You Attract What You Believe

all right I'm coach Cory Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter and the topic of today's newsletter is going to be you attract what you believe well I've got two emails that I'm gonna go through with you today both of them are from guys the first guy is older he's 50 he's in his 50s basically and the woman he's dating or been involved was 49 and she's not really capable of having a monogamous relationship she's kind of come into her own sexuality at 49 and she's really four first time in her life becoming comfortable in her body but she's not really great girlfriend material and and the second email is from a guy who he was dating this girl she was cheating on him she's cheating on other people other dudes that she had dated before him prior to him after him and they they split up about six months ago and big part too because he was acting like a huge beta male and he's running to her a couple times in the past six months because he's like hey I'm not interested in being friends but he hasn't seen any kind of indication or any evidence from her that she's interested in rekindling anything she's in therapy now and he's found this out through multiple people and so he's dating and sleeping with other women but this woman still in the back of his mind and you know the reason why I pulled out these two particular emails is a lot of times like when I'm going through an email or a situation if somebody's in it's like trying to take like a fifty thousand foot view of like what's really going on beyond the women that they're involved with they want them back they want something more that's going it's the point I wanted to make about this these particular situations it's like these guys and I talk about this a lot because as human beings we tend to behave in ways that are consistent with how we view ourselves to be and most people tend to be like totally unconscious and how they go about life and how like certain people come in and out their lives or certain situations come in their lives and the idea is you go through things in life you have relationships come and go yet people come and go friends come and go careers come and go jobs come and go and the idea is to learn from those situations and the average person doesn't really realize how their thoughts their emotions and their feelings influence not only their behavior but the kind of people and circumstances that they attract into their lives and unless some people really get to understand that it's like they're they're always tend to be kind of a victim of circumstance if you will kind of like your saw that old Three Stooges from the 30s and the 40s Curley used to say I'm a victim of circumstance which I was a kid growing up those were it was really great and was interesting as before I was sat down to shoot this video I was listening to some music and a song came on because we're basically in a couple of months is like the 20 year anniversary of when I got married and so it just it took I was listening to song by The Wallflowers called one headlight and there was a line in the song and I think I might have talked about in the past in previous video but it was line of song where he talks about there's got to be something better than in the middle and I remember the song was on it was right after I'd run into this girl I hadn't seen in like ten years at that time but I was totally in love with in high school but she happen to have a boyfriend and after you know she was a year ahead of me she graduated and went off to college I never thought anything of it because she had a boyfriend so she wasn't available and we'd become friends that last year she was around when she was a senior and I was a junior and then I run into this girl and it's just like it stirred all these feelings within me and I always had these these doubts and you know I talked about this a lot in the book about how I got married I really shouldn't have gotten married to my wife you know she was a great gal it's like I wasn't comfortable enough trusting what was inside of me and so this I want you to look at the theme of what these guys like how they're viewing themselves and how they're behaving and you can kind of pick up on that and as it relates to these situations that it's like they can't it's like they're unable to really see the situation the person for what they are because they're kind of blinded by their emotions and if you don't understand how your emotions and your feelings affect you and how your belief system affects you you tend to constantly attract the same kinds of people in the same kinds of situations that's the universe's way of saying it's like until you transcend something until it no longer has a power over you until you're able to move beyond it as opposed to things just seemingly happening to you it's like the same [ __ ] keeps happening over and over and over again so I'm gonna go through this quote that I wrote and we'll jump right into the first guy's email and the quote says the universe tends to bring us people and circumstances that are aligned with how we view and feel about ourselves not how we want our lives to be why so we can become self-aware of our own thoughts feelings and beliefs and to ultimately transcend any limiting and false views we hold about ourselves it is to become awake and aware of our true nature so we can become the creator of our lives instead of being victims of circumstance it's to be consciously aware instead of unconsciously unaware in other words it's to become a pilot instead of a passenger once we become consciously enlightened about ourselves only then can we become the masters of our fates and the captains of our souls if you think about it most