What's your biggest "Wtf did I just say!?" moment? r/AskReddit

redick what's your biggest WTF did I just say moment once I was buying a train ticket and instead of good morning can I have a one-way ticket to wherever the duck I said happy birthday I don't know why I did it I was as surprised as the ticket guy and when he said what I went sorry I didn't realize really I can't explain what the he'll I was thinking you should have said sorry I didn't realize it wasn't your birthday I think in the future I'll just greet everyone with happy birthday and recover with that just for the times that I get it right I was at work and I was having a long day I stuffed my hands into my pockets because I felt like I looked awkward with them dangling while I walked they got hot and sweaty and I got anxious so I started doing this wiggle think trying to get them out of there but they were stuck I look up to realize someone is just watching me wiggle dance trying to get my hands on stuck so I just turn and start to run in looking down at my hands though trying to figure out why they were still in my pockets and I rammed right into a bookshelf I work at a library so books are falling and I'm laying there in a crumpled heap and some people have gathered around I've managed to free my hands at this point and somebody asked are you ok to which I replied pockets look them dead in the eye when learning how traffic in crosswalks work in London spoiler its stucking nonsensical I was told by a friend worst case scenario wait till someone like an pregnant woman or a crippled veteran or Girl Scout crosses that's the kind of person cars will actually stop for no matter what so take advantage of them crossing for you to cross so when a woman is pushing an infant in a stroller across the crosswalk I say to my friend ok I'll try it I'll take advantage of that baby loudly in college my friends and I were talking about someone who had died and I wanted to say he died doing what he loved to do but it came out he did what he died loving doing Homer no function beer well without I have a story this is so stupid I almost want to make a throwaway account I was at my new job as a dishwasher and at the end of the night we would all drink beers while we cleaned up so I was standing there talking to my boss who I had known for like a week I went to take a drink of my beer but at the same time I was going to smooth down my hair or some [ __ ] don't ask me why but instead of that happening I put my hand over my mouth and dumped beer on the top of my head my boss didn't even react other than turning around and walking the duck away worst-ever sounds like you have a drinking problem when I was a freshman in high school me and a bunch of buddies got signed up to give a speech to a local club about our vision of the future at the time I had little public speaking experience and I was insanely nervous and I mixed up two lines and blurted out we will live in a future where people are judged on the color of their skin not the content of their character time Stood Still thank you after taking money out from an ATM you must be Canadian not yet but someday not me but a co-worker a few weeks back it was snowing outside and I was complaining because I hate having to walk home in the snow coworker was about to say don't you want a white Christmas but mid-sentence realized it was past Christmas and swamped with the nearest upcoming holiday and instead said don't you want a white Martin Luther King Day that was the brightest shade of red I've ever seen anyone as a new employee of an electrical contractor I was tasked with mounting some components on a very large for a school air conditioning condenser at one point I drilled a hole to mount a pipe and I nicked the copper coil the sound of the gas escaping the condenser is a sound I will never forget the outdoor area in which I was working became a completely foggy wasteland I felt like an idiot the owner of my company was called and he came out and looked at the damage he then asked me an employee of two weeks if I knew what it was going to cost I told him that I didn't know he replied with a figure in the thousands after a moment of silence I said well I guess that's the price you pay for hiring idiots every time someone says what's up and I reply with good when people say what's up I always reply not much more than a couple of times I got confused and answered not much when people ask me how are you oh god I have too many of these moments are you guys excited me it's quicker to take that route no you don't I was in French class we were talking about what we were going to name our kids I don't know why but it came up somehow among the whole class it got to be my turn and I said yeah I think I'm going to name my daughter error I [ __ ] you not instead of saying the name I had in mind I said the word error I don't know how it happened your brain had an error the whole Christmas season this year was a WTF did I just say extravaganza I work in a really busy jewelry store and by mid-december I couldn't even speak proper English anymore it was insane I know I got a lot of weird looks from customers wondering what the hell was wrong with me I remember I was showing a gold chain to a customer at one point and said something like yes this is a nice gold chain very nice quite long actually it's really short I works for everyone even a dog but that would be weird because they would probably just heat it and who buys gold for their dog Jesus Christ I had this black friend in high school named Reggie Reggie had many brothers and they all looked exactly like him one day I saw two of his brothers walking together in the hall and decided to have a little fun with them being the [ __ ] i am i yelled why do you guys all look the same at them suddenly a hallway full of people was staring at me and discussed to make matters way worse i panicked and yelled again i meant just you guys not black people in general cringe oh god i was 19 driving in the middle of nowhere and two cops pulled me over for speeding both were young dudes couldn't have even been 30 they asked me a question and I replied with yes ma'am I could feel my brain punching me from the inside also about two weeks into working for Domino's corporate I answered the phone thanks for choosing Jimmy John's face bum so hard but I'd worked for JJ's for about three years so it was kind of inevitable to happen at least once this reduced me to a giggling mess at work thanks while I work a couple came in to talk to Kim our events coordinator Kim is a former model she is stunning and all I had to do was point out Kim to the couple Kim was standing with another female employee I said Oh Kim's right over there she's the pretty one the couple kind of tried to laugh but were clearly affronted panicking I started babbling about how they were both pretty and I think all of our employees are pretty and that I thought the other girl was so pretty that we've ended up making out a couple of oh god Kim's the brunette and it it might enhance the awkwardness of the makeout comment to add that I am a woman we were on a family vacation to Michigan eating lunch at some diner I was about 14 there is a guy at the table across from me with no arms I mean he has absolutely no arms at all and is eating with his feet it was pretty awesome how he could use utensils with his feet and get the food in his mouth anyways my stupid brother knocks over the salt and like an idiot I say nice hands feet before I even knew what I said my dad punched me in the face it was an appropriate response for my ignorance now that's parental discipline in Taiwan teaching English my white friends black boyfriend comes to visit becoming briefly the only black man in the city well not literally no but the only black man in our neighborhood we're all going out to a bar they want to know how to get to the bar so I pull out a local magazine point out the ad which has the bars address and say just get in a cab point at this and say NIH gay NIH guy of course being my shitty mangling of what I thought was the Mandarin for this one boyfriend looks at me [ __ ] head say what also he's six feet four inches round about 220 pounds we patched it up quickly and all had a grand laughs but it was touch-and-go there for a minute [Music] many years ago one of my friends was talking to a group of people at a party about her adorable little cousin I was only partially listening to her and when she first mentioned that he had Asperger's syndrome I said Asperger's gaga in the Homer Simpson voice immediately realizing what I did I left the party was making a life-size sculpture of a bear for my art course when some gallery owners walked through one guy chatted with me about bears and despite me being really nervous I was doing all right right up until he left and said good luck with the bear and I replied with ha I like bears it sounded creepy like I ducked them oh god if it makes you feel any better he probably thought you like large gay men and work if someone thanks me I try to say no bother or no problem but there is a problem in that I invariably try to say them both at the same time Cheers you've been a great help no pre bleh the best is when you combine your welcome and no problem to get your problem this isn't quite a what did I just say but a few years ago I was at a concert with a lot of crowd surfers to avoid being hit in the face I decided to keep my hands raised a few moments later I felt the foot of another surfