Am I That Stupid?

what did you do that made you question your own intelligence i was sitting in traffic and i noticed that all the other lanes were moving while mine hadn't budged an inch i craned my neck trying to see what the hold up was and finally figured out that i wasn't in a lane at all but had been patiently waiting behind a line of parked cars i frequently see a man cross a four-lane road near my home we have a fairly similar schedule and i see him often he's well known in the neighborhood and he's deaf no big deal i won't slow down as he crossed the four lane and driving white out down poor rain and i though to myself or man he doesn't know it's raining because he is deaf i'm a sign language interpreter this made me laugh so hard because so many people have moments like this when it comes to deaf people you are not alone wanted to light a candle struck a match changed my mind about which candle i wanted to light and decided to light a yankee jar candle instead couldn't get the lid off with one hand stuck the lit match in my mouth so i could use both hands to get the lid off couldn't smell the scented candle could only smell singed nose hair for days speaking of candles i once thought my candle was making a weird sound so i put my ear close to it to listen and burn some of my hair turns out it was my water bottle making the sound anyway went to a bank to withdraw money bank teller asked me how i would like it and i said in cash bank teller just stared at me while my friend is dying of laughter meanwhile i stand not understanding the issue a few years ago i could not figure out if the new electric stove was on or off i was familiar with flamestove so i stuck my hand flat on the heating coil my hand had burned circular stripes all over it the stove was hot you gotta splash a little water on it and see if it dances a couple months ago my husband and i went on a walk there are a lot of trails where we live and a couple of lakes so we walked down a trail to the lake turned left up another trail and ended up at the top of a street we start walking down the street and i realize there is a house that has a wishing well in their front yard like we do i point it out to my husband and then i realize they have the same truck we do two i point out the truck and then i realized that we were in front of our own house it wasn't my brightest moment i once had a brain fart and forgot that porcupines were animals i was hanging out with my family and my niece mentioned that her favorite animal was a porcupine and i laughed for a good long time before explaining to her that porcupines weren't animals i'd gotten them mixed up with pine cones i have a graduate degree my niece was maybe six at the time she schooled me i once forgot gooses were a thing and said to my friend wow those ducks are really big i once was hanging up paper on a cork board and the only thing we could hang them up with was thumbtacks i thought it was a good idea to stick my hand in the bucket of thumbtacks and grab a handful sounds like me i'll be very gentle grabbing these won't squeeze at all every elevator going down in a busy nyc hotel was already full of people so i decided to go up when i got to the final floor i accidentally got out of the elevator instead of just staying put my office building has elevators that make you pick your floor before getting into them and don't have any floor buttons inside now anytime my co-workers and i get into a normal elevators buttons inside we stand there after the doors closed and just wait it takes us a good few seconds of not moving to realize we need to pick a floor i was in class one day messing around with my stapler i wonder what will happen if i staple my finger staples finger ha i don't know what i expected did the exact same thing at work one day i wonder how slow i can squeeze a staple out of this i'll just put my thumb over it so i feel it slowly coming out turns out no matter how slow you squeeze they come out pretty dang fast once they snap off i locked my car keys in the trunk of my car hours later when i got my keys out i proceeded to reenact what happened to my friends complete with actually locking my keys in the trunk again that's a special kind of stupid you got there told my friend that the fourth of july celebrations must be beautiful at the place we were we were in lane lithgow scotland and i was talking about the palace and lock friend is scottish for obvious reasons they do not celebrate the 4th of july i'm english have lived in the us for over 20 years now don't feel bad because i have yet to have a the 4th of july when someone hasn't earnestly asked me whether my family in the uk celebrates the 4th of july the 9 stroke 10 times it's the exact same person my mother-in-law made some soup on the stove in a saucepan and poured it into a bowl and some of the soup dripped down the side of the boiling saucepan so i licked it put some hot boiling sauce into a shot glass to let it cool down for tasting do something else for 10 seconds spot shot glass are right i wanted to check the taste proceed not to gently suckle on it be down the still almost boiling fatty fluid into my mouth like cold vodka had a biscuit and hand in the earphone in the other put the biscuit in here and earphone in mouth at work why must i be such a disappointment spent a long time wondering why you specified a telephone that goes on the