people are just they're existing in life they're not really in charge of their lives and their outcomes it's most of life really is just their living and reaction to it and trying to avoid pain and trying to run away from things that don't feel comfortable even though to get to where they really want to be in life they have to face things that at times are unpleasant scary fearful and so they spend their lives avoiding or running away from what really want and it's not until they get to you in their lives or they just realize they have nothing but regrets and that's a sad place to be but you know it's never too late to become the person you were meant to be so let's go through the first guys anyway says hi Cory could you please send me a video that will answer two questions that will help me sort out some future understanding for me here's my situation I split up with my gal several times but we keep getting back together because of the amazing chemistry so what's interesting is you see how this guy is interacting with this woman and it's like when you when I got finished going through the email you're like any person would common sense so this is this person's not with their goals and their values are totally not aligned but when you're in the situation and you're emotionally wrapped up in it even when you know they're not right for you and what's interesting is a lot of times when I talk to people and I do phone sessions with them they're like you know I pretty much thought you were gonna say it but I just wanted your confirmation because knowing that I've interpreted this situation right and getting you to confirm it for me really gives me peace of mind so I can make the right decision because again I talk abouts a lot it's like I teach self-reliance in order to teach self-reliance you have to become reliant upon yourself it's like what dr. Wayne Dyer said when you trust in yourself you're trusting and the same wisdom that created you but how many people in the world really trust themselves how many people really trust their heart their intuition and what feels right most people are always looking for validation that they're making the right decision are the right people in our life based on what everybody else tells them so they're always trying to conform to somebody else's worldview or the way they think this should be and they just completely ignore the fact that inside their heart is just [ __ ] screaming at them on the inside that's one of the reasons why I'm such a huge advocate for network chiropractic care because and there's a video that I did on that called how to become more confident sure your actions if you want to review that is because when you go to network care and there were chiropractic care it drops all the muscle tension in your nervous system slowly over time and it's like in essence it's kind of like turning your power on so to speak because when you have when you're not comfortable listening to what you feel on the inside and that you start to experience that from the time your child and the older you get the more that gets locked into your nervous system and your physiology is muscle tension and that's since you kind of become numb to that you kind of become numb to what you feel on the inside but network care like reawakens you to what's already there and when you ignore your heart and what feels right on the inside it's really emotionally mentally spiritually and physically unpleasant and painful in a lot of ways and so it forces you to move in a new direction but if your nervous system you're so checked out with all the muscle tension you don't really feel all those parts of your personality it's like you're a zombie in essence you're kind of sleepwalking through life so back to sky is email he says she's been with other men and tells me that no one comes close to satisfying her sexual needs she claims that sex is most important for her in order for a relationship to go the distance I do not hold that same level of importance she's 49 and I'm 57 well interestingly enough because you know I'm not in my 20s anymore when I look at my sex drive and my twenties versus as I've gotten older it's like you just definitely don't move you don't feel the same urges that you did when you're younger it doesn't mean you don't enjoy it as much but you also the older you get the more experience you get the more you appreciate really great deep experiences that you can have great memories from it's like when you're a teenager in your 20s it's like you just want to get experiences you it's like you hump anything that moves and you're excited about it you're like hey Ellie as you get older you want a richer experience we actually like hanging out with the person even when you're not having sex she calls herself a late bloomer and is just now beginning to enjoy her body I had the pleasure of being with at least 50 different women in my lifetime that being said she has many firsts with me and cannot get enough Melissa first goes on like double climax record squirting she loves to look at the puddle and the sheets after a session of sex and looks at the puddle with great pride and achievement oh look we made together it makes me laugh she's like a little girl who just won an award making her comb while she drives my car making her [ __ ] why I Drive the car I had her shaking and paralyzed with hands flat facing the ceiling eyes wide open mouth open laying there frozen like a mannequin I never seen that before nor has she experienced before it's really cool and you were with somebody that you love and you care about they have like an all Albaugh all-over body orgasm and of course as a guy you take credit for that but really a woman being able to experience it really is about her and her ability to let go and feel safe and comfortable but as guys we have a woman's happy we take credit for it she's not happy we blame ourselves for her she always reverts back to how did I do that she wants friends with benefits and that is all that she can offer because she is unable to be in a monogamous relationship so obviously what does that tell you I mean the fact this guy took the time to write this email it's like what does he want he wants a great healthy monogamous relationship but who's he involved with somebody who's incapable of that hmm something to think about now why is that why would somebody who wants a monogamous relationship get involved with somebody who has a history of being unable to be in a monogamous relationship there's only one reason he doesn't believe deep down doesn't believe that he deserves it so he's behaving consistently with how he views himself to be because if you don't think you deserve it you make excuses oh maybe it'll turn around you know what maybe she gets a little therapy it'll be great but somebody that's 49 years old and has a problem being monogamous and faithful it's just not realistic to think that you're gonna somehow be different or that you're finally gonna be the guy that she says you know what I'm gonna be faithful to you for the rest of my life when you love yourself and you value yourself and you know you deserve to have what you want you will behave in ways that are consistent with that even though you may really love and care about something like obviously this guy cares about this girl but the reality is she can't be what he wants but because obviously deep down he doesn't believe he deserves that he continues making excuses and talking himself into sticking around much like I did with my first wife even though deep down I knew it wasn't right I didn't listen to what was going on inside me I was listening to people around me I was asking their opinions because I I was trying to talk myself into and I literally did that I even remember the day after I bought the engagement ring I was sitting there thinking to myself as I was sitting in bed it's like I'm gonna take this thing back I don't want to get married I don't feel it it's like this is not what I expected things to be like it was somebody that I was going to marry but I didn't listen that because I wasn't comfortable enough yet I was still kind of unconscious if you will but it's like after that whole experience is like that was a life-changing experience for me it's like I was talking about the wallflower song I run into this this girl that I'd gone to high school that was totally crazy and I always like literally I thought she was the most beautiful thing I ever seen in my life and I remember it like it was yesterday watching her as a cheerleader jet black hair [ __ ] gorgeous tan skin just beautiful smile beautiful [ __ ] eyes I was like a sophomore in high school it's just BAM I mean just just [ __ ] hit me and then when I ran into her like I was having all these doubts and I'm you know I was driving around that day and I was listening to that Wallflower so it's got to be something better and in the middle and that's internally it's like that started to shift within me that was it started moving me in another direction moving me towards taking those difficult painful but necessary steps to get out of my marriage so I could go and pursue what I really wanted I was like literally that was 20 [ __ ] years ago seems like it was yesterday that all I you know that whole process started and and look where it led me to about I became a full-time life coach because of it it's like it's like when things happen to you it's like you really don't really understand the significance of things and what the meaning of them is until later on down the line like I can look back on and go wow it makes so much sense all that stuff I went through but the time I didn't really understand the significance of what I was thinking I was feeling and obviously running into that girl from high school so he's got two questions he says number one is she damaged goods or can a woman typically go through a stage like this so think about it if you're focused on your outcome if you love and you value yourself and you want somebody who values monogamy right away this is not somebody that has any kind of history of being monogamous and if you don't think you deserve to have what you want you make excuses oh maybe it's just a stage like for me oh you know what I just got cold feet that's why I feel hesitant to get married and I was one of the things that went through my mind of course I had I talked to several female friends of mine like you know what Cory you just got cold feet she's a really great girl you'd be a fool if you let her get away and I talked I was trying to look for reasons to talk myself into it and I sought validation outside of myself and other people which of course I got but yet I did not listen to what I was feeling on the inside and deep down he knows that this intellectually he knows that this woman can't give him what he wants but yet he still sticks around thinking things are going to be different why because obviously deep down yeah he did does he act like a guy who thinks he deserves to have what he want of course not number two how much importance should be placed on sex in a relationship well here's the deal when a woman's head over heels in love with you she wants your attention all the time she wants to be as close to you as aw as much as she can she'll want to be it's like when you go to bed at night she'll want to have some part of her body in contact with you and when a woman's happy head-over-heels in love she's gonna want to have sex all