work to be able to process our emotions to be able to manage our minds when things are happening this isn't about making it so that we never experience pain that we never have problems that we never go through challenging things it means that we are better equipped to deal with it when we do that we have the tools and the resources to be able to deal with life instead of trying to make life pain free because that is just not possible in the ironic part is that we end up spending so much time and energy and effort exhausting ourselves stressing ourselves getting anxious and worried about something bad happening that we aren't actually able to enjoy our lives because we're so preoccupied with trying to control everything in our lives instead of equipping ourselves to be able to handle it and one of my favorite quotes is that if you want to stop getting splinters in your toes you can go around and pad the world in rubber or you can put on a pair of shoes and then the next goal that you will never reach is the goal of fixing yourself and the reason you will never fix yourself is because you are not broken there may be some things that you're struggling with there may be some challenges that you are facing there may be some things that are going on inside of you because of things that you learned because things that you were taught you were told things you experienced things that you went through things that you observed or absorbed there may be some things in there that you want to work out and work through and deal with because you want to be feeling better because you want to be experiencing life better because you want to be having healthier and better relationships with others and with yourselves with yourself but that doesn't mean that you you're broken it just means that you learned some things that were not helpful and so then what we need to do is unlearn them so that we can relearn ways of relating to ourselves ways of interacting with life that are more in alignment with what you want to be experiencing while you are here but you can't be fixed because you are not broken the next goal that you will never reach is having full certainty and i think we have realized this more than ever living through a global pandemic that nothing is certain but it's interesting how often we want that full certainty we want to know how things are going to turn out and again one of the biggest reasons why we want certainty is because we don't trust ourselves to be able to handle the outcome that we don't want we don't trust that we're going to figure out a way to be okay even if it's hard even if it's painful even if it's not great we don't trust ourselves to be able to handle it so we make ourselves really anxious really stressed out trying to get something that is not gettable and i think we're starting to realize that more but maybe we're not in sort of our everyday life maybe on like the macro level where we are starting to understand that like um especially in you know some parts of the world things have been relatively stable relatively smooth sailing for a while and so we thought that that's just the way things were always going to be but then having this big huge upset having this big pandemic this this thing come up that we weren't expecting that has really disrupted so many of our lives we're starting to realize that like okay things can happen just because things have been pretty smooth it doesn't guarantee that they always will be but i want us to just really take a step back and look at areas of our lives areas of your life where you are trying to insist on full certainty around something maybe it's a project or a goal or something that you want to take on maybe it's about a plan that you want to make maybe it's something that you want to try maybe it's just with everyday living that you want to know that you're going to be safe that you're going to be healthy that everything is going to be okay and are almost stuck in anxiety and fear and worry because you are trying to get an outcome or trying to control something that cannot be fully controlled so where in your life are you aiming for full certainty and are ending up getting really anxious and frustrated because you can't quite seem to get it knowing that the reason why you can't get it is because it's not get a bull so of course we are intentional and we do our best to plan and prepare and to you know take precautions and kind of you know live life in sort of this reasonable way understanding that not everything is within our control not everything is certain and being able to say okay like i still need to live i still need to show up in life i don't want to be fearful around what may be minor could happen and get paralyzed within that fear so that i'm not actually living trying to prevent anything bad from happening i'm trying to maybe you know trying to preserve my life by trying to prevent anything bad from happening and thereby in my attempts to preserve my life i'm actually not even really living because i'm so preoccupied with that so just moving into that place of acceptance it's not always easy but especially when it comes to sort of the day-to-day things that we are trying in life experiences that we want to have in life trusting that if it doesn't go the way that i want i will catch instead of kick myself if i fall the next goal you will never reach is the goal of getting to somewhere where you will feel good enough now let me explain i'm not saying that you'll never get to the point where you can learn to love and accept yourself and feel good about who you are not every second of every day and you know i would be shocked to meet a human being who is not a sociopath who what feels 100 calm and confident and secure all the time it's just not possible but we can get to a point where that becomes more of the norm where our default is to believe in ourselves to feel good about ourselves to have confidence in who we are to like who we are and maybe even love who we are we can absolutely get to that point but it's not by what we achieve or accomplish and acquire on the out side good enough is an inside job good enough is a decision it's not a destination because we you've done it you've tried it and probably in your life you have accomplished so many of the things that you set out to do and thought if i just do this if i just achieved this if it just accomplishes it just acquire this if i can just get here if i can just have this then i will will feel good enough and i want to ask you how's that going was that the ticket was that the thing and i'm going to tell you from my own life i've accomplished and achieved so many of my goals and and so many of my dreams and sort of having things in my life that i didn't even dream of dream of but was that the solution to my sense of worthiness no no because it's not the way that it works you can have everything on the outside but if you don't believe in your sense of worthiness on the inside that's not going to do it so getting to a point where you can feel good enough there is no point where you do it is something that is created and cultivated on the inside by again unlearning the things that have been stopping you from connecting with your worthiness with your sense of good and be feeling good enough unlearning the messages and the beliefs and the thoughts and the ideas and the ideals that have been preventing you from that so that you can create the thoughts and beliefs and connections with yourself that will and so much of that is about learning how to build trust within yourself and i have a guide that's a simple steps to self trust that's going to help you take this to a deeper level to ask some questions and get some answers on how to start to build that more secure connected trusting relationship with yourself you can use that guide while you're waiting for registration for the shift society to open and get started on that so then you're primed and ready for when we do open up registration get the link to the simple stuff steps to self trust that's in the description below and get on the waitlist for the shift society that is also in the description below goals that you'll never reach which one of these have you been spending a lot of your time on and now realize that the efforts have been in vain and so you're going to take a step back and look at where do i want to be putting my effort what do i want to be working towards that's going to be that's going to deliver none of these will would love to hear your thoughts on this what connected with you let me know in the comments below um if you found this video helpful if you could hit the like button just helps it be able to get out to more people the youtube algorithm likes that so that more people can get this information and learn these tools and then also of course subscribe to the channel if you haven't already so you can get notifications we can stay connected and until next time take good care you

Channel: Julia Kristina Counselling

Views: 11,742

Rating: 4.9785175 out of 5

Keywords: why I'm stuck, why you're stuck, feeling stuck, getting unstuck, don't set these goals, bad goals, unreachable goals, goals you can't reach, Julia Kristina Goals, brian tracy, marie forleo, Evan Carmichael, Julia Kristina Counselling, Julia Counsellor, Julia Kristina, reach your goals, feeling discouraged, set, unstuck, stuck, stop, goals, motivated, get motivated, get unstuck, make progress on your goals, progress, mental wellness, resilience, build resilience, get resilient, cbt

Id: tiXfAHmt1Ao

Length: 18min 2sec (1082 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 17 2021