Why Are You Manipulating Me?

serious when did you realize you were being manipulated by someone you trusted i noticed that every time i brought up something that bothered me in the relationship i somehow ended up apologizing for something that is an amazingly concise way of accurately describing my previous marriage when i started realizing that i was feeling like i was constantly walking on eggshells i never knew which version of my friend i'd get when we saw each other or when we hung out i also just completely stopped disagreeing with them because i didn't want to hear them tell me how wrong i was if we didn't share the same viewpoint then you just stopped talking completely out of fear of starting another argument so you just sit in silence my best friend suddenly distanced herself from me but every now and then she'd call and ask if i wanted to do something and i was encouraged because i thought it meant that things were still good between us it took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that she only called when she wanted to do something that required a ride since she didn't have a car the only thing i can say in my defense is that i don't use people that way so i didn't recognize user behavior you can bet i do now quarantine had woke me up to that as soon as i stopped texting first they will never text me back unless of course they need a homework answer sent i was living with my former best friend and his gf at the time when i asked for grocery receipts i trusted him and his ex to buy groceries bc i didn't have a car at the time and our work schedules were different so i couldn't go with them and they wouldn't provide any the only reason i became suspicious was bc they started asking for a ridiculous amount of money for my half and the actual amount of food wasn't adding up up until that point they never asked for a crazy amount and i was content with our groceries but i noticed they became extremely greedy when i then asked to see a banking statement they wouldn't even provide me with that either at that point i just realized they were finessing me out of extra money and i started buying my own food i just bit my tongue bc we only had like two months left on the lease they tried to gaslight me and make me seem like the bad guy any chance they had almost the entire time i lived with them actually eventually i grew apart from him once i moved away and the only reason he hit me back up was bc she cheated on him so he probably didn't have anyone else to turn to go figure we don't talk anymore frick him good on you for standing up for yourself and cutting him off eight years into the relationship as we're sitting down he explained to me that the first couple years we were together he only saw me as a place to crash and free rides but he loved me now and even though i accomplished all the goals he set for me so we could get married he said i never really thought you could do it oh and also you got fat but don't worry we can't fix it it was like a magic veil lifted and i finally saw who he really was frick you james that must have been very hard to hear but i'm so glad you saw his true colors and didn't get married what the heck that would have been my mother and i have always had a rocky relationship she's always encouraged me to tell her what's wrong however any time i would she'd immediately go sorry i'm such a terrible mother i give you everything you want and it's still not good enough why don't you just go live with someone you don't hate keep in mind this happens over small things such as mom i'd appreciate it if you knock before coming into my room you know how easily i startle and you barging into my room really upsets me update i'd like to thank my psychopathic mother for all the upvotes the awards and for helping me find other people that relate to this bulls dramatic wave and bow respond with it's okay i can forgive you just try to be better she will over freaking load i promise you when your parents get a divorce it's rare for both parents to take the high road and not twist the narrative to get the kid s on their side having one or more parents talk crap about the other through their kids is pure manipulation she always managed to make me do things i didn't really want to do but the last straw was when she decided i had to stop being friends with two mates of mine over something stupid that offended her i cut her off over that and she then proceeded to act derisively you'll come back then badmouthed me and then begged me to take her back 10 years later i am still friends with those two guys and she's still out of my life when literally every time me and my mom talk she played the victim i was trying to help her raise me ask me about my grades and stuff for her i just existed she wasn't responsible at all i grew up watching her play the victim to others and i was always on her side cause she's my mom you know also i never really understood what was going on i started getting older and older and seeing crap after crap she did i understood what she did to my father to my stepdad to my sister to her friends probably i'd be the next one who she would use and throw away i talked to her and you know the result the victim nothing it's her fault the last time we talked i was expecting the victim card when she started speaking i already knew what was going to happen i didn't even said a word i just agreed with her and the next day i moved out i'm not wasting my time it was the last day before quarantine i remember it as if it was yesterday friday night saturday morning i was packing my stuff they played victim every argument caught them in lies all the time talk behind my back tried to make me feel the same way they did about everything stole from me ghosted me every so often and hearing the same thing about them from other people after 16 years of marriage i realized my now ex was manipulating me i would work and take care of the house and if i asked him to do something like get a job or clean up he would stage a mental breakdown and make me feel bad for asking him for help he would play up a horrible childhood or ptsd from the military to make me feel like i need to take care of him then would play on his computer all day and smoke weed while i worked found out that a lot of his horrible childhood stories were made up and that he never made it through basic training in the military