You Stink Of Fear

all right I'm coach Cory Wayne this is my video coaching newsletter and the top of this newsletter is going to be you stink of fear well I've got three emails that I'm going to go through with you Tay obviously with the focus on fear in mindsets and beliefs like the first email I'm going to go through here we're going to just some of the the sentences that the guy puts into his email tells you everything about his State of Mind and what he's focusing on and it's pretty obvious why he's not having a lot of results but before we get into the first email I got a quote that I wrote that I want to share before we go through the emails it says Michelangelo once said the genius is eternal patience good quote I heard that the other day I was just like I was blown away by that it's so true it's like everything that you do in your life you've got to be diligent with you've got to be patient whether it's working out and taking care of your body getting in great shape even going from eating a really unhealthy diet to a really healthy diet it's the type of thing that takes a long time many months in most cases to make the transition from the old way of eating to the new way of eating and then to really see the results in your body and how you feel and see it show up and you're in your skin saying they was starting a business oftentimes it's many many years and the most successful entrepreneurs they think in terms of decade they don't they don't think in terms of days weeks months or even hours it's the long haul the big picture of why they're doing what they're doing anything in life we're doing takes time and you look at Michelangelo and like what he did with the Sistine Chapel and he took his time he wanted to get things absolutely perfect meaning when he was done painting something or sculpting something or whatever it was that he happened to be doing art wise he was giving in his absolute best the absolute best that he could possibly do and sometimes that might have meant if he painted something and it didn't look just right he go back and paint over it and paint it again just to get the right effect of the right colors and the light right lines that he was looking for when I heard that quota there was like god it makes so much sense it's such a great quote genius is eternal patience so let me read the rest of the paragraph that I wrote it says genius is having the patient's care diligence and love to spend whatever time is necessary to perfect yourself your work in your life it's a patient and relentless pursuit of perfection if you pursue perfection you may just reach excellence as Vince Lombardi suggested see yourself in your life as a work in progress work at overcoming your weaknesses in pushing past your fears success in the life you dream of is way beyond your weaknesses is way beyond what your weaknesses and fears say you currently are and are capable of in the future if what you want is more emotionally compelling and we're chasing than what you fear you can and must take action to make it a reality otherwise you're just another member of the herd with wishes and excuses not goals I'll go without a plan to achieve it is simply a wish I got one other really great quote I may have read this one before but it's so powerful and it's from Epictetus and that's a couple thousand years ago he said no person is free who is not master of himself and if you've been watching my videos for a while you know that every single video that I've ever done YouTube video every video coaching newsletter that is the very end of it I have a quote by LA Zoo and it says mastering others is strength but mastering yourself makes you fearless because the important thing is you got to get to a place in life where you're unattached to the things that you want in other words you can take it or leave it you really like it to happen but if it doesn't happen it doesn't under center if your interacted with a woman I'd really like it if she'd want to go out with me but if she doesn't hey it's her loss she just missed out on the most awesome dude that she's ever going to meet you got to feel that way you got to get to a place where you think from that place you don't want to be in a place where you're full of fear if you're trying to raise capital for a start-up of yours you're trying to get investors in you're not going to get the first person usually you got to have it take your leave a kind of attitude you've got to have the attitude that you're bringing some serious value to the table and the only way you and your value are going to stick around is if other people can see the value in what you have because if they don't see the value in what you have then you need to keep on moving keep circulating instead of doing what the average person does which is sitting there going why didn't they like me why didn't they want to invest my company why didn't they give me that job why did that woman go out me why didn't she sleep with me why did she break up with me and asking all kinds of disempowering types of questions like that so let's go ahead and get into this guy's email he said and he says hey coach I've read your book about five times and I'm watched a lot of your videos but I've never seen you address my main question which is listen to what he says here how do I get women to actually give me the chance to take them out on a date and perceive me as a damn good catch that I am how do I give how do I get women to actually give me the chance to take them out on a date and perceive me as a damn good catch that I am now what kind of relationship do you think this man has with women do you think women are interacting with him on a basis where he feels like an equal or is there a little bit of an overtone that