Never Chase After Being Dumped

[Music] all right I'm coach Cory Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter and the topic of this newsletter is going to be never chase after being dumped I've got four emails I'm gonna go through with you today but before we get in the first one I've got a quote that I wrote I want to share with you in this topic I'm going to go ahead and jump right into the first email the quote says it takes two people who have mutual interests respect desire and empathy for one another in order to make a relationship happen or to rekindle a romance if someone no longer wants to make the effort to keep you in their life it is demeaning unloving and disrespectful to yourself to continue chasing begging and pleading with them to change their mind about you the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it the self loving thing to do if you have been dumped is to seek out a new lover who will appreciate you not staying stuck in the past wishing things will change not accepting the reality of what is only leads to suffering you are not putting the start to suffer but to create magnificent things and a magnificent life for yourself therefore the only option is to keep moving keep searching and keep taking action to make your dreams goals and desires a reality in other words don't sit around [ __ ] feeling sorry for yourself you need to move on with your life and persist and proceed as if what you want is eventually going to come into your life so let's jump into the first email this guy says hey Cory the girl I was seeing dumped me because she was starting to have strong feelings for me and wasn't ready to have a boyfriend that sounds like a classic case of I pursued her too much and I made her feel like she was losing her freedom and therefore she dumped me and stuck me in friendzone he this is what guys tell themselves to rationalize the behavior hey it's not my fault that this happened it's like I you know when she said she's not ready in a relationship she just that's what women say cuz they don't want to hurt your feelings he says we split up a couple of weeks ago but decided to remain friends in other words she wanted a friendzone you and you went a long way that even though it's not what you really wanted at first I handled the break-up very well even she was impressed that I could switch to friendship so in other words your friendship was a fraud because it's not what you really wanted he says but after the first week I had a moment of weakness I started blowing up her phone and asking her to hang out lots and I'm pretty sure I came across as needy and weak so in other words you proceeded to do more and more of what got you friend zoned in the first place instead of just letting it go and standing up for yourself saying hey I want you I desire you I can't be just your friend that just doesn't work for me but if you change your mind give me a call and then you walk and you never look back that's the best way to handle that situation because you're communicating hey these are my boundaries and you've crossed them and that just doesn't work for me he says anyways I said hi to her 16 days ago and she replied back immediately but cut the conversation short after three messages so you're continuing to pursue and chase after her he said so it's been 16 days since we've talked and I'm at a crossroads I work out of province and I have to drive by where she works to get to my house and I'm curious if it's right to go in and say hi unannounced to her after 16 days of no contact come on man no contact means no contact walking away and meaning it means just that you're moving out of your life and unless she reaches out to you she's never gonna hear from you again that's what that means it doesn't mean after you hold out for two weeks then you start chasing after her you're chasing and over pursuing and constantly acting like you weren't worthy and you didn't deserve her is what caused her to reject you in the first place so absolutely not dude that's creepy stalkers behavior she stuck you in friendzone and that's not what you want we think it's gonna happen you've seen too many movies you're gonna go show up just you know oh my god I haven't heard from you in 16 days oh my god we got to get married let's go do it right now come on man it doesn't work that way in the real world he said I know she thinks I'm clingy so showing up and acting like a star Walker is gonna make her think that you're not cleaning come on dude you're bullshitting yourself I know she thinks I'm clean so I was going to go in and be really cool and laid back and just say hi and only leave so where it's house complained cool man he says I want I want to switch your mind so that we can still be friends and talk why it's not what you want you want this girl you want to romantically but she's saying no I just want friendship he says but I'm also contemplating giving her her friend the say what I have to say and move on spiel and a letter to give to her you don't need to do anything dude walk and never look back don't ever call don't ever text you don't anything because if there's any kind of attraction left in her if there's any kind of respect in her mind towards you when she hasn't heard from you in a few weeks or a month or two whatever happens to be then she's gonna think did he find somebody else has he moved