Why You're Behind in Life | Viewer Interview

right because like what you're trying to like you have this artificial construction of like one day i'm gonna be this thing and i'm gonna be fixed and once i'm fixed then i'm gonna go out and i'm gonna help the world like it's not how it works man like you're never fixed you just got to do the work that you got to do like there's no like fixed is not a thing welcome thank you uh and can you tell me what you want to be called today or how i should refer to you uh jt like by the alphabet because i have a chinese name so it's just easier okay jt okay welcome jt are you joining us from uh it's a form of a foreign country are you uh yeah yeah i'm from singapore okay southeast asia okay cool so welcome and um how are you feeling today uh i'm like excited and also nervous yeah yeah those two those two usually go hand in hand right yeah yeah and and what can we help you with j today jt or how can i help you today okay uh sorry is it okay just use my phone cause i just jotted this down um yeah of course it's just how how to not let the fear of falling behind further hinder my life and how i interact with other people okay um and and can you tell me a little bit about your fear of falling behind well it's i mean like uh it's just that i've fallen behind in terms of education uh my social relationships with people uh my love life essentially yeah and i i think like i've also like i i i think maybe like uh i felt like shame from it or like people have to have like uh pointed it out that like let's say like in terms of my schooling my classmates like dude you're 20 already like how are you still here or like like can you like add your age and stuff like that you know when i'm behind like like when i'm talking to them and stuff like that so yeah just like yeah and it's just like sorry yeah keep going oh um is this that uh yeah i'm just like constantly reminded that i'm like following further behind and i don't have like a lot of time left if i want to like achieve like my goal in life okay so and how old are you jt i'm 20 this year 20 this year okay so i i'm i'm sort of getting the sense that you may be feeling desperate uh i guess yeah that's right okay and and so what um what do you want to achieve uh my life goal oh you said it oh yeah sorry uh yeah okay so i'm just gonna preface this by saying like okay it sounds very it's like very big okay but it's just genuinely how it truly feels i'm just gonna say it okay like good i essentially plan to do what you are doing but in singapore and then like uh i just wanna start like a mental health startup that way and like in order to do that you just have to get like singapore is like a very monotonic like society so like you have to get like super good grades if you want to like do something big so yeah that's why like uh i i'm like uh working so hard to ensure that i at least like get into university okay yeah so so um well so i know this may be a little bit weird but i'm in a weird way like you know i wouldn't have been able to do what i did unless i had fallen behind right because like like you know so i think like in short i mean so you know we'll talk a lot more but like like falling behind is like a core part of who i am and you have to if you want to help other people like you can't be someone who's at the top of your class and like tell someone hey like just you know this is the road to success you have to have actually failed if you want to help people who have also failed i'm not saying that i'm not recommending it to anyone because it sucks yeah it does you know so the first thing is so i just want to kind of toss that out there i still want to learn a lot more about you i think we're not really you know i want to learn a lot more about you but my first thought is that you know if you want to start a mental health if you want to be the the singaporean version of me you're doing it perfectly and falling behind is how you start so that's like great like that's the first step of your main quest is to fall behind and yeah okay yeah i guess that's true but like because like you've mentioned before like you essentially have like a limited time frame of of like of like how you want to help people because you feel like there's going to be a time of age like where you don't feel a sense of relation to like the young adults right so like i feel like the though if i keep falling behind further like maybe like 10 years or like maybe or like maybe like five years maximum in terms of how i want to help people yeah so what i'm hearing is that there's a certain amount of falling behind that is on track and if you fall behind too much you have fallen you've missed that sweet amount of falling behind and you're worried about that yes it is very okay cool we can we can work on that okay so tell me a little bit about um so it sounds like people you know will will like point your they'll tell you about your age and what do they say they'll say like oh you're 20 years old and can you tell me about that oh so like um i guess like when i'm wrong people that i'm comfortable with i tend to act like immaturist right so like sometimes i tend to annoy them and stuff like that it's like my friends were like oh my god can you just like you're 20 and like we are 18 really you know and and we're just like okay yeah that just keeps me in check you know like like grounded yes i'm supposed to act like this or like let's say like sometimes they tell me like oh i forget that sometimes you're 20 you know so like it makes me think like like damn they're like really so behind because like these people like 18 and 20 already they're like they're literally at the same pace that i am and then like people like like let's say like in my boxing gym those people who are my age they're already like serving their mandatory like national service orderly like in university like pursuing the things that they want and i'm just like like in my second year of like like uh a second year college okay so is that not universal can you help me understand what university is and what second year college is oh okay so um so in terms of singapore there's like uh like we don't really go to like when you go from high school you don't really go to like a a college for like a like just a general college you get there's like three like junior colleges polytechnics and uh ide so that's like uh like it's just a so like uh from when i was like when i was 16 i went to ite so that's the worst one essentially it's a bit harsh but yeah uh so but in order to get the university you actually have to get to like the second tier in order to get into university right because the first year is not able you only have to do it when you're 16. if not you you don't have the chance uh yeah so so second year is just like yeah this is my second year in polytechnic because there's like three years in this college okay so what are most people who are 20 doing in singapore uh they're either serving their mandatory national service or they are in university most of them like if they follow the like the first day of path right uh they they're already like in in university okay so how many years behind are you uh two three four five five four five oh five okay okay so yeah how does it feel to say that uh i think like i've i've i think i've come to come with okay i've not come to terms with it but i don't know it use disheartening yeah yeah because yeah i'm just constantly reminded about it whenever i'm just interrupting people because like if i like new people that i'm trying to interact with like for example like they i tell them like i'm 20 in the second year college isn't like that after them then i'm the second i mean like the second year college like probably 10 and they're like oh are you like graduating soon like oh no i'm like in my second year then i oh okay or if i tell them like i was actually from the third tier college that's why then there's like uh there's a stigma there because like in singapore like people tend to like look down if you were in the third year college for example yeah there's like all this like uh factors okay and jt can you help me understand how you fell behind in the first place uh just like mistake that i made like uh i guess like uh when i was 16 15 like i just throughout my secondary school um and like just in high school uh i wasn't really very studious as a person um you know i didn't really work hard as well uh like a lot of people keep telling me like oh i'm smart you know you do it you know but like like yeah i just can't i just couldn't study and like i just stick to games all day like every day just playing games even like during like exams like when it was exam period like during the exam day i was playing yeah i wasn't even studying yeah and then that's how i got into college and the only reason how i got into like the second year college was because often like a like a inter attitude interview assessment like they assess you like if you're in the third year college and you want to get the second year you can do this interview where you can like soak courses like also i wanted to stop course from like i.t like computer stuff to like psychology like and drama and i applied psychology and drama so like i interviewed there and like in the polytechnic and then they gave it to me yeah then how do you feel about that i think that was like the happiest moment of my life when like they sent me the like email notifications and they say like uh dear like dear jt congrats oh my then i just started freaking out like i was in a bus my jaw dropped and everything i was so happy yeah because i was then i was like yes finally like you know one step like further i'm like at least take one step you know i'm not as far behind now yeah and and so are you moving on pace now that you're in the polytechnic college um like slowly yeah i i i think i'm doing quite quite well actually like maybe but i need to be better if not i just need to be like way better a little bit but okay so help me understand when you say you're doing quite well how do you determine whether you're doing well or not i guess through my grades like okay so like the max in terms of gpa is like four right and like 3.79 now and so but in order to get like you like poly university like because from second tier day that's like it's very very hard to get in compared to if you're in a first year college from four universities and only universities they're like they have like psychology and they're like more reputable it's like only like two universities the third one is like just like longer a long way longer but uh so like uh yeah it's like you need to get like three point nine maybe like three point like a high you want it so like essentially this semester i have to get everything a but like sorry i'm sorry like talking a lot by like just giving more information but like i think this is like elective i like it oh okay i did this like elective and i and then like uh like uh i got a b plus and i was like so sad about it but like i'm trying to like work on it like it's something that like trying to work on like uh it's like accepting the oh sorry i'm just gonna you know because good because this is i just i just like note things that i've improved on and like things i should improve on sorry so like uh focusing on the process not the outcome it's like i can't control getting an a but you can be confident in my own work done or like i accept the outcomes gained by validating the emotions of my outcomes but like sometimes i feel like they don't work as well sure or like i don't think even though i've been like working on it for like a year now like i it's not as it's not it there's not much improvement i guess okay i i really like the level of detail you're going into jt and by all please pull out your phone whenever you want to because i think it's really helpful um can i just have a second to think yep okay can you um tell me a little bit about uh you know why you you want to why you want to be the singaporean version of dr k like help me understand what what appeals to you about that why is that your goal um i think i think i literally found my dharma because of you okay yeah yeah okay i'm noticing that how how whenever i say that it sounds as though it feels my mind is like liking me like that sounds stupid you know okay but sorry uh yeah yeah uh yeah i you you helped me for my dharma and i think this is just what i wanted to do and like i think like uh like singaporean society needs it a lot right because uh we are very neurotographic and we are like go go go go go you know we don't have time to rest it's just like drilling it in very technical integration you know just like i drill it in don't like don't stop you know it's just this is how it is so like i want like like so like most people they feel like they don't have anybody talking about things and i i want to offer that help to people and also like how you're doing it like your help yeah you're doing like peer-to-peer coaching and stuff like that which is really so i want to like put people who are who know better than me in like terms of like uh how like uh like maybe like x convicts fields like because they're they will x-con convicts themselves you know like then they can't be sure that can't stop like i love that yeah so let's do it here because and also because when i wanted to like be a healthy gamer coacher it was it was not it was not legal when i tried to sign up in singapore's i mean like like from singapore so i guess i just want to do it here cool okay so so why do you want to help other people like help me understand what what do you want to help them do or see differently from the way that society is right now um like sorry can you just repeat the question yeah so so like so you said that the problem is that singapore is like very like a meritocracy and they like kind of drill you to like you know do this then do this then do this then do this if you do all these things then you are successful and you are a good human being and if you don't do those things you are a bad human being right that is that fair yep so how do you want to change that uh i just want them to tell themselves that there are other pathways it's just going to take longer and you just have to accept it sorry so i just gave myself the answer of like my work sorry sorry but you know but like but for me i have limited oh crap i'm saying like oh i have limited time i don't know man oh or maybe i shouldn't maybe i shouldn't do that because i don't even know how to combat that if i yeah but i don't even know myself no no but good so you're doing you're doing great jt right because like it starts with noticing you're like like the answer that you want to give them is like the one that you need to hear and then like why is that funny because then as soon as you say that you realize okay this is the advice that i need to follow and then like your mind is like when i try to follow that advice your mind tells you doesn't want to listen to it right yeah so so what does your when you say you know it takes time you have your own path you know just keep persevering and what does your mind tell you in response when you try to tell that to yourself you can tell to someone else but when you tell it to yourself what does your mind tell you dude you're not gonna yeah you're not gonna make it if you if you slack over you don't study you did but you're not gonna have time like uh there's no way because if you wanna do like like uh you can do like the third university but you're gonna be like 30 by the time you you even get out of the university then what you're gonna do like 30 to just just to get a bachelor's i'm like okay i don't know what i'm supposed to do and then that that can happen to me because like okay this is very egotistic but like i this goal is so big i like all bigger than like the norm like people like most people like i hear like oh they just want to earn money they want get rich so they can do everyone but like this goal of helping people like i i need to get there faster because because i need to help those people and if i don't help those people in time then it's useless like oh like my life is like worthless okay because it all right yeah okay okay i'm gonna try one thing that's probably gonna bounce off so like how old do you think you need to be to help people um what how old is too late i mean i can actually like like okay when you say help people like uh i can help people now honestly in terms of volunteering and stuff like that and i have done that but it's just um like help people the way i want like the way you're doing it like in need like in terms of you need like good like successful like education and you need to have like scholarships and stuff like that in order to like enforce change in terms of like macro system levels like in terms of society and stuff like in singapore's like i i need to have good grades if not they won't listen to me right cause like i could like like like someone like a second year like a college person like with a diploma and applied psychology telling you oh this is how you're supposed to do it when like they're like people like in universities with masters already like i mean how how old how old tell me what what do you need how old do you need to be and what kind of professional certification do you need to be i calculated it would be 28 for masters and then hopefully i can work at the same time and do my doctorate i'll be like 34 or something 34 34 by the time i get my dog but like 28 i can start helping people in terms of my master in terms of getting a milestone yeah and and buy 30 are you on track by 34 to get your doctorate i hope so okay right yeah so like i i mean do you know how old i am 38 yeah do you know how old i was when i finished training uh no no let me just make sure i have this right i was 36 when i finished training i don't know oh sorry uh i said what wait you need i'm doing this for two years from now yeah well i thought you like seeing patients for quite a while yeah so so much like masters so i finished medical school at the age of 32 but i finished residency at the age of 36. huh go go so like like i said like i said right so so you're on track to be faster than me what does your mind tell you that i want to help people faster as in i i yeah or like like i have to be faster or like i i don't know it just does many to be faster okay so like you are already on track to be faster than dr k you're gonna be you're on track to be two years faster than dr k and what does your mind tell you in response to that uh it's telling me nothing he's just saying okay cool yep uh oh wait um uh yeah okay i don't know i feel satisfied now but i don't my mind is like telling me like no it's not enough because i like i'm trying to my mind is trying to discredit you by saying like oh dude you are you're in the u.s education system and i'm in the singaporean education system it works differently you don't have the same amount of opportunities i don't have the same amount of opportunities that you have okay good good so now so the first thing to understand so i want you to notice something okay when it comes to feeling fallen behind and desperate the reality the situation does not matter at all because here you are with your goal and i'm telling you you are two years ahead of me you're two years faster than i am and and your mind is gonna find some way to like set that aside and discredit what i say do you see that like it doesn't i i could tell you jt you're doing great and you'll find some way to tell me i'm wrong you'll find your mind will find some way to keep you feeling desperate and ashamed does that make sense yeah we're doing it again yeah but i'm just trying to notice it so like it will go away but like that's the problem because like like yeah i'm just like noticing it right but like sometimes it will just already just like fades and then it comes back no like like oh god do you know i did i did this like like a few days ago when like my friends were critiquing me about how i should improve right so like uh i i was trying to notice that because i went to sleep by angry and i was just trying to notice my anger and just like kept coming back so i couldn't sleep for like three hours because i kept noticing it it was like so hot yeah yeah so it's it's really hard man so i think you're doing a good job and we're going to try to help you okay so the the key thing here though is that a lot of times when we feel like we've fallen behind we think that something in the outside world will make it better right like if i fix something outside if i catch up if i get a 3.79 if i get a 3.9 if i do this then it'll go away we think that that the solution to falling behind is changing something in the outside world right yeah your mind is telling you i will be satisfied when dot dot dot but what we can kind of notice is that like even though you got accepted and you are super happy and you're getting a 3.79 you know and maybe it's not enough if your mind is always going to tell you it's not enough do you see that yep even though you're making progress sounds like you're going to be okay actually but like your mind is like it's not enough it's not enough so we have to recognize is that an objective achievement in the outside world is not going to make you feel like you've caught up even if you're telling me that you want to be dr k and that sounds grandiose like fine whatever and then dr k is telling you you're doing it two years faster than i am like that should be enough right but it's not going to be which is why i said it's going to bounce off which is fine which is why i said it just so we can appreciate that it bounces off so this is where like the work that you need to do has nothing to do with your external performance it has everything to do with like the feeling of falling behind and where that comes from because it sounds like you're doing okay right like so it sounds like you weren't a great student and then you've worked your way up to a 3.79 you've got some work ahead of you and you've got to shoot for a 3.9 will you make it will you not make it like who knows but like you may you know sometimes you'll get a lucky break in the future too like you take enough shots you open enough loot boxes and like eventually you'll get you know like some rare item and and you'll like i'm not i'm not worried about you jt so because i i think that like you know this is where you say you got lucky but like you also it sounds like you had an interview right yeah and and like sometimes in life like we just have these opportunities where we just have to like you know crush it in a moment and then we can catch a break and and so i think if it's been my experience that like people will catch breaks as long as you keep looking for them like if you sit at home and like play video games all day like you're it's gonna be really hard to catch a break but if you're out there you're trying you're applying to stuff you're taking classes like someone somewhere will like notice you and be like okay let's give this guy a chance right that's what happened like that's how you got in because someone like saw something and they were like oh like this guy really is not in person he is different from what we see on paper on paper he doesn't have much much merit but this kid is a little bit different so let's give him a chance and i i do think that the world functions like that and if you keep on like putting yourself out there that people will notice that and like value that can i say the comments yeah uh because i like uh recently okay so like our our teachers like sometimes i do check-ups during the holidays to see how we like however in terms of mental health and stuff and like like just now when you stay there like yo you're the way you're gonna progress the way how hard working on the way you do this kind of things you you're gonna be fine but like my teacher told me like like if you wanna like do great things like for example my friend he was doing like he wants to do like policy making in singapore right and like i started it but you need scholarships and stuff it's like i relate what i'm doing like in terms of how like how grandiose is his goal is to mine so like equal it's like and she said like like you need to have scholarships if not no one's gonna notice you if not like like you're not gonna you know you're gonna know where like it's only because he volunteered that they're doing so many volunteering work right now they're like like they're like working they're doing so many things like all these kind of things like all these big things just so that they will get noticed like and i'm here like i'm not even i'm not not right now i'm not even volunteering i'm just like studying right but but my my peer my friend like he has been volunteering his gpa is like way higher and this way he'll probably get it and i won't okay yeah oh i said yeah okay it's not that i won't but like uh like i stand a lesser chance yeah so i think that makes sense so jt i don't think you are your friend you're not one of them and and i think the harder that you try to be the more you will miss out on who you are what does that mean because like so so this is where like i know it sounds weird but like you don't need to be them like you need to be you [Music] yeah sorry yeah go ahead oh like yeah isn't like usually like i need to be me but like yeah i was in but i still need to volunteer i still have to do this stuff right if not i can't get the scholarship i can't get noticed according to the teacher so so the we'll we'll get to that in a second right but like if you're not capable of volunteering and studying at the same time like can you do that okay so okay so that's what i'm saying if you're not good enough i know it sounds kind of weird but like that's where you need to start right so like what are you capable of so that there are there are a lot of different things here so let me like let me say there's two different tracks here jt one is that your personal sense of shame and desperation is emotional and like if you want to understand like so i can say as much logical as i want to and it's gonna bounce off every time until you deal with that emotional thing if someone feels like they're unlovable someone else can try to love them as much as they want to and it just won't it will never land it'll never hit right it'll just bounce off over and over and over again so if you want to like discover your confidence you have to start by like exploring where your shame comes from so we can talk about your parents and stuff like that and like you know what it was like growing up like where you started to feel fall behind like you know you can tell me about how ashamed you felt and all that kind of stuff and as we start to see because you kind of say that you know the shame you you notice it and it comes down and then it pops back up right so where is it coming from where is it popping from it's it's because your mind has that emotional energy from being 16 years old and getting into that third college the ide and you felt so ashamed and then you started to play a video game so where did all that shame go it got buried and now what it does is pop up and the more you played the video game the more you buried the shame you felt behind other people you know then you were 17 and then your friends were 17 the friends that you used to be with when you were 12 they started to grow and now every time you compare yourself to your friend there's more shame building do you see that yep okay so like there's the getting rid of the shame down below which has means working through it the second thing to point out is comparison okay so comparison is a function of the ego and the ego arises when you're experiencing negative emotion so the more you compare yourself the worse this is going to be because if you think about it falling behind can only happen if you have a standard of comparison okay then the third thing and don't worry jt don't worry we're gonna calm your mind down the third thing is there is a very harsh reality that you live in a country that is very comparative right we can say as much like dr k like you can make me feel wonderful on the inside we can deal with all the shame i can conquer my ego and at the end of the day when i apply for something they're going to look at my resume they're going to look at my scholarships they're going to look at my volunteer situations and they're going to say screw this guy and who they're going to listen to is the guy who's got all that stuff and that is the world that i live in true so what do we do about that right so like right so like these are the different topics we can talk about because i i do think that we could have a discussion about growing up in a society that you say is a meritocracy but it's not actually a meritocracy so like it's it's an artificial measurement of merit right it's it's a measurementocracy because it's not real merit it's like an approximation so like our society has become more and more geared towards what we can measure versus what is valuable and we've started to confuse the two so like if you look at the stock market like if if a stock price is high that means the company is doing well right that's what we started to do we've started to replace merit and value with measurement because it's easier so it's like hard for people to like get to know every student so what we do is we give them a test and we say based on the test we're going to rank you and that's just the way the world is which i totally get right and i think that there's particular like strategies and stuff to to navigate the meritocracy but like you know i i think that if anything i mean jt you're 20. the question is what is singapore going to be like 10 years from now 20 years from now 30 years from now and 40 years from now right huh you wouldn't know you wouldn't know right so so and this is where i think part of the problem here is that some of your goals i think are very artificial like and this is where you can try to be something that you can envision but like i don't know if this makes sense but like once again since you said you want to be like me at 20 years old what i thought i wanted to be i was completely wrong about right and and like the whole point of like you know like the way i became dr k is by like ignoring what the world was doing instead of trying to live up to the world standard it's like being myself and the more i started to be myself instead of chasing after what other people wanted like that's how i became me it's actually moving away from like what everyone wanted like it's like you know quitting a good position at harvard it's like that's what everyone wants like you know when i graduated they were like you know because like even when you finish you know there are tears right there's like there's the good jobs and they're the medium jobs and they're the bad jobs and since i did really well they offered me the good job and i was like no thank you so like like that that rat race that like that you know that treadmill of like first you have to do this and then you have to do this then you have to do this you absolutely have to play the game to a certain extent like don't get me wrong but like i wouldn't put i wouldn't get it you know i would strongly encourage you to like realize that you don't you know affecting policy like that may change what you need to affect policy may change you know and this is the kind of thing where it's like you know anyway i mean you have no idea what the world is going to send you like just trust me on that one you just you just have no idea you know and and and this is where like like this just to be blunt this is just too bizarre but like recently someone put me in touch with someone very high in the singaporean government and and they're like they're like interested in doing something around mental health in singapore right so like i have no i like it's just a bizarre i don't know if anything is going to happen to it but like it's very possible that i have no idea because i don't know what comes next but like it's very possible that like some healthy gamer could move into singapore and if healthy gamer moves into singapore i would be like hey i know a guy what do you guys think my point is i have no idea if that works i don't think we should rely on that expectation my point is that you just have no clue like what the future holds and so trying to build a life based on like okay this is what i've got to do and this is what i've got to do and this is what i've got to do so i wind up in this place and this is what i want to achieve is like the wrong way of thinking about it just the whole the idea of falling behind is a mental construction it's not actually a real thing now i mean there's some reality to it because do you need like a good resume so that people will listen to you sure i'm not disputing that but you need to be like fluid in the way that you achieve your goal and like if if you don't if you have a 3.79 the question and if by all means go for the 3.9 like work your ass off study really hard learn how to study because your friend learned how to study when he was 15 or 12 and you like missed that part right i missed it too and and this is where like i i also think you don't you don't have to be big this is another big common misconception like the most gratifying work that i do isn't with like huge numbers well it's not most it's all about even but like this is why you know why do we do this like i'm talking to you man like what i care about is like talking to one person at a time i have to talk to thousands of people that's not actually what's fun it's talking to you like i want to help you and whether the internet is watching or not watching there may be an objective difference in terms of the impact that i make but it doesn't that's why we stream but like at the end of the day whether in my office or we're on the internet like it feels good either way dude it's very fulfilling either way does that make sense yep it's yeah yeah i'm just i'm just like processing everything you're saying and i yeah i'm just like because every time you try to talk right and sometimes like my mind will like shoot up so i'll just like try to notice it immediately then like it just goes and then you go to the next point it comes up there i'll just like notice it so just try my best yeah it's just yeah i'm just thinking because like uh you took like uh so if i can't remember a lot of information because i'm just trying to like process it all it's just um like you tell me like okay dude you just for example i give you like the example like you told me like like studying right i learned how to study and i i have learned how to study actually study quite well learn how to study quite well because of the guides that you put out and uh but the thing is sometimes like they they still get like it's still like a plus or it's still like uh stuff like so i think like something like yeah still comparing where i think like oh if i do what you tell me to do i'll i'll get the result that i want but it doesn't add up yeah so so and and that's that's where i mean i i think you kind of like like you know you're like you're going to tell people some someday right like let go of the result yeah and and and that's where it's it's hard man like don't get me wrong it's hard but like you're you know you're growing you're not in your final form yet and and you know i i can try to reassure you i think that's not going to work very well like it's only going to work so much but it's like you know i mean you just you just never know what's going to happen like you just never know so i think building a plan so and this is i mean it's not really your fault because you know you probably you have been conditioned right your mind has been taught that unless you do a b c and d in this order you will not succeed that there's a formula for success right and you're you're not living up to snuff therefore you will not succeed and when like 90 of people are telling you that of course you're gonna feel that way yep and and this is where it's kind of weird but like if you're talking about you know changing policy like you have to be the example like you can't be you know like you know like yeah yeah dude exactly that is exactly why like i'm trying to like that's why like that's what i'm trying to like buff myself up i mean i'm trying to like make sure that i don't have any of these kind of problems you know because like okay like like uh yeah it's just like like this i'm trying to improve improve improvement so that i can be the best version so that i can help people you know so that so that i don't have to like do this interview with you so you can help me you know i'm saying yeah so and this is where i mean i got to tell you man like that's the whole thing is like wrong right because like what you're trying to like you have this artificial construction of like one day i'm gonna be this thing and i'm gonna be fixed and once i'm fixed then i'm gonna go out and i'm gonna help the world like it's not how it works man like you're never fixed you just gotta do the work that you gotta do like there's no like fixed is not a thing right like the world may tell you it's a thing like the world will absolutely tell you that this is what a fixed person looks like and we can we our mind has been conditioned towards that but i think jt like honestly i think you're doing great we'll we'll get to some of the other emotional stuff in a second but like i think you're doing like you're doing the most that you can which is great which is perfect and this is where like i think you're living your karma like you just weren't born with like you know a high level of conscientiousness it sounds like do you know what that means like the five factorial stuff yeah yeah right so like some of us are just not born with i wasn't born with a high level of conscientiousness either either i still sort of don't have one which is fine like you can still be successful the problem is that the world believes that a particular kind of person is success but it's been my overwhelming experience that if you play the game like if you watch someone who's like playing like let's say wow okay what do you play by the way uh i read league of legends uh monster until uh okay all right so so like let's say like overwatch right so like if if i'm watching someone who's like an awesome tracer right and i'm like they're like giving everyone right and left and then i'm reinhardt and i try to play a tracer style game and i keep losing i'm like oh i need to like i need to be faster right i don't know why it's not working so your friend is like tracer and you're like reinhardt you just have to play who you are right and and i know it sounds kind of weird because the world is going to tell you like it's it's like back to like i don't know if you watch pro overwatch but you remember back when there was like the three tank meta yep goats right so like like like so like like the meta right now in singapore is like a three tank meta and you're trying to play a dps and so you can look at the meta and you can say this is what success is because that's what the meta is the meta is the meritocracy you do this you do this you do this you do this you do this but over time the meta evolves and how does a meta evolve jt no like i just i just i went up because i would say i'm gonna say like buff patches you know like the the the company but then the company means the government that means the government is they can change stuff and stuff like that you're right so the meta can change through policy which means back to your original plan you have to do really good someone has to change something somewhere not so but the meta doesn't only change due to buff patches how did the goats meta evolve that wasn't through a patch like reducing the champions ability so i i i so the point i'm making is that like sure something got nerfed right but it's a combination of buffs uh patches plus player innovation because like it's not like someone you know the patch happened and then immediately people were like oh let's start playing three tanks someone was like oh let me try something differently based on the circumstance of the world and then something becomes op but that openness is the circumstance that the world creates followed by the innovation of thinking differently thinking outside of the box so like let me say no wait for like to like revolve around me no dude so this is what i'm saying so if you look at healthy gamer's story like the world was what it was right and we innovated within the balance balance patch system of like the government so like there was like and like literally there's like policy stuff that matters here so we've like talked to attorneys and like things like that we've said can we stream we talked to twitch and we were like i'm a psychiatrist can i talk to people on the is that allowed in the rules will the government can i do this i talk to people in like you know the medical community and i'm like i have a license like what do you guys think am i allowed to do this and then we innovated the point is and now everyone's like you you now you're just playing meta decks you're like oh i'm going to be like dr k now like following my meadow is my innovation but that's that's how the meta evolves mm-hmm right so and this is where where it's kind of weird but like i think that the part of the thing and i know this sounds i'm going to say something kind of random so i was once in a class that looked at nobel prize winning papers in biology okay so all we did in the class was we read 12 papers that won the nobel prize like 12 experiments and the really fascinating thing is like like the you know what it takes to win a nobel prize is to like think off meta that's like literally what it takes to win a nobel prize the whole meta is one way and then someone is like oh wait let me think off meta instead of doing everything the way that things have been done before i'm gonna try something different and so like that's what it takes to win a nobel prize so there's a part of you that's like trying to chase like what everyone else is doing and that's fine for the plebs right but like if you if you really want to make an impact in the world i think you've got to step away from like what you like forget about what you want to accomplish and just like focus on who you are and where you are and then like opportunities will come like you'll have you know like it'll click i'm not worried about that for you it's just about convincing you that like you can just like be who you are and i i don't know how else to say it because i think we've already said this but like i wouldn't be who i am without the failure like it's such a it's just as important as the harvard what do you mean by like be who you are like like or just accept that you are like this like what does that mean that's a good question so i think especially in meritocrac uh societies like singapore india is the same way everyone's like what the hell does that even mean right because like all we're taught is like what we should be does that make sense yeah let me just think about how to answer that because it's hard oh sorry no no it's it's it's the most important question um so you know what you want to be right yep what are you i'm just a polytechnic student yeah i'm just student and honey i'm not there no i'll get there i i just gotta like keep this pace and if and not up yeah so so i i think that's actually like a pretty good answer so like you know islam is there's some emotion there what's that you feeling some emotion no not really sorry okay no no so i i think that the more that you kind of accept that i'm a polytechnic student i i would be a little bit careful about the word just right so you said i'm just a polytech that's just what you are it's not better or worse than anything else which i know sounds weird in a meritocracy society but like i know it sounds weird but like you can't be anything but what you are like how tall are you jt right 172 cm uh five foot eight okay can you be five foot ten uh with the proper shoes okay okay can you can you be no no it's a good answer can you be five foot six uh i don't know right so like so like when you when you go and buy clothing do you buy clothing for people who are six foot or five foot um like yeah i guess like my size or like maybe a little bit bigger yeah right and so but what if you want to be six foot what if i came to united jt so imagine you succeeded in your goal and one day i come to you and i say i'm five foot five and i want to be six feet so i keep on buying six foot clothing and then why do you want to be six foot all right because six foot is better than five foot and it's what i want to be so i'm i'm gonna move towards that uh okay i'm just noticing the the metaphors they're using and how it applies to me so explain that it's just it's a different ball game it's just a different game you can't be this thing because you're just on that thing or like you actually have to like show appreciation that the piper is not a bad thing you know like you stupid there's no things that you can't do but like like women like dudes who are taller so let's be let's be clear right well let's just assume that for a second i don't know that's actually true but like that's the way a lot of dudes think right so even if we say that six foot is better than five foot five they're like there's studies that show that height is correlated to corporate advancement so the likelihood of you being a ceo is seems to be correlated with how tall you are so let's even say that it's better to be six foot than five five what then uh [Music] i don't know there's like nothing you can do actually because they're so insistent on wanting to be this thing even though they can't okay sorry right so so so and here's the thing is like if you want to succeed right let's say i'm a five foot five dude and i want to find a girlfriend then dressing in six foot clothing is not gonna help right i have to play to my strengths like like if it's the goats meadow like we're gonna get three tanks like and forget about tracer like who cares but we don't need a tracer right play to your strengths that's what it means to be who you are is you may objectively be worse than your friend like i i know it's kind of weird but like we live in this society where we say like everyone's equal like no they're not like does every human being have is any human being worth more than another human being no i mean yes sorry wait wait hold on i'm getting confused i think in terms of intrinsic value they're we're all the same but in terms of like capability like we're not right like some people are just like better at basketball like some people are just like more successful at life and i think that like if you're someone who's fallen behind accepting that is the way that you really start to shine like you can still have a wonderful loving relationship if you're five foot five you just have to stop worrying about being six foot and just play to your strengths and i think you'll be fine you can still be a ceo at five foot seven even though height apparently is an advantage but you just have to accept that like you're playing life with a handicap you can still win but as long as you like pretend to live a life where you're not handicapped and you get so caught up with the handicap that you forget about the game um what's your mind saying now that um okay so like you know like there's like peter kapha and right so like i'm very pita right so like like uh like so you you mentioned like many times like these peta people are just like the ordinary like just the average kind of people right in terms of statistics in class or whatever and like the thing is like if i were to like play to my strengths like many people are like average and stuff like that so like how can i play to my average strength like if i want to like innovation and like must be powerful right like in terms of how you counter the ghost method it must be stronger than that meta right so how can average sorry sorry i'm putting down myself but like in a way but like like how can average stats be better than like other statistics so it's a good question so let's like answer it in a weird way okay the first thing is that the reason you're average is because it's an amalgamation of different qualities your total stat pool may be average but there are some things that you're going to be better at so one thing i'm already noticing is you have a very very high level of self-awareness of awareness of your internal environment you're like in the top one to five percent of people i've ever talked to so like your problem is that you think that like okay but how does that help if i can't change it which is a good question i haven't quite figured that out yet but i i would say that the thing that makes me the thing that i'm really good at is also self-awareness like that's the thing that i'm really the best at and so if we think about my ability to work with people like my ability will work with people is all based on a very very careful analysis of myself the problem is that this is the kind of thing that is not easily translatable into external success like it took me a while to craft my life to be suited to myself but i was able to craft it because i was aware of what i was does that make sense it's like playing the long game definitely because the world is not you have to like craft the meta of your life to suit your internal characteristics my mind is telling me like oh my god i gotta wait again i don't like like uh like i just scared that crafting is gonna take so long yeah yeah yeah you know yeah and so go ahead yeah i'll just go behind further but if i can okay if i try to innovate because because like oh yeah because when you mention like innovation i've always tried to do that in terms of my projects and assessments that they give i always try to innovate but when i innovate i get like b pluses but and if i stick to the meta i get like a's so like so i'm like so scared now because like if i try to innovate in like that in that context as well i'm scared that it won't work out sure yeah no i mean that that's that's the problem right that's the problem with changing the meta is that most people who try to change the meta fail oh this isn't like okay as in like because if i fail take it will take longer and i'll just have to try try again okay so now we see something really important now we're actually going to help you okay the rest of it was for everyone else but do you see how no matter what i say we're coming back to this yep yep i see it okay so so now the question is what so how long have you felt like you're falling be uh let me put it this way actually it's it's interesting because it's not just falling behind i think we've actually stumbled upon something else how long have you felt like you can't afford to fail only recently actually or like maybe it's like more prominent when i actually when i actually got into the second year college right when i got when i got to do what i wanted that was when i realized oh crap yo like the universe has given me something and i'm gonna take it so i'm gonna use it properly and i'll use this like rng like 0.1 percent like luck that i have and use it good because i'm so unlucky that i'll never like even in games i'm always very unlucky so like if i even when i get 0.1 i got to use it to like the fullest potential if not like i'm just wasting that you know jt did you feel more did you feel like you were more behind before you got into polytechnic or after you got into polytechnic so how do you understand that because um i guess in uh like in idea i was still like uh like i i didn't really care as to what kind of direction i was going it didn't mean that well i i mean my grades were still okay like 3.56 but like um only when i got into yeah only when i go into poly there's many changes so let's think about that what would you expect if you've fallen behind and you take a step forward would you expect that person to feel like they're catching up slowly yes right right yep but how did you feel when you got into polytechnic um in terms of catching up uh i was okay sorry i'm just trying to fight my my my inner thought because i'm like no just just just just shut up yeah it's it's like that was when i realized that oh my god i'm so far behind again or like i like further behind i thought okay so you feel like you're super far behind right oh my god the the ipad of truth of knowledge okay i used to watch your online webinars with this so cool okay hold on here's here's the problem okay so now let's say i'm let me think about this okay so let's say um let me think about what these axes are so feeling of falling behind okay and progress all right does that make sense yes okay i see it so if we were to say like let's say i'm behind right so my progress is really low and so how far behind do i feel do i feel really far behind or do i feel not very far behind like fall behind i guess right so this is where i am does that make sense yeah i feel super super bad because i haven't made any progress and then as i make progress what should happen to my feeling of falling behind it should go lower right yes with me right and then at some point we're going to even cross the x-axis this is what the curve should look like okay so now let's talk about u so let's call this ide and let's call this polytechnic okay when you were at ide is ite sorry yeah my bad okay i-t-e so when you were it let's just start you in the middle okay how far behind did you feel when you went to polytechnic or increased right so what can we deduce about as you make progress how are you going to feel oh good sorry it's just going to stay out it's going to peak and gonna continue forever so i know this sounds kind of weird but how far behind do you feel right now where are you over here right like let's say you're like over here but what what this means is along this line the higher up you go on this axis the worse you're going to feel i mean like like do you see like it's weird because it's the opposite so what we can almost infer is that the more behind you feel the better you're doing now i know i know it doesn't make any sense but i'm just asking you to be scientific i'll explain why in a second why this happens but this is really important for you to understand this is why you were terrified and i am not because i understand this is what your curve looks like and that the higher up you go on over here actually what i'm paying attention to is this and i see this for sure that's why i'm not worried bro i'm really not the problem is this is the way that your mind interprets progress now we're gonna explain why this happens but like does does this make sense to you yep it does okay so now let's explain it okay i'm gonna uh i'm gonna stop sharing okay we're gonna go back so it's a it's a really common problem okay uh and then i know i know it sounds weird but so when you're in when you were at ite right you weren't actually playing the game yep that was it so it's impossible to be behind when you play when you're not playing the game it's like can't be behind if you're not you're not trying and so this is the really dangerous thing about feeling like you've fallen behind as you start to catch up you begin to realize like so if i'm at the bottom of a mountain and i'm not gonna climb it like i don't have very far to go there's a ten thousand foot mountain i'm sitting at the bottom like yeah i'm just gonna play games all day like i don't i'm not gonna i don't need to climb the mountain like it i don't need a gold i'm just chilling screw that like sure you're filled with shame and stuff you're playing video games all day there's a land center that's at the base of the mountain you're just kind of hanging out there it's no big deal something dangerous really happens as you start climbing the mountain then you begin to realize oh crap once you climb a thousand feet then you look up and you say oh i have nine thousand feet to go so this is really really tricky but if you have this some scar of falling behind as you make progress success makes it harder actually making progress makes the mental feeling so much worse it's really paradoxical but once you understand it actually makes perfect sense we did an interview like over a year ago with a guy named crucif that i think is a really fantastic interview i don't know if it's on our youtube channel but crucif is a guy who is really overweight and he was like falling behind like he was like stuck in a lot of ways and he had this really interesting thing where like he would like dig really deep fight his inner demons and then would like start to lose weight and he would do good for a week or two and then like at the two-week point he felt like really really bad and we we almost called it like a rubber band like he was attached to something like with with like a rubber band and then he would run away from it and the farther he ran away from it the increase the tension of the rubber band and he would come snapping right back does that make sense yep and so that's kind of like what you're doing too is like as you're actually making progress in a weird way you feel like you're falling behind more and more and more and more because now that you're in polytechnic what do you do you compare yourself to your friend but when you were in ite you weren't comparing yourself to him as much and then what happens is like let's say you get into university and if you're not careful and like you used to compare yourself to the people in university right or maybe but then once you become one of them you're going to find something else to compare yourself to and then as you move on you're going to find something else even when you start making policy and you are have the same job title as your friend you're going to find someone else to make a comparison to this is why people like i'll work with people in investment banking it's really common in banking because they get a promotion and they want to get the next promotion you want to get the next promotion you want to get the next promotion that feeling of falling behind jt you carry within you and your mind will find whatever kind of comparison it needs to make it'll find like you know thousands of people why do you compare yourself to this friend because it reinforces the feeling of falling behind the feeling of falling behind is its own entity that will push aside any data that makes it feel weak and will latch on to any data that makes it feel validated does that make sense yep they're just discrediting like my achievements and just uh focusing on my negatives and what you improve on yeah yeah you do that right yeah right so so so like you can and yeah sorry yeah go ahead no no isn't it because because like i i i always thought that it wasn't like a bad thing that i'm trying to make improvement because i always draw them down on my phone like what i'm supposed to improve on i yeah i don't know i guess i didn't know it was like male adaptive so so it it's not a bad thing the question so all of these things jt in your mind are not bad the only thing that's bad is is who is in control so like i'm not saying you should stop trying to improve like you should absolutely try to improve the question is is that desire for improvement coming from a place of this is what i need to do to catch up or is it an improve is it about is this what i need to do next right these are two very different things so i'm i'm gonna bust out the ipad one more time okay so now like here's the tricky thing so right now when you think about improvement there are two ways to think about improvement okay one is a goal focus so this is like the future this is your goal this is this is your friend so when you think about improvement are you trying to go from here to here because this is a this is an improvement out of a deficiency does that make sense yep like so improving from here to here is fine like ask like being in the present and saying what is one thing i can do to make one step forward that is present focus this is what you're looking at this is where i am this is who i am this is where i am i need to you know i i have a 3.79 and i need to make it a 3.9 that i think is a healthy improvement because this has to do with your goal right this is like where i am this is the next step that i need to take but if your goal depends on this over here if this is where you are if you're in the future then what you're going to create is no matter this is the only stuff you could take dude this is how long your leg is right this is your leg you can only move this much and if this is your goal if you move this much this is going to be not enough do you understand so every step you take what is the thought in your mind not enough not enough if your mind is over here so in a bizarre way the more you move forward the more behind you feel because what is the emotion that you're reinforcing within yourself what is the some scar you're building not enough it's never enough it's never enough even though you're making progress so what you need to do is like i know it sounds like this is where we got like people say this really simple stuff like focus on the present like yeah i would like why how like what's the deal with this is why this is important because as long as you are thinking about your end goal of being dr k it's never going to be enough right jt you will never be me nor should you try to because like the patch like the meta and the patches like i arose in a particular meta that meta is gonna change by the time like you're ready so you shouldn't try to be me you shouldn't try to be your friend you shouldn't try to be anything really just be who you are and focus on the next step and recognize that even though you're moving forward you're gonna feel like it's not enough but like all of that i don't know how to say this man like it's all wrong it's all false it's all a construction of the mind based on this idea of falling behind because here's the problem is like this is where you are like this is where you are that's it there's no falling behind like this is where i am like that's it if i say i've fallen behind this much now i've created an artificial construction if i've fallen behind this much now i've created an artificial construction right so you're 20 years old and you're comparing yourself like you're hanging out with 18 year olds so maybe like that's the gap here okay but like it doesn't matter like all this stuff is false like this is just where you are if you're 20 year old in polytechnic with a 3.79 gpa your road forward is absolutely the same whether you fall in behind or not the big difference is that one of these things is going to help you anytime you take a step forward and one of these things is going to make you feel worse every time you take a step forward yep i see it then how do i combat that that some scar i guess or like like how do i combat that that that that that fear of falling behind off or like not or telling myself that actually i'll just go on my own pace you know and stuff like that like how do i combat the fact that i tell myself that no enough yeah okay so so good so the answer is you don't combat it so what you need is not to combat yourself you need compassion towards yourself so what i want you to imagine is like you've become successful okay so you're dr jt and there's like a 20 year old who's going to come to you and is going to be like dr jt i've fallen behind and like how what are you going to tell him like what have you fallen behind on okay sure yeah so like ask yourself questions right that's good and then what like i guess like identify what i'm falling behind on and whether or not that that like factor or falling behind is is uh changeable in any way okay so like so like in terms of my age or like my height or like uh or falling behind in in grades it it's just like it's just that it's just that you just have that yep you're you're that's yeah my mind tells me that oh my then i'm supposed to be happy with being this way or like but what if i want to aim higher you know high standards so let's roll reversal okay but i i'm i'm 38 and i've fallen behind dr jt what should i do can you help me i uh sorry uh i'll i'll yeah i can uh i don't know where to start but it's just what have you fallen behind on or like let's say maybe like you're too late no no yeah so i want to be i want to be a professional dota player but i've wasted the last 15 years of my life becoming a a doctor what a waste oh sorry uh are you like taking any steps to improve on it in terms of like maybe you're playing a lot and stuff like that no i actually uninstalled dota a week ago oh then why do you uh what do you have this worry about wanting to to like what do you just worry about falling behind when you're not like taking steps to improve on it that's a really good question i i i see like that's that's good right like that's that's great so like like just inquire right like and so i i could say but i i want to be a dota player and then you can point out that like if you want to be a dota like a pro dota player like you know install dota that's the first step right and that's what you would tell me to do i i mean maybe you're going to tell me that's not going to be possible and you can't become a dota pro at your age which i probably can't yeah right so so so if you it so like if you would tell me that then like what would you say to me like do you think i could become a pro dota player at my age when there's like such a bad psychologist slash psychiatrist if i tell you do not but like realistically like no right you can't you can you can try you can always try your best and see how it plans out for you you know like and then offer them like this these ways that they can help but like in the end if it doesn't work out you just have to like accept it or like yeah yeah right so i think you know what you have to tell yourself and this is the kind of thing where it's like you know when when you when that voice comes up and says this is not enough what i want you to recognize is that like that voice is a part of you but it is not the whole you right and so what you need in that moment is actually like some degree of like validation and reish like validation and faith actually so you can say you're right i am behind and i'm gonna keep moving forward anyway i don't need to catch up i just need to move forward and then the voice is going to tell you but it's never going to be enough and so then you're going to tell the voice you're going to say you may be right it may never be enough so what should we do about that right like talk like recognize like like what are you gonna do like so don't argue with it be like yeah you're right like i can never go back in time and be 15 and learn how to study well and therefore i will always be two years behind my colleagues or four years behind my colleagues i'm gonna be behind for the rest of my life now what right so yeah what is your mindset it's not you saying nothing yeah it's like it doesn't have an answer for it exactly that's how you disarm it it's weird right yeah i always thought awareness would be good or like just noticing they would disappear oh yeah no no it is good it is good you're chipping away at it the problem is that every time like some battles it wins and some battles you win awareness is helping but every time you make that comparison every time you take a step forward it actually gets reinforced because you tell yourself it's not enough it's not enough it's not enough so you are you are shrinking it and also feeding it at the same time [Music] no wonder there was no progress see no there was problems yeah i mean you've come a long way dude right because like you use it sounds like you used to play games all day yes like all the yeah and how many hours a week do you play now uh now it's the holidays so like but like obviously like because like i studied in the morning right so like i started like four hours or like two two three hours and then i was just starting because like my mind doesn't attack me anymore so yeah it's good yeah yeah man like do you do you not get like how enviable you are to so many people who are watching right now like they would kill for that yeah but suddenly oh all right my mind's gonna discredit me again but it's just like i have to do that if not i don't if not i can't because like normal people like the way i'm starting right now is like i'm revising the revising so like like i'm triple revising so that when the revision comes i might triple revise so that i know because i'm not that smart right i can only rely on my hard work like because that's why i need that thing other people they don't really need to study a lot like this a little bit advocate but like just yeah i need to do it yeah good i i don't think that that's bad at all i love that statement you need to do jt what you need to do that's how you will be successful i need to do it because i need to do it other people aren't that smart who the cares whether you're smarter or they're dumber that is irrelevant what what matters is what you need to do and every step of the way if you want a step-by-step guide to being dr k it's do what you need to do and don't worry about what anyone else is doing like you have to play the game right like doing what you need to do it's not like i just wake up one day and like here i am no like i have to you know have to work hard i have to decide like okay i'm going to go to medical school because it's what i want to do when i when i went into medical school i wasn't even going to be a psychiatrist i wanted to do oncology and i wanted to like save people's lives who had cancer and then like when i thought about being a psychiatrist like my family was like you're joking right so they're like why would you want to be like you're joking right so the world is going to tell you like that oncologists and definitely you know the world says this a lot that oncologists are worth more than psychiatrists because cancer is real and if you want to be a real doctor like that's like helping people with cancer because how much more of a doctor can you be so forget about the world man and like you just do you and like walk your path every single day and recognize that like you know you're gonna feel behind and so be it you are what are you going to do about it you got to start somewhere don't fight that voice like you're doing notice it you know you can even like thank it in a weird way right because part of the reason that you've gotten to where you are is because it has told you that this isn't enough and it drives you forward so try like different things which is just like acknowledge right be like yeah like i've fallen behind recognize that so when you're like 35 and starting university you know like like there's gonna be there how did you respond to that shock i'm just like i'm just like maybe it might be real dude like yeah maybe right i'm just like that what you're telling me now is like acknowledge it and stuff like that right because but like i think like similar to a lot of interviews interviews they've done right most of them don't want to change this stuff right because like it's like it's like productive for them even though it's toxic in a way i'm just scared that if like i debate it right like talk to him and stuff like that right that won't give me the drive to do like work as hard or like work super supply yeah yeah so so so that's why i'm saying once again not don't get rid of it you should be in control of it it should not be in control of you right so recognize that the feeling like you've fallen behind is like a temporary buff that comes with like a long-term debuff right so you do use it and you should be grateful so like recognize that there's like a an 18 year old kid inside you who's terrified that he's never going to be enough and what i would encourage you to do is talk to yourself the way that you would to a younger brother who feels like they've fallen behind right like you want to be encouraging you also don't want to like lie to them you don't want to say like oh no everything will be okay like you're beautiful and i love you like everything will be fine no you're gonna tell them like hey man like you are behind but like you gotta you gotta start somewhere and i have faith in you you can do it like you've shown me that you've come this far you went from like ite to polytechnic you have a 3.79 gpa almost 3.8 you need to shoot for a 3.9 so you got to start working your ass off i'm proud of you for even on your holiday or whatever like it sounds like you study two to four hours a day and you're revising things for the third time which is awesome and i don't know if you're ever gonna catch up but if you are i think revising things three time is the way that it's gonna happen what does what is your voice what does your mind say to that yeah i just have to keep going at it but yeah i'm just thinking like when do i like allow it to like like uh like uh like buff me and when do i like i cause it's very hard for me to notice when it's a debuff and when it's above because like sometimes i just think that it's just a debuff and that debuff kind of like creates a new buff of moving forward and then yeah that will make me how do i identify that yeah so it's generally speaking you want to get rid of this okay generally speaking but it's going to take time and i have to be really careful because i'm trying to give you so you keep on asking me questions about the future and i'm trying to avoid giving you like answers about the future you're like how do i tell you just you just keep doing what you're doing man don't worry about it basically but generally speaking i do believe this is a negative some scar and in like just about everyone that i've worked with where we've worked through falling behind when they no longer have that mental complex they start to do better now the problem is that if i tell you that you're gonna cr your mind is gonna create a new goal and then you're gonna start telling yourself oh i need to get rid of falling behind i need to get rid of falling behind i'm not getting rid of it fast enough i'm not getting rid of it fast enough and it's just gonna the whole cycle is gonna start over again but if you really want an answer like you need to get rid of it but just when i find that i'm scared all right i mean so this is where you know i think it's like it's a whole other conversation but you know i i'd say like it goes into how long have you felt desperate um actually forget about that we're gonna go we're gonna go try to speed run this okay so tell me about your romantic relationships uh i've only had one but it wasn't really real and it wasn't it wasn't really like like uh i mean like i don't really consider it like like real stuff because it was really toxic and bad and that's it that was like six years ago i had like oh wait like four years ago two years ago okay and how do you feel about like have you fallen behind in terms of like girlfriends relationships you're heterosexual yes okay uh rolling around that uh i don't know i just go on my own pace i'm like i mean it doesn't really affect me like whether or not i'm singing a lot great okay so like that's that's good so so it doesn't seem to apply there oh but sometimes it it comes up just sometimes like it it will come up like my like my feeling of loneliness and stuff now i'll try like notice that because like sometimes it will affect my actions and how i interact with people how do you mean like okay let's say like okay my best friend right so like i'll just like like i'll just complain to him that i'm single and i want to change it and stuff like that and they will give me solutions there like then after once i notice it i'm just like you know actually you know it's just like is this how i feel sometimes sometimes it comes out like yeah it's just a thing it's not really how i feel it goes back down yeah cool so like like over time are you feeling the loneliness grow or shrink or stay about the same um i guess now i would say it's drinking actually yeah i'm quite like okay with it yes so so i think the big difference if we look at falling behind right when it comes to your professional career academic stuff like that i think you do a lot more things to feed the samskar which paradoxically is what we talked about with like moving from ite to polytechnic you felt so much relief and you were like oh crap i've fallen so far now i'm playing the game like i just started the race like everyone else started a few years ago and i'm starting now right and so i've like missed like the whole everyone's like ahead of me and i'm starting late so so i think the relationship is actually a really good example of like how to do it well right because like it's interesting because you're doing all the stuff that i'm telling you to do professionally because you're saying oh i'm just lonely like you don't tell yourself oh i shouldn't be lonely or i need to be with someone you're just like hey sometimes you feel lonely and like the reason i feel lonely is because i'm alone that's okay like it'll work itself out hopefully eventually right you just kind of chill with it it's just like there you're like does it is it feel bad yeah but like you don't your mind does not feed off of that does that make sense yeah yeah whereas with falling behind your mind like really feeds off of it right and starts like like oh my god then this is gonna happen and this is gonna happen and then i'm gonna do this and this is gonna have never gonna be enough and look what that guy's doing look at that like you don't do that when it comes to loneliness you just kind of acknowledge the feeling you sit with it whereas there are definitely people who have it reversed right their professional career is like going okay but when it comes to their romantic life their life is like oh my god i've fallen so far behind like i know i'm okay like with my job it's like yeah like i didn't get promoted like who the cares you know i'll get there eventually and then when it comes to personal i feel like i'm gonna be alone forever like no one's ever gonna like me like i don't know what to do like let me i'll give you more realistic thoughts it's not i'm gonna be alone forever it's like other people learned how to date in high school and i did not other people learned how to date in college and now i'm 25 years old and i don't even know how to date like it's gonna be so hard for me to ever find anyone because like everyone has more experience than i do and like i missed that boat and now i'm screwed i've fallen so far behind right but your mind doesn't do that it sounds like when it comes to dating i was hoping it would and then we would you know get an easy answer but in an interesting way i'd say do you see the difference between your professional stuff and your dating stuff and how you respond to your mind yeah yeah so yeah so i i would say jt there are two ways to deal with the some scar basically okay one is to notice its action in the present you actually don't need to go digging into the past and you can just work on it every time it arises the second way is to dig into the past usually what we do on stream is actually digging into the past but the reason that i kind of went this way with you today is because i think you're actually genuinely really good at noticing in the present so this is something that most of the guests that we come on i actually don't know if they're capable or not but it feels easier it feels like i have to teach them so much more to do what i did with you today it's way easier to ask people like you know how their dad didn't get you know get got their brother a nintendo switch for their birthday and i didn't get a nintendo switch and then i felt a lot like it's easier that way but um i don't know that we're gonna have time to really open up that whole discussion and i also don't want to lose anything from what we've gained by like moving on how does that sound to you yeah i think that sounds very fair i'm also gonna like revise this later anyways like just see it any tips i can improve on later oh yeah yeah questions um is there any like specific meditation to like stop this because like sometimes like the meditation i do is like i don't really think it addresses it as much or like it just like like relieves my it just released my neurotism for like a period of time yep yep so let me let me think about that that's a good question um would it be easier if i inform you of the meditation that i do sure uh okay sorry just let me put up my thoughts uh i do like yogic sleep on an alternative day and then another day i'll do like uh like the mantra that you gave and then also the uh rum sorry ram bam bom rum thing yeah okay okay so um okay damn dude you're you're a real tryhard bro yeah i'm sorry i'm a smithy sweaty neck i'm like a it's impressive man okay so let's talk about okay so since you have some background we're gonna this is great okay so i'm gonna give you advanced versions of two of the practices that you're doing yes okay okay so the first is yoga nitra so what you need to do is develop a sun gulp oh i have okay i am capable tricky tricky tricky tricky tricky oh so okay so okay tricky sorry tricky tricky so this is going to be subtle okay so the weird question um so let's think about this okay you are capable involves what time what does that mean so like capability is about what it's it's a i don't even know how to ask this it's it's so subtle but that sun gulp is exactly incorrect so like capability is about what you are going to become it's about catching up does that make sense it's a potential that is not realized but one day you will be right one day you'll catch it's like the exact wrong thing it and it's it's such a good i mean i don't blame you for picking it i think it's beautiful that you picked it and that you shared it and that you were like here's the things it's like perfect it's like karmically perfect but do you see how like that is reinforcing the wrong thing i did not realize that yeah and you're not going to right this is why some gulps are usually given by like teachers right because like and this is like but do you see like and this is really why like this meditation stuff is shouldn't be taught over the internet but like it's a good example of something that seems really positive i we can totally understand why your mind generated it because it's like exactly what your mind wants right it's the dream that your mind is attached to and it's saying if i do this practice i will catch up i will achieve my dream i will get there one day i will climb to the top of the mountain i am capable of getting to the top of the mountain but the eyes are still at the top of the mountain instead of at the sep the next step that you need to take so let me just think about that for a second so we gotta remap your sun gulp uh does that make sense you with me yeah yeah yeah um i always thought it was so helpful because it was such a good buff like i've used it so much so yep yeah so i think it is a good buff and a debuff yeah right so so so it's it i think it's like it's hell like it's there's no doubt in my mind that it's helped you and i think like time to let that go um i think this is gonna be too far for you but one thought that comes into my mind we're gonna find a different one this is gonna create too much tension i think if if you could replace it with i don't need to be capable okay i will try that but but how do you how does your mind react to that i think uh based on this interview i think uh my my mind has kind of accepted it okay i'll just try it because it's like something new right maybe my work okay let me try to come up with something better um um so you can do a mantra of soham okay so so is gonna be your inhalation if you close your eyes and you just listen to it you'll you may hear something like and then the inhalation and exhalation you may be able to hear that but what soha means is i am that which i am so it it you just you are you and like it sounds kind of weird but like in your own breath you can like you know when you breathe and you just like feel yourself like that's all you are so i would say you can use that as a uh so the sun cult will be like i am what i am period okay um wait so do i change the mantra as well because like i do the because i think you gave it when you were interviewing the the russian asian something like that a home brahmasmi like me is not what you want oh okay so okay so yep yep so a ramos means a little bit different so um uh yeah so like you're you're i would say like if you're going to repeat an english or i don't know what your native language is but like a sun help along the lines of something like i'll get there or what i am is good enough or i am what i am period like like you like so if you like i am what i am and then in terms of your month or practice i would change that to soham so okay sorry oh sorry yeah go ahead oh uh because like uh so like it's like because i want to get this right because i also use the beats right when yep because you say like there's like buffs and stuff so like i i use my the pre beats and like so i just inhale and then like i say so hump and then i exhale and then i move on like to the next yep so so this is where we're gonna go to advanced practice okay so so so hum so you can say soham and then what i want you to do is with each bead i want you to hear soham within your breath so close your eyes okay do i get the beat sorry is it okay if i get the beat yeah you can get the beats okay all right all right okay so close your eyes okay can you hear me if you have your headphones off yeah i have i have you on speed okay okay so so close your eyes sit up straight actually let me go get let me go get a set of beads hold on okay so we're gonna teach you guys japa okay so i gotta okay so let's do a quick refresher this is the guru bead okay the guru beat is like going to be at the end um and what we want to do is in generally speaking your right hand you want to hold the bead between you don't want to use your pinky finger or your index finger so what we're going to do is rotate it between the fourth finger the third finger i know it looks hard sorry try it like this all right i'm just trying to copy it fully it i know it sounds kind of weird but just move it without using your index or your pinky finger okay i see it and then it's going to be easy okay so what we're going to do is i don't know how many beads your mata has but in the hindu tradition they have 108 so we're going to go all the way around right one at a time i'll teach you how to do this and then once you hit the guru bead you actually don't cross it what you do is then you start going you flip the m the mata around and you go back the other way okay so you can absolutely chant soham um i'm not going to chant it for weird reasons but you can chant it but what i would recommend is that you try to hear it okay so as you as you sit up straight you know you've got your your uh mara and then breathe in and out thank you okay can you hear it can you hear the soul and the hum yeah it's very low so you can increase the sound you can increase the speed of your inhalation and your exhalation to increase the volume oh of the of the oh okay i was saying like lowest and low in pitch yes yeah it's gonna be yeah i think that makes sense it i never thought about pitch but i think that'll make sense um so yeah so i'd say i'd say you know change your sun gulp and and alhambra masmi is like yeah i don't think i don't think it's where you are that too is like aham brahmasmi means i am the universe and i think you're some people need to be more connected to the outside world like um but i don't think that's your problem actually i think your problem is that like your way to your your sense of self is like caught up in the outside world right like you need to be less connected not more now i'm not saying you shouldn't you know i don't think by all means continue to study and stuff but like all this stuff about the meritocracy and what you have to be in what the world wants you to be like you need to pull away from all that okay okay so quick reminder of java practice so let's practice together for about 60 seconds okay um yep and or we'll practice for like let's say like two minutes okay so and your back is straight how's your do you do yoga and stuff or no yep i do it in the morning before i do my meditation okay good all right so sit up straight and begin me yes go ahead and come on back when you're ready okay yeah i mean i i didn't manage to like restart it like i was i was hungry yeah yeah you don't have to go fast god i'm so grateful i'm just so grateful to have this opportunity and like just like it's just surreal that i'm meeting you as well and i'm just grateful to be here just like here as in every like in every way alive present wow thank you so you know how we talked about living in the present you know that feeling that you have right now that's your anchor this is what it is to be in the present you know so when people talk about like enlightenment or moksha being in the present it's a weird feeling of like gratitude and appreciation and presence like that's what it feels like right like it feels like amazing to just be fully here so you're doing everything right man like if you can feel this way in this moment you are doing everything right because how could you be doing anything wrong and feel this way oh my god okay yep i'm just well yep yep right cool cool good luck thank you yeah good luck man thank you uh you're very welcome goodbye thank you bye okay that was unexpected chat but wonderful to be sure