he's kind of putting women on a pedestal in other words treating them a little bit like a celebrity in other words they're better than I am for some reason they just don't pay attention to me there's something wrong with me that's what the question presupposes tells you everything about his mindset I really wouldn't need to read further than that and so this guy obviously has some strong beliefs around his experience but one of the biggest things I suggest for guys first of guys it kind of mean you're like I'm having a hard time getting phoners I'm having a hard time getting dates well first things like the homework assignment is that great I want for the next 30 days I want you to ask out 100 different women I want you to approach and ask out 100 different women on a date usually they're there that's like that's 25 a week it's like you need to go to the mall you need to go to a trade show a public place you need to go somewhere where you're going to encounter that many potential dates where you can interact with those numbers every single time when I've given that homework assignment to a guy he comes back usually without fail he's gotten laid at least two to three times just because it's like even if you [ __ ] up the first 50 just maybe takes you 50 just to warm up you gotta look at it that way because this particular guy here the perception is is that women are separate from me in other words I'm I don't have enough value to bring to the table and therefore I don't deserve to be in the presence well that just tells me this guy really hasn't spent a lot of time interacting with women he's kind of like he's kind of like somebody at the zoo he still kind of sees women as like these strange creatures he sees at the zoo instead of just an equal another person that has bad breath whose fart stink who gets Bo she doesn't take a shower all those things and so he says because for some reason that I can't figure out they never really give me signs of Attraction and they give me wishy-washy answers when I confidently ask them out you've only asked out a couple hour a handful of women dude he says see I know and I believe I'm a good catch great well if you really believe that you would act in a way that is congruent with that statement your first statement that I read was not congruent with that I'm a good catch well you don't talk like a guy who believes himself to be a great catch your whole frame of mind is I can't get women to pay attention to me for some reason they don't want to pay attention to me for some reason I'm not good enough for them that's your perspective that's your model of the world that's the way that's the lens that you look at things so what do you think the vibe is when you do interact with women that you're giving off I'm not worthy she's you're going to probably reject me like all the rest of the other ones out when they can sense this they can feel they can look right at you and before you even open your mouth you've already lost your mind sets not helping you he says in fact I know I'm just as damn good as any other guy out there well if you really believe that you'd be acting in accordance with that belief but it's like trying to psych yourself out I can't really believe I'm a catch chord but you're not acting like a guy and you're not talking like a guy who believes he's a catch he's I take really good care of myself and I'm in the best shape of my life and I'm confident I have a good sense of fashion I'm not a wuss I'm not a pushover I don't pursue or chase after women but still they don't seem to care all about that it's like I don't know what more they can want from a guy especially when I know I'm one of the best catches out there what you're talking about how awesome you say you think you are but I don't hear a lot about action I don't hear any examples of things that women are saying to you when you ask them out on dates he says I kind of feel like it's time for women to start putting in some effort as well remember no one will ever do or say thing is in direct reflection of how they feel about themselves in a moment I think it's time for women to start putting in some effort as well that tells me more likely you're probably not putting in enough effort yourself because to you is the women should be doing all the work something wrong with ends on an ongoing and this is when I get emails from guys like this or I start talking to guys and like I'm doing everything that you teach core bunches I get any results like really I said well when was the last time you talked to her was the last time a girl in dated long pause well a few weeks ago alright and in the past year how many women you asked out will five we expect you're so full of fear it's like you may have to talk to 30 ask out 30 40 50 women before you get to the point where you really don't give a [ __ ] anymore because it's a numbers game you got to do it to the point where you're bored of it you're tired of it it doesn't bother you it's like ordering a [ __ ] happy meal at McDonald's or something or or in a Big Mac or some fast food going through a drive-thru window it should be that it should be the point where you're that comfortable with that and I can tell you're not that comfortable because you don't talk like a guy who's comfortable with it's really not a big [ __ ] deal but if you don't practice it you're not going to get anywhere you're just gonna be full of fear he says I want there to be a mutual attraction but yet I can never seem to find a woman who's mutually attracted to me since they never give me any indication or signs of attraction he says also when I'm interacting with women they'll say things like you're so funny and a real cool guy but for some reason the interactions never actually