STEVE: HEH HEH. HEH HEH. ALL RIGHT, MAN, LET'S GO. WE ASKED 100 MEN, NAME SOMETHING YOU HAVE MORE OF THAN STEVE HARVEY. DEVRON: I'M SO SORRY, STEVE. CHARM. ALL: OHH! LANCE: GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. [APPLAUSE] STEVE: [CHUCKLING] CHARM! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] STEVE: HUMOR? HUMOR? MORE PERSONALITY THAN ME? HIM? BEFORE A DATE, NAME A FOOD A FLAT-CHESTED WOMAN MIGHT STUFF IN HER BRA. DANTE: CHICKEN. STEVE: WHAT? DANTE: CHICKEN. WOMAN: YOU KNOW, CHICKEN CUTLETS. CHICKEN CUTLETS. YES! CHICKEN CUTLETS. DANTE: CHICKEN BREASTS. JANE: COME ON! CHICKEN CUTLETS. STEVE: THAT'S WHAT YOU WENT ON. JANE: CHICKEN CUTLETS, YOU KNOW, IF YOU HAVE A FLAT CHEST-- STEVE: WHO YOU HOLLERING AT? [LAUGHTER] JANE: YOU GOT TO STICK THEM IN THERE. STEVE: CHICKEN CUTLETS! CHICKEN! YOU KEEP SAYING IT LIKE I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. CHICKEN! CHICKEN CUTLETS! I HEARD YOU. CHICKEN! BUT WHO'D DO THAT? IT'S A DAMN RAW-ASS PIECE OF CHICKEN STICKING IN THEIR BRA. NOW YOU GOT BIG BREASTS, BUT YOUR ASS GOT SALMONELLA. STEVE: OOH, GOOD ANSWER. STEVE: CHICKEN CUTLETS. CHICKEN CUTLETS! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] DANTE: CHICKEN! JANE: WHOO! DANTE: CHICKEN! JANE: CHICKEN! DANTE: SAY IT AGAIN, JANE. JANE: CHICKEN! WE ASKED 100 SINGLE MEN, NAME A REASON YOU AIN'T SUCH A GREAT CATCH. CHARMIN: WE'RE GOING WITH BAD HYGIENE. STEVE: BAD HYGIENE. [BUZZER] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] EVERY ANSWER THEY GAVE WAS A GOOD ANSWER. NUMBER 7. AUDIENCE: I'M OLD. STEVE: NUMBER 6. AUDIENCE: WORK TOO MUCH. STEVE: THAT'S ME AGAIN. 4. AUDIENCE: I'M BALD. STEVE: I WORK TOO MUCH, I'M OLD, AND I'M BALD. [LAUGHTER] NUMBER 3. AUDIENCE: I'M LAZY. STEVE: OK, THAT AIN'T ME. WELL, NUMBER ONE JUST BE YOU GOT BIG LIPS. WHY DON'T WE JUST GO ON AND DO ALL OF IT? NUMBER ONE. STEVE: JOSH, TALKED TO 100 WOMEN. NAME SOMETHING YOU'D LOVE JUST ONCE TO SEE STEVE HARVEY WEARING. JOSH: UH, NOTHING AT ALL. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] ANDY: GOOD ANSWER, GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. JOSH: IT'S NOT ME. IT'S 100 WOMEN. IT'S NOT ME. STEVE: NOTHING AT ALL. JOSH: OOH! STEVE: HOW THE HELL DON'T NOBODY WANT TO SEE ME NAKED? [LAUGHTER] YOU KNOW HOW DAMN DEMORALIZING THIS QUESTION IS RIGHT NOW? STEVE: TENILLE, ONE ANSWER LEFT. IF IT'S THERE, YOUR FAMILY WINS THE GAME, BUT THIS TIME, YOU HAVE 2 STRIKES. IF IT'S NOT THERE, THE GOSSER FAMILY CAN STEAL AND WIN THE GAME. TELL ME A PLACE THAT DEAD PEOPLE HANG OUT. TENILLE: THEY HANG OUT AROUND THEIR FAMILIES. HAUNTING THEM. AS HAUNTING THEM. NIKKI: GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. YES! JAMES: YES. STEVE: "HEY, WHO IS THAT... WHO IS THAT OVER THERE LAYING ON THE COUCH?" [LAUGHTER] "OH, THAT'S UNCLE WILLIE." "I'VE NEVER MET HIM." "ONLY BEEN DEAD 2 YEARS. WE JUST KEEP HIM OVER THERE." HANG AROUND THEIR FAMILY. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] ALL RIGHT, RICHIE. WE'RE OPENING UP A STORE CALLED STEVE HARVEYS 'R' US. WHAT'S IT SELL? RICHIE: I THINK IT'S GONNA SELL SOME REPLICA SEX TOYS. FOR THE MAN. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] DOUG: GOOD ANSWER. RICHIE: NOT EVERYBODY'S GOT A STEVE, STEVE. STEVE: NOT EVERYBODY'S GOT A STEVE, STEVE. [LAUGHTER] WOW. I'M SELLING SEX TOYS FOR MEN. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] STEVE: POINT VALUES ARE DOUBLE. TOP 6 ANSWERS ON THE BOARD. NAME A TALK SHOW HOST WHO'S YOUR BEST FRIEND IN YOUR HEAD. TYA: OPRAH. STEVE: OPRAH. SCOTT: STEVE HARVEY! STEVE: STEVE HARVEY! SCOTT: GET UP THERE! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] SCOTT: I...MAN. [LAUGHTER] WHO ANSWERED THESE? STEVE: THIS MY SHOW! [LAUGHTER] I CAN'T BEAT OPRAH DOING A DAMN THING! [APPLAUSE] HA! ALL RIGHT, LADIES, HERE WE GO. TOP 8 ANSWERS ON THE BOARD. WE ASKED 100 WOMEN. NAME SOMETHING THAT MAKES A GUY LOOK SLEAZY. CHINEDU: A MUSTACHE. STEVE: A MUSTACHE. [LAUGHTER] CHINEDU: UM. HA HA HA. STEVE: A MUSTACHE. [HARRISES ALL SHOUTING AT ONCE] STEVE: SOME MEN ARE CHICK MAGNETS. WHAT MIGHT MAKE A MAN A CHICK REPELLENT? RITA: BAD PERSONALITY. STEVE: HE GOT A BAD PERSONALITY. RITA: UH-HUH. OK. ["FAMILY FEUD" THEME PLAYS] STEVE: NUMBER 7? AUDIENCE: SMOKES/CIGARS. STEVE: NUMBER 6? AUDIENCE: BAD HAIR/BALD. STEVE: WHAT THE HELL? [LAUGHTER] YOU GOT--WHAT? HEY, HEY, REALLY? YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THE CIGAR, NOW A BALD HEAD? WHY DON'T WE JUST PUT "BIG LIPS" ON THERE? NUMBER 4--"BIG-ASS LIPS." SAY IT! SAY--I SWEAR TO GOD, SAY IT! NUMBER-- AUDIENCE: BROKE. STEVE: HA HA! [APPLAUSE] I'M BACK! POINT VALUES ARE DOUBLE. TOP 6 ANSWERS ON THE BOARD. NAME A TALK SHOW HOST YOU'D VOTE FOR FOR PRESIDENT. CHRIS: STEVE HARVEY. STEVE: BETTER KNOW IT. [LAUGHTER] KENNETH: OPRAH WINFREY. STEVE: OPRAH WINFREY. SHIELDSES: WHOO! WE'LL PLAY! KENNETH: WE'LL PLAY, STEVE! STEVE: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. KENNETH: HA HA HA! STEVE: ANY TIME I TRY TO HAVE SOMETHIN', HERE SHE COMES. KENNETH: HE BAD. HA HA! STEVE: BEEN AROUND LONGER, GOT MORE MONEY. WHOO, SHE GETTIN' ON MY NERVES. [LAUGHTER] STEVE: HERE, FOLKS. JUST COME ON AND PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY. FILL IN THE BLANK. STEVE HARVEY'S ONE OF THE BLANKEST-- AND THAT'S REALLY IT. I'M NOTHING. ONE OF THE BLANKEST GUYS AROUND. TERESA: NICEST. STEVE: I AM A NICE GUY. TERESA: WHOO! STEVE: I'M A NICE GUY! ["FAMILY FEUD" THEME PLAYS] CHRIS: YEAH! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] YEAH, YOU ARE! YES, YOU ARE! TERESA: WHOO! [APPLAUSE ABATES] STEVE: SCARED TO FLIP OVER NUMBER 7. [LAUGHTER] THIS IS WHEN THE NUMBERS ARE LOW. THIS--NUMBER 7? AUDIENCE: LOUDEST. [LAUGHTER] STEVE: 5? AUDIENCE: GOOFIEST/SILLIEST. [LAUGHTER] STEVE: "GOOFY"? NUMBER 4? THIS--I HATE THIS. AUDIENCE: WEIRDEST. [LAUGHTER] STEVE: NUMBER TWO? AUDIENCE: COOLEST. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] STEVE: TO ALL OF THE PEOPLE WHO SAID I'M THE WEIRDEST AND THE GOOFIEST...NO, I'M NOT GONNA DO THAT. TOP 6 ANSWERS ON THE BOARD. HERE WE GO. WE ASKED 100 MEN: "WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WOKE UP TOMORROW MORNING AND YOU WERE COMPLETELY BALD?" ZOE: SCREAM. [LAUGHTER] [ZOE IMITATES SCREAM] [STEVE IMITATES SCREAM] [LAUGHTER] STEVE: SCREAM. ZOE: WHOO! DERRICK: WE'RE GONNA PLAY. ALEXIS: WE'RE GONNA PLAY! ZOE: WE'RE GONNA PLAY, STEVE. [LAUGHTER] WHAT'S YOUR PUNK ASS SCREAMING FOR? HEY, ALEXIS. ALEXIS: HI. STEVE: WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF-- WE ASKED 100 MEN, 100 MEN. I'M GONNA SAY THAT ONCE. "WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WOKE UP TOMORROW MORNING AND YOU WERE COMPLETELY BALD?" ALEXIS: BUY A HAT. STEVE: BUY A HAT. ZOE: GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. LINDY: WHOO! STEVE: LINDY, "WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WOKE UP TOMORROW MORNING AND YOU WERE COMPLETELY BALD?" LINDY: BUY A TOUPEE. STEVE: BUY A TOUPEE. ALEXIS: GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. WHOO! STEVE: CHRIS, WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WOKE UP TOMORROW MORNING AND YOU WERE COMPLETELY BALD? CHRIS: I WOULD CALL THE HAIR CLUB FOR MEN... [LAUGHTER] STEVE. LINDY: GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. [WEATHERLY FAMILY CLAPPING] [STEVE LAUGHING] CHRIS: THEY GOT A COMMERCIAL, YOU KNOW. STEVE: THAT'S A GOOD ANSWER, MAN. "I'D CALL..." DON'T KNOW HOW YOU THOUGHT OF THAT. "I'D CALL THE HAIR CLUB FOR MEN." AUDIENCE: AW! ALEXIS: THAT WAS A GOOD ANSWER, CHRIS. WE GOT IT, BABY. STEVE: DERRICK, WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WOKE UP TOMORROW MORNING AND YOU WERE COMPLETELY BALD? DERRICK: I'D GO BACK TO BED. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] STEVE: GO...GO BACK TO BED. AUDIENCE: AW! STEVE: ALL RIGHT. WE GOT TWO STRIKES NOW. WE GOT TO BE CAREFUL. THE GONZALEZ FAMILY CAN STEAL. ZOE, "WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WOKE UP TOMORROW MORNING AND YOU WERE COMPLETELY BALD?" ZOE: I'D, UM, PUT A HOODIE ON. STEVE: PUT ON A HOODIE. ALEXIS: GOOD ANSWER. LINDY: GOOD ANSWER. AUDIENCE: AW! [GONZALEZ FAMILY SHOUTING OUT ANSWERS] STEVE: WE ASKED 100 MEN: "WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WOKE UP TOMORROW MORNING AND YOU WERE COMPLETELY BALD?" MIKE: JUST ROCK IT, STEVE. STEVE: JUST ROCK IT. COME ON. LET HIM HAVE IT. YOU KNOW! ROCK IT. [GONZALEZ FAMILY CHEERING] [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] STEVE: NUMBER 5. AUDIENCE: "TOSS HAIR STUFF." STEVE: 4. AUDIENCE: "CALL A DOCTOR." STEVE: AIN'T NOTHING THEY CAN DO, I'M TELLING YOU.