Channel: HealthyGamerGG

Views: 181,074

Rating: 4.9774914 out of 5

Keywords: mental health, drk, dr kanojia, healthygamergg, healthy gamer gg, twitch, psychiatrist

Id: Xxb-HovgjjM

Length: 109min 55sec (6595 seconds)

Published: Sat Jun 19 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/force_emitter]

Dr. K speaking to a Singaporean?! Well there's the crossover I didn't know I needed

[u/ahpau]

Dr K/Healthygamergg is an incredible & wholesome person all round and definitely worth a watch. Found him through Twitch streamers where he started building his brand, and all his videos has helped me through tough times.

I remembered when Byron passed and he made a video on it, he bawled and so did I, which made his passing so much easier to deal with. He has helped so many people indirectly and is a pure gem.

[u/Psyche6707]

"You say you come from a society that is a meritocracy, but it's not actually a meritocracy. It's an artificial measurement of merit. It's a measurement-tocracy."

[u/Forumites000]

In Singapore there is a toxic, self destroying mentality if "no degree = absolutely useless." when I already make more than most of my degree counter parts.

But honestly, it's not only a Singapore thing. It's an Asian thing as a whole.

[u/elfsexparty]

Civil service HR managers: haha but its true what

[u/deangsana]

This is like a psychoanalysis of kiasuism and the entire country

[u/HeavyArmsJin]

The moment you are born not inside an elite family, you are behind already don't need wait until ite lol

[u/Awesome_Sheep]

Ooh thanks for sharing, didn't know that this was something I needed

[u/callmetheJET]

Dr. K doing the work the universe needs from him 😬