the time if she's normal and she's healthy but as she falls out of love and as she loses interest she loses interest in those things as a woman doesn't feel sex anymore what happens she doesn't wear as much makeup she doesn't take care of her body as much tends to cut all her hair off it tends to start wearing baggy non sexual type clothes but she's happy and she's in love she's gonna want those things and obviously he wants to feel because number one most important thing the man in a relationship a long-term relationship is loyalty and so obviously he wants loyalty but he's with somebody who's incapable of that and because of that that's gonna cause him always to hold back because he knows that she's not a loyal person but he wants that that's important to him the idea is to recognize why is he attracted to somebody like this why does he stay involved with somebody like this and you or I we can look at this situation and and we're not attached to it emotionally and say you're wasting your time with this girl and that's that's the reality of it you're wasting your time with somebody who just cannot give you what you want and you got to see that for what it is and you got to recognize that you're behaving like somebody who doesn't believe he deserves to have what he wants and as long as you stay with somebody like this it's a self-fulfilling prophecy because then you can go you know gosh darn I get this great girl with the all this great chemistry the sex is amazing we make up and break up but yet she was a problem beat she doesn't want to be monogamous she wants to explore should I wait and stick it out [ __ ] no get the hell out of there because this no longer you stay involved with somebody like this the you know the longer you're gonna be kept from what you want you know it's like it's like those moments of decision you say enough for this I'm not gonna behave in ways that are consistent with who I know I'm capable of being and it's like as painful as it was I finally made the decision to end my marriage because it didn't feel right it never felt right but I talked myself into it all of us do that on some level in some areas of our lives the key is once we become aware of that we become aware of how our beliefs or our thoughts and our feelings influence our behavior it's only then it's like recognizing that there's a problem and that we once we acknowledge it then we can do something about it but if we act like there is no problem but we just keep behaving the way we behave so let's go through the second guys emailing says hi coach I'm really hoping you'll consider my email for one of your coaching newsletters well congratulations I'll go straight to the point I met a woman at the end of 2014 we hit it off straight away hooked up that night and started dating it was great the first three months and she said she was falling for me in the first three weeks it's kind of like right out of a movie right out of a romance novel that's the way they say it's supposed to be right I made mistakes I was too available and compliant and I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible so what does that tell you I wanted to spend so it's like a scarcity mindset there's not enough I'm not gonna get enough of her is he behaving like somebody who people willingly stick around and love him long-term or does he sound like somebody that's expecting it to disappear it is all it's like he's behaving in a way like somebody who feels like he doesn't deserve it and therefore when you don't feel you deserve it yakhni you pursue too hard you try to force things at the end of the third month she returned from a work trip abroad it was suddenly cold and distant now it's more difficult to get her to spend time with me we talked and she says she has some stuff going on right now like family friends work house needs space so I agree and I back off obviously he's smothering her and she pushed him away and why because he's not acting like he deserves to be there he's not acting like somebody who feels worthy and women know and see there's something not right here and they pushed the guy away over the next two months things were a bit up and down on my birthday the end of month four I had an emotional outburst and cried about her lack of affection for me that sounds really masculine it's like so you've acted like a woman you acted like a [ __ ] and that went over like a lead balloon obviously this really cool things off for the next few weeks that's obviously predictable and she dumped me early in month five saying were not on the same page I'm more invested she's not feeling it etc etc obviously she knew that he was way more into her then she wasn't him I later found out after the work trip that she slept with an old flame that we entered the picture upon her return and she slept with another guy after our first three weeks of dating both these emails that women have a problem with being faithful in monogamous it's just something that's not important with them and so without these guys realizing it they're unconsciously unaware of how their behavior and their beliefs are causing them to continually interact with people that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy if you value and respect you're sucking like you know screw this I'm gonna go find somebody who really values being with me if you know you deserve it you would never put up with this guys that come from the healthy family girls that come from a healthy family they could be on a first date and as soon as they all yah-tchi didn't this person that person yeah I had an affair and as soon as that comes out they're out of there they don't stick around for that because at the end of the day cheaters they believe that everybody