air like every phone before realizing what earphones are so i guess that's my contribution to this thread i took the wrong train to get back home and didn't realize it until i had already sat in it for more than half an hour twice it was the same wrong train that leaves a few minutes before the train i wanted to take i used to commute the exact same route for years a one hour drive took me five hours until i got home when i realized that i was sitting in the wrong train again i cried instead of taking the wrong train not taking the train different subway lines stop at the same platform i was browsing on my phone looking up while a train arrives to check if it is my train it is continue browsing looking up while the train leaves realizing i did not get on one morning my vision was all blurry so i started freaking out and called my grandma to take me to the doctor then like 20 minutes later realized i just forgot to put my glasses on i've worn them since first grade and totally forgot for half an hour i had an opposite experience one time i woke up and was taking a shower and realized everything was super clear and holy crap i can see without glasses a solid five minutes went by before i realized i slept with my contacts in i drove over a mattress it was in an alley in a puddle i thought i would glide right over it thing got stuck in my tire well had to call a tow truck to lift my car and beat it out with a hammer next morning found that it had punctured my front left tyre and had to get a new one did another dumb thing by thinking i get a whole new wheel not just tyre so ditched my wheel by the dumpster and then drove to the garage on a flat spare only to be sent home to get my wheel also it was a bad day or two and this kids is why the wheels of economy turn made a cup of coffee got out a cereal bowl poured cereal into my coffee then put the cereal box back in the fridge i've got the bowl got the milk out of the fridge cereal out the pantry made a bowl of cereal put the cereal in the fridge milk in the pantry then went to sit down on the sofa to continue watching tv cereal still on the counter in the kitchen i've done this when i was cleaning out my shed in the back i stepped on a rake and the pole smacked me in the face literally like the cartoons it happened three more times before i came up with the bright idea to move the rake i once threw a stone high in the air directly above me absolutely no reason for that just because i could i guess instead of walking away i kept standing there looking at the stone falling down until it was too late to move i still managed to put my hands up protecting my head hurt a lot anyway i don't think i'll ever win a nobel prize while helping my girlfriend make dinner one night we needed some lemon juice and she asked me to squeeze a lemon now logic would dictate you cut the lemon in half before you squeeze the juice out of it but not this brilliant mother no sir i just squeezed the crap out of it rolling and palming it in my hand until the peel finally broke releasing the lemon juice into a bowl as requested needless to say when she turned and saw what i had done she was amazed probably by my impeccable ability to follow orders she then asked how i ever managed to live alone and i'm pretty sure that's why i'm not allowed in the kitchen anymore well technically you should roll the lemon around and squeeze it up a bit before you cut it makes it easier to juice so you're not a complete idiot one time i was thinking about aqua from connor super and i thought natural blue hair isn't real but what about blue eyes i have blue eyes i have blue eyes and i was questioning their existence it's because you couldn't see your eyes fixing a clogged sink by removing the drain pipe and thoroughly rinsing it underneath the tap of the sink i just removed the drain from my co-worker asked if there is lactose in eggs i thought to myself they both come from the same animal so maybe for five seconds i thought milk came from chickens the fridge is an animal often when i'm closing a door quickly i will hold the edge of the door rather than the doorknob you may be wondering isn't your hand in the way of closing said door then the answer is yes i have slammed my fingers in doors too many times because i refuse to hold the freaking doorknob i hate when people do this closing my door the knob is there for a reason i went my whole life thinking the saying was the ghost is clear instead of the coast is clear m21 just found out yesterday at work lol well to be fair your version is accurate albeit without real situational meaning i'm waiting in an airport in a foreign to me country right now this is my second time in the airport and my third book flight the first one i was reading a book at the gate and didn't notice everyone leaving how i watched that plane moving down the runway and wondered how long until i would be boarding i rebooked the flight for the next day but accidentally booked the wrong one and it left while i was sleeping peacefully at my hotel i'm a bit nervous about this third one tbh you've avoided your final destination death twice so this happened a couple days ago i got home from school tired as heck so i decide to take a nap at around five o'clock well it turns out to be really deep and when i wake up my clock says 7 50 this freaks me the freak out because school starts at 7 20 and i quickly get changed