on with his life does he not care about me huh maybe I made the wrong decision by booting him out of my life he says I could just be friends with her no problem come on man seriously you could [ __ ] yourself too but you can't [ __ ] me he says I would just like to know if going in to say hi will make me look clean yeah it'll make you look like a stalker it's [ __ ] weird and awkward dude that's the kind of [ __ ] that scares women the crap out of women because I think this guy's gonna start showing up my house he's gonna start showing my work this is really weird it's gonna turn off for even more it's not gonna help your case dude I know you see that [ __ ] movies all the time but it doesn't work in real life this is how you get a restraining order against you he says still even it was just for a couple of minutes to going to say hi absolutely he says what do you think no [ __ ] way now he says do I say hi and hopefully she wants to start talking again or give her the letter you don't do any of that [ __ ] nothing what you do is absolutely nothing you're gonna move on with your life and you're gonna read my book ten to fifteen times and then for those you watch this that haven't gotten the Kindle version download it to your smartphone or electronic device or computer yet or you want to get a paperback version of it go to my website right now underneath the email signup box there is an image of my book click on that and go it'll take you right to Amazon you either download the Kindle instantly or you can order a paperback version whichever one is best for you read that book 10 to 15 times and move on with your life as is part of the past and you're never gonna hear from her again and start dating and meeting new women and practicing those skills that I talked about because you got to overcome this neediness and this insecurity and if she ever reaches out to you in the future assume she wants to see you and make a date so when she does if she reaches out you just say hey babe great to hear from you I'd love to see you when you're free to get together Tuesday great I'm free Tuesday as well how about seven o'clock wants you grab all wine come on over to my place and we'll make dinner together hang out have fun and look up exactly like I talked about in the book you've got to learn the fundamentals is the only way not only that you could potentially be successful with her but also with new women you gotta clean up your game because it sucks right now because if every time you act this way every woman across the board is gonna reject you for acting like a creepy stalker because you make women feel like they're gonna lose their freedom by dating you or being involved with you romantically because they can tell that you're more into them than they are into you you've got to overcome this vision through your strategy that you're employing is one for failure so let's go to the next guy see when he says hey Cory I met this girl at a happy hour gathering of young professionals recently we're all from the same European country together and we get together regularly I'm 28 and she's 24 anyhow I went out with her in January for drinks she was touching me and complimenting me so within an hour of our date we started kissing and making out good [ __ ] job so far so good she even told me verbally that she liked me a lot I invited her to my place but she didn't come the correct way to handle it is you say hey you because especially if it's getting close to closing time say would you care to join me back at my place for a glass of wine or glass of champagne or tea or coffee or whatever happens to be and she can say yes you can say no and she says no and if the evening is any and you got to work the next day because I assume this is probably like during the middle week you say let me get your phone I'm gonna I'll give you a call next week sometime and we'll catch up walk her to a car give her a kiss but if it's a weekend you're out and she tells she says no let's just hang out here go to another place this may be around the corner throw some darts shoot some pool just someplace where you can hang out and continue building rapport and then maybe an hour or so later when you're all over each other again you say hey would you care to join me back at my place for a cup of coffee or an expresso and then when she's little warmer just say sure think great won't you follow me back there I'm parked over here it's that simple it's part of the trial clothes read my book ten to fifteen times learn the fundamentals you get better with this stuff you the more you practice this the more you have situations like this happen the better you're gonna get because you're over time your sensory acuity is gonna develop and you're gonna become really good at reading the subtle cues of when a woman is ready to in essence go home with you he says I texted her four days afterwards to make the second date when he free to get together again she never responded well that's not a good sign maybe she was just drunk maybe she has a boyfriend maybe she's got a guy that she really likes and when she's sober and she gets a text to me she's like I'm not really into that guy he says last week we had one of those happy hour gatherings again with the same group and she showed up I kept my cool and was friendly when I greeted her we were talking to other girls most of the