Why Did You Cut Off Your Family?

serious redditors who choose to cut off your family why did you do it i was always the one to make contact try to talk one day i decided i was going to wait for them to call me this time they never called it's been eight years i feel this in my soul my mom moved six states away when i was five and if i didn't call her i never got a call after 20 years i've stopped trying and she only ever communicates on facebook then she acts all proud of the way we grew up no thanks to her i didn't totally cut them off but i moved across the continent and refused to visit my mom said that if i wasn't her child she would want nothing to do with me so i don't initiate contact with her i just don't see the point in maintaining a relationship where you don't want one i'm your mom now i'm real proud of you for all your accomplishments and you're gonna do really good things in life thank you for existing less than half an hour after my mother died my great-aunt told me i had no right to be in the room with her body because i am a drama queen who never truly loved my mom i was 15 years old that's not something you say to a kid who lost a parent i am way better off without that toxicity i am lonely but safe sorry for your loss i hope things have gotten better my immediate family cuts off pretty much every member of my father's side of the family with the exception of three people several years back while my father was dying we desperately needed help some financial but otherwise just emotional support we were losing my father but they didn't care some of them even went out of their way to screw us over and when he was nearing death's door one of the worst of them called us up all worried about arranging my father's last rights first off everyone knew my father was not religious and didn't want that and second you didn't give a dang about him before but now you're worried about his immortal soul frick off we actually had to warn the care home about this relative potentially sneaking in a priest and we also spoke with a close friend who was a priest himself who wrote said relative a letter that politely told him to frick off they can all rot for all i care they made me ashamed to share the same last name you can always do what my friend did when his dad died and change your last name to your father's first name the dad's side of his family were all trailer trash who beat animals so he changed it posted on another post serving in iraq family didn't bother telling me my mother had died found out via an email two weeks after funeral time i got home they had divided all of her possessions i got a brown envelope with four pictures of her in there got up and left never went back married a girl from overseas try to get her a visa my aunt finds out sends letter to embassy stating that i'm an unsavory character and that the marriage was most likely a scam visa denied i'm now leaving the country jesus i would have set her house on fire you have the restraint of a god and i am so sorry this happened to you i can't imagine even remotely what that would have felt like i haven't talked to my mom in over nine years now it sucks but i've been much happier ever since i made that decision when i was growing up she was always the type that instead of providing any sort of encouragement she would embarrass you as motivation she would point at homeless people and say that's what i would become if i didn't work hard enough i remember when i was playing piano she would tell all her friends that she wanted me to know how to play so i could at least play on the streets for money when i had a recital at school there was a piece that i kind of blanked out on so i had to do that thing where you backtrack in the song and play it really quick to remember the song it was obvious that i messed up though afterwards my mom told me she was so embarrassed that she wanted to leave the breaking point is when i was trying to apply for dental school i was having a hard time with the dats mcat version for dentist and i had just taken it and got a bad score i came home not feeling so great and my mom asked me how i did i told her not that well and she looked at me and said see i knew you couldn't do it she forced me to sign up for it again and lo and behold i did poorly again this time i wanted to just avoid any contact with my mom so i made sure to leave the house before she woke up and came home after she went to bed during this time i had gotten a speeding ticket but i paid it off in secret what i didn't realize is that a bunch of driving schools will mail you brochures to take their course to get the points off your license my mom found out and she called me immediately what my mom didn't know if that i was in the car with all my friends and i put her on speaker when she started screaming what are you doing with your life just drop out of school and bag groceries stop wasting everybody's time ever since that day i decided to just not talk to my mom there's actually a bunch more to the story but fast forward nine years and i've completed dental school and in my last year of orthodontic residency i hear from her co-workers how often she brags about my accomplishments and how proud she is of me some part of me wishes our relationship was better but i always go back to thinking that it was too little too late my mum was a bee she was emotionally abusive and neglectful my whole life she only had kids for the benefits my brother was 18 months younger than me but because he was taller she would often mix up our ages she often mixed mine and my sister's names up i hated her for years but i finally cut her out when i was 19. my dad died from cancer just before my birthday in an argument when she tried to convince me my sister is a prostitute she's not my mum used my dad's recent death to try and hurt me i walked out of her house and haven't seen her since i'm 24 now and when i meet new people i just tell them both my parents died i'm adopting everyone in here with crappy parents so hello i'm a guy but i'm your mom now you're doing real good in life and i'm proud of you and if you need anything you can message me take things one step at a time i don't speak with my mother she allowed me to be abused by her boyfriend when i was little she was messed up on pills whenever she left the house i'd beg her to take me with her and she never did i tried to form a bond in