translate into dates I just don't get it Cory I feel like I should be given chances in getting dates because I know I deserve results how many women are you talking to how many women are you actually asking out on a date what are you actually saying to them on dates were they actually saying to you you give me one thing here if you notice most time when I go through a guy's email he gives a detailed instructions on exactly what transpired what he said what she said and you're telling me none of that why because it's not happening there's nothing going on you're not doing anything except complaining about your situation but if you're not taking you it's not going to get better he's I feel like I've done everything I could possibly do and I still don't have any results for all of my hard work over the years your hard work of doing what he's they don't chase after or pursue women what I'm talking about his results see we all want results at some point even you how would you feel if after all these years of learning about attraction and you never had any results notice how you just talked about learning about attraction what about what action have you been taking I don't hear any mention of the actions you're taking he says don't you think it would be just a little annoyed and frustrated since you knew that you deserved results ah this is exactly the mindset that you have you're pissed off of women what woman in the right mind will want to go out with you when you're in a [ __ ] pissed off frustrated vibe they probably know you're going to creep mather and feel that vibe they're going to feel it anger they're going to feel that animosity you're going to feel that frustration and they're not going to be around you you're going to feel weird and creepy in some way so what I would do if I were you the biggest thing that you need to do is you stop worrying about dates and who you're sleeping with and all that kind of [ __ ] what you need to do is the first thing is you got to get past you need to get past your fear of talking with me to get past the place where you're so focused on what's not working you got to get to a place where you really don't give a [ __ ] where it's like breathing so what I want you to do for the next 30 days keep a log of this I want you to ask out and if you want if you're one of those guys that's watching this or women for that matter if you're watching this you're like I don't get enough dates I want you to ask out a hundred people over the next month if you're a guy ask how to honor women girl a woman ask out a hundred dudes just could make it happen just like I talked about in the book if you you say you read my book five times and you should know exactly what to say to women and keep a log of it asked out a hundred women and if you ask out a hundred women you're going to learn a lot that's the important thing about taking action that's what gives you experience because if you ask out a hundred women what you're going to notice is some of them just absolutely have no interest in you whatsoever a treasure is not a choice after all they don't have a choice in whether they're attractive you or not if you only talk to a handful of women you're not going to get anywhere you're not going to see that you literally have to do a dozens and dozens and dozens and dozens and dozens of times they tell a difference that's one thing I did learn in my 20s is the even though it wasn't very successful a lot of the time is that there were some women that just were into me no matter what and there were others we're kind of in it could take it or leave it either way and there the majority of we're like they didn't want anything to do with me that's one thing I did learn but the problem that I had was I kept talking women out of it and I will tell you this even if you have encountered women in the past few years that have liked you your attitude the vibe you're giving off you it's you won't be successful just because of the frame of mind that you're in talk ask out 100 women over the next month that's 25 per week and by the time you get to that hundredth one you're gonna be like this not a big deal you will get dates you will go out on dates they'll be women that you like initially and you go on a date you go you know what I really don't think I want to go out with her again because she'll talk you out of wanting to date her again you got to have experience it's the only way you get better at the end of day it's nice to watch videos and pick up on all that stuff you guys are in those things but if you're not out there talking to people it's [ __ ] irrelevant it is a numbers game because it's in talking to the numbers that you realize the truth and truth is attraction is not a choice there are just some women that like you but the majority and we're not going to be like that and there's going to be another good percentage there going to kind of be on the fence I could take you to leave it one way or another but the ones that really dig you they really like you you have to [ __ ] up quite a bit and talk them out of liking you but if you talk to 100 if you ask how to honor women you're like a life girl's a truck I would definitely like to go out with her I definitely like to hook up with her if you do that you will start to see the difference we will start to see the subtle differences between the ones that have attraction to you and those that don't and the truth is is that the majority are not going to be into you and that's okay and you realize that just the pickup part the getting number is is setting dates the first step it's really just getting through the getting to the place where you don't care you could take your leave because when you do it we can see it you could spot interest versus not having interest then what will happen is you'll start approaching more women that actually have interest in you because you'll be able to look right at them and see how they're looking at you and you'll be able to know right away if if you got a shot or not before even go approach them you get better with time you get better with experience you approach women who are more approachable who are more open to meeting you like I talked about in the video that I did a few years ago improving your social skills but if you're not talking to the people it's like you go to a pickup bootcamp and you guys like you got to do exactly what I tell you and they throw you right in baptism by fire they want to see you talking to women they're going to push your ass you have to do it you can't get around that if you want a set date you got to talk to women so let's get a second guys email he says hey coach this may be a tough one for you since it seems a little confusing to me I've been dating this girl for about two months now I went to her house we made out etc I got around a third base I guess she then stopped me and said that she didn't want to have sex until we were more serious well that's her belief that's her [ __ ] alarm going off in her head on wow this is moving a little too fast if you knew my book backwards and forwards you would know that you're encountering resistance and ever things are moving too fast she's bringing up concerns that she has and then that's when you take the one step back and you relax you chill you ask your questions when she says and he says then she says and speaking of where do you see this going always be playful always be humorous always be like you always have the answer like you always have a better come back like nothing she can say will diminish you or surprise you because you've seen it all and you've heard it all and if you're coming from a humorous place she says where do you see this going well I think for next few minutes we're probably talking for a little bit but I think you're going to find yourself irresistible drawn to start kissing my lips again because you really start missing them irresistibly because after not kissing for a few minutes you're gonna realize how charming I am and how much you want to kiss me again where do you see it going be fun be playful be humors don't be serious that's the whole point 90% of time you're charming James Bond 10% of time you treat her like the bratty little sister that's why you use a little bit of humor ask her where do you see it going and you got to have a taker leave it kind of attitude you got this is it's like what Michelangelo talked about eternal patience this is the moment where you practice eternal patience where in your mind you're like you know what it's okay if I don't get laid tonight I can take it or leave it I'd really love it but obviously she's got a concern here and so listen to what he does next instead of being playful and being fun and being charming and getting her to laugh because remember if she's laughing she's feeling good and on about one of the most popular article on my website is one the one it's on my own page it's called successfully deflowering your virgin girlfriend I know it's a completely [ __ ] outrageous title that's exactly why I chose it as a title because a lot of people read it not oh my god can we it says it and they go there and they read it it's actually a really beautiful story about how this very thoughtful boyfriend went out of his way to make the first time that he had sex with his girlfriend who happened to be a virgin was really special I mean a guy jumped through his butt and she afterwards she's like thank you for making things so my first time so special she was so preachy but she'll remember that for the rest of her life you have to do that you've got to follow the things that I talk about in my book do says forward one step back when you encounter the resistance but she use humor and you get her talk and the guy in that article or the email that I answered he had written me two or three emails prior to that where he was running in the same kind of resistance that you're running into now and I told him exactly what the focus on I was in that article itself there were you click on some of those blue links it'll take you to some of the prior emails and articles that I answered for the guy where I discussed these things so he says and here's what his answer when she says where do you see this going he says I answered that I don't want to see anyone else but her ie relationship and then asked her if she felt comfortable and safe with me but James Bond say something like that does that presuppose that he's going to get what he wants or is this a guy that's unsure of how she feels about him remember men should always know you should be thinking from the end you should be thinking of course she feels safe and comfortable with me bringing that up it's like come on man seriously it's like what do you think that's going to cause her to focus on am i safe and comfortable right now do I have a reason not to feel safe and comfortable with this guy right now where's the fun where's the playfulness you know it's like it was funny when I first read this I was like I was laughing because I remember my I was in the same position numerous times in my 20s when I was trying to learn this stuff and you know especially like when you're meeting up with a chick and you're trying to hook up with her the first time you're trying to have one-night stand and you get you get her home you're at your place you start to take your clothes off then you encounter resistance and it's like you really want to get laid because you want to go to go tell your buddies Amy I got [ __ ] laid last night it was great yeah I hooked up with that girl and so you kind of got that working against you because you're impatient because you're fearful oh my god it's not going to work out because you've had a few times a pass where it didn't work out and then you know you encounter some resistance you don't really know how to handle it and instead you go into logic and reason mode he says something which is obviously exactly what this guy did instead of being playful and having fun with that [ __ ] how serious they go I could fix things right now which is totally gets both of them out of the moment and totally in their heads which is you know where you don't want to be he says so then she says she feels the same way and wanted to make it monogamous but my real question is is this definitely a sign of high attraction right I would say yeah but you haven't made her really feel safe and comfortable we're because in that moment that's when you just start getting her to talk and you student cress her hair you maybe touch her lips every now and then as you're rubbing her arms when she's talking because again you're there in bed together maybe partially unclothed or whatever and you're just talking or I just think she's talking and you're asking questions just like I talked about the book this is the worst thing this is where this is where most guys that don't get laid when they're about to this is where they [ __ ] up she has some resistance she has some of this in sales this is what we call objections and so as a sales person your job is to handle the objections and train salespeople are trained to start asking questions to figure out what are they real objections about the whole thing and you get her to talk about it makes you feel safe and comfortable and you can knowledge some of those things and after five to seven minutes is out or ten minutes later you start making out when you're close to each other and you get a little further each time so he says well my real question is this is definitely a sign of high interest which I said yes he says then why does she hardly ever contact or text me first probably because you're you're pursuing too much still and you're too concerned about when it's going to turn to a relationship and you're too concerned about when is the sex going to happen you're enough fearful state it's like this is exactly how I was in my twenties I know where you're at dude I know what it feels like I know what you're thinking I've been there he says when I do text her she responds right away with all those ex exclamation and smiley face things though she doesn't really indicate initiate any verbal contact nor physical contact but is a shy away at all on physical contact except for sex you're doing most of the touching and the initiative contact if you've been following what I teach my book you wait for the woman to start touching you because when she does then you slowly reciprocate and if something as simple as subtle as just hanging say you're making Darrin together your place and she puts her arm on your shoulder or she touches your arm then you slowly pull her in kiss her start making out a little and she pulls away he let her go the idea is it's like it's like the salsa dance back and forth and some of you that might be a good thing for you to go and do is to learn salsa dancing it's like the back and forth of it all he says if she really just old-fashioned conservative are your thoughts read the book I talked about it extensively in there and the problem is you don't know the book well enough so let's go to the third and final email this guy says hey Cory I've been married almost 20 years to a really hot woman we have four kids she also happens to have borderline personality disorder but that sounds like fun and about eight years ago she had an affair with my best friend you know I said there was something that I retweeted I've got one of those counts that that I follow called like hottest facts or something like that and one thing that was tweeted out was that 90% of most people have had somebody who at one point was are the best friend and they're no longer their best friend I think everybody's kind of bit at that you think about it really and it's so true and she had an affair with my best friend after she remembered some very bad things that happened to her as a child she basically lost it I was not a great husband back then and I had some anger issues so in hindsight I know he pushed her out the door because she did not feel a sync that she could rely on me she happened to run into him and it started calling him they only saw each other for about five weeks and she moved out for this time when I found out anyway we went through counseling and it took a lot of years about two years ago we got to the point where he had a decent family setup instead of all the turmoil well that's definitely an improvement he said so anyway about six months ago she decided to go back to work and the first few months she started blowing all of our money on clothes makeup jewelry etc separate bank accounts if you've got a woman that's like that give her her own bank account and she can deposit a check in there and then she can write you a check for whatever her portion of the utilities and stuff happens to be or the mortgage or whatever sometimes you got to do that if she can't discipline herself and she just blows through your money put a separate bank account that you used to pay all your bills have a personal one for yourself and have one that you pay your joint bills out of or it sounds like you're the responsible one somebody's got to do it otherwise she's going to [ __ ] both of your credit up he says she started getting more distant and her hours have changed to working weekends and nights he says everyone who wants to move up has to work these shitty hours I've confirmed this so I pulled away from her and stopped communicating with her she did try to get my attention but then I would go back to blowing up her phone and then she would pull away from me again I did not realize it until I listened to your videos and this is how it works and I needed to keep the mystery through all of this she told my daughter that she thought this young guy at work was hot and she told me later that she talks to him quite a bit at work hey she's letting you know that if you don't get [ __ ] together she may be [ __ ] this other guy in the future that's the kind of that's how women go about it she's being honest he says I'm super paranoid still and I'm freaking out that she may have had another affair well current events form future trends if she cheats on you once if you treat her the same way guess what she'll do it again bro that's just what you're dealing with you chose to stay with her it okay it's your life your body your relationship your choice all I can do is point these things out you have a woman who when things aren't going well she's gonna cheat it's the way she is he says I'm super paranoid freaking out that she may have another affair and I've asked her about this guy many times he says her poor her borderline personality disorder sometimes looks like an affair as the actions and are sometimes the same my question to you is should I use the same techniques you describe in your videos and let her come to me yeah as sometimes this seems to work and sometimes not what depends on what you're doing and saying the whole idea is if you're dating her and courting her properly as the week's go by she's going to want more and more of your attention and your time now if you're [ __ ] up it's going to push your way but if your vacillating back and forth in your own words you admitted this that as soon as she starts to pursue you you go right back to over pursuing and so that will cause her to be hot cold whereas you wait she starts pursuing she starts calling texting coming you and then you go right back to your bad behavior you're going to drive her away again he says last Friday I decided to try and back off and I didn't call or text her and when we saw each other I did not talk much and I went about doing my own thing for a few days and finally she jumped on me in bed that night after over a month and it was awesome well you pretty much answered your own question there dude and I understand where you're at because I was in the same place and I wrote about this extensively my book is like it was like I was literally like a [ __ ] tennis ball back and forth it's like sometimes I pursued too much and she became disinterested and then I backed off and she started reaching out to me but I wasn't making dates and other things and so sometimes I backed off too much it really is an art and like I said by knowing the book backwards and forwards you learn to recognize the behaviors in a signs because women exhibit the same kind of signs and like I said this is what you did you backed off because she was acting like when women take you for granted if as long as they're not pissed off at you if you've been pursuing too much and you've been acting needy then you have focused on your purpose your mission in life and you seem to be kind of bored with her if you will then she goes and she gets your attention you should be planning dates hanging out having fun hooking up together that's what you should be doing and when you're away at work or you're apart from each other during the day there's no reason to be calling or texting her and if has to do something with your kids then have all that stuff arranged ahead of time so you're not the one reaching out to her this allows her to come to you it makes a lot lot easier that way and I talked about this extensively in my book so as you can see you got one guy who is basically from the emails I went through who's getting like no results and he's in a really bad state of mind plus doesn't sound like he's even talking anybody because if he did he'd have all kinds of examples of the type of feedback that he's getting but since he didn't list any of that in there it's obvious rating the feedback in the second guy's email he's got this woman that he's dating but again he's learning to find that balance learning to take two steps forward and then one step back when he encounters resistance and what I would say the second guy what he just didn't doesn't know the book well enough and he goat makes a mistake of going in the logic and reason mode when he encounters resistance which is one of the worst things you can do and instead of just continuing to be playful and charming and lean back and start asking her questions and getting her to talk about things instead he got all serious and then nothing happened love is playful and it's fun it's all about having a good time here that's why I say hang out have fun hook up it's not hang out have a serious discussion hook up it doesn't work that way the hooking up always comes after having a lot of fun and laughing together and getting close to one another so if you'd like to get my help personally the quickest way is a book a paid phone Skype or email coaching with yours truly you can choose any of those options by going to my website clicking the products tab at the top of your screen and just follow the instructions for whatever option works best for you and I will talk to you soon you

Channel: Coach Corey Wayne

Views: 80,379

Rating: 4.8899732 out of 5

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Id: HSUIfxKsqVc

Length: 34min 19sec (2059 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 03 2014