10 Ways Narcissists Insult You & Erode Your Self Esteem #emotionalabuse #narcissistic

Hello friends welcome back this channel is dedicated to explaining narcissistic abuse with the goal to help you to break out of the narcissistic web that so many people can get stuck in for decades so that being said what I'm talking about today are 10 ways that covert malignant narcissists insult you and erode your self-esteem and the reason I included so many different ways that they do this is because sometimes when a narcissist has been called out they'll stop or seemingly stop doing one behavior and it may look like they're changing it might And I stress the word might look like they're putting forth effort to modify their behavior when in fact all they're doing is switching tools I was caught using that manipulation tool so I will use this one and so we want to really understand the ways that they do this but I'm not going to lie learning these tactics learning the tools that they use understanding the narcissist is going to help you to understand them but it's not going to guarantee that you break free of narcissistic relationships if you want to know how to do that you have to watch the end so let's dive in for those that don't know me my name is Michelle I'm a Certified trauma-informed Recovery coach I specialize in helping people overcome narcissistic abuse and complex PTSD I'm also the founder of the thriver school of transformation where survivors of narcissistic abuse from all over the world meet together live on Zoom we work through the side effects of emotional trauma together okay so let's dive into those 10 ways that narcissists insult and erode your self-esteem number one is by direct rejection this is over abuse where they basically tell you that you're not good enough for them or you're less than them and everyone else they've ever known where they literally insult you to your face that's the easiest one to identify because it's not hidden it's very obvious number two is covert insults that are disguised to help you they insult you but then they they do it telling you that if they're just telling you this they're just telling you that you look awful and that you're less than everyone else and that you're so horrible because they care and they're trying to help you better yourself and the thing with this tactic is if you call them out for it and you tell them how much it's hurting you they will pretend to be like shocked that you would think that this was something negative they would be in shock that you don't see the value of the fact that they're trying to help you number three has to do with the fact that there are crimes of commission and crimes of omission there are things that people do wrong by what they they do and then there are things that are done wrong by what they don't do and in this case a narcissist will insult you by acting as if they don't notice you acting as if they don't see any of your accomplishments or anything positive that you do and this can be seen with a significant other other or with narcissistic parents that love to triangulate their children so for example they'll see one child gets a B minus or a d on a paper and they're praising that child if that's the Golden Child the scapegoat comes home and they have an A plus and they're like valedictorian and they're getting Awards in school and the narcissistic parent will do backflips for this for The Golden Child and we'll have this Blank Stare at the scapegoated child's achievements it's not that they're saying anything but it carries the same pain and it affects your self-esteem the same way this absolute non-reaction from a narcissistic parent especially when because you can think well maybe my parent just isn't like that but especially when they notice that for the other children the other siblings there is a huge reaction and it's the same thing with those significant other let's say you get all beautiful for a night out with your significant other and they don't compliment you so in the beginning you might be like oh but they're just not that kind of person but then you go out and they compliment everyone and then they come home they're talking to you did you notice so-and-so's hair she looked so beautiful she looked amazing but can never say one nice word to you it's a very covert way to insult and erode your self-esteem number four is through projection of their shame narcissists cannot tolerate shame and so what they do is when they notice it inside of them they will fling it onto their family members and cause you to feel bad about yourself so they're displacing their shame onto you and because they're so scared of feeling shame or even seeing any kind of Shame inside of them they harp on you and make you feel like you don't breathe correctly everything you do is wrong number five is through scapegoating no matter what happens wrong it's always your fault if something goes wrong it's your fault if something goes right even if you did it it's because of them and so they constantly keep themselves in this this place of power keep you feeling unworthy and a burden and as if everything in life is your fault and they ostracize their target as well and again one of the main reasons they do this is so that they don't ever have to be responsible for anything because after all it's all your fault six is through gaslighting the this is where they insult you and erode your self-esteem all in the same breath right so they say something really nasty to you and then when you call them out for it and you express that you didn't appreciate or like what they're doing or how they're training you they'll turn around and say they never said that or that you twisted things or that you just love to fight and that's why you're saying this and why you're doing this so they're insulting you and you can't even get that validated acknowledged and in fact you wind up questioning yourself at the end of it because when they do deny it when they say that they never said anything they speak with such confidence that it causes you to doubt yourself and when we doubt ourselves our connection to self erodes our self-esteem our self-identity all gets weak number seven is how they are always one-upping you whether it's with them right you do something but they could do it better yeah you did it okay but when they do it everything's more amazing or in a family Dynamics in a narcissistic family Dynamics narcissists love to do this with Outsiders or with other members of the family and it's all with the goal to make you keep trying harder to please them so for example I knew in one narcissistic family the mother would say things like oh my sister's kids if she tells them to jump they jump they do so much for her they are amazing I wish I had kids like that one up being in between cousins a narcissistic parent can do that or they can do it with siblings as well if you're in an adult relationship with a narcissist they can do it with friends in your friend circle with other um people that you work with but they're always comparing you and you always are on the downside number eight are the famous backhanded compliments get all dressed up and they're like oh wow you that skirt actually makes you look skinny are you actually look good today or you cook a meal while this actually was wasn't horrible and it's always with this implication that normally normally it is horrible normally you look horrible