my adult life but she kept bringing up the past when i told her not to and then i cut all ties my mother is a drugged out alcoholic w monger that basically had zero positive impact on my life didn't have the courage to cut her out of my life fear of triggering another suicide attempt three to date until i had kids of my own i love my children and they will not be witness to the same things i've seen i feel no remorse and anyone else living with such toxicity in their lives there is no shame in cutting ties with family members protect yourselves and find a way out hi there i'm adopting everyone with crappy parents so i'm your mom now i might be a guy but i'll be the best dang mom ever you're doing real good and i hope the babies are doing okay in school preschool daycare home i'm really proud of you for being such a good parent to those little ones okay message if you need anything have a good day son daughter my grandmother casually mentioned that she hoped my sister had a miscarriage because the baby's father is mexican-american i never saw or spoke to my grandmother again and my nephew just turned 16. i am fine with everyone in my family except for my grandmother all my life she has been a bully towards me and most of the other members of our family just a few examples when i was 14 and very slim she told me it was only a matter of time before i became fat and ugly and told me how much thinner prettier she was when she was 14 when i was 18 i got a tattoo she drank two bottles of wine and shouted at my six-year-old nephew and his little friends playing outside that all women with tattoos are ash we had a huge family dinner one year the only one where everyone has been able to come and it will never happen again because we had some deaths in the family she convinced herself that she was only invited to take care of the chick i know and wouldn't eat wouldn't let my grandfather eat and through a fit about not being able to sit close to my bro so may of 2016 i finally graduated from college i invited all my friends a few professors and family including grandma well my nephew was hitting some of my guests with a balloon sword which was annoying so i took it from him and told him no my grandma completely loses her crap shouting at me for being so nasty and mean then she follows me inside i'm cutting my professor some cake when she unironically curses my firstborn child it was super embarrassing and she apologized later said she was sorry that she loved her grandson so much lol so i just haven't talked to her since the rest of my family guilts me about it a lot but it's not like her being such a bee is anything new they all hate dealing her but they put up with it because we are related frick that tldr my grandmother cursed my firstborn child not as a joke but 100 serious in front of my respected professor a pox on all your houses my parents were drug addicts my entire life my father is a narcissist i cut my mother off first after she stole 5k from me she oh deed my father weaseled in again i am working on re-establishing my boundaries with him and limiting our time together sometimes your parents didn't do their best my father is a narcissist my father weaseled in again please tread lightly parents divorced when i was two and my father was still pretty active in my life his mother watched me while my mom worked till she had a stroke when i was six shortly before that he had gotten married to this vile woman who made it clear that i had no place in her family numerous things happened when i was left in their care the worse among them was being forgotten all day in a pool and had after around 8-12 hours my ginger butt was blistering and oozing my skin is crawling thinking about how much pain i was in this gave me a horrible case of agoraphobia which i still have to manage today despite literally have a legitimate fear of direct sunlight my father would only take me fishing and berate me on my own interest comics movies art and music why couldn't i be more like my brother who was chasing p and playing football after a while i start to try to force distance between myself and my father i stopped taking his calls quit engaging with him my half-brother who is no relation to him only strengthened when my mom and step dad moved to california they moved my grandmother out of the home that her husband my grandfather built in houston to a third-rate nursing home gave my childhood toys to his wife's grandson classic tmnt legis g.i joes and sold everything else of value she died in 2006. i was only told that the woman who helped raise me had died via my mother's younger sister who was married to my father's best friend we haven't talked since he had a heart attack in december found out from my brother he told me to sit down and made me promise not to cry he went into his bedroom and pulled out my blue suitcase that says going to grandma's from my childhood days staying with mar and i started crying like a bee he told me to open it and my tmnt toys were inside broken mangled and destroyed but i have them now they're put up for safekeeping my brother told me that after the heart attack my father's wife decided to start spring cleaning and my brother pulled this from the garbage so my father wasn't physically abusive but he freaked over everyone in his family keeping his sea of a wife happy dang i never understood what goes on in people's heads when they try to pull crap like this dad owes me ten thousand dollars plus a while back my mom showed me all of these statements of the account that was holding money i was to be receiving from a lawsuit settlement continuous in out transfers of funds to his personal accounts i was freaking naive to think he'd ever do something like that when i was coming out of high school and going to college i used to have a really good best friend whose family wasn't well off scraping by but couldn't get ahead we won them one of those local news surprise home renovations got him a new computer and some money to start college his mom blew it all gambling that was the last we associated with them have not completely cut them out but are on the verge of cutting ties with my family my wife is very family oriented and we are struggling with it but the main reasons are they are violently unstable my children father recently said he was going to kill himself in front of one of my siblings as well as her children his grandchildren mother got a legal weed card and is baked 24 stroke 7. i am pro-legalization but she cannot function the reason we have began to split off is because we are discussing having a child and realized we would not feel comfortable allowing them near our future kiddo they were a piece of crap played a big show for decades about how good they are for my grandparents they were loaded with money and all the siblings wanted a piece so lots of drama ensued alliances were made rivals made backstabbing etc etc they figured if they showed that they were the best kids that they would get a chunk of that money they despised my mother cause she was the only one who spoke polish and my grandparents were polish yet none of the kids wanted to learn the language my grandfather as he got older gave up in the english language and went back to his native tongue which further drove a conspiracy that my mother wanted all the money for herself when the final act came my grandfather being on his death bed they were rubbing their hands waiting for the inheritance and wanted to see who was the favorite well he passed and after all the drama only 10 000 was passed out of the supposed one million the whole time over the span of three decades the money was funneled mostly to my gold digger aunt she smiled in the end and said oh well the last nail in the coffin was shortly after my dad passed before his body was cold the whole family wanted me to turn against my mom and abandon her to side with them instead i took my mom's side and the two of us got each other's back and never talked to them ever again it's been eight years most of them regret what they've done and they realize family should have each other's back and not worry about money frick them they were over the top controlling needed me to pick up the phone four plus times a day visit one two times a week and constantly criticized my choices but heaven forbid i missed a phone call then the triangulation and guilting would start but that wasn't enough it wasn't enough when they gave me panic attacks it wasn't enough when they made my husband weep in his workplace it was finally enough when i had my little boy and was watching them manipulate him telling him that he would never be as cool as they were and that he owed them for every little thing when he was just two years old it made me realize just how purposeful it was and how damaging it could be three therapists told me to leave but i didn't listen i needed that mama bear back up to get out the last therapist told me in saving your son you might finally save yourself after my parents died my only remaining grandparent decided that i must be mega rich and that she wanted some of the money i wasn't mega rich it's just that her definition of rich encompasses literally anyone who has a job instead of living by benefit fraud she teamed up with my drug dealing uncle fresh out of jail for armed robbery and gbh and they stalked me for about two years phone calls at all hours often threatening in tone turning up to loiter outside my building following me in the car that kind of thing i was young and scared and didn't want to incur the wrath of the rest of the family by calling the police so i just kept my head down and rode it out until i was finally able to move and escape from them i was a bit sad to have to cut off from the entire family as there were a few relatives i liked but they were all too close-knit and fricked up the only way out was alone and completely i realized i had to cut off my dad to protect myself emotionally when i was really young he used to say he was coming to take me for the weekend and then never show up i'd still be sat there with my bags packed house after he was supposed to come my mom would eventually ring him and i'd hear them arguing over the phone in the other room then she'd put me on the line and i'd pretend i wasn't crying while i listened to his excuses and apologies eventually he stopped even pretending he would come it was the most painful and humiliating thing i've ever lived through i was a really outgoing kid and slowly this just killed my self-esteem and confidence years after all this he tried to rekindle a relationship but i wasn't entrusted i had a strong suspicion it would end in tears mine not his and i wasn't up for round two of all that because a simple text from my father would send me into a full-blown anxiety attack a message from my mother stresses me out but not as badly i shouldn't feel so unsafe from the people who are supposed to have been my biggest safety net but i do feel unsafe and i deserve better than that i lived in the same city as them less than 20 miles away for four years and they didn't visit or even call me for the entire four years i lived there if they don't want to see me i'm more than happy to oblige them no use wasting effort on people that don't see you as a priority because they barred me from even visiting after i came out to them among other things they called me mentally ill they said they were glad i wouldn't be having children they said that god would punish me for my lifestyle choices and they blamed me for making them respond like that you deserve a better family i hope things have gotten better for you i cut off my dad back in 2011 because he basically stole my car it was under his name but it was a gift to me that i'd been driving for about a year it was a piece of junk and cost me more than it was worth but it was still unexpected to one day not have wheels he took it and changed his number moved he and i had never had a great relationship though we'd gone through years of not talking at a time ever since i was like 12 so i shrugged it off i'd see him steadily for one two years and then nothing for a year or two he and my stepmom who had originally introduced him to hard drugs in the first place was sent to jail a year later for a drug-related pistol whipping someone outside a 7-eleven and since we have the same name i got a ton of texts from people i hadn't spoken to in years thinking it was me at that point i decided i really didn't need that kind of chaos in my life so i made no attempts to reach out to him he got out of jail and got clean in 2016 i had planned on reaching out to him on his birthday in september because i'm a sap but when he didn't come to my grandmom's funeral that same year i decided not to bother my grandmom was on my mom's side but she'd always