Never had to worry about school.
I mean, I did, because I was in it. But-- But my parents gave up.
They gave up early. They knew--
They would literally beg me. They'll be like,
"Son, please, just try and get 50. It's a pass. Just get 50." I'm not bragging, and--
Nor am I glorifying this. But-- Um, this is an actual mark I got
in grade nine typing. Typing. All right? It was 1984. Don't judge me.
There were no computers yet. It was actual typewriters. Um, my typing--
My final mark was 13 percent. [all laugh] [Peters laughs] Even my dad was like, "Son... Son, you've hit a new low. Do you realize you get 25 percent
just for signing your name correctly? What fucking name did you put?!" They gave up when I was a teenager.
They did. My only rule when
I'd leave the house was-- I'm like, "Dad, I'm going to the mall."
"Okay. Son, oh, don't die." That was it. That was their only rule. "Don't die. We've already failed enough. We don't need the ultimate failure. Well, don't die while I'm alive. After I die,
die as many times as you want. But... while I'm here, don't die." Never had to worry
about a career or a job. Well, a job, yes, just not a profession. When I was 16, my dad comes to me
and goes: "Son, one day,
you won't be in school anymore." And I was like, "I'm gonna graduate?"
"No, son. Focus, son. Focus. Focus. Come on. That's never going to happen. Okay? When you're not in school,
you're going to need to get a job." I was like, "Of course, I'm going
to get a job. I'm not a freeloader. And if you know anybody hiring,
let me know." He goes, "Well, the airport is hiring." Here's how dumb I was. My dad said the airport was hiring
and I was like, "Oh, my God. My dad wants me to be a pilot." [all laugh] I was like, "You want me to be a pilot?" [in Indian accent]
"Oh, my God. Son, no. Oh, my God, no. Oh, my God. Oh, Mylanta.
No, no, no. Oh, my God. Son, you are far too stupid for that job. People's lives are at stake." "What the hell am I gonna do
at the airport?" My dad goes, "Baggage handler." "What the hell is a baggage handler?" My dad sells the shit out of it to me. [in Indian accent] "A baggage handler?
Son, let me tell you something, okay? These people are an integral part of millions of people's travel plans
throughout the year." [in normal voice] I was like, "Damn. Well, what does their job entail?" [in Indian accent]
"Basically, baggage handler's job is, you take the baggage
and you put it on the plane." [in normal voice] "What do I do?" [in Indian accent] "You take the baggage
and you put it on the plane." [in normal voice]
"I 'putted' on the plane?" [in Indian accent]
"You put it on the plane." [in normal voice] "I 'putted'?" [in Indian accent]
"You put it." [in normal voice]
"Like... 'put'?" [in Indian accent]
"Like 'put.'" [in normal voice]
"Like:" [in Indian accent]
"Don't be stupid. Okay? That's 'putting.'