so that even when you look good or even when they are acknowledging it because maybe there's they're forced to maybe you're around people that are telling you it's a good meal or people that are complimenting you and so they're forced to acknowledge it but they do so in such a way that it doesn't even feel good because you're left thinking oh wow they're making it sound like normally I'm horrible number nine is when they act bored when you're speaking so you're talking and suddenly they'll start yawning or it's almost like they're falling asleep right before your eyes but the second you start talking about them they come alive they are inadvertently trying to portray that you don't matter in fact all of the things that I'm I'm mentioning they all touch on subconscious beliefs right that are provoked in their targets I don't matter I am less than I'm not good enough I'm unlovable and everything they do is constantly trying to like poke their finger in your wounds but this is one you see a lot of where when you have something to say they just it's like this they're in slow motion somebody hit like a a slow motion button on them and they only come alive when it's about them and number 10 not that this is an all-inclusive list but number 10 is when they give you the silent treatment let's say you stand firm with your boundary let's say you call them out for their manipulative abusive behavior and they have no way out of it they will act as if you are dead when you're in the silent treatment with somebody that you live with a significant other or a parent you feel like the Living Dead they will not acknowledge you and what an insult right it's basically saying that you're not worth my acknowledging of your existence and when you are on the receiving end of the silent treatment and you don't understand these Dynamics again it touches on the core wounds that are most painful for you it is emotional torture so when you think of all of those 10 different things and I know in my case sadly the few narcissists that I had close relationships with did all 10 of them not just one or two did all 10 of them and I'd be curious to know in your case how many were done in your experience with the narcissist and is it any wonder is it any wonder that we wind up with complex PTSD after narcissistic relationships looking at all of those manipulation tactics imagine actually we don't have to imagine if you're watching my video you don't have to imagine living with somebody that is doing that to you 24 7. it's no wonder our nervous system is a mess it's no wonder we we're dealing with complex trauma symptoms and so this is where at this point it's not about learning more about identifying how many things they do like I said in the beginning we can learn about all the things they do to manipulate to insult to psychologically twist you up from the inside out we can memorize those things we can watch these videos over and over and over again and it doesn't mean that we're not going to fall for another narcissist because what happens as a result of these relationships and because most of us had these Dynamics at some point in our childhood there is an inner template that we have that is filled with subconscious limiting beliefs that actually cause us to reenact relationships with narcissists this is where things like limerence kick on which by the way that's a whole other video the thing with our subconscious beliefs are when we're around somebody that reminds our subconscious of maybe a caregiver that we have a relationship with that was Rocky that we never felt resolved in that relationship well our subconscious mind wakes up and it's like oh this is similar so this is another opportunity to get it right and so every fiber in our body will be pushing us to try to make it work it's also why so many of us stay in these Dynamics what are we doing when we're staying we're trying harder we're trying harder and harder we're yanking our personality inside out we're trying to get it right we're trying to do be think and feel whatever we're supposed to in order to make the relationship work we don't realize why we're doing that but the reality is the reason we're trying harder and harder and harder is because the narcissist puts us in a chronic Fawn trauma response so we are fawning because of the narcissistic abuse and we're trying to fix the relationship by fawning even more and it doesn't work then we get out of that relationship and we want to have healthy relationships but we were stuck in a fawn response for so long that when we go into another relationship it's still there it's still on so we can either attract narcissists on accident because narcissists love people that Bond yes please spawn please stifle you so that you can be there for me that's the whole underlying thing about narcissist so if we're stuck in the fawning response we are like a magnet to a narcissist then on top of it if we're stuck in a fawn trauma response it's difficult to have healthy relationships because healthy people have a hard time with somebody fawning they don't want somebody to Fawn they want somebody to show up as their real self but if we're fawning this is the thing with fawning we're not fawning because we like it or because it's a personality trait as much as it is a trauma response that we learned to use to keep ourselves safe why do we fall with the narcissist so that we can avoid some of their anger right or we do something The Narcissist doesn't like we stop doing it that's fawning we are constantly stifling us to try to make them happy the antidote to never being in another relationship with a narcissist isn't so much memorizing The Narcissist as much as it is breaking out of your Fawn trauma response I read a comment in one of my videos recently and the person put in that in that video they were like I'm so tired of it I'm learning learning learning and I'm still stuck in these relationships and I'm still finding myself surrounded by these people and again the reason is because it's not about learning about the narcissist that helps you to break out of that it's about uprooting what the narcissist did to your nervous system that keeps you stuck in trauma responses stuck in limiting beliefs when you uproot that that's when things start to change and guess what that's what we do in thriver school of transformation we meet every week and our focus is on putting the focus inside seeing what's there seeing what we can upgrade what we can uproot from the narcissistic abuse but we can unlearn so that we can be our best selves and this month in July we are doing how to stop fawning so if this video resonates with you then make sure you come check us out there are 9 to 12 live meetings every month in thriver school of transformation and it's only 79.99

Channel: Michele Lee Nieves Coaching

Views: 214,694

Keywords: life coach, michele lee nieves, narcissism, how narcissists destroy your, how narcissists destroy your self esteem, narcissists devalue you, gaslighting, blame shifting in relationships, how narcissists argue, how narcissists behave, narcissistic abuse recovery, how narcissistic abuse, how narcissistic abuse changes you, how narcissistic abuse affects the brain, how narcissistic abuse affects future relationships, emotional abuse, controlling boyfriend, controlling parents, cptsd

Id: bdueTo5rKN4

Length: 15min 16sec (916 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 04 2023