loved him and i thought that was his chance to be the bigger man and reach out to me in my time of need and he didn't then he got back together with my stepmom which further cemented my decision to not reach out after all then i heard that even though they were together that he was still clean so a part of me still wanted to at the end of the day i forgot to message him his birthday was a week pass before i realized it can you blame me for forgetting i hadn't spoken to him in years i decided i'd just wait until his birthday in 2017 because i didn't just want to message him on some random date i wanted to reach out on a day that would have some meaning and maybe a part of me again thought he'd reach out to me first since my birthday was in april he died this past june and i'm filled with regret every day about not trying to reach out to him don't regret it you did what you think was right at the time and that's all it matters after they kicked me out age 17 for being not catholic and not straight wanted to get in contact again when i'd straightened out got married and had a daughter with the words we will give the child the moral guidance you never could because of your demons never spoke to them again no regrets at all much happier now frick that noise i'm your dad now and i'm real proud of you and i hope you're having a real good life you message me if you ever need to the father's side of my family is full of extreme alcoholics drug abusers child molesters and yes as of recently a murderer i cut off contact with them years ago and chose to live my life without that kind of crap in my life or in my child's life i don't have to see it worry about it waste resources trying to help them when they don't want to be helped etc i can go on living my life with the values ethics and morals that the other side of my family raise me with live my own life and build a successful socially contributive household of my own and have done so i haven't cut them off but i've limited my interactions with them as a late they're very judgmental people they like to overanalyze what other people do and how those actions don't fit into their views or beliefs they think i'm lazy despite the fact that i have a full-time six-figure a year job and routinely have consistent side projects and have had work published in international magazines they think my career as a graphic designer is a bit of a joke and a phase and when i eventually crash and burn i'll need to come back to their family business they've implied i'm the reason the family business is failing which it's not they just use that as a manipulation tactic i have a very small stake in the business and i don't work on it full time they constantly criticize things i do and talk about me behind my back for instance i heard from several extended family members how disappointed my parents were when i chose to hire a realtor to sell some property as opposed to selling it myself they again considered this a lazy move and that i was crazy to pay a realtor to do it never mind the fact that i easily made that money back just doing some freelance on the side you know actually spending my time doing what i'm good at rather than bumble through the real estate process that i know nothing about it's made me realize that i really can't tell them anything without being judged or criticized and that i've lived a fair portion of my life consistently worried that they'll disapprove of the decisions i make so i just made the choice to stop revealing details of my life i still see them consistently but it's getting more and more awkward to be around them i'm hesitant to even talk to them about movies i've seen since i know they judge me for spending money to go see new movies basically we can talk about the funny things my kids and my dogs do and that's about it because one person can only cry so many times trying to help it's futile as frick i don't care about them and i'm living a much happier life right now they don't see that i was always the black sheep of the family because back in the 80s and 90s i was a typical inner city skate punk while my parents had no problem smacking me around it was how they were raised my extended family all sort of teased me and picked on me for the way i dressed and cut my hair and never mind that when you're a teenager your appearance is pretty important and since i didn't have much money to buy stylish clothes i'd punk up thrift store clothes in order to not feel like a bummy hobo once my mom died suddenly when i was 18 i pretty much had no reason to stick around so i took off i still see my dad on occasion and he seriously mellowed out to the point where he is a different person i'm actually pretty resentful because when i was a kid he'd beat the crap out of me for every little thing and now he's a typical whiny old man he's made a few apologies for being hard on me when i was a kid and while i forgive him because by now i feel like the abuse i suffered made me hard and that came in handy when i was in the army i don't really feel any need to get any closer to him i also have a younger brother and sister i won't go into details about why i don't spend any time with them but for the most part my sister has her own life and is a lot younger than me and my brother is the type of guy who stopped growing up when he was 16 and is basically the same underachieving loser who refuses to take any responsibility for his actions because his mom died and everyone knows him for that at 40 as he was at 17 and only ever calls me when he's feeling sorry for himself or needs a handout i haven't talked to him in years meanwhile i've pretty much had to claw my way to where i am and since the only person who ever gave me any encouragement and has always been there for me is my wife i live for her and my kid i don't hate my family but they never did much for me and now i have my own life sounds like you've been lucky to make an amazing rebound with your own lovely family good for you that's huge if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: On Tap Studios

Views: 23,404

Rating: 4.9384613 out of 5

Keywords: cut off family, cut off family members, cut off family ties, cut off toxic family members, family, drama, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap, reddit stories 2021

Id: iVw5WKKiLQ4

Length: 26min 21sec (1581 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 09 2021