time and when I talked her briefly she was touching me and telling me that I looked great well those are all signs of attraction at some point late in the evening I sort of isolated her from the rest of the group it was a big lounge we started kissing and making out again her kissing and touching was so intense as if we had been in a relationship for years that's part of your problem you're focused on a relationship this is what happens when a man and a woman really like each other and they're not holding back they're all over each other but in your mind you're thinking relationship I'm gonna make this girl my girlfriend and I survive you're putting off it's gonna cause a woman to start to feel like she's gonna lose her freedom in other words she can't just hook up with you and have unattached sex because she knows you're gonna get attached she'd become all clean and start acting like her boyfriend even though you just hooked up with her one time he says again she told me she really liked me and at that point I told her that her actions were not congruent with her words given that she never responded to my message when I asked her to get back together back in January bad way to go dude now he was using logic and reason it's like this is stupid you're totally torpedoing your chances she said she thought I didn't care enough it felt like my intelligence was undermined and as if she was bullshitting me right in my face with a silly counterintuitive excuse what she's basically communicating was it she felt like in other words you made her feel like you were just gonna [ __ ] her and blow her off and women are more concerned about an emotional connection developing an emotional connection with somebody and you probably came across because of what she said that's what that tells me you came across as a horny guy just trying to get laid why because you were rushing things he says I told her you have a different perception of caring than most people do what do you want me to do you never ask a woman a question like that dude can you imagine James Bond going what do you want me to do you're the man you're supposed to be the leader you're supposed to know this [ __ ] just want to teach you how to be a man all you're communicating is you don't understand jack [ __ ] about women and this is pretty much what how it goes when you meet a woman you like her it never goes anywhere because this is your frustration coming out you're totally shooting yourself in the foot dude he says what you want me to do be creepy and come outside your house with a sign asking you out or blow your phone up with messages that's not gonna happen we kissed some more and she said we can get together the following weekend I invited her again to my place that night but she said she was tired and a bit tipsy so I helped her get a cab I texted her three days after that encounter to arrange the details of our get-together saying at the end of the text non responses are not acceptable this time with smiley face come on man seriously do you honestly think that's so another what are you trying to do is twist her a manipulator and say I know you're gonna probably blow me off but don't you dare cuz this is what always happens to me a guy who's successful woman would never [ __ ] talk like they would never say those kinds of things she's not responded yet my gut feeling tells me that she won't yeah I would seriously doubt you will hear from her you've pretty much cock-blocked yourself right Alvin a good opportunity says I don't know if I'm missing something here or if I've made mistakes I'm sure I will run into her again and one of the future happy hours with our group how do you think I should handle things just like you do the last time hang out have fun and hook up and don't be a dick don't be confrontational and don't be like the like a monkey in a cage as as you zoom a stir baiting and throwing his jizz at everybody that's how you're acting he's I'm dating three other one at this point it's thanks to your material but this seems a bizarre situation let me know how I should proceed if I should contact her again after sometime absolutely not don't ever contact or don't ever call her again if she doesn't reach out cuz here's what she knows you're acting like the typical Nene desperate guy that's pissed off and mad at her because she didn't do what you wanted that scares her that caused her to not feel safe and comfortable with you so you need to cut this [ __ ] out and don't ever talk like this to a woman again act like the charming James Bond but this is how you learn is by [ __ ] up and I pointed out what you did wrong here and you should never say those kinds of things again so I would just wait to hear from her and if you happen to see her again in another event do the same thing but don't ever confront her or it's like you got to slow things down a little bit here you're obviously rushing things and you're making you're feeling comfortable and you know there's a really good chance that you've pretty much blown it with this girl there could be another guy in the picture you don't really know she could be emotion fact up you don't know she's been drinking and so she's all over you when she's drinking but when she's sober she's not so that should tell you something because when she's sober she doesn't reciprocate well maybe she only makes out with you