cheats Liars believe that everybody lies at least on some level and that justifies their behavior I should point out that we never had the talk to be exclusive or become an official couple it wouldn't a matter dude but I'd assumed through our in our interactions that we were when it comes to women it's always a bad thing when guys assume I also know that before the second guy her friend told her that I was really into her it's another reason why you don't spill your guts and tell your business to other people especially people you got mutual friends in common because it's usually gonna get back to you a person I got angry and confronted her as if it was cheating was it if you weren't officially together you could say no but at the end of the day if you're thinking that you're exclusive with this girl I mean was she telling you about these other people obviously not but notice what she said about that her view of it was she said we were dating thought we were having fun and she had other options for the promise you made assumptions I calmed down and arranged to meet for closure talk she said she was never that into it well obviously she was pretty into at the beginning until he acted like a beta male and turned her off didn't see a future lost traction etc I stuck to your seven principles I said I wouldn't accept just being friends because I felt strongly about her and wanted a relationship this is keep in mind this is after he's already found out that she's cheated on him or slept with a couple of guys right after they met and several months after they were together did that sound like she respects him no he's just a guy she happened to be [ __ ] that's the way she looked at it she pretty much told him so and she would not hear from me again even though cutting her off is not what I wanted but it was the right thing for you to do if you're deaf focus on your own I said I cherished our time together and there'd been no contact either way in the six months since although there have been one or two chance meetings via mutual friends nothing of any significance happened and things were just polite and civil as we agreed well yeah and heard from her six months I was she didn't care anymore I've been doing a lot of person working myself and I'm no longer the weak needy guy I'm getting lots of dates and hooking up with new women and I'm not holding out hope but I still really love this girl my question is if she does come back and we hang out have fun and hook up should I trust her again with the possibility of a relationship as my girlfriend and commitment come on man this woman has nothing but a history of cheating it's just even if she said even if she says she wants to be faithful even if you get her to fall in love with you a woman like this will be faithful as long as she's in love and she's happy but as soon as her needs aren't getting better she's not happy loyalty does me [ __ ] to her she's gonna go find somebody else or is this a case of her being suitable as a casual relationship and nothing more so he's obviously heard me talk about this in the past and he realizes that no it's not she's just not Kaitlyn so on someone like he knows this but if he believes that he doesn't deserve to have this then interacting with her justifies his world view I don't deserve to have what I want so he wants somebody to be it's like wanting to date somebody who doesn't want to date you hoping things are gonna change or waiting around in friendzone hoping that girl friend of yours once she breaks up with the guy that she's with she all sudden see you is the great guy and the love of her life and live happily ever after like they do in the movies obviously doesn't happen in real life she had several boyfriends who cheated and walked out on her and has had a strained relationship with her family like attracts like if she's a cheater she cheats she dates people that cheats sheep bleating in what's her world view what do you think cheaters believe they're everybody else cheats so they tend to Jaina data are the cheaters they tend to attract other cheaters when they see somebody that exhibits qualities of being disloyal they find them more attractive because that matches their belief even if they're totally unconscious of it or totally unaware of it I know that she is now getting therapy over family stuff and is making big efforts to reconnect with them I only mentioned this as I know you say that some women don't value loyalty commitment and family and I'm wondering if she isn't one well dude like gerald Celente the trends research institute says current events form future trends once a cheater always a cheater you got to recognize that you're involved with somebody who won't be faithful even though you just like the first email you want her to be faithless she's not capable of it so the only thing you can do is you've already walked away you just have to accept reality and you got to keep crying and you got to keep moving forward and until you meet somebody that knocks your socks off you're still gonna wonder about her and you're still gonna hope it's gonna turn things around so it's not easy to go for the things that you want in life it's hard to go for the career that you really want it's hard to go and create the business that you've always wanted it's hard to walk away from these difficult situations when you're with somebody who's great in so many ways but they're not what you really want and to let them go and to move off into the unknown and wonder is this gonna work out is the next person that comes along and be better than the last person or what happens if they're worse I mean these are things that I went through when I was deciding to leave my wife I was fearful I'd looked