and sprint out to my car to drive to school as i'm driving there is surprisingly little traffic but i don't think anything of it and i pull up to the school parking lot it is completely empty and i'm confused as heck so i walk over to two police officers and they inform me that it is actually 8 p.m not um and i realize that i probably look like the biggest dumbass around i just yelled at myself all the way home about how freaking dumb i am i had that happen to me when my work schedule was constantly changing i woke up around 2 a.m showered dressed made lunch got in my car started it turned on the headlights and realized i didn't have to be at work for another 12 hours i told my boss i needed a consistent schedule from then on which i got and the following week i took a much needed vacation at age 25 i learned that the proper spelling is wheelbarrow i'm 37 now that means that for the first two stroke three of my life i thought it was the combination of the words wheel and barrel what the frick this is news to me first day of university i go out to explore the campus only to find the same odd piece of litter in the corners of multiple buildings almost seemingly strategically placed even more oddly it was the same exact piece of cardboard trash i kept seeing it's strange but probably just leftovers from an event where the university handed out something stored in them upon seeing the fifth or so in properly disposed of piece of cardboard i take it upon myself to be a good citizen and properly recycle the misplaced trash a simple enough task that even i couldn't screw up i casually walk to the corner kneel down pick up the piece of trash and i can only imagine what people must have thought after seeing me react to the piece of trash that had somehow outsmarted me gluing itself onto my skin i was like a cat with a piece of tape on its poor flailing wildly too afraid to scream the only sound that could be heard was cardboard flipper flaps echoing down the halls after the fourth or fifth good swing at the air the cardboard remained permanently affixed to my skin and i had finally begun to realize what was happening i a superior intellect a student of a well-respected university had been caught by a mousetrap gg had to look it up but till they make mousetraps out of sticky boxes never seen one before we only have the traditional ones as far as i've ever seen i was walking home from school with a friend when i was 15. we passed in front of someone who said hey to us i looked at her looked at my friend and asked her who she was my friend gave me a really weird look and said are you serious i was like yeah after looking a second time it was my best friend my best friend who go to the same school and was waiting for the bus i looked at her two times wondering explicitly who she was and i did not recognize her it made me question my sanity for a long time you should keep an eye on that if it ever happens again being unable to recognize familiar faces can be a sign of brain damage i think i used to boil eggs in my kettle one time an egg cracked so i had to clean it out to see if the water was eggy afterwards i decided to smell the steam as it came out if you do end up with odd or gross smells in your kettle fill it then add the juice of half a lemon or a few tablespoons of white vinegar boil it and rinse all clean i have a key fob for my car it's set up so that if you hit the lock button once it locks the car if you hit the same lock button again it locks it again and honks the horn so you know you've locked it for sure the thing is i always want to make super sure that it's locked but sometimes i come home to my condos super late and my parking spot is right under someone else's window i noticed that if the key fob was farther away from the car when i hit the button twice the honk was not as loud so out of consideration i would always wait till i was halfway up the stairs to do the double lock honk what a great neighbor i am anyway after maybe two plus years of doing this one time my girlfriend and i were in my condo and i realized i needed something out of my car so i go down there but when i get there i realize i had forgotten my keys well i had my phone so i called my girlfriend and asked if she would stick her arm out the window with the key fob and unlock my car she mistakenly hit the lock button twice and my car honked really loudly even though she was all the way up on the third floor it was only then i realized the honk was always the same it only sounded softer when i was farther away because i was farther away i have a master's degree this one is special because it wasn't just a momentary lapse of thought like so many in the thread you reasoned that crap out and stuck to your conclusions for two years gave my girlfriend the keys to my car and then five minutes later after she had left proceeded to go into panic mode thinking someone had stolen my car while i was home closed a valve and shut off water to my neighbor's apartment his valve was next to mine side by side the thing is the valves are clearly labeled with apartment numbers and the entire time i stood there fiddling with the valves it didn't occur to me i'm closing the one with the wrong number somehow i even passed a sanity check making sure that the number on the valve equals the number of the apartment i occupy how mr brain how one time i was at the dentist and i had a lot of work done and it was stressful for me so i was not thinking too clearly at least that's what i tell myself the dentist told me that when i got home i should gargle with some salt water and i asked in complete seriousness oh okay and where would i get that i hope the guy who posted the is there a word for being hungry but with water on honest stupid questions replies to this a couple of weeks ago i heard my neighbors cat meowing so i responded with a meow of my own this went on for about three four exchanges until i opened the door and found it was not a cat it was just another dude meowing back at me so many unanswered questions somewhere there's a cat that's super confused why you two were carrying on the conversation you were the many times in rhythm minigames where i mess up once and while not even getting flustered just start pressing multiple buttons randomly to compensate the mistake even though that's not how these games work go into teaching because happiness and pride in my work is worth more than money turns out actually no money is pretty important i'll be done with my three-year middle high school teaching stint in three weeks the joy of leaving is marred by the crappy experience i've made for myself it's too sad for me to be happy about it this actually happened a few days ago i got lost along the country road and was fumbling through my map to try and find a way back i saw that there was this back road that would take me directly back to the main road great i thought this will get me home in no time so i eventually find said road and just as i begin to start traversing it i come across a sign that said main road is currently not accessible via this track obviously any sane person would take this as a sign that this path was blocked and i'm just gonna have to keep going back the way i came but for some reason i thought that now i bet it's fine i bet this sign is pretty old and hasn't been removed yet it'll be fine so i decided to go along the road anyways it kept going and going into denser and denser forest and meanwhile the sun is starting to go down but i haven't hit a dead end yet so i'm confident that everything will be fine but then suddenly out of the blue i come across a big barricade with road closed emblazoned upon it i felt like such an idiot i had spent the last 40 minutes driving deep into a forest despite the fact i had a clear warning that the road was blocked there was no reason i should have done this i just randomly decided that no i was gonna be right newsless dumbass you don't always get to decide what's right and to cap it off i was down to a quarter tank of fuel my huge bus detail took a big chunk out of my tank and now not only did i have to find my way out of this pitch black forest seriously even with high beams you could barely see crap i also had to find my way back to the main road and then home all without running out of fuel and becoming stranded on an obscure back road i can't remember the last time i was ever that stressed out there was a very serious risk that i could get lost and could have died out there and no one would be any the wiser all because of some stupid mistakes on my behalf the corner of my toast broke off as i was taking it out of the toaster i went to stick a fork into a toaster that was on to fish it out i remember a little voice in my head go no more on stop jesus christ i hate the way your own brain does something stupid then berates itself for doing something stupid my building had a power surge and afterward when i tried to turn my printer on it wouldn't work great i thought it's busted a fuse or something so i go to best buy and spend the 20 on a new power cord come back and change the cord and voila printer works again but there was some lingering feeling that something was off so i switched back to the original chord just to see and lo and behold it worked it was then i realized that i hadn't been pushing the power button before sigh removed outlet and light switch faceplates to paint a room finish painting but when replacing one of the light switch face pleats i notice that it's slightly askew i proceed to grab the light switch to give it a slight twist so the faceplate isn't crooked i wind up shocking the heck out of myself this hurts so i sit down for a moment to catch my breath i get up only to realize that i didn't straighten the switch i proceed to straighten the light switch and shock myself again is kansas a state kansas is a state right me two days ago also a city in missouri moved from a computer-based career to a people-based career after 25 years dealing with the personalities motivations agendas social hierarchy and corporate hierarchy this is some pretty god and tough math adding to this some people are naturals when it comes to this kind of thing when you're exposed to the type of person who handles coordination of this type effortlessly so they can get what they want it makes you question your competence in certain respects if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: On Tap Studios

Views: 30,122

Rating: 4.9450316 out of 5

Keywords: dumbest things ever said, dumbest things people have said, dumbest things we did, dumbest, stupid, am i stupid, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap, reddit stories 2021

Id: -Lt2ijv_HSY

Length: 22min 58sec (1378 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 14 2021