because it's a fun thing to do and plus she's drunk therefore when she Sobers up she doesn't want to do it what does that tell you look at her actions well obviously she's not that really that that into you so let's give a 30 most guy says hey coach here's an update as when what's transpired since our last email I remain in my Center I didn't contact my ex I've continued dating and working on my purpose and being the strongest version of myself good [ __ ] job she texted me recently to see I was I told her I was doing great and I would be home in two weeks and I would love to see her win back home I had to go to Europe for work and she texted while I was there and asked for some pictures I sent her one picture and told her that the rest I would show her in person she didn't respond and he was testing me in parentheses a week and a half went by and I was already two days into my trip when she reached out I was visiting a friend's house when she texted me at 11:30 on a Friday night she said hi I hope you're okay it's a beautiful night and sent me a picture of the moon over the ocean notice how you didn't do anything you didn't do any pursuing he just waited for her to continue to come to you this is what you do when you're trying to get an ex back you don't invest any effort you let her come to you I saw the message 15 minutes later replied it looks good where are you she told me a name of a town it was 45 minutes from her house and I texted okay I'm at a friend's house and I would love to see you when she's available and she replied you're here and I said come on woman you know I've been here since yesterday she said she thought I was arriving in another week and proceeded to call me we talked briefly and I tried setting a date but she said it she had a lot of things going on and I told her once again to get back to me when she was available and she said she would she reached out the next night on her way back from a family gathering saying she wanted to see me it was on her way back to the city she said I'm trying to make time to see you she said and I told her where I was and she showed up we met for 30 minutes and had a good time she called me the next evening and said I'm done with all my responsibilities I had my daughter with me but my time is yours and there were she's got her kid with her so things can't go too far with you he says I decided to go to a chain restaurant that we all like when we arrived there was a wait time and she got into a little diva moment and then said we should go because she didn't want to wait I looked at her and calmly said we're here let's find out what the way it is if too much then I'll take you guys somewhere else she must have seen or felt something because she just nodded and sat down to wait you were being the leader you told her what to do and what's gonna happen and she went okay she was happy to be submissive and go along with it and allow you to be the leader because you were acting like a man it's a good [ __ ] job he says I looked at the bar area and saw an empty table and I immediately went there and asked if we could sit and they said yes I motioned towards her and she came and said good call I wouldn't have thought of that you got brownie points bro good job I replied hey I saw an opening and I took it it's what I do she smiled and said you know when you told me to wait I thought to myself I'm being kind of a [ __ ] right now let me just sit my ass down and wait nice job that's a good compliment to you dude in other words your behaviors show that nothing or [ __ ] attitude is not gonna diminish you in any way you're gonna have a smile on your face because in your mind you've decided you're all about having a good time he says on the way back she talked about how guys are so insecure these days when guys tell me I can't go somewhere do something it's like they're poking me in the chest and I do the exact same thing that they don't want me to do just to piss them off he says where have I heard that before it could be that [ __ ] Cory Wayne guy he says the next day she called me again and told me she was available and felt like going to a pool I told her to meet me halfway and I drove to a pool that I know near the beach later that night when it was time to say goodbye I went for the kiss but she turned her cheek at the last second I was cradling her neck while we were cheek to cheek and she said don't you dare don't you dare and I told her of course I dare what's the worst thing that can happen getting smacked I survived a plane crash babe I thinking hey I can handle a little love tap nice [ __ ] job dude good comeback she laughed and when she pulled back she opened her eyes real wide and glanced at her daughter obviously that's you know you can understand she's got a kid there mommy what's going on I thought you guys broke up letting me know what she wasn't comfortable at the moment so I pulled back she said I'm trying to give you a kiss but don't let me stay still she didn't gave me a long slow kiss right in the corner of my mouth and I went I turned my lips toward her and she pulled back with a look of surprise and a smile saying boy you sure don't miss an opportunity do you I told her I'm like James Bond babe do you think he wouldn't have gone for it she cracked up talking good job dude you've been paying attention and I left and said goodbye as she was looking at