Why So Many Men Are In Unhappy Marriages

when we purchased the Julian price house they told us that we'd not only get the house but that we were gonna get the house and the order I don't mean to be really blunt this is no longer your home all the stuff must leave this house you have every right to look at all of this and say my god you're a hoarder but the truth is I do not perceive myself as a hoarder so we can throw that container away with the sand in it yeah why not dude can we throw the sand away no I think it's important that people understand what is required to effectively solve serious problems in a relationship and more importantly how the government has made that impossible in a marriage the reason men are moving away from marriage is not because of irrational fear it's because there's no possible recourse in the event that the relationship goes south because of what the woman is doing women have recourse on men but men don't have it for women and in order for there to be a power balance both sides have to be able to instill consequences if the other side is behaving inappropriately otherwise both parties will be unhappy no woman is happy being married to a pushover and no man is happy about being bossed around all the time because he's afraid of family court this episode of Hoarders is a perfect example of what I'm talking about it follows a gay couple who purchased a four-story 31 room house in Greensboro North Carolina that was foreclosed on by the bank they were able to buy this mansion for only $400,000 because they agreed to deal with the squatter who was in the house the squatter Sandra was a formerly successful interior designer who bought so much crap that she filled up every room of the thirty-one room house and every hallway this episode was so ridiculous that it almost would think it's fake but my late aunt was a hoarder and after she died my family spent two weeks removing all the garbage out of her apartment there was literally trash everywhere and it's the same with Sandra she is literally collecting garbage boy can you set this in the wagon it's just heavy I'm afraid on oh yeah I know you're also ver wrong mm that needs to go with me to the car to wash and use to to clean up with VHS tapes CDs plastic pools for children then trading cards and broken furniture that people left on the streets it's almost like she's lived 40 years without ever taking out the trash but anyway the reason Sandra is being evicted is because she refinanced the house a bunch of ties and then didn't pay our mortgage for like five years she's remained there for about three years fighting the various foreclosures which is pretty extraordinary actually that's a heck of a fight my goal is to have the legal system invalidate the foreclosure [Music] if gets invalidated then that puts me back as the real owner of the house which is what I want sandra ran up over two million dollars of debt and tried to get the loan invalidated she did this on the premise that the banks were bailed out in 2008 so she wanted the taxpayers to bail out two million dollars of her irresponsibility and kick out the new owners of the house this is despite the fact that she thinks it's perfectly fine to own a six to ten thousand dollar desk and listen to me this is $6,000 ten thousand dollar desk and it is insane to let those get away obviously she should have sold that when she got into financial troubles but Sandra has decided that she cares way more about material garbage than she cares about her well-being or even her family I'm Earl I'm Sandra's brother you don't want to throw any of this away why are you wasting your effort when you could let these folks that are here to help you carry this stuff out of your past so you understand [Music] this'n to how she speaks to her brother her brother who was taking three days out of his life to help her clean so that she can keep some of her stuff she's not grateful at all for that she would much rather have him gone so she can sleep in her pile of garbage she even cared more about that house than she did her own husband in 1979 somebody approached my husband wanting to buy the house and tear it down and he says if you love me you'll do it I went whoa whoa if you love me you won't ask me to do it so he left now you have to be careful when you listen because manipulative people will often leave out important details of the story to make it look like they're on the right the reality is that her husband didn't just out of nowhere asked her did you agreed to sell the house judging by the way she handles her finances they were probably deeply in debt and the husband as a responsible adult was trying to sell the house to pay off that debt she ended up choosing the house instead of him I don't know what their exact situation was with the marriage but to every other man who is married that's pretty much it if a woman decides she's not going to budge on an issue even if it's her being a drug addict she has complete power and what she says goes because if she doesn't get her way then she can own half your stuff she can garnish your wages for child support alimony she can lie and say you abused her and while she's at that she can use the kids as human shields this is why men back down when their wives are abusing them and staying unhappy marriages they know the consequences of the contract they've signed if you were having a serious conversation where you're discussing problems in the relationship and she starts calling you stupid talking about how much better of a person she is and I do everything for you you do nothing for me or she starts screaming then that's that's pretty much it the arguments over she wins there are no consequences you can give him response to her abuse because she could just ruin you in family court you were defenseless as a man and you have to understand a person like Sandra or woman who has set in her ways will never ever be convinced with words that she has a problem Sandra feels that Michael American never had clear lien against the whole in a conversation with one of Sandra's brothers it was brought to my attention that she was considering continuing her legal battle to regain possession of the house she's still hoping that that court ruling would be reversed No so we purchased the house legally and we're doing all of this to benefit her we do not want to drag our family through this we do not want to incur additional legal expenses we want to keep these crates I'm gonna pull the plug on this entire process if she's gonna go ahead with the lawsuit I'm asking the bank to admit they had no right to foreclose or sell the property that's what I'm asking them but if you win that you've essentially undone everything that's been done you have a trial in February twenty-seventh and I go to court Wednesday you've just cost me two hundred thousand dollars in legal fee for what only if you want to do this so I would have bought a house that I no longer own that you've just as potentially taken back we brought all of this in here to help wait wait we sold it for you so you have money he's trying to maneuver me into positions that will keep him where he is right now what the house is his and me out of here in two more days I guess I'm not we're not saying it clear enough like maybe needs to come out of your mouth this has to end despite that she made a bunch of terrible choices with money despite that her house was purchased by someone else after it foreclosed despite the fact that these guys were nice enough to allow her to keep herself even though they owned it they allowed her to keep her stuff pick out the things she wanted sell the really valuable stuff at auction for her and she is still trying to sue to keep the house she's perfectly fine with costing the owners Eric and Michael hundreds of thousands of dollars when they are trying to help her they could have just thrown all of her stuff in the trash why is she treating them like that because she's getting what she wants the only way to get her to listen is to take that away which they did they threatened to tell the workers to trash all of her stuff instead of letting her keep it or sell it now with a marriage a man can't do that if she is a drug addict or a hoarder and she can lie well enough that she can get the courts to force you to pay for her addiction claiming it's for the children as a man you can't say no the government forces you with alimony and child support to enable an abuser I mean look how bad this all is look how little she cares about other people she had three days to remove all the stuff off the property after the second day she all night so she can pull all the items they threw into the dumpster and put him out in the street so it would be off the property line and that created a blockade she had nowhere to take it and I fully believed that she intended to leave this stuff there on the street and camp in front of it in her van this is about finding you housing and making you some money what's the most important thing I don't have a need for housing at all may we please take that off no I you do you living in that van right there you do have an issue for me does she think people want that does she as an interior designer think that people want a homeless lady in a car full of trash with two dogs and a pile of garbage behind her camping out in front of him half a million dollar home does she think the neighbors want that well they didn't because one of them called the police and that phone call resulted in the most gratifying seen in this episode of Hoarders she had until 4:00 p.m. to remove all the stuff off the street and she missed it by a lot so the city took their little claw and crushed her crap as they lifted it into a dumpster let's watch couches pictures vases picking them up and dropping them into trucks and smashing them people in the show seem to be upset about it but I thought it was a very fitting punishment for the harm she caused the owners of the house and society with her frivolous lawsuits now Sandra didn't start out like this she was a top-tier designer where at one point people would wait two years to have their houses designed by her then she got sued by one of her customers for doing a botched job after the lawsuit she probably got into financial trouble because she lost her business her husband wanted to sell the house but she refused so her husband left her from there she just kept spiraling more and more downward with no one keeping her in check even though Sandra is a severe case the reality is that with enough trauma and with enough loss anybody can do some pretty self-destructive things when those people start down that path the only way to get them to stop is to begin removing your support and begin removing your attention the only time Sandra ever listened to anyone in that episode was because people gave her negative consequences for not listening look at it this way she remained in the house that she wasn't paying for for five years she only left that house when the police forced her off the property after it was sold she threatened to continue the frivolous lawsuit to keep the house but stopped when the new owners threatened to throw her stuff in the garbage she intended to leave all of her crap on the street and only stressed herself to move it because the city came with big machines and destroyed any crap that was left on the street no amount of rational conversation is going to change these people so if you are in a marriage where your wife is out of line there is nothing you can do let's say she wastes all the grocery money on a new handbag what are you going to do you can't withdraw financial support that's financial abuse and if you piss her off enough she can just divorce you and have the government forced you to pay her this is why so many marriages are in the toilet and why so many men are unhappy and by the way without these checks and balances the women aren't happy either do you think Sandra is happy going unchecked letting her life spiral out of control no she is a former aristocrat who is now homeless living in a van a van filled with everything therefore nothing is valuable look at those crazy eyes she makes look at how she treats people she is miserable she got sued once a couple decades ago lost her business broke up her marriage and then just gave up if you're in a marriage where your wife gives up then there is literally nothing you can do except prepare for financial disaster it's really kind of sad I've watched several men in my life go through it recently I watched one of them getting a good hundred pounds in the past year because the stress is crazy why puts on him and there is nothing he can do to make it better because she refuses to do anything and he knows she will financially destroy him if he creates consequences for her bad behavior but honestly if we allow things to get bad enough any one of us can become like the hoarder in this episode any one of us can be thrown into a downward spiral maybe some of you have been there and maybe some of you are there right now you certainly have a good excuse a lot of people have lost their jobs because of the Chinese flu I've read many comments from people who just want to throw in the towel and give up but I think of it this way there are plenty of people out there who have survived way worse I recently listened to a story that's linked in the description on the jakka willing podcast about a woman Rose Schindler who survived Auschwitz as a teenager both of her parents died all of her brothers were murdered all she had left her of her family of 11 or her two older sisters and a few pieces of jewelry she made it and she's still alive today I mean I'll I'll take unemployment over that any day people have survived a lot worse don't allow the stress of this situation to make you weak there are ways around your situation and there are ways to ensure that this doesn't happen again with you maybe this crisis was the wake-up call you needed to get your life in order imagine that if instead of facing this living paycheck-to-paycheck you had three to six months of your living expenses saved up great have a nice little vacation watch some Netflix play some video games read a book who cares you're doing fine if you didn't do that this time make sure you're ready for the next time or think of it this way maybe losing your job was just what you needed to take a chance of something better a lot of people get complacent they get comfortable and they just sit where they are this can be a good thing so instead of giving up think of ways out otherwise you'll end up miserable like Sandra but if you sit down you focus on it you think about it you put all of your attention towards it you get frustrated about it you're going to think of something there are plenty of things out there for you give it time and you'll figure it out but that's enough for this video if you liked it hit the like button subscribe if you're new comment and share if you would like to support this channel then you can do so with Pay Pal patreon or subscribe star all of those links are on my channel page or in the description last if you haven't checked me out on bit shoot yet then you can also find that by clicking the link in the description or on my channel page other than that thanks for watching see you in the next video

Channel: Think Before You Sleep

Views: 581,312

Rating: 4.8964696 out of 5

Keywords: Hoarders, Sandra Cowart, Michael Fuko-Rizzo, Eric Fuko Rizzo, Jocko Willink, Rose Schindler

Id: Odzapz4Z5as

Length: 15min 52sec (952 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 21 2020