i am happily with someone now but still catch myself cringing when he does things like cook or clean thinking that he is going to yell at me for being lazy meanwhile he loves me and is just doing things to take care of me i'm working on deprogramming myself sounds eerily familiar my parents used to force me to excel in everything so that i would give them a life where they won't have to work for anything expecting me to provide them everything took me until after the engagements to realize that my cheating ex-fiancee was trying to browbeat me into submission in a ho i quickly recognized emotional blackmail and manipulation from my mill after getting married to a different girl years later due to that experience i called her out on it she doesn't like that but since my wife and sister-in-law and brother-in-law also recognize it they've got my back when i was about 12 i noticed that my younger sister had the hardest time walking in a straight line we'd be walking along the sidewalk and she'd constantly veer into me i finally got frustrated once and told her to pay more attention that she probably didn't realize it but she was crowding into me all the time she said i wondered when you'd notice she'd been doing it on purpose come to find out she was doing lots of little things on purpose like asking me to get her a drink when i was heading into the kitchen for something else just to see if i do it i know it sounds inconsequential but this realization had a huge impact on me i'd enjoy doing nice things for people i love because why wouldn't i but suddenly i realized they might not be extending the same thought and care to me it had never occurred to me to ask people for things just to see if they'd get them or heard them around just to see what they would do it had never occurred to me to play mind games with people or that people could be playing mind games with me i never said anything to her about it after that but it broke something important in our relationship and it added some difficulty for me and trusting other people and their motives it still bugs me thinking about it now and it's been over 20 years when my sister became ill and our mother kept pushing me to call your sister she's sick and because i am generally a nice person i did and when i began to wonder the time i was admitted to the hospital for a bad mrsa infection or when i was dealing with all kinds of medical trauma prior to the mrsa i never got a call from my sister did our mother ever say the same to her you should ask then at least you'll know whether your mom is in butthole or your sister is when i was 27 i started taking my anxiety and depression seriously and began seeing a therapist it wasn't until then that i realized looking back all these years that so many people had been manipulating me and or taking advantage of me and i just had neither the self-esteem nor the mental clarity to see it ditto i had an atrocious childhood and anytime i opened up to anyone they would downplay everything they weren't there they didn't know but they were sure it wasn't that bad or i'm sure your parents did their best etc it wasn't until i went to therapy did i slowly realize that yes it was really bad when every single small conversation became a mental war trying to combat and fight off every lie and figure out what's the truth what's a lie and what is not even being said when i first started spending weekends with my dad i realized my mom was manipulating not only me but also her entire side of my family and my stepdad saying he was an alcoholic abusive deadbeat where in reality he was an amazing person to be around let's say that a good portion of the family started cutting contact with her i can totally relate to this i worked at a friend's shop for a while and had to travel out of town on payday i asked him to deposit my paycheck into the bank for me so i'd have travel money he said he did it but when i looked for it it wasn't there days passed and he sent me a photo of himself at the bank with money saying okay it's done with no apology about lying prior to that i started watching everything he did after that and realized he was a pathological liar and had lied to me and everyone else from the start of our friendship i never trusted him again i almost hate people more for waiting so long to do something you either do something or you don't but leave me hanging for so long and try acting sorry about it this is a long story so bear with me on this one had a friend who always told me outlandish stories about herself she seemed like a cool person and i found her very interesting she had told me that she was born in korea lived there until she was like seven moved to america was held back a couple of years because she didn't speak english and that's why she was 18 in the seventh grade went a few years thinking that was true until i mentioned the story to my bff and found out that she had been next door neighbors with my friends her entire life when i confronted her about it she claimed she never said that every story she ever told me about herself she claimed never happened it was really confusing but i had a bad memory so i just wrote it off as a misunderstanding on my part then she told us she was friends with one of our favorite pop idols still not sure how we believed this one told us she met two of them while in school and career and that they introduced her to the rest of them took me a while to realize that was impossible seeing as she had told us she never lived in korea but started noticing more inconsistencies with many of her stories and that everyone who knew her had a different version of who she was that's when i started to realize that she lied to everyone throughout our entire friendship i don't know what's worse the fact that she tricked multiple people into believing all of her lies or the fact that i'm one of the only people that picked up on it i don't think i even fully realized it was manipulation yet percent but i remember looking up the definition of an anxiety attack on a whim only to find it painfully relatable and recognized i was having anxiety attacks every time that specific person even interacted with me i asked some other friends for advice and then when my manipulator learned i was talking to other people they got nasty with me about it and called it one-sided yeah i started recognizing the problem around