All right. We're checking out
the only game where you get to be a boss that pays your employees in death,
it's Boss Life. It's my first day as a boss and I already
have to promote one person and fire the other person.
I don't know what any of this means. Does this mean that
I have to pay him more? Or does this just mean that like
he carries more in his wallet? All right, we got time management
over here. Ah, this is what I really care about. I don't want it high by the way,
this guy is way too smart. [crickets] This dude over here looks like
the Monopoly guy with a full head of hair and he's stupid, which is perfect.
You're promoted. Ah, we have a crime
that we have to deal with. I'm not really sure why the police
aren't handling this, but you know what? That's what I make the big bucks for. Stole office supplies,
pooped in your office. I like how he's angry
and he's embarrassed. He's like, I really don't know
what I was thinking. Poop on this guy's tie too
'cuz it's got the same coloration. Honestly, someone who has this much
creativity, I don't wanna fire this guy. Meanwhile, poop tie over here is shaving
his face with a lawnmower, you're gone. See what I'm looking at here? Unhappiness, depression, fear and this girl's just somehow
levitating above the floor. You know how we fix
problem children like this? We vomit money at them, yay. I love how as they get their money,
they go super sayan and they just develop
new parts of like clothing. Look at what this guy's,
did he just smack that lady in the face? Is he hitting on him?
Is it him that's getting slapped? I don't know.
Let me grab my camera from 1989 over here. Ah, impropriety. This is a really weird conversation because he is like, do you know
what my tongue tastes like? And the girl's like,
it tastes like joblessness. This is probably the best invention
of any workplace I've ever seen. All it is is a wheel
where I get paid more, that's all it really happens. Everyone gets to stand around
while I spin the wheel and then I get the money.
Yeah, that's right and everyone, I think I've done so well
that I get a raise. What is this job contract? I want no benefits
and I agree to work with no pay. You are unbelievably hired
for your incredible skill. You may have a picture of the devil. All right, so far it kind of
just looks like a sad cat. Now it looks like a malformed cat. Here's his little-
here's his little devil goatee. There here's an arm
growing out of his neck where he wields his pitch fork, there clearly the devil,
I got another person. They also want no benefits
and agree to work with no pay. I love how it is basically like, "Hey, Gray real quick.
Could you just draw this star?" And I'm like, "No." Here's a car though running over
a dead body, that is gorgeous. Do you also want no pay? No joke. Whoever scouting these people
is gonna get a raise. What's probably funny is
the person that's scouting them all probably has no pay either. How about this?
I'll pay a double. All right, Helen,
we're playing a game. See? It's a word.
It starts with H-E-L. If you can guess the last letter [laughs]
I'll pay you triple. Does anyone know what it could be?
It's a P and you're signed. The boss noise meter.
Oh, okay, listen. Gloria, if you keep laughing,
it doesn't matter how quiet I am. Just shut up. Stop it.
Okay, real quick. If you're sitting at your desk working
and your coworker has her camera out with the flashlight, you know something's
about to go down, go, go, go, go, don't worry about
the noise meter, just do it, just do it. This guy's like the owner's kid.
Aren't I the owner? I'm the boss. What is this?
We'll call you later. Oh, we've got an application
for a gossip specialist. Adam light, his one quality is
he's slightly handsome, intelligence is a three outta five,
too high. All right, I love the bow tie.
Let's see here. Growth salary is terrible.
I love it. Timing is all--
apply for master handshaker is a gro- has groovy dance skills. All right, if you can promise me
that someone will bleed on your tie. By the end of the day,
you may have a job. All right. How about you?
What do we go? Whoa. Five-star intelligence.
So wait a second. I just wanna mention
something real quick. He's got a five in intelligence
and only a three in speed, but somehow he's the fastest
hot dog eater in town. I really hope that I am like
legitimately just shredding these right in front of everyone. What is this? What is happening?
Not allowed. Why wouldn't this be allowed?
Can I just let this guy go? This guy got all dressed up work,
he only spent like $3. You can get both of these things
at the dollar section at Target. I-I don't want
to take this stuff off of her. She actually looks amazing this way.
All right, to be fair. It is May. All right, chill out.
Santa doesn't love you, get outta here. Good morning, boss. Uh, hi.
Oh, am I supposed to like, make coffee? [laughs] Uh, I dunno. Okay, this-- a-actually,
I-I don't really need that much coffee. Can I get the sugar?
I want all the sugar. I don't really need that much coffee. Do I need a certain amount of coffee
before I can get? I don't want the milk, can I do the sugar?
I can't do the sugar yet, right? Yeah. Let's just spray that milk
everywhere. Fantastic. No, [laughs] I didn't know
getting violated by caffeine would-- What is going on here?
[screams] I don't know what to do. Oh, no, nope,
no epilepsy- no epilepsy. Everyone leaves,
everyone has to leave the meeting, everyone leaves the meeting.
All right everyone, time for your daily high fives,
you only get one, boom, there you are, Gwendolyn. Yeah, you keep- you keep
not making me pay you, that's fantastic. We got one over here
from the right side. Good job, love that fist pump,
plenty of effort in that one. We're going low, boom. Right there, you'll probably
won't be here by the end of the day. And I'm pretty sure I fired you
all the way in the beginning but since, the fact that you found a way
past security to work here anyway, with no actual reason,
I'm gonna let you stay, great. Now I have to deal--
Is this-is that Sailor Moon? Why is he watching me intently
when I'm trying to take cookies? Yoink, I'm the boss.
Oh, yeah, oh, I love diabetes. All right, yeah, there we go,
gotta get all the cookies, all 6000--
Oh, where exactly are you looking? Cause your eyes are kind of low. She's like, "I'm watching your stomach because I can literally see you
getting fatter." Yeah, well, guess what?
No chocolate chip for you. Meeting starts in two minutes, okay. Oh, I have to drive like a maniac.
Okay. You gotta overtake the car.
What happens if you crash? Hold on, I need to hit
this police officer, it's for science. He's-- [groans] there we go, yeah. Come on, they just can be one, boom.
[laughs] All right, well,
can I run into him this way? This way?
There we are, oh, I am murdering everyone. If I would have known about this
in the beginning, I could have probably killed
at least three more people. But I mean, causing,
I don't know what was this? Like 16 accidents
before I even get to work? I'll take it. [music] I love how I still got
200-plus small boss. [laughs] I love that
the size of my bossliness is directly related
to how many people I kill. What is this?
What does it say, you have messages? I have messages?
Requesting a raise. Oh, oh, I can't give anyone a raise.
Okay, got it. Yeah. [laughs]
Oh, well, we're-we're just- we're just crushing
everyone's hopes and dreams. [screams]
"You just saved a lot of money." Oh, it says my favorite time of the day.
It's the give Gray a big pay raise day. Here we go. Hey, an extra $100,
actually, can I spin that again? Oh, I can get a rocket-powered seat.
Come on Rocketchair. Rocketchair. [screams]
Yes, all right, here we go. It's time for the CEO race. Yes.
[screams] What do I even know?
Is this, like a Starbucks card? I'm gonna hit all this, I don't care.
[laughs]. I'm the winner cause I got turbines
on the back of my chair. [chuckles] It's your birthday,
like my birthday, or his birthday? Wait, I'm paying for my own pizza
on my birthday? Is this is my wife? I'm sure this is
one of the girls I hired like yesterday. This dude's like,
"I'm getting a big tip, right?" Listen, do you understand
the complete lack of morals that I have? Get out of here.
Nope, no, no, no tip. It's no tip.
How come it's no tip? It's supposed to be no tip.
Ah, over here at the copier. Everyone's working hard,
typing up their charts, messing up their lower backs. Why is this just like
a picture of me looking angry? [chuckles] What are you supposed to do?
[laughs] What a great use of office materials.
[growls] In breaking news, if you can't face the day
without your morning dose of coffee, then look no further than
the Florida Man Coffee Company. For Florida Man Coffee Company
serves up a big chaotic ride with every sip. And if you're anything like us
here in the newsroom, it's all day, every day,
preferably via intravenous drip. [bleep] Man, this printer
tastes like Saltines, so strange. What are you guys eating,
Long John Silver's? What, were you scanning
a chicken sandwich? What is even happening in this picture? I feel like licking the printer
is a great way to get rabies. What is this? Unprofessional.
But I can't even drink on the job? What do you want me to do with it?
Oh, I just ate the whole plate. Yeah, I'm gonna--
See it's not unprofessional if you're drunk at the time, it's only unprofessional
if people see you drinking. Gonna eat these socks too, high in fiber,
and these fidget spinners that no one's used
for the last 12 years. My poop picture's unprofessional? Come on, guzzle down
the entire bottle of wine. The employees not working.
What is this guy doing? Was so depressed
he's just staring at a black screen? I go and like spy on him?
Yeah, keep working your sickos. If I close this,
do they immediately stop? I love how they're just like--
it's like an odor. An odor of money
is just pouring off of them. Accept the stare of judgment. I c- I can't-- oh, I-- okay, I can see
all the way over here. Yeah. Oh, but that's making them too unhappy.
What, are you guys walking out on me? Oh, I'm getting mugged. [chuckles]
Wow. I finally get to hire John Wick. [chuckles] Crime. Shoots water at people.
Loves puppies too much. There's no such thing
as loving puppies too much. Get out of my sight. That-- I didn't want
to get murdered by John Wick. I feel like this is
an underrepresentation of John Wick, because yeah, okay,
quote unquote, "water at people." He's probably blinding my employees
with bleach in a Super Soaker, which I am totally okay with. And whenever John Wick kills me,
he can have the business. I'm happy with that. And hey, folks,
hope you enjoyed this episode of Boss Life.
Till next time, stay foxy and much love.
