you should be watching brian david gilbert

[Music] but Brian I hear you ask why does bowser need a military hierarchy and folks I hear you I hear your questions constantly they come to me in my dreams like a prophet receiving visions from an angry god Nintendo would actively create a war criminal and then allow him to sit in the backseat of a go-kart with a baby because God has cursed me for my hubris and my work is never finished Bowser's four sona's because those should never be exposed to the horrors of war unfortunately I couldn't find any real-life examples of this so I'm loosely basing it on the US military more mature than the Goomba and also its name has an extra syllable and is way more fun to yell look at this school it's got the round soft body of a day one ROTC recruit but there's ambition in those eyes what better way to show your dedication than to be literally shot from a cannon major squizz 'red and I'm gonna gloss over him because his name makes me uncomfortable but quick shout out to stare face ocher who's also a lieutenant colonel and sounds like he could be a member of the wu-tang clan that makes him not only respected but loved by his peers and then above him is a t-rex and it has to be filled with the most overpowered troop so its Okeke steel their hats I think they are epitomized by the bully for the lava group and the chill bully for the ice group dry bones and dry Bowser who's naming conventions confuse and frighten me when I die will I become dry Brian is a living Bowser wet Bowser why do piranha plant have bone in it where can you find pleasure search the world for treasure learn science technology where can you begin to make your dreams all come true on the land on the sea in the Navy want to point out one troop the gushin because its name is the gushin and I had to learn that its name was the gushin and now you need to know that it's called a gushin as well and it might seem redundant to have klepto as the marshal of the Air Force but if there's one strategy that Bowser's military understands better than anything else it's stealing hats whim sent whomps and wimps and whomps and Grindle's and spindles and growls there's tox box and flops and Rob's and bumps and walleyes and Wallops and they're all pretty much invincible and they will crush you without hesitation like a cartoonish Sherman's march to the sea I did not include Morton Koopa jr. because despite what he has written in his memoirs he's never actually been active duty and he's a valor stealing bastard it's the Stu's strollin strollin Stu Soren Soren Stu swipe and swipe it's to the koopa troopas from super mario 64 they don't even antagonize you like they go about their business unless you go out of your way to attack them so again they don't even like feel like military they act more like civilians to be honest oh my god they're civilians grave breaches of the Geneva Conventions count as war crimes and if these koopa troopas are in fact not troopers but civilians and Mario kills them then that is a direct violation of article 8 part 2 subsection B 1 Mario is a war criminal taking of hostages what was Mario doing with that penguin child Yoshi made Bert the bashful's pants fall down but baby mario gave the order he already feels bashful you didn't need to pants the man or at least I thought it would be nice oh I swear to God the first time I started filming this video I thought it would be an easy change of pace I mean how many unique enemies could there really be in Castlevania 100 200 how about more than 600 but it started to rain so I ate a chicken sandwich drenched that has nothing to do with the video I just wanted you to know my pain just kidding it was boring as hell and instead I could just pick the hot one that was a joke I'm not gonna do that you're gonna have to trust me it was a really bad video [Music] we all know that dracula is hot we all know that Richter Belmont is hot but we've culled it down to the perfect number to figure out our sexy monster that's right we got 69 left can I get a whoop whoa you will work on it clean anything unique can be sexy look at Benedict Cumberbatch can this monster get it whoo Noguchi is just a large protruding mouth I don't want to know what that mouth do then this one's for the sapiosexual is out there the brain float man beast comes in two forms twink and twonk they say that eye contact is important but maybe not this much Jerry Seinfeld's taught me that through love all things are possible obviously the name makes it sound bad it also is terrible a spirit that lives in toilets and then asks you if you want red or blue toilet paper red they'll stab you in the back a bunch and blue they'll strangle you till you turn blue I'm just not into toilets not the most surprised I'll old you into a false sense of security it's time for a minigame I like to call if I were a castlevania game what title would I be take your birth month and that's the first part of the title of and your birth date is the second part my title would be Castlevania Sonata of the Eclipse the ones with the horns and the wings and they're really ripped and muscular oh god I gotta have another baby whose name translates to goat sucker I got nothing for you if you're not attracted to this you're wrong Oh mother-of-pearl I forgot about goblins everyone forgets about goblins though so I'll put them over here Patrick you gotta understand it's not about what you can first see right it has a propensity for lying and for drinking alcohol Patrick thinks it shouldn't be this high on the list but Patrick because the ghosts name is Duke Mirage and if someone comes up and introduces themselves to me as Duke Mirage my pants are already off dude hyena with gun that hyena can get it when I was a kid my mom that I had a nutritional deficit because I kept wanting to eat mushroom so much like that I ate only mushrooms for like a whole week that has nothing to do with this let them eat cake Mary Antoinette oh they didn't choose to be born who does choose to be born right who chooses it's me I'm the one who's gonna do that who is built to help stop global warming and heaven knows we need that humans are real squishy really when you think about it wait we're toad man go where's my guy toad man toad man looks and names can be deceiving and junk man is super important we've done some to bees y'all maybe I'll put it in an after effect that might be too much work I'm probably not gonna do that explains that sometimes he'll volunteer to wash off graffiti and no one likes a narc hard man bonds man he was supposed to be in the first game until they realized he was just glue solar man now he investigates solar things I guess he also apparently developed an exercise routine top man Kathy's her also we're getting the categories there I can't stop ah serious snake man the thing I really love about nitro man is that he's the president of a stunt robot Club which i think is just wonderful or we're made specifically as a joke like I can't find my keys man we also have a bunch of characters that are sonic robots that is in the front to nature of being mean online and that's just Twitter now let's get into the fun part DJ Jesse J for eight nine five zero is a boombox it's me he's not a sentient murder robot he's a sentient picture frame don't let me suck more than I can handle charge man is he a train no but he's meant to camouflage one shark man DOS shark man does not need to exist Oh even sister like five hours you thought torch man was bad let me tell you about burner man who was made and I quote to bring harm to natural environments technically not murdered definitely bad some [ __ ] thought hey you know that thing that we throw against a wall many miles per hour every single day multiple times a day you know what would make that better if it could feel pain Elon Musk don't get any ideas you will see these men in your nightmares particularly spring man jumping around who really has the time to read all those books I do apparently Skyrim book report my second reaction to this was what the in my skyrim book report I will be discussing that's a smash cut hopefully if I do my editing correctly or pretty much anything that was boring history so boring Oh shoo get out of here riveting no one has ever enjoyed writing or reading an academic paper why'd you put it in a video game and you have no idea how much it pains me that I do not have time to do stage readings of all these oh my god I would have loved that what gives you the right to say what is good fiction I read all 338 you dingus some thieves can't read if you can't read get someone to read this book to you it'll make more sense thing that's great I think that's a much more fun way than saying here is how you pick a lock this is what this set of armor is turns out she's dead waagh and jar this one's for you login I'm a big jars head I just want to meet in jar you have to fast travel by being eaten alive by a worm yes you did it again come on be okay I'd like to see them try I would like to see them try come on be it's important to get your flu shot all right I'm back that's what I did in real life that's amazing Oracle is the most important flavor text and you know what they are valid and they're wrong and they always seem to find my comment sections like these are the teacher kids with Skyrim teach the kids but sky curry I got a Creative Writing degree that's all I have to say about that should you read every book in Skyrim no what no I bore this burden for you don't read them no please don't read them don't read them like you read the top 5 that's how dare you jettison my gift don't read them no cannons back baby Nintendo decided to make a timeline where link loses link just can't do it in this one one of my friends invited me over to watch him beat ocarina of time because he was really close to finishing it and then I went over and then he couldn't do it and so then we decided to go outside and play basketball this is that timeline so we have adult link child link basketball let's do the child one which goes to show that it sucks he just gets really into fashion in Triforce Heroes which is what I plan to do in my midlife crisis well guess what it's all three Nintendo couldn't figure it out so they decided to just put it in all of the timelines which isn't how time works to my knowledge you say Zelda game and watch what about the Zelda game watch that's right the Nelson Excel the game watch what comes after that that's right it's a darkness baby I cut one of the titles in half kid Clayton we have to start over and he also exists in every time line because single is the perfect evolution of humanity they made three timelines already so why can't I make my own if Miyamoto doesn't like email me after this video goes up and say Brian you've cracked the code I'm never gonna play another Zelda game ever again this whole goddamn suit is so tight I feel like a Christmas ham that's on your conscience and while we are hanging out in the time break Sonic's here fanox of the time break baby and that means that Joseph gordon-levitt exists in the Zelda timeline that's a joke Joseph gordon-levitt doesn't exist in any timeline and it's weird because on this one the hero is a guy named Kevin he gets sucked into a television board games there are Zelda board games and they also deserve to be in the time line but what about the time break legend of zelda monopoly reggie take notes

Channel: felicityhs

Views: 559,371

Rating: 4.9597869 out of 5

Keywords: brian david gilbert, bdg, polygon, unraveled, polygon unraveled

Id: MTkDRbCg8fQ

Length: 14min 13sec (853 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 06 2019