then when ira watched tangled for the first time in years and cried for rapunzel mother gothel was so manipulative and i kept having to pause the movie because i kept remembering stuff that my mom did like rapunzel doesn't have a door but gothel does so she can lock rapunzel out but rapunzel can never do the same to her and when rapunzel asked to see the lanterns up close gothel says no and instead offers rapunzel paints i've never had a door that locks and i can recall multiple times when i've wanted something even as small as a pack of cookies when i was younger and my mother bought it and let me have a couple and ate the rest herself among other things emotional manipulation isn't talked about as much as it should be and that's a big problem i personally think mother gothel is one of the most evil of the disney villains because it is 100 percent possible when i checked my bank account and my house deposit was significantly diminished by now exhausted and then the large transactions using my account at cafes and restaurants was kind of a sign something was up money is just money his loss my cousin stole 2.3 million dollars from his parents and our grandparents he was their financial advisor grandparents sold their house and moved in with my other uncle and his parents are gonna have to work into their 60s they are in their early 50s and were going to retire last year which is how they found out about it when after weeks of pitting me against my mom through lies and really horrible words women aren't crap your mom's a w my stepdad kicked us out of the house for being annoying i lived with my aunt for two weeks one with my mom and brothers and one without them because they went back i took most of that time to talk to myself about the kind of person he was and consider how i idolized him i have a bad relationship with my father so when i first moved in with my step that i latched onto him as a figure now after four years we have a dog [ __ ] relationship i'll likely detest him for the rest of my life i feel so horrible for my mother and how i treated her then but i don't want to bring it back up i told her i chose to live with him over here if they broke up i never thought about how she felt hearing her own son say that until afterwards and it'll haunt me forever it may haunt you and her less if you talk to her about it it sounds like there could be some healing to be had there if you talk things out together grain of salt and all that i don't know your full circumstances it's just worth consideration that you might really appreciate your support in telling her was my housemate and friend of a boy four years he'd been working on a contract for about six months which he was getting paid 16 pounds k at completion so i'd been subbing him to help pay his rent and bills for the previous four months completion date came and went i asked him when are they going to pay him so i could get my money back i just fired lots of questions and he got flustered and when asked what was the name of the company was and he said i can't remember you don't forget the name of the company that owes you 16 pounds k suddenly all the other odd stuff started to slot into place we hadn't seen any letters from the estate agents or utility companies for a while he claimed he'd sorted the bills and would deduct off what he owed me someone said that they'd seen him in a town where he wasn't meant to be he'd always rushed to answer the phone other people started coming round then they'd go into a room and have an argument there was no contract obviously he'd leave the house in a suit in the morning wait till everyone else had left then go back to the house and hang out there until the evening wait for the mail and remove all the final demands from the utility companies etc the phone calls and arguments were other people he owed money to confronted him but a bit too late he vanished a couple of days later took his clothes and personal effects turned out there was another three pounds k of and paid bills and rent i had to pay to get his furniture and crap cleared and scrapped ended up having to pay it all miss elk good news is he loaned me his old phone which still had all his contacts on it so we started from a until we got to a person who said yeah he's here did you want to speak to him sued him and got about half the money back my mother always encouraged me to think for myself to ask questions to be curious then when i was in sixth grade she brought me to church and every answer was because this book says so which was further confounded by but not this part or this part and you're reading this part wrong it confused me and i wasn't old or strong enough to know how to handle it then i caught her making out with another woman after she told me that gay people go to heck it was late into high school before i realized just how much of what she said and did was to further her own deluded agenda often at my expense the religion piece though is 100 relatable xgf used to manipulate me with various tactics like gaslighting the benjamin franklin effect emotional manipulation and when i told her no she would say oh you're so manipulative even though i am nothing but encouraging and ill never tell a person what they can and cannot do im kinda ashamed to say i didnt realize that my best friend was a total [ __ ] of a person she bullied and harassed her siblings for anything and everything and forced me to tell her my phone password so she could text her boyfriend when she got her own phone taken away she tried to distance me from my other friend at the time and it almost worked the last straw was when her and her terrible friends went through my phone and texted another friend of hers and said i liked him at her birthday party thankfully a friend of hers i barely knew stepped in and told me what happened and she talked to me and stuck with me until my parents could come pick me up i felt like everything was my fault for so long because my parents said i shouldn't have trusted her and put the blame on me don't be ashamed at least you realized and you got away from that person your life is probably better without her when i called her out on manipulative behavior and she said i don't do that to you i could if i wanted to but i wouldn't if she'd never manipulated me or anyone else how was she so sure she could i once had a groomer i called the police on his bus when he accidentally showed cp on one of our disc gaming sessions he shared the screen not the game and when he clicked off the game there was a bit of cp not a lot but still disgusting and vile that wasn't accidental that's a grooming technique testing the waters and desensitizing you to the cp this was a year or two ago i was an isolated homeschooler i was online most of the time and didn't have any friends i became friends with a boy online after a while we became best friends and then i fell in love with him he was a psychopath he told me sometimes that he wanted to kill people i tried to get him to go to therapy and get help but he never did he had a girlfriend so i tried to not ruin their relationship because she was nice still he flirted with me i slowly realized he played the victim every time we fought usually i would just apologize for it so we could be friends again finally one day we were talking and he told me that he beat his father up for taking his phone away i left the website and didn't come back it was a rough eight months he was my first love it has been almost three years since it happened i am now doing okay should have gotten to know him and gotten feds on his butt i won't say i want him to burn in heck but you get the point i was crying on the floor 16 years old because my dad and i had just finished fighting and screaming again i had lost it can't remember what about but he riled me up so bad that i screamed you all freaking dong and he just laughed and walked away that wasn't the manipulation he was just a dong nothing manipulative about it but then my mom came in and says crap like don't worry when you guys are all out of high school i'll divorce him at the time that seemed like yeah okay frick him now as an adult i see a parent who didn't want to be with the other one for good reasons but couldn't pull the trigger cause people in town and church would talk she would say crap like that all the time trying to make it seem like she was just as stuck as us and she wasn't could have left whenever and taken us with her we had a church community we had friends we would have made it but now that would have been uncomfortable so she'll just wait until we're gone and she can go do whatever she wants i understand why you might well feel that way at the same time your mother's reaction is very typical of someone in an abusive relationship speaking from experience therapy can be a fantastic way to unpack this kind of thing that's a lot of crap to be in your shoulders boyfriend of 15 years we met when i was 18 he was 35 near the end of our relationship i began to see how he had manipulated me from the beginning slowly but surely he kept me in the house i lost all my friends because they grew tired of inviting me out etc and me always turning them down i've always suffered from depression and he would use that against me you're overreacting it's your depression why are you so sensitive i was walking on eggshells 24 stroke 7 so he wouldn't get mad at me for whatever reason covered in the quarantine was actually the best thing that could have happened to me i was able to leave for good and go stay with family i started seeing a therapist again i had stopped because he thought depression wasn't real and i was being over dramatic they helped me to see how he was gaslighting me and emotionally abusing me it still is tough part of me still misses him i know it doesn't make sense but it was a 15-year relationship my family has been my rock realize when he and his wife stole fifteen thousand dollars from my company the manipulation had been going on much longer than that in retrospect it feels like having been groomed for financial abuse i did let myself always manipulated because i needed the love and appreciation from someone since i didn't need any of this from anyone i am free sometimes man is first free when he lost everything when i was brushing my teeth and her phone rang and it was her ex who beat on her i looked at her lock screen and he had sent her a message asking if she was going to come visit him that day i know this is cliche to talk about an ex but my ex mind freaked me off in one particular instance he was an amateur photographer and because he was about to marry me had promised to not ever do nude shots of people it was a weird conversation because he was the one that brought it up i remember saying well you are a photographer so i mean if you ever did boudoir for a lady let's just make sure to talk about it prior i trusted this dude more than anyone but he was very set on honoring his wife and it is what gave me confidence to be his wife he is six feet five inches and at the time was gorgeous but i knew what we had so other women never bothered me anyway cut to a year later when i'm looking at his recent shots and come across nudes of the girl i was told not to worry about they were somewhat professional but i was pee we never talked about it i felt stupid too because we were married and somehow i had no idea this shoot happened so i spoke to him about it and brought it up and he was like oh i was pressured into doing this it was uncomfortable to me etc etc again stupidly trusted this guy he apologized and i left it there i also reached out to the girl at the same time asking about when they did this shoot and you know what she does texts him should i lie to her about it the short version of what happened next come to find out he planned the shoot out and as i got details from a few people telling me what they told him about this shoot i will bring it up to him he told me about three different stories then we split up after three and a half years together for a million other reasons and a few short months later guess who he moved in with yup and i felt like an idiot really messed me up for a while after trusting isn't stupid there should be trust in a relationship particularly marriage what is stupid was his violation of your trust his loss not yours if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: On Tap Studios

Views: 30,418

Rating: 4.9439654 out of 5

Keywords: manipulation, manipulative people, manipulator, manipulative relationships, manipulation tactics, manipulative parents, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap, reddit stories 2021

Id: x3dk7PzvPPM

Length: 25min 57sec (1557 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 04 2021