at might at least my experiences that I'd had at that point up until my life I was 26 27 years old and she my wife is a she's the greatest girl I've ever dated up until that point in my life even though she wasn't everything that I had wanted by talked myself into it most people do we talked ourselves into settling we talked ourselves and the only reason that we put up with it is because deep down we don't feel like we deserve it and the average person is not aware of how that belief of not feeling like you're worthy it's like for me growing up in a family where there were no I love yous there were no hugs there were no Atta boys there were no I'm proud of you they're just a lot of yelling verbal abuse physical abuse or just being completely ignored so you grow up and you have nothing but doubts within yourself and you're full of fear you wonder if things are gonna work out for you you start to think that you don't deserve to how what you want or that you're not worthy you're not worthy of loved or there's something wrong with you you're not lovable you're not loved you don't feel worthy and when you believed that you wanted love your whole life and you grow up and you become an adult and you want that more than anything but you have nothing but decades of not getting that and then women come along like this and your interactions with them and your reality of being with them makes you feel exactly like the background or where you came from so it makes sense it's it's like life really hasn't changed much for you and so you look and you go gee why is this always happening why do all the girls that I want never want me and why is it the girls I really don't care about they won't leave me the [ __ ] alone I didn't get that and it wasn't until I was thirty thirty-one years old that I got to experience that for the first time but it's because I got to the point where it's like I'll never because people will do more to avoid paying than the dude gained pleasure and it's like I I looked at the pain of the divorce and the expense and all that and the embarrassment of it I miss it's embarrassing to go tell your family yeah I know I just got married last year but hey we're getting a divorce you tell your friends that if you're gonna laugh at you everything should work with oh why don't you work it out yeah because everybody wants you to be like them it's a difficult thing to do that but I made a promise to myself I got to the point where I was like I've had enough of this and for the guys that have written both these emails you got to get to a place where you're just [ __ ] tired of it you're tired of things being this way and you've got to become strong enough to when you notice this [ __ ] behavior or you're out in a first or a second or a third date and the person you're on a date what starts telling you about an affair they had in the past or they tell you about a bad relationship that they had or that so-and-so is cheating and they were both cheating it's like when you hear those things when you hear somebody share how they've been unfaithful in the past for you sit there and think that you're somehow gonna be different or if you just spend a little time if you just love them more than their previous people that they were with love them that things will be all better you're deluding yourself it's foolish to think that if you love and you value and you respect yourself you know say you know what these are not the kind of people that I want to interact with these are not the kind of friends that I want to have these are not the kind of people that I want to date because what you tolerate you invite more of it what you observe you participate in it's definitely something to think about it's not easy to walk away from these situations when you care but the reality is these guys are interacting with women that make them feel exactly how they view themselves to be that they don't deserve it and it's recognizing that that is their tendency because of the background their history their upbringing everything they've experienced but again once you're aware of that once you're aware of how your beliefs have influenced your behavior it's only then can you walk away from it it's just like me I was like thinking to myself I'm lying to myself I can't do this I can't be married to this person I can't have kids I can't start a family with her I'm not gonna live I can't live this lie anymore me up inside I finally became strong enough to walk away from it it was the best thing that I ever did even though it was excruciatingly painful and the divorce took a couple years ago there was like two or three years of things sucking ass with that situation it's like I didn't even date for six months after I left my wife I just wanted to focus on myself and I made a promise I seldom never get married again I've come close several times but I've learned to trust my intuition and the older I've gotten and the more I've learned to trust my intuition in business and my personal life my friendships that I have and just how I live the way I believe in the way I act the more compliment the less you try to live your life according to other people's expectations and the more you listen to what's on the inside the better things are gonna be got it like Wayne Dyer said when you trust in yourself you're trusting in the same wisdom that created you so if you'd like to get my help personally go to my website click the products tab to top your screen on any page on my website and book whichever coaching option works best for you and I will talk to you soon you

Channel: Coach Corey Wayne

Views: 135,771

Keywords:

Id: TEkJKyiSDHc

Length: 36min 48sec (2208 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 22 2016