Whiskey Ginger - Andrew Schulz - #035

this episode of whiskey ginger is brought to you by manscape to manscape calm the number one source in America for below the belt trimming clean up your basement dude you got a bunch of [ __ ] down there get it together you think anybody wants to see all those pubes come on bro manscaped is the spot the number one electric trimmer for you nuts I got one it's incredible I've also got a whole host of other stuff that they provide to you some ball butter some powder for your nuts something to clean it up keep it fresh keep it smelling nice you want your nuts to smell bad your taint it's probably the most dangerous area you've got as a man your undercarriage is disgusting okay anybody want to see that thing when it's at its worst trim your trees remove the weeds manscape your life go to manscape dot-com get 20% off get a free travel bag a free tote bag a free Dopp kit as they used to call it by using the promo code whiskey you know whiskey baby it's the name of this show WH is ke why go to manscape com use the promo code whiskey to get yourself 20% off and a free travel bag it is the best honestly I shave with it I love it and it's a small nice little sweet hum when you turn it on just wing and then just like your vape pen Dawg you plug that into a USB and charge it back up take it on the road with you wherever you got to go leave it in the car center console do your thing man clean up your life go to manscape com use the promo code whiskey [Music] [Music] [Music] what up whiskey ginger fans you want to come see the red rocket live come on see me do stand-up this weekend I'm at the comedy store in La Jolla all weekend long come on and get your tickets I think Friday and Saturday sold out so you got to grab what's left a baby then July 11 12 13 I'll be in Lexington Kentucky comedy off Broadway then July 18 19 20 I'm in Sacramento at the punchline and then July 23 24 25 26 I'll be in Montreal Canada one show on the 24th one on the 25th and a live whiskey ginger on the 26 in Just for Laughs Montreal Canada and then August first second and third I'm in the st. Louis helium come out and see me ladies and gentlemen welcome back to whiskey ginger my guest today is one of my favorite people on earth I said the Fromme I guess but I mean it once again today Andrew Schultz my dude hi man thank you for coming man thanks very have how are you I'm good are you tired yeah a little bit tired man why you've been running around too much in LA now you can run around dude I like I said for what ever reason ma'am just a cheap [ __ ] I sleep on my friend's couch when I come here bro yeah I know I'm making a lot of money why the [ __ ] are you sleeping on a couch I don't know it's like cuz hotels are so expensive what is the hotel here like three four hundred hours for hotel I'm sure you can get a hotel for 250 I'm sure you can get a whole wide oh so real fun to inconvenience yeah you like to [ __ ] with somebody I [ __ ] love it okay hold on this is crazy let's sit let's see this tonight you know hotels tonight yeah let's see what there's gonna sound like an ad for hotel tonight this is not a [ __ ] Afra hotel tonight look at this let me see Hilton 162 yeah okay the goth uh look at this this is this is crazy bro you can get a nice like a bomb-ass hotel for 270 tonight I just love it you just like [ __ ] what I love it that's all it is he only has one key so I love like every time I need to get any as like leave wherever he is yeah you're like uh can you can you leave it under the mat oh yeah that's what you know what's so funny that's why I digital locks that's the future digital locks nee nee nee nee nee yeah well if I've done that I do that [ __ ] your house is digital lock are you worried that somebody will see or you put it in like no it's also it's six numbers you're really gonna watch me do six numbers I mean that's what that's what they do for your phones I once had a girl get my whole phone number not my form my password really from you typing it in I was typing it in yeah I was in the shower and she just walked in she's like get out what happened yeah she found some [ __ ] she's found everything yeah I was like texting girls wall was at her house it was bad it was like I was like Ascot you're married now so like you've went past that face yeah you know and like but I'm sure you were a [ __ ] but you were texting other girls while you were at her house yeah yeah cuz I wasn't gonna always be at her house yeah yeah I like prepare for what were you dating yeah but not I would never promise anything yes there were like a liar I was always like listen let's keep it open right I was being a complete douchebag whatever that's fine yeah there's a time in your life where you got to go through that you got to get it out and she and so I brough you knew everything like she said she had had it for months oh she had your password for months but I left the phone in the living room when I went to shower oh yeah and you just [ __ ] properly yeah maybe I don't know exactly when that's tough yeah maybe that's why I shower because it was it was gonna have ready to fight for something I wasn't gonna happen you have a dude man but that was bad I was just being a being a good asset yeah just like yeah dude I can get like if it come as an addiction in a weird way I mean it's a [ __ ] addiction yeah well you men are addicted to [ __ ] yes that's that's will always be for the rest of time it's a baby thing I'm a victim of this in any way but it well super er groups to support groups for you we need to go just the [ __ ] [ __ ] on this I was reading this thing all about people that are that have asexual they have no sexuality whatsoever I don't believe any of what the [ __ ] is that guys girls straight gay you gotta [ __ ] somethin yeah you gotta [ __ ] somethin you don't whack off that's what you're telling me what happens when you have a nocturnal mission they cry just wake up in tears [Laughter] just little jizz streaks coming off your [ __ ] leg those people like when you have a dream and you bust in your dream because you're just building up come right yeah what are you having that - last thing - that's so creepy to me probably some sad [ __ ] probably something disturbing I think you probably get that way cuz something really [ __ ] up happened like really [ __ ] up dude okay that's the thing with this [ __ ] up [ __ ] that happens to you it either makes you or breaks you huh it's like do you know someone that snapped yeah my brother snapped is he like did he get the ghost of my friend yeah yeah he's been to like a bunch damn yeah like he was just knocking people out in the street holy kids so six six six yeah swollen Charlemont during the podcast that's why he doesn't do our video anymore mmhmm yeah literally just during the posse I see good he walks up the Charlotte man like what's going on and he looks at Trevor goes he is this is God sure I'm gonna goes what just [ __ ] be like Floyd so he's schizophrenic now he's on some drugs so it's like it's really kind of completely changes life but there's a time where he was in and out of the hospital for a while yeah yeah but now he's on a pill that's really change his life and it's amazingly well cracked it for what do you think cracked him uh okay I think he was like a super anxious kid okay we're from New York Manhattan yeah I think he like had anxiety that a lot of people have right and then like what is I think anxiety it's like fear of worst case scenario right yeah and then his school was like two blocks from the towers Oh so 9/11 happens right and he sees people jumping out the windows and like hitting the ground damn like it was right there they like evacuate the school and [ __ ] right he's a middle school so I think when you experience a worst-case scenario like you and I if we have some anxiety we can sit back guy that's never gonna happen or it is what it is or it is what it is you just let things go my anxiety I just go uh [ __ ] it what the [ __ ] kind of I stress about it for a little bit you know and then I just go alright man well I guess that's it keep it moving yeah I guess that's it can't change the world but he saw some [ __ ] that was like oh yeah [ __ ] that so I think that like that starts it and then he started like self-medicating like you know we'd in that kind of [ __ ] hmm and then he got into the psychedelics like mushrooms in Czech mushrooms but mushrooms must be a cure for some people that have schizophrenia right yeah we're not a cure but I made I think he can can like dig it up if you got it in yeah uh-huh yeah the demons come out yeah opens up the box yeah cuz it that's what it does right it opens up the box and some people need their box opened yeah some people he definitely don't don't know put some more tape on that [ __ ] what tape it up dude don't let that open do you don't [ __ ] with that do you do you [ __ ] with psychedelics I tried mushrooms once at Burning Man cuz everybody I go to Burning Man that phrase is perfect I tried mushrooms once at Burning Man I don't I'm not into the drugs you just like the festival I love altruism yes even it you know you grew up in Chicago right yeah you grew up in any big city it's like you don't believe anyone wants to help anybody no I mean I'm still very cynical in the idea that I just I just like I just [ __ ] my new neighbors outside I was talking to him and like we just chat and it's like there's also PCU that's like what do you work is cool I'm skeptical of oh yeah yeah he's like what's your deal man why sugar milk bro you want some [ __ ] I'm not giving you milk I just I still have skepticism in my blood but I think it's also in the business as a comic we become skeptics just because you face so much you know negativity or adversity or whatever so you're like now [ __ ] it's also the joke yeah everybody thinks this one way yeah I'm skeptical I'm going the other way yeah but so you go out there to kind of balance yourself dude there's no leveling what it was my buddy would go every year he asked me to go and it was I just broken up with a girl this is like three years ago four years ago and where is it we're in the desert where that's like in Nevada Nevada yeah yeah and he was if you want to come and I thought it was like a music festival I got no clue I did I still think it is it's not it's not like there's no bands that play there no bands oh it's like DJ's play but diseases are like background music they don't even announce the DJ's because they they don't want it to be about the DJ like that's really funny though like dude I got a great gig this week and I playing Burning Man can tell you you go to the dude you like hey man who's enjoying me he's like nobody menu to start like that but I don't they won't know who I am it's like yeah once you're there you can but before you there they don't want because they don't want like douchebags they're just following the D just for the DJ I want you to be there for you are they famous DJs yeah the biggest in the world go okay okay they just you just don't know who's going they just because you got to be but for what it's worth that's just paint that's just a that's just around yes you're not really like paying attention to it yes I mean people go and you rock out you can vibe to it but for me I swear the most the coolest part is they like so there's no money or anything there it's just a gifting economy no there's no money you can't buy anything no-one has cash no cash no cards no cards no cell phone no service you just give yo you gave me that gave me so much anxiety right just right now I did I felt my skin just like tangled a little bit you get cell for no money I had all my money on me at all times but when I tell you that you don't need it that people go there for the sole purpose of giving you coffee they can't they wait the whole year to have a coffee thing trying so that they can find you and give you coffee what do you get two people pink starburst that is that your [ __ ] that last year I just had like a bunch of pink starburst and then chapstick the year before like I try to find something that would like kind of put a smile on your face when you're in the desert that's dope well chapstick pink starburst - you know what pink starburst is good you know what that's so [ __ ] good anybody who's ever done drugs and look let's be real assumably most people they're on drugs yeah hi majority when you're hungry on drugs or you like want to eat something you can't eat something big and heavy because it's scary it's overwhelming right you can't have like a sandwich when you're high cuz you're like yeah I mean you're on psychedelics you can have like a ham sandwich that's too much you need something small that's sweet but can get written you can get rid of it fast right and starburst is like like it's it's enough that I know this is enjoyable it's getting me out of my head a little bit yeah but then I'm back to it and that's it yeah you can't like sit and consume a thing when you're too high when you're when you're [ __ ] up sugar a little sweet that's very smart you go on you got a plan for the next time you go no I'm not sure I'm gonna put my hat in the ring and offer some so I'm gonna text you and offer some yeah give me ideas well right you know what I would seriously you know what I would do what hand sanitizer they'd probably love it that's me I'm the guy that'd be like let me squirt you because I just know everywhere their their bathrooms but it's porta-potties yeah it's dire suits dire situations but if it's not that then it's Coachella right it's like you need the gauntlet [ __ ] Coachella exactly right so ya need the gauntlet you need people to go well I don't want to do that what you can't shower for a few days like it weeds out all those it's we're in a weird way it's stand-up it's like everybody thinks they're funny but going up in front of people good [ __ ] luck good luck yeah we'll see what happens dude there's a guy who's on bromine today about the UFO guy Bob listen yeah yeah Lazar we're having dinner the night before and he was like man I can't believe what you guys do that's crazy I'm like you people make a joke but I guess that makes sense so we're uh who I was talking to Brendan about it and Neil was like think about it like this we don't we this is really hard for us to think but like seven and a half billion people right yeah how many people do you think literally are professional comedians out of that number give me just a ballpark 10,000 wait wait wait wait wait less less than ten yes Neil was saying probably 500 and I said that seems small and he was like where would all these professionals be that you don't know dude why do we even give a [ __ ] about pro athletes we're the we that's what I'm saying millions of Pro has so many you know how easy these become a pro at something now there's a suits yeah darts yeah elbow you [ __ ] loser some guy Nigel in Wales is a professional in a professional dart player for Knight 14 years now how did you start Nigel basically just a bar up and around and [ __ ] throwing shot things and a bar wife is boring my wife is bore into the pub more time away from my wife that guy became a [ __ ] pro that's pro that dudes bro that's how it the same way I feel about um and look look dude I mean I get it but like when they say professional card players like pro poker players yeah all right but like professional you're just you're just dope can't just say you're dope we aren't we all what we have a poker game yeah yeah you're all professional poker pros yeah cuz we're betting yeah we're money I don't know whole thing oh so let me jump back the Burning Man concept I'm gonna be honest with you I was very ignorant to it I've heard of a few different ways yeah but unfortunately the stigma that surrounds it is like a girl that's on set that I see like a grip whose hula hooping yeah that's the girl I see and she's like this is what this is my aura this is my and I'm like that's that's too much yeah and the shitty thing about that is it like Burning Man really isn't for her it's actually for you like if and it's for guys like me right right who and the people who started it we're like all these like tech dudes that were working 24 hours a day and they only had a week to just break in silence right they were in a business which was so cutthroat and everybody trying to [ __ ] each other over so they're like let's try to find some humanity right in this and then for a week while you're on drugs you can be nice to people maybe not in the real world but it is refreshing when you like takes two or three days to get into it but event you're like wait you just want to give me something how long you're there for a week you can go up to I think eight days do people go to all time 800 what do you do for last time I went the whole time this time I'll probably go maybe shave two days off it I don't need to be there like the last day all time seems like and I can feel it depleting from me but you go there you get filled up it's really awesome and then eventually life starts to take away a little bit of it you get back into the rat race of things which is okay because we need we need to have a beautiful house like you have it like there are things we need to do right but it's nice to know that there's a little bit of that in us and I grew up in New York bro it's like every block there's someone trying to hustle you yes all its yeah everything everything is the house you care about the environment sign up for this thing is a or a bro I need five bucks to get to the gas station and you're like okay I gotta help this do it I so there was a there was an old lady with sand outside the subway and say that she just got her personal and and I remember once I saw that old lady at a fancy bar in Long Island I was like a [ __ ] lady she's like I know I had a big come up man I'm selling treat myself found your purse full she's like no I found three other [ __ ] purses and then now I'm here in Long you see here on the ferry [ __ ] hey the [ __ ] you going back to my house in Connecticut it's still looking for that purse so like you see enough of that as a kid you get kind of jaded yeah you know so it was nice to have that kind of like make you feel I don't know make you feel like you could you could live there's a different that was something not that I want to talk to you about today it hit me yesterday when I was doing Rogan and like he's got this interesting person like he he I feel like he's someone who's living and there's people who are surviving no hunter person right like if you don't get the opportunity to live I feel until you reach like financial independence yeah like we got a hit whatever it is 10 mil 20 mil whatever we think our nut is where no matter what for the rest of our lives work but nobody can [ __ ] with us right and go off the grid we can get fired by every [ __ ] studio doesn't matter yeah can't do podcast but I have that money you can't [ __ ] him you can't [ __ ] with me and then we start not surviving we start living right it's like everything we do every choice we make that day is not because we need to pay rent it's because you want to do that they want to [ __ ] go to the gym yeah yeah yeah right that's a you and it's a financial breach though you have to reach a breach right like I'm happy like it the phrase um who someone said it to me yesterday somebody was saying uh-oh I like those bait shoes by the way let me comment real fast we're killing it right well I've got my dad shirt on about my dad so this is you know we want to be comfortable at the same time also I should mention by the way before I continue I do have my fighter in the kid Rookie of the Year trophy I had to put it out I had to show it off a little bit let them know you know how to let him know so ya know somebody said the other day somebody said to me somebody goes yeah enough people that say nothing matters or like it doesn't really matter it's because they reached a financial point of freedom you know and I would say it's that's not all the way but I think that's pretty close because the only people I know that go you know nothing really there's no real depths of things unless you find the true meaning it's like you can't say that to a guy that's making 10 bucks an hour and working three jobs no because he's surviving yeah he's surviving right so once you reach financial stability and whatever that number is I don't know it's all been the rest of it's all [ __ ] but you know there's those articles online that are like I think it was like 80,000 or 60,000 doc you might whatever I don't know what we haven't savings right you have a house here let's say you sold your house you have what you haven't saving you and your wife take them on you go to [ __ ] Thailand yeah you did it already I'm done now you have to live in Thailand hmm but you you've essentially cracked the code of life right it's like now you could just live if you want it but that's your life there yeah that's your life there right we could hit another one where we're locked wherever we want I mean if you hit that [ __ ] here in America it's wherever we want the world's ours and some people they're so [ __ ] dumb that and this one I think you know musk is dumb it's like [ __ ] idiot it's like if you have infinite amount of money and yes so what you're still trying to do is create ways to survive yeah wait yeah like he's trying I'm gonna solve this I'm gonna solve that it's like you don't realize what you're doing you're trying to find distraction because you're miserable yeah well he I think what he I think what his intention is good and the idea is good but if he's sad you wasted your life his but his the the lengths that he goes to his interesting like Tesla's really wild has a company it keeps going up and down in the market they can't really survive they had to drop the price of the s and the X because the three was a new model that didn't sell as well as I wanted to the more I read about those things the more I go this is this is the this is proof that America just doesn't like change proof because look at it like this the three the model three that's their newest electric car all electric bro think about that never have to go to a gas station ever again right they drop the price I think the intro price for the cheapest one is 35 G's I'll have to look it up okay that's a pretty standard it's great car today yeah right you can get one for nineteen thousand twenty thousand but 30 something is that's you know whatever people still don't want it it's so reasonable and people are still like no no you know on it more and if he made it a hundred I bet well like the S is a hundred grand and I bet you that she just sold out they sell a lot of those [ __ ] they've been selling them for years we just want this [ __ ] we can't have exactly hey do you want to save the environment for nothing and we're like no not really make it harder on me make it harder it's just like like that what does that [ __ ] in your house where you talk to it and it does things Google has one yeah Alexa Alexa right it's like that [ __ ] is just mining our data right that's all it's doing yeah right it's just dinking all of our information she's receiving everything constantly exactly logging you into different categories yeah that's the wildest [ __ ] it's crazy and then we see the ads that we were talking about in that day right and what is so interesting about is Amazon would give this so they all of us so that we could get the data if they gave it to us we'd be skeptical right we baked what you trying to work here right if Alexa was free right but they charge like 80 bucks and we're like I got a robot robot that listens to me tell me the weather you're getting tricked yeah you getting tricked [ __ ] and they're like the only way we'll allow ourselves to get [ __ ] is if we pay yeah we pay we want to pay yeah we want to pay we don't want we don't want we don't want freedom for free no we want to pay for hey give me let me buy my freedom America is so [ __ ] weird with that [ __ ] I don't I don't know what that's that is because I think it may be because we're a capitalistic society in an earning based yes country we think that you know if it's free it probably doesn't have value it's dog [ __ ] meanwhile cutting back to the reason that Burning Man works on a very small scale right this is it's not functional for human right for society it's but it works because ATS the idea of what's free is not really free cuz you're giving to get and getting to give yeah so there's an exchange as a but you're you're physically seeing the balance yeah so in our world you can't see that balance right like if if a guy comes up to my door today and says hey I want to do I want to fix a few things on your roof for free mm-hmm there's that there's a few shingles that are [ __ ] up what would I say you'd say no get the [ __ ] away from my house leave who the [ __ ] are you think I'm gonna let you my [ __ ] roof right yeah yeah even though he could tell me he could say call your wife are you [ __ ] some good-looking [ __ ] came by why are you white are you [ __ ] a roofer yes so so I just think like that idea we can't physically see those exchanges it just doesn't work like that so that that America America can't really get behind the idea of being given something for free because they assume it has no value also also we devalue stuff by giving things for free that we should have charged for look at remedy that's that devaluing the [ __ ] out of combat I mean there was a [ __ ] dude last night at the club like any night at the club like any night in [ __ ] in New York to it this uh a banger lineup that if you literally put the monetary value on it it'd be $500 $600 you see those people right a guy last night was complaining to one of the door guys as I walked by I heard him say why can't I go in the other room and the door guys you know put up with so much drunk [ __ ] pieces of [ __ ] he goes bro you can't go in there cuz a it's sold out yeah and B you don't have a ticket for this you're in that room you can't you this this salt that shows up and he was like that's [ __ ] I bought a ticket I should be able to go in the other room and the door guy was wasn't having and he was like bro you can't alright please go get a you know continued Walker went to an event ever yeah like you PI his seat for the game you don't get to walk on the court why can't I shoot the free-throw I bought a ticket I bought these online so SeatGeek I should be able to do I not get to go in the locker room now I'm the coach beat it Nick nurse these people are [ __ ] yeah they just want they want that's the problem though because it D values the 100% of what what it should be like you know on the road like you know when when they there's certain clubs and they'll give away tickets right yeah and don't get me wrong when I wasn't selling a single ticket I was so [ __ ] grateful that they could comp the room and give me an opportunity you need to pay for room sometimes and I'm not sitting here knocking like capitalism it's the best yes the best system we have see it works yeah it's [ __ ] great it's working there's just little things that you can dabble in it's like nobody likes a vacation to Cancun you don't need to live in this Beach is nice okay back so but the funding boom does a lot of times they'll just comp the whole room right and then all those people get used to never paying for Comi tickets ever so they start to think comedy is free yep and then you come in there as a guy who's like no I don't count the room and they're like I don't understand like why should I pay for something that in my brain is free so they're devaluing their own [ __ ] I know it's fun and the problem is the system used to be they would paper just to kind of fill in some of the other gates bases now though now the the the business model is paper paper paper paper paper paper and then when people start buying tickets they go oh okay well we'll just maybe we'll just cool back on the paper I mean I adamantly you know you fight against that if when you're selling tickets you like don't don't don't don't don't a paper a single if I can do not paper a single thing yeah make them pay they want to pay that's what we're saying like what is that um they do want to pay was it Ben Franklin there's that quote about like um if you have someone who's your enemy ask him to borrow a book I'll ask him if you would borrow a basket of our book is that what it is yeah because like there's this cognitive dissonance thing that happens where if someone does you a favor they start to think they must like you because they did the favor like what girl gives you [ __ ] they're like she's like I think I really like them right it's like before that she wasn't sure and then you [ __ ] did you think what you came in me so I think I like him I loved that guy before that before that nothing nothing doesn't matter so so yeah so I guess in a weird way they warned it was just getting them to invest and then if the clubs want them let's just book the good comics it's like well it's it's kind of like when you start to learn this is Wheaton Chapelle I think was talking a lot about like taking notes from from rich people like jay-z talked about it on his last album all he did was talk about how he's like I buy art I'm friends with Jews you know all you wanted to do was like let you know he's doing well but if you take notes from rich people you learn you really do learn why they continue the way they do look I played golf the other day at bel-air Country Club right I'm white as [ __ ] right but I'm not those guys I don't fit in like that right I'm doing my best but they like me because I'm funny I like to have a couple of drinks we I don't take it serious yeah you're the perfect outsider to come inside rows are like this guy's great he's a [ __ ] you should join yeah right yeah because they love who we are as because we're free and they're locked to this lifestyle which it's like they know they can't do this matter that's it's golden handcuffs tone like they wish they could do you know like I was like damn it'd be nice to join this club it's a quarter of a million just to get in the [ __ ] door yeah just to [ __ ] get in and then you pay dues but like the idea is like those guys don't even think about that money yeah that's nothing to them but I'm like I'm not giving you that much money to kick into the social club but they want you there more than anybody else that's already there that's like anything right it's like because that's not my world they want me they're like oh please yeah and you something about comedy isn't it oh they just but they love somebody the funny thing is they want the wealthy in those groups and I've been around enough of them now yeah well wealth by the way yeah rich well real [ __ ] you know yeah like they own sugar yeah yeah would it have told this before I said when it was first moved to LA a friend of a friend was like what does your dad do and he's like he's in plastics yeah he's in plastics what does that even [ __ ] he always lands real well he's in plastics yeah yeah do you know would we what were would pepper it just sounds it I know the black flakes in the salt and pepper yeah that's it that's my dad but they don't got to own that yeah they do they didn't they're the [ __ ] that's the real rich people that's the wealthier that's the wealth that's the well you want to know what's an insane concept so important but like just the first guy that said like a piece of land was his yeah that was like this is my tent before that everybody just kinda like walked around or just like staked your little claim and you're like this is my hut I'm staying over here this is where I stay that's what it this is mine this is where I times to stay places I stay here we're all gypsies Yeah right I mean sometimes like this is mine and then he was like when I die guess what it doesn't start all over like my kid gets it yeah even though he did nothing no yeah please this is ours now I own this land it's a [ __ ] nutty yeah that's a crazy consoling like you own this land here yeah right yeah like I want an apartment in New York but it's on the eighth floor so if the building blows up I don't just own that [ __ ] air put a mine up there like there's a piece of the earth that we're on right now get you own it's my well well Ian Edward Edward so tell you Ian Ian's my favorite Ian's efforts always talk he's like it he's like even when you own you still don't own cuz you pay in somebody and I'm like yeah that's true you are like it's mine but it's still not after you paid off who do you you're still always gonna pay taxes yeah but you pay so you clear the house you clear the house right so that's a fee so that someone with the machete doesn't come to take your should I get it but that's what I'm saying yeah there is no such thing as owning outright without owning outright without paying it doesn't exist you can't owe you can't own without paying any sort of property tax unless unless you live in the middle of nowhere on some sort of reservation Reserve or government land can we chalk up that to paying the taxes can we say it's not like a fee that you're actually paying for a service in other words like yeah but it's a service you have to have you have to have you have to have it that's right you can't say don't give me water don't give me electricity don't no beer able to have it but it's it's one of those things where it's like yeah you might not want to use the roads but [ __ ] are you gonna use the roads everyone's gonna usually pay in the end right because some guy who's just a pain in the ass he's like well I'll just swim what everywhere I go and it's like [ __ ] you pay to pay the plug I bet in the beginning the government was like alright if you don't use the roads he'll I gotta pay people just being [ __ ] bills men yeah so I understand what you're saying but yes you do have to pay to be part of paying to something but at some point yes I I have paper that says this lot is me yeah wow that's a creepy concept but is it yours yeah it's only yours because like there's no other bad guy where the biggest guy yeah we're the Vikings yeah we're it like nobody's coming in that's wild like yeah it's crazy to think that who made it hours a cou made it mine really you know I mean white people white white you want to have a drink by the way early gonna have a little something we should we should on the show whiskey ginger I felt bad last time when we recorded and the audio didn't go Hoddy all got [ __ ] up hold on I'm gonna I'm gonna get out what do you I'm gonna get a little drink to pour in there I'm like a little something what are you I'm just just I'm gonna pick a good whisk okay talk to the audience tell them something when I come back okay oh yeah man this weekend I'll be in Cincinnati at the the lovely funny bone and and go to the Andrew Schultz calm and go check out all the different dates and stuff that I have and check out my stuff on YouTube and that is check out all this [ __ ] stuff on YouTube please Nikolas please [ __ ] off get out this is some Long Branch Wild Turkey this is wild turkey small-batch Long Branch nothing too fancy okay but it's good I'm not a big I'm not a huge turkey guy okay but I got to tell you this stuff that's good stuff it's just good it's just it's it's good it's good enough I should have had it in there and pour it out of there wouldn't it be sexy if I today yeah just a little song and a little something there oh well something you say you say one go ahead and say one do I'm just the same as yours was good that's good cheers brothers Cheers on whiskey ginger that's what we should be doing mm-hmm see look good for the soul mm-hmm that's good right uh-huh that's good it's good did your wife drink yeah she does yeah you guys are you guys good drinkers like in public can you guys go drinking it oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah we would rather stay at the house I would rather like cook some food yeah kick it have a drink on the patio I mean yeah go have one or one at the show or whatever yeah but going out out and drinking yeah it's a lot it's a passel yes it's just a big hassle especially when you already have like the objective of going out yeah you have your wife yeah and even still even without that yeah y'all having with the boys if the boys are totally different but if I'm going with like you know if there's a big group of people yeah it becomes overwhelming for me that I'm like why where are we going yeah what are we doing where are we going you know it becomes like a I don't know and the biggest problem with Los Angeles this isn't as bad in New York or anywhere else and but LA does this thing where it's like there's got to be a better place to be and Haley does never want to [ __ ] sit still with a city of foam oh we got to be like I gotta go I gotta go I gotta go to what we're talking about right it's like yeah it's like surviving right it's like I need to get more money I'm a millionaire now I need a billionaire now anymore then it did it yeah like yeah man this is yeah so good that movie swingers did a great job of portraying that oh my god I remember they kept 25 years ago they showed how [ __ ] fomo this town is that you're like yeah I got to go to this party no I got to go here I got to go here and then what you get there you're like let's get the [ __ ] out of here yeah that's what it is la is that is LA in a nutshell is that your is that the hardest thing you find about living here and I don't mean like actual difficulty I mean like like emotional annoyance you're just like I think the biggest difficulty for me a living here is like well honestly the biggest one is not being close to family like I'm in Chicago like crazy yeah hard for me to not be I want to see those people yeah I'm getting older they're getting older I say that for everyone that's listening to truly man like if you have a good family if you don't hate your [ __ ] family I think you'll have to hold on to the man because this world gets so crazy yeah bro I just got offered a grip of money yeah to go to Saudi Arabia for a Saudi to perform for a prince yes and right well we're working on it right now okay but the point is like I asked yeah come on take a guess well now I gotta go crazy no don't go crazy don't go crazy okay first-class Emirates ticket 20 grand freely are we talking six digits it's pretty close Oh crazy I was thinking about how crazy it is that just you know no there's a bunch of comics there's a visit there's like there's like six guys or seven guys okay and and it's first-class flight yeah to perform at his palace yeah and it's like a I think it's over the course of two weeks but you only do three days okay so he's having like chunks of performers bro this guy's flying [ __ ] bands artists like he wants it I don't it's a birthday party or just a party party but he's living he survived living heat well bro they're living on a whole new level to be able to just be like I'll give you money come perform for me bro they're just trying to distract themselves until they die yeah because at some point they're they're bored with how free it is that's it but here's my worry I said this I'd love to hear what the [ __ ] fans think about this [ __ ] flying the Saudi Arabian performing for a prince dope right what a story also if you have the ability to have that much money to just be kind of flippant about it because we can't comprehend that we'll never that's money we won't even if we get violently rich right that's a new level bro yeah that's money that Forbes can't even know exists yes it doesn't exist yeah doesn't exist then that must mean that you could also be mm-hmm you could put people in vulnerable positions that that could lead somewhere negative oh you guys definitely gonna suck each other's dicks see all the comment and I don't want to do it out there I have new comedies show you want to see what make me laugh hard this put your tongue in his [ __ ] I just that's my fear is that nobody takes that stupid rig thing that's on top of his head what's the hula-hoop this was your penis that's all I'm saying is I'm afraid that the freedom that these people have these princes have is so wild that there's no way they're balanced right I keep like he could be live freak out that's why they come to bel-air and they just bang blonde chicks yeah they and they and they lose their mind for like a month there was a dude that was renting this massive [ __ ] house in in bel-air like the Saudi dude or whatever we're gonna have more of this yeah it's going down yeah this dude was [ __ ] his - who's renting this house and all he was doing was cycling through prostitutes I kept like I mean tons of tons of time you know until they finally busted the dude yeah but he's a Saudi guy Saudi pretty have Prince of princes yeah yeah but what happened to him nothing nothing they busted him and in terms of that means stop and then he just went back home went home there's no consequence that's my point is like when a guy has that much wealth there's no consequence dude there was a guy who opens up for me on the road names mark Gagnon he's [ __ ] hilarious I got it gag non-market gag bag not gonna change that name change that name Andrew Schultz sounds great mark gag nah yeah danyoung is probably how you pronounce it with some French [ __ ] but like then they got the whatever just give me anything easier than that he brought up a funny [ __ ] point he was like like rich people don't who's like you can't what is it you have to forgive them when they break the law more because it doesn't cost them as much be something like that like yeah of course they're gonna break the law there's no repercussions well dude this is a [ __ ] up thing to say and I've said this before okay I just got a speeding ticket yeah it's a go go I know this is exactly where Tomoko okay it is what is it closed and meaningless yeah it's a it's not a fine it's a fee yeah it's a fee it's not a fine it's a fee yeah it's a fee this is how much it costs you to go this miles per hour and you're willing the yep a parking ticket I wanted to park there [ __ ] it I'll pay it I know what I mean I know what I'm getting I know when I bought that fast car that I that I Drive I knew I was gonna get a ticket and so eventually I got one and when it happened I was mad but on the way home I was also like that's what I get that's okay Thank You officer right there so I'm like to be lucky enough to be able to have that perspective is an important thing to remember to keep humble not to be like [ __ ] that [ __ ] but but it's also like that maybe that's the problem white people is such a great relationship with the cops yeah because they can pay yeah I'll pay that on a white ticket it says fee on a black ticket it says fine listen here now you gotta pay no but that's what the idea that like you can pay it that's that it's it's a good thing about money but it's a gross thing about money that I've learned there are things that come up in life that I go alright but in retrospect dude when I first came up I mean I dude I moved here with no money I was broke broke broke broke broke and if you told me the numbers of certain things that things cost I would have been like I'll die I'll never be able to live how could I pay for that yeah I'll drown I'll Drive ya so like to keep that in your head to not have too much hubris about it and just go stay low-key be appreciative of those things but also know you're all good it is what it is yeah you got to pay it [ __ ] it but be appreciative that you have the ability to go okay right like look at you now you're still doing it the right way you slept on someone's couch you don't have the financial ability yeah you'll get a [ __ ] nice hotel yeah you get your ass in the [ __ ] nicest hotel in the city I flew first class here I know you [ __ ] did and then I stayed at my friend's yeah because I do that too dude I treat myself some ways yeah and I just I deprived myself in other ways yes it's natural for a comedian to do that until it gets to a point of undeniable where you're like it's an inconvenience now for me not that way right yes like with Joe's like with Rogen's the same way you know like you know every time we go anywhere it's always like the you know the nicest [ __ ] hotel and nicest whatever but like it would be annoying to not do that now because for him because that's just that's what it is for sure life has become that new thing that that is the only reason where I defend adamantly when someone's like you know some was like alimony is costing him like [ __ ] 50 G's a month it's like what did she spend enough it's like bro people's lifestyles become ridiculous right they are literally keeping up lifestyles P I don't think people people that don't have people that don't have a lot of stuff don't understand it but once you get into you own a house you own a car yeah you have it this you have a bill you did it the nut piles up so much even you forget it sometimes I'd look at my [ __ ] nut sheets you know and I look at what I'm [ __ ] throwing away and I'm like holy [ __ ] yeah it's just the cost of life yeah so when you become the upper echelon you'd have to keep up with the Joneses yeah and when people go broke especially athletes how did he spend a million but because his lifestyle was such yeah that's it doesn't function like like when was the last time you thought about the the cost of the food that you were eating I haven't done it that's so interesting you brought that up it was two things I don't really think about cost but food is one of them I just never think about it what is growing a wonderful privilege right you feel able to do that well yeah there's people that now listening for anytime I got a deal that was it that was it after that I stopped thinking about the price of food cuz there's people now that listen there's there's people that now they have to live on a budget a humble you know budget of like I can't caught I can't pay for that kind of like understand right so when you think about it like that grow that exponentially to anything else in life do you know what I mean yeah so it becomes almost monotonous money is like what what is it when you get that wealthy I get it that's why people are able to [ __ ] throw away [ __ ] loads of money and it doesn't really matter yeah that's why the Saudi prince when somebody when we joke about a hundred thousand or some whatever you know like yeah to go to do sit that's not even real to him yeah and also he didn't earn it no it doesn't [ __ ] it didn't it doesn't it doesn't exist yeah like when you don't earn it I don't think like when you don't know how many hours it takes to make that I don't think it has as much value of course not right well that's what that's all my parents we talked that the the Burning Man cash thing losing the cash without cash gives me anxiety I always have cash yeah my dad always had cash right still to this day and he was always like because you feel the valium or and dude it's so true your car they give you chips at the [ __ ] casino yeah they want you to not even think about it my card a debit card thing I can't I don't like it because I am too like okay but help me then oh but when you got that chunk of cash in your different you just you physically loved if you go oh yeah a card is like you're being at the airport you know how like you're like money doesn't exist yeah it doesn't although it's so [ __ ] funny right it doesn't you know I'll just buy I'll spend more money on [ __ ] magazines mix nut bags like a box give me 250 dollars for mixed nuts and you're like yeah alright that was 40 like that money doesn't exist yes it's monopoly it's a it's like in a time sock yes yeah it's like a time suck that's real it's because you don't want to compromise experience for any experience you are locked in this tube you need to be comfortably have to have it ever helps you be comfortable you'll do it yeah you know that you know the machines that sell like um headphones and all that shares are genius yes talking about the Best Buy kiosk yes brilliant genius because I remember when they first arted putting that was pretty putting those in and going I wonder who's gonna I wonder who's gonna use those things bro I always see people using it and I've done it myself course you forget your headphones what I'm gonna be on this whole flight gonna be on this [ __ ] thing without headphones I don't know it wasn't this [ __ ] [ __ ] next to me you also realize how absurdly large for no reason best bias that's all we want it passed by yep the [ __ ] Costco full of [ __ ] for no reason I'm not buying a refrigerator that's why should we called headphones headphones hey welcome to headphones you want some [ __ ] headphones that's why everybody comes to this [ __ ] place cuz you can't go in there get anything like that camera yeah I can't trust a Best Buy employee that's not from buy you can't buy that at Best Buy come on no yeah do you know anything about this G H 5 and he goes oh yeah got the glass on the phone yeah not a glass on the front and if you twist it like that it goes in and out that's a good one what you want to take pictures boy that's so funny it got the glass in the front I love when someone doesn't know what they're selling you that is so funny when you go to a place you go what's the difference between between these two products and they go this was a little bit more it has a little bit more functionality and you're like bro you already know and sometimes I like to like plants a fake a plant to lie that I think is real I go well they said that this one has like they said that this camera has just like a better internal stop like a no-go yes yes it does you just make up something they'll go yeah you okay cool yeah right yeah because you know that they don't [ __ ] up it'd be so much nicer if a sales rep goes you know what bro I have no [ __ ] idea I have no [ __ ] idea wouldn't it make more sense if Best Buy just said we're not gonna hire any employees the brand how about you hire an employee and then he hawks your [ __ ] will just be oh that's this morning yeah cuz then I go up to the [ __ ] guy guy and I he knows exactly what his prize well you know like when you go to a Best Buy there's an Apple section yes always a Mac session and that's a certified Mac retailer like the dude that's there oh so they're doing it already Apple does they do it but every branch should do it because no I'm Way more willing to buy the camera if I'm speaking or guy knows everything yeah Panasonic cat is there dude that's right away well you know that's funny this is so funny that you say that because who does that the most liquor industry's love doing that they send reps to place a hot [ __ ] hot [ __ ] and one room that goes I mean you ever had some long branch and some girls like you guys want shots a line okay and then why you take the shots you thinking about the boobs and then this dude comes in any psych hey man this is kind of uh you know this is what's up and he's a cool nice swamp dude gives you a few information and you're like okay cool thanks man the next time you're out it's sunk in your head you're like I like boobs and that guy was nice yeah long rant liquor reps you that they're geniuses with that but no but you're right there's not a lot of companies that go out of their way to send one rep to represent the company at a place yeah maybe but I wonder is it though I mean what are you paying them 10 bucks an hour it can't be well really erease expert you probably pay him a little bit more okay but still think about the other state cop with corporations waste instrumental amounts of money on nonsense yes I stupid [ __ ] like that I'm telling you do it do you wait I want to ask you something about no no pour pour it up God what the [ __ ] is going on in the dominican republic bro give me your [ __ ] take because i gotta tell you bro i've been reading too so much about first of all big papi that was wild okay yeah I've read enough [ __ ] now where I'm like it wasn't an accident he was smashing the guy's wife right he's [ __ ] a dudes wife right that's the rule that's the thing that's spreading around yeah he was targeted for sure yep hit and they try to make it sound like it wasn't a hit and now the Dominican Republic the the just today they put out an article saying this woman that just flew back and died from their that this is all media lies I mean they're using Trump's fake new [ __ ] they're trying to say like this isn't true all these tourists aren't dying but these people are dying I mean here's the thing that's tricky right is all it takes is like for people to die and then we're going to Puerto Rico well do this is America this is America we got options there's a Sandals in dr spanish so a few people die and we're on to the next one I know but they put their butt to try to figure out if it's boy if they're being poisoned or not I don't know what it is do that that's what I bro cuz here's the deep state is scary like put it like this Dominican deep Saint the deep state itself is scary to Dominican why would they I don't know so okay Mike this is an overall theory about like this type of stuff and like I don't think terrorism exists in places where people get laid right and I think that's why like you know you you had like Irish terrorism right cuz hey hey hey nobody was [ __ ] I know trust me nobody have you seen a bunch of Irish people nobody's [ __ ] know but he's walking right and then like obviously you see in the Middle East nobody's [ __ ] nobody's [ __ ] in Latin America all they're doing is fun everyone that is what Latin America is [ __ ] that's all they're - they're all [ __ ] never once has there been terrorism right rash so I really on some lip maybe like the narco-terrorism CBSE there's not I know what you're saying but there's but there's always organized crime always organized crime that starts wrongs dude I know you get the drugs out of there it's it's like these people because at the end of day we just kind of want to get laid right I think everybody wants to just [ __ ] and and try to do but you know try to fight have a little bit of fun that's not gonna have some fun and their culture is dancing and [ __ ] [ __ ] you know white use nap nap they love napping eat a mango on the trees just [ __ ] mango man so it's what do you terrorize it for yes yeah I don't so here's here's my only theory about it it's somebody sending a message but for what what is but I don't know I'm not smart enough to understand to figure that out but I would just say that like perhaps there's a lot of turmoil happening down there okay and and you're clashing of local government which is chaos and local thug Street government which is you know those thug guys right mm-hmm they what do they do for a living I would assume is sell drugs right sell drugs but they also organize communities they're pretty much there there they are right yeah they've got they're making everything work and happen for sure and I'm okay with that they hold up a role in the ecosystem but they're probably making money selling drugs to the tourists because the people in the text what I'm saying so why would you want the tourists not to be if the government is trying to [ __ ] so the government trying to shut down there and trying to [ __ ] with their money I so they're sending some kind of message I'm telling you because they know cuz the thugs know and this has happened in America before because because people that run neighborhoods the people that runs syndications of drug markets and whatever it is as soon as the government gets in the way of them making money they're sending some kind of message to the government yes because here's why when Americans die when Americans die over anywhere else but America that pisses off America dude that's right when they people died here a heroine ever people overdose right now we don't give a [ __ ] opioid crisis whatever when you [ __ ] I died in Dominican on my honeymoon yes the [ __ ] Evening News loses its mind it loses its mine because we can't die outside of our own country we're this more of them we're the premier we don't die anywhere but here yes it's like nobody can hit your kids with you mm-hmm right yes I'm saying so there's someone sending a message I don't know the depths of all of it and I'm being a little bit conspiracy theorist but like it's a message it's too coincidental and why would the government why would the [ __ ] Dominican Republic government come out and say that's false narrative they're pushing agenda people aren't really getting sick and dying a woman just died today she landed back in the United States another woman yeah she just died they had their honeymoon down there or maybe they got married down there older woman literally just open the article today was she wealthy no dude you know that's like it's yeah your post bride dies after return from Dominica publican at the Dominican Republic honeymoon Louisiana bride went on a honeymoon to Dominican Republic I'm serious he died last week after she returned I'm telling you doc yeah but here's the things like someone's sending a message you ever go to the dr i mean yeah you would still go yeah why not damn take is gonna be cheap yeah let's play sandals spirit air is calling me right now see what a sandals like weekend when that cruise ship like flipped over over oh yeah it was a carnival carnival was it yeah and dude they went on the pier I was like free it was like if you just get on the boat you're allowed to be on it all right sandals and dominican republic let's see what we can get right now Santos Caribbean resorts packages Punta Cana all-inclusive baby what are we talking on inclusive packages right now holy [ __ ] this is a circle but don't don't tell me you got it and tell me the amount of days and I'll guess total price wait is that this even funnier because no [ __ ] there's ad sponsored ad there's sponsored ad that says 60 65 percent off regular all right here we go here we go sandals all right here we go here we go here we go okay all right I got it what are we talking to let's check you how many days well let's do it let's say let's say let's go in July okay that's what we're saying July you know 20th of this year mm-hmm until July 27th it gives you a week for free okay okay you want airfare included airfare is not included it says would you like to include it in the trip no don't include the airfare because the airfare separate right that's the same amount of gas to get there no matter okay here we go okay I go in seven days seven days July 20 if you went right now to the DR I got it July 20th I know it July 27th I got it all right you tell me what you're in for the sauce oh oh oh there's only larger rooms available oh oh oh wow what you can only get the biggest room now so that means they're sold out they sold out the small rooms or people are on it already people Oh or they just block out those rooms this says this says these are sold out this can't be right no you know what this is booked already nobody's booking the week before we need to go way in the future there's a buzzer spin booked this is before people start dying they booked these that is why they're sold out if we went way in the future we don't have to do it but if we went way in the future I bet you would please select that this is by the way I can't believe this many people are still going to this [ __ ] thing a lot of these trips are gonna be canceled 275 for the whole time 275 for it says for three days 275 for three days all right okay should we go yeah we're going well booking at $275 dude text me your birthday I'm gonna supply I just I just I don't know what's going on but all I'm saying is I get skeptical to [ __ ] like that you should I guess I get skeptical when you're like dude look I was we went to Costa Rica Costa Rica's dope right also parts of it still [ __ ] thuggish do one by [ __ ] here's how I here's how you know you're in a dangerous country and not dangerous but you know you're in a place that's like Chicago wrong you can't flush the toilet paper you've been that you've been to countries where you camps in Central America you can't flush toilet paper so what do you bowl and I throw it in a trash you wipe your ass you throw it in a trash can that blows Americans mind every time we talk about that somebody's like nah like I was just shocked they didn't have ketchup they don't [ __ ] with that they don't [ __ ] with I need Heinz well yeah you gotta get it I know I bring my own [ __ ] you fly with catch yeah yeah like a lot of like 6-ounce ketchup so like a dog I forget the Costco size at Heinz and I show up at that bit on the table I put this on my eggs no no but you know what you could not being able to flush the toilet paper blew people's mind yeah Americans got like annoyed yeah yeah like what do you mean what's the logic behind that pipes can't handle that oh they're really small pipes small and oldest [ __ ] you're talking about an infrastructure that barely you know is probably qualified to be like the lowest rung of what we would say is okay you're like these probably just crack and they're like yeah [ __ ] it they probably put a pipe right next to it you know I mean yeah it'll fix the [ __ ] pie dude for the house here I had the most city guys have to run lines to make sure that your line runs to the city line and all that [ __ ] anything small yeah they're crazy yeah places like that it's like what the [ __ ] you check says go for it who checks I've talked about this that you know you need three things to become a city a town in Costa Rica literally if you're a Costa Rican resident you apply the local government sorry for things legally you have to show proof that you can have a school a soccer field a church and a bar that makes you a town that maybe you can get a town that's a [ __ ] fact you go to the local government you say I'm a resident these are the residence are gonna live in this town we have a school a church a bar and a soccer field that's a good town that makes perfect sense I mean I feel like there's a lot of times I performed that that don't have down yeah that's a town it makes perfect sense also in some of these small areas that we would go to no no addresses I was like no dress just red house red house yeah yeah the postal code would be like blue house next to next to old Hill yeah because you're the only blue house so that matter than the number yep leave my mom blue house yeah what do you live blue house the house huh it's absurd until you drive and all the other houses aren't blue and then you see the blue one you're like oh that's a way better system then [ __ ] seven six three four nineteen for 792 West 82nd Street no but dude I mean yeah but when you live in a populous place you have to know but that this is what blew my mind is I think at least younger people watching this don't have never had to experience this but like in New York I grew up right grid system 82nd and third that's easy know exactly how to get there right I remember when I went to school in Santa Barbara right and people like you'll come to my house it's on a Pico and Vanderbilt I think what the [ __ ] like how do I find is it alphabetical order how do I get there you go P P Co P ok Vanderbilt V so it's gotta be the very bottom yeah it's like it means nothing the names of the streets mean nothing if you don't know where the [ __ ] they are I don't know why they I don't know why grid systems didn't completely go everywhere with number you know with numbers not actually some city some cities I go to our number and letter which also makes sense Chicago don't you do all the streets or names of the city or something or maybe that's another city I'm no Chicano I mean Chicago is all over the place it is a it's it is not a numbered system but it is it it's laid out on a grid so it's pretty easy to navigate but no it's all street names you know there was one that has the street names are the states and they're in alphabetical order I mean in Santa Monica here they have states in Santa Monica as you go down maybe that's it I mean that could be but I don't remember I don't know but I think but I think I think but I think there's plenty of places that do that where they go I've been to small cities that go a street and eighth and I go dope I got that I know the [ __ ] where that is I know where a street in eighth Avenue going Vanderbilt is about five people they where the [ __ ] is broadband here you give me your address who the [ __ ] do you think I am 14:28 North Vanderbilt Road to come find me yeah I'll see you we used actually be able to get to places though a lot easier though because there were less places yeah less places you guys just there were four passes right right I'll meet you at meet you at the mall I'll meet you at the mall because we know where the mall I know what them all is yeah finding your place I mean it is absurd how like we can follow the uber driver as he gets lost to our like sometimes I'll call an uber driver after he makes a wrong turn and I beg I see you going the wrong way like that's an absurd notion I've done that I've done that I go bro why do you I've literally said hey why did you go that other way you should have just made a left before that and he's like I know the cars and I can you're like all right bro like it's funny that were so we're so privileged with information that we're frustrated about somebody who's just trying to navigate to us we are [ __ ] gold-digging wives yeah we are get used to whatever we have and the second there's like a little bit less of it we are furious like mmm my Stepford wife steaming inside though my Chardonnay bottles how dare you there's this uh there's just new my newest [ __ ] enemy and I feel like we're like running back the clock cuz it's like the 90s were you like a Pearl Jam fan at all in the nineties yeah okay were you at least new of them yeah of course I mean I like them Vitalogy one of my family I love them right in like they did that whole thing with Ticketmaster and I didn't get it at the time we talked about whether they had this beef with Ticketmaster only kind of song come be yeah yeah or else to perform right yeah and and they lost and I didn't realize how what scumbags Ticketmaster were until recently it is a [ __ ] okay it's a scam give it out easy and and my agents can do really pissed about this because we have Ticketmaster dates like a bunch of them you know [ __ ] who gives it doesn't matter right because they don't care about you by oh I know that yeah but here's the thing about it right is okay we start selling tickets right the second we start selling tickets we're getting a piece the door and we're making money we're so happy right we start getting like people watching a podcast we start getting subscribers and start getting followers we're so happy because we feel like that's direct connection with the fan right but reality is it's like if they tweak the algorithm a little or they think that you're saying too much [ __ ] [ __ ] so they can just kind of throttle your account turn you down we don't really monetize you monetize deep laugh we really have direct connection hmm it's pseudo direct connection right the but we have these live shows that we can connect with fans yeah right yeah and the only direct connection we could really have with fan would probably be email right yeah it's the data yes what they called a CRM right so my buddy was talking he's like this big tech dude right and he's like let me ask you a question like when you sell a ticket to like you know a theater date whatever like that of that service fee they take a matter of charges how much of that do you get I go what he was like yeah how much do you get of the the surface Iago I don't get anything he goes what and I hope yeah anything he was oh yeah we gotta fix this Oh what do you mean he goes you just Europe you're excited that you're getting 80% of the door but like you're leaving out the fee Ticketmaster was looking up a Rogen ticket for T our ticket $16 in service charge that goes to them them now here's where it gets crazy not only are they charging $16 to our fans so they're [ __ ] our fans they get the data so they're the only way you have a successful business now is if you're in the data business yes all data if you're a data company right so not only are you [ __ ] us mm-hmm and our fans mm-hmm we're paying you to [ __ ] us you sons of [ __ ] I'm giving you money and then I'm looming up my ass for you to come on in $16 straight punch it so I'm like bring that's like going crazy about $16 hand-on feet that's almost half the goddamn song yeah isn't it not [ __ ] 40% show here but here's the thing and they claim that the reason that they're giving you that they're providing that service is like we have safety protection on ticket sales on credit card all that yeah here's here's the only way to fix this I know it's [ __ ] here's the only way to really fix that I wish and this is an old-school 'we go i wish people had to buy tickets at the door okay how about this this is what i'm trying to do work developing this thing to fix it can basically want to get i'm gonna get Ticketmaster out of here right I like it so what I want to do is this I want every ticket purchased I want all that data to go to the comic I want every comic to have a direct connection to their fans and you know what the fans want they don't want a blast of emails from Ticketmaster nope they want a 1-1 you pull the mail [ __ ] like that's it and one email year hey I'm back in Idaho you won't come back out to the show yep that's it simple is it I just got a [ __ ] StubHub thing from stuff I'm being like hey do you want to go to that I don't why do you know why do you send me a notification when I turn this off a thousand [ __ ] times and you know what they're doing those emails also they're selling that date at other plays hell yes right so that that should be the deal with the artist the artist should say alright here's the deal if you're gonna [ __ ] try to play ball with me okay let's play ball you know what you got to do give me the day you have to surrender that data so guess what they say right this is if you want to put this thing called a pixel on the ticket sales website what is that so it pixels this thing right like you know people do like promoted ads yeah and if someone clicks that ad and then they go to buy a ticket you can put something on the ticketing website to let you know if they bought the ticket and that way we can tell if the money we spent on on advertising actually worked right you can see like okay boom you spend $10 in advertising you sold $30 for the tickets it's worth it for us make sense so in order for Ticketmaster to allow that to happen we got to pay them dude now you've got me in double fish hooks so my feeling is and we just start developing this thing where it's like it's gonna be a ticketing system now here's where it gets crazy if you're doing arenas the arena's are completely vertically integrated with Ticketmaster take a master owns Live Nation which promotes the events Live Nation owns everything exactly the Live Nation owns the space they will not only own the space now they also on the staff they own the distribution everything yeah they own it all and you know what that's smart go do your thing yeah man that's fine but here's the thing not all of us are doing arenas right you know what with this podcast thing you're gonna have way less universally famous people way more niche famous people yeah meaning you and I are gonna have this that love us they're devoted to us and they [ __ ] grow with us but a person might run up to us on the street oh my god can I get a picture I love your podcast and then everybody else in that area will be a [ __ ] second that is new that's the new Fame right yeah so what what we can do is we can sell 300 tickets on the market we need so 500 market we got 600 market specific yeah but 600 is not an arena you know what 600 is any [ __ ] place in that market that can put chairs in and have a microphone we actually have some power here yeah because comics we can perform anywhere you don't need the perfect venue like a musician does right right we can it can be Airbnb dude I got my baby I got I got a lot of heat last time I went home to Chicago The Improv you know and they're great people over those this girl Stephanie's really sweet and she was like how come you don't come back that's because I'm doing like just third party venues on my own I did a rocker room you know so let's who knows at the rock room it was called beat catch at the beat kitchen on the north side and it was phenomenal Jovi a Gomez who was a dope funny comedian out of Chicago he came through opened up and [ __ ] ripped and I went up there sold out two [ __ ] shows of the rock were perfect because it was me that it was me it's my that's it needs me three people you should get it yeah so it's like that's the hard thing now is like as we grow I want the fans to have access to a venue that's different and fun and unique and clubs are great I still play in clubs constantly but it's like clubs we're very it but it's getting to a point at some places where I go I would rather just make this a little bit more intimate or unique or different or arrange the experience yes it's great if you have the ability to do so and we do yeah the beautiful thing is and this is where we don't get greedy if the clubs are like well we don't get to use that we don't get the data we go no here's the data yeah I don't care if you had I'll share I don't give a [ __ ] matter fact I want you to let people know I'm coming back [ __ ] yeah please that'd be great promote before I promote I don't care about take a mess or get a David mm-hmm in the fact that you charge them it's like it's just abusive thieves these and I think we're at the place now like program they didn't have social media they didn't have the way to do it they'd have to go on NBC to talk about it right but you and I can just talk on a podcast hey I'm gonna do this menu here if you guys want to come see me you're the same people who we're gonna see me regardless not like people are walking in off the street no it's like the people that come see us are devoted they want to see you boom they're gonna see us if we're gonna in the rock club or in the comedy club right and whichever venue allows us to put our ticketing where we get the data we're gonna go that's the new [ __ ] well dude you know what you know I don't know who was working on it I stalk all this [ __ ] and I have tons of taken master dates yeah please go check out all of updates on Ticketmaster you're not a complaint about the things that are happening in your lives like we can't just be like you know you complacency is a sad place to be you should want to strive and improve and change che guevara thing maybe we develop another thing that can help comics it's my thing it's like the second we get in a little bit place of like some you know privilege or whatever a luxury whatever just try to help out the the craft every everyone should learn how to make this thing a little bit more back to you yeah it's like the second you start [ __ ] on it or criticizing it I promise people gonna get some bad you know you know what it reminds me of tide pools you know like tide pools as a kid you ever gonna tide pool you know like at a beach you know yeah I mean it added like a waterpark a tide pool like they [ __ ] they hit they say they said a waterpark they slap this thing and the waves comments yeah in the same sense that's what the business is right so here's here's why yeah there's a lot of ups and downs yeah it's filled with waves you can have a lot of dips sometimes you're gonna catch a way better wave but the whole point is you just have to stick this [ __ ] thing yes and the waves are way more fun when you're with other people oh way more fun so true that so like you're gonna go these huge - yeah and the business isn't gonna tell you when the thing is coming it's just gonna happen yeah you get up and then you go way way down and sometimes the down is [ __ ] [ __ ] sometimes you know yeah sometimes your swimsuit falls off and your embarrassing little penises sticking out here everybody sees it Becky laughs yeah you got to get out you got to kick it for a minute and chill because you got hurt it sucks did you feel like you had to refigure your career because you were doing great with the traditional like model of acting and getting shows like you would book everything seems like the rethink the thing that snapped for me was truthfully yeah I don't buy into the system becoming bad like you know people are like you're making it you know like street white male does not getting booked in a nah bro the business is just taking different angles it's done this a thousand times in the past right I just realized my growth as a comic or an actor or performer whatever I was like I just want more intimacy I just want to connect again like I feel like I wanted anonymity which is valued you know yeah but also I was like I want [ __ ] I want to I want to touch fans a little bit more like I want to have this thing with them because he was becoming so disconnected whereas like doing a TV show and then going on tour and doing some it's just there was no there was nothing to hold on to yeah meanwhile between podcasting and and getting with other groups of guys that are like promoting each other helping each other on the rise it's become this place now where like I didn't like semi consciously did it I just was sick and tired of not connecting with people that's really what it was I would [ __ ] that [ __ ] I should connect with people I should also put up more content that I want to put out there I was so afraid whatever you know I put up a video the other day about on Instagram and then half a million [ __ ] views on Instagram yeah it was an it was just a clip from my old special and guess what my old special probably got [ __ ] that many views for the whole [ __ ] thing right you know but it was like I want to just give this stuff like why am i why are we holding stuff from these people that want the [ __ ] you have to give it or give it a give him the [ __ ] thing so I think I gave it away bro to answer the question and [ __ ] a five minute blob but I just was tired of not ham not being able to be like yo like dude now after shows in [ __ ] Connecticut people came up and this dude the Red Baron this this guy was like yo I made a beat for you I did I made people make a make like do 16 bars over this the intro beat for this and I had a million dude submit it was dope and this one dude he came to the show you know his DJ gave me CDs you know it's this dis dude Dan [ __ ] gave me some good weed you know like this other dude brought me a bottle of like local whiskey it was like connecting with these [ __ ] PETA because here's what they want they want to laugh and they want to be a part of this thing yes it ain't it ain't like the old days yeah the old days were like rock star [ __ ] Dane Cook in the arena and then he leaves and it's a oh you know used to be about distance now it's about proximity yeah yes it used to be about Marlon Brando where is he who yeah what does he do the only person that's managed to like maintain mystery is Keanu Reeves yeah I think everyone else is falling off but you know why why because his career went away for a while but now that he's come now these dude listen he made so much [ __ ] money off like The Matrix trilogy he could have said good night take the Hat and [ __ ] off to France whatever his career took a weird dip after he wasn't getting a ton of work his resurgence with like John wick and stuff right you could tell it was a coming from a place of like I want to do this this dude he's cool like he did because it's cool it's cool he didn't he didn't give a [ __ ] if it was gonna be like a box of it he was all I wanna do it guys I think what I think people used to like use mystery as a tool they was engaged the fans but they weren't true about it where's kyon oh I think he's and again I don't know the guy this is just me making characters I [ __ ] love the guy but he's lovable but he is he is a truly intriguing dude yeah and dude he answered this one question I think it was he was on Colbert and Colbert goes uh okay here's a question what happens when we die right and he goes home he kind of laughs did you hear the answer this yes you see so I don't know but I hope no no no he goes oh he goes he goes I'm not sure I'm not sure but I know that the people that love us will miss us very much yeah that's a thoughtful answer to that question man it's not so bear wanted to bait him with some nonsense yeah yeah what do you think happens we'll be dead you know it's the blue pill yeah whatever some matrix RF whack ass [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] body did I don't yeah I'm not sure code bears condescending ass was like look at him like that was a good answer yes yeah dude it is good answer yeah it's a great song yes what half a billion dollars [ __ ] coincident err you this is the way he said it was so profound - he did the weight that was the depth of it was honest it was so real I like the guy but that's what I mean his career why do you like him why are we drawn to him here's why his career took a little bit of a dip but when he came back it wasn't like I need I need I need to get back and Hollywood does people do this people go I need to get the camera get out I need to I need to be famous again I need I need I need it I need it I need it he didn't do that [ __ ] he just was like wow I'm gonna roll with this I'm gonna roll with this weird wave this is a big dip in the [ __ ] tide pool and then when he came back again he was like that looks fun let's do that Matt hey I'm doing this thing again it's not like that he didn't try to like throw himself back on us yes it wasn't forced no it wasn't I need the spotlight no he was like I I'm doing this cool thing if you know maybe you'll like it and guess what it's like [ __ ] dope yeah I liked it a lot I didn't love the last one but the first but still you know what I mean at some point you know I mean like it it just it's the proof of the point of like this business as a whole is like people don't want to be shoved down they don't want someone shoved down their [ __ ] throat yes and the business loves shoving people down their throat and sometimes it hurts very talented people yeah a lot of talented people right now getting shoved down people's throat you know it's too much I love Tiffany Haddish she's one of my she's she's an old home we have known her for years it's too much and the business is like bleeding her out yeah it's time like dude they cut her or they cut her open and get that money like I love her get paid get work have fun I hope she's a loving every second of it but it's also I mean the business does a thing when they're like they like open your neck up and they're like and they're like get it out get it all [ __ ] and I think they do that to people and I hope you come out clean on the other side yeah because it can [ __ ] you up dude yeah a system can just suck you in and be like we want you on everything we want to do everything we want you we want you here we want you here we want you to do this and this and this and when you've wanted that your whole life it's how do you say no yes how do you say no but you have to you have to have balance you have to learn how to you have to just learn I mean I just I think it's trial and error some people do it well some people don't like okay then who's the last person that was shoved down I mean I get like Will Ferrell got so famous after SNL and the business was wanted him everywhere but he handled it well right he still remained funny and OnPoint and keen he just did it right and he did his projects that's what I mean yeah he just did it right he wasn't like I'll do it all he was like I'll figure that out I think that's I don't know if we've had we don't have a lot of people that pop anymore that are like that it's hard and I hate and I do not make these excuses often but sometimes I think it's different for chicks who are 40 like Tiffany's probably 40 yes late 30s maybe the authorities it's like they know there's a clock well the business is so [ __ ] up this [ __ ] it looks like law women empowerment these are the same people that wouldn't hire a girl cuz she's 42 you know I mean it's not too full of [ __ ] all the whole diversity thing is full of [ __ ] but I and I don't blame people like milking it because at the end of the day you're just trying to get resources right [ __ ] yeah it's like we're all we want is [ __ ] resources like conservatives are like don't tax me because you have money you want to keep it mm-hmm and liberals are like tax them a lot text everybody we want to have any money and you only want it we need diversity it's like you just want the job yeah yeah it's simple as that so nobody's crying for diversity in like Japanese film I bet you Japanese film is all Japanese people you've been to Japan now why did you have any all Japanese [ __ ] nobody else there but Japanese dude right like we're the only place that's worried about this yeah we want we want this homogenous and we want this beautiful like sabbatical culture like everything's clicking and working but you got to make it yourself like that's how you're gonna make it it's like make it yourself it's there it's like even with Tyler Perry he made himself you can't [ __ ] made it yourself himself and it's like if you build it they will come I mean look at what's the other dudes name uh Byron Allen pieman phone he's a piece from what the weather challenged the weather he owns the well he made it sunny today I called him I said can you make it sunny it was gloomy this morning we should start through every day like what's it gonna be Thursday got a basketball game plan it might need to wrap up for this or what man hit me back my dog I love you love you miss is the [ __ ] bath you know plug one more time where you're gonna be if you just go to the end results are calm you have all the dates Matador tour it's really sick man Matador tour man you're killing your [ __ ] sang-kyu man you were so great last night man I got to tell your fans haven't seen you do stand-up you were pushing it man I was pushing great to see you let's show you the back of the room I have to because I feel like right now is the is the best time to just get it out like get it out get it out get it out get it out you can write an easy joke yeah it's really hard to write a [ __ ] on the line show and this is the time for us to do it hell yeah well because you've always been the time but right now I they want it this is where legends are made yeah I feel like we're coming out of the PC movement but like legends are a you got Lenny's poster right there yeah like the reason Lennie has a poster now is because he did it in a time where you couldn't you weren't supposed to write you got arrested you got fined you got kicked out yes I mean dude you're talking about a guy you're talking about a generation of people that like imagine how crazy they thought it was dude I mean absurd like we were like like for us when we were like comedy will survive and comedy you can never dumb down comedy in a sense of being like well you can't say this and we can't talk like that that'll never work baby we'll be we'll be [ __ ] back [ __ ] like you'll never be able to beat us at that thing so I think more than ever now you're seeing people get keener and funnier I've seen some of the best writing out of comics that I've ever seen him oh yeah because the stakes are high that's what I'm saying right the stakes weren't that I wasn't that good comedy wasn't that good honestly actually in a weird way I think it's been good for comedy hell yes at first people were scared but then when you start leaning in you go oh I need to use a fine-tooth comb I need to use a scalpel with use bits yeah you can still do all the jokes you do your rape jokes or sexist jokes a homophobic joke where all these jokes you could do right you just need the scalpel scalpel and now we're using a scalpel right and people are going oh [ __ ] yeah you can't laugh at this stuff right just go up there and go so I raped her right that's not gonna be funny it might've works back in the day when shock was like really big or said it's not about shock anymore it's not it's get in there get a good [ __ ] angle and people who have the craft succeed and the audience's know yeah they can tell they know nothing about comedy they know do they're getting I will say this every audience that that [ __ ] that's been [ __ ] with me lately the key make their keen as [ __ ] they love comedy they get it they're in for the ride and they're and they're like let's do it let's go for it where are you going with this [ __ ] it let's do it I mean that's why you show up yeah there's a Colin Quinn had this I know we gotta wrap up what Colin Quinn had is no special and he said one of the bits was really funny he goes people like you have to adjust your comedy with times you know and then he was like absolutely you're 1% right that's why I got into comedy so I could walk in lockstep with society's conventional wisdom it's like no we don't yeah we push back we're the wit like we're the balance it's like there's what is it a Agent Smith and then there's me Oh yep it's like is with society gets too much this way the comics come on I go whoa what are you doing yeah lots of hours man it's like and the easiest way to get information to people is with a laugh right what do they say it's like if you want to tell some of the truth make them laugh if not they'll kill you yeah right and so that's why we come in and we point out some [ __ ] and then you go ha ha that was funny it's kind of Trudeau and we say it's silly we say it like we're not [ __ ] you know these preachy ass [ __ ] we say in jest but sometimes that little seed grows you start really okay maybe we need it back maybe just me to [ __ ] a little bit crazy maybe everything is a little [ __ ] crazy maybe we need a little balance too [ __ ] everything we're out here putting balance in the world go for the best [Music] Ginger's are here now this whiskey is excellent I like changers [Music]

Channel: Andrew Santino

Views: 252,759

Rating: 4.8561153 out of 5

Keywords: interview, podcast, whiskey ginger, Andrew schulz, Andrew santino, Whiskey, Ginger

Id: wxfDK_88Hvk

Length: 85min 52sec (5152 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 21 2019