me with a smile and puzzled what has gotten into him who was this guy kind of look on her face good [ __ ] job dude thank you for everything coach where should I go from here how I walked a fine line of mysterious / cold fish on this one do I reach out in a week or just wait absolutely not you don't do anything she's chasing you she's reaching out to you all you have to do is sit back go on about your life continue dating other women and having a great time and if she reaches out to you in the future what do you do you make the next date hang out have fun and hook up just like I talked about in my book so let's jump into the fourth and final email this guy says hey Cory I want to write you to thank you for all your guidance over the past year I wrote to you twice over the past year and I continue to watch your videos a few times a week and they have greatly improved my life you even share one of my emails in a video coaching newsletter well not sure - and my next girlfriend who's 31 and I'm 27 changed the terms of our relationship last year and I did everything wrong I begged her to allow me to be with her I acted needy I was insecure depressed and she definitely had 100% of the power we met in grad school and we built a bond that was very strong and it was so hard to come to grips with the fact that it was over we even lived together for two years ugh he says it was so hard however after watching your videos and reading your book about five times I know I have to read it more times he says I haven't contacted her in three months I basically reached the point in my life where I said [ __ ] this [ __ ] it takes two to tango he puts in big bold letters bingo he says now I feel excellent about myself I go on a date with other women and I have a take it or leave it attitude if a woman has interested me and obviously makes me feel great if she interrupts isn't interested in me I learned something from the experience and consider at her loss it's an excellent feeling to be where I am emotion right now I've never been in a situation like this before because I'm centered on my purpose good [ __ ] job and it feels natural doesn't it he says you're one percent right about having a purpose and letting that drive me everything else falls into place and it's like my purpose and life transfers into every other relationship I have women want men to have a purpose and a mission outside of them they don't want you to make them the center of your life or your purpose for living he says ironically my ex-girlfriend sent me a lengthy email last week I'm shocked shocked I tell you where she said I have been on her mind recently and despite the fact that I told her I don't want to be her cotton her to contact me if she just wants to remain friends she said that she tried her best not to contact me until last week because she wanted to see how I was doing he puts victory in big letters I felt so great when she emailed me and I responded by saying how great I was doing I found a new job as an associate at a law firm I work with great people I'm making good money and I told her that I've been traveling a lot and I'll be heading to the coast for the summer I told her how I purchased a new car last month and then I'm buying a new house soon I ended the email by saying I hope you're doing well take care and purposely didn't ask her any questions which would require her to send me a response in my email since I sent my response last week I haven't heard anything from her she said that she gets bits and pieces of how I'm doing from mutual friends but it's clear that I've been on her mind after practicing what you preach and working on my skills everything is coming together in my life and both my personal relationships with family friends dating women and my work I can't thank you enough well the only thing I would say is I mean if you unless you didn't want to get together with her she reached out to you so she's sending you this big long email then you say hey baby you know why I missed you I'd really love to see you we should get together sometime when are you free how about 7 o'clock my place we make dinner together once you grab our wine come on over we catch up that's the only thing that I would have done differently because the whole reason of walking away is to cause her to do exactly what happened to three months and now she's starting to doubt herself and she reached out to you and you should have made a date but at this point I wouldn't do anything because more than likely she'll probably reach out to you again in the future current events tend to form future trends so I don't just wait to hear from her and next time when she does reach out if that's what you want make a date with her hang out have fun hook up like I talked about the book book great job for turning your life around dude that's awesome and I'm proud of you so if you'd like to get my help person the quickest way is a book a paid phone Skype or email coaching you choose any of those options by going to my website clicking the products tab at the top of the screen and choose whichever option works best for you and I will talk to you soon you

Channel: Coach Corey Wayne

Views: 985,449

Rating: 4.8147054 out of 5

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Id: qZz4JxksL64

Length: 25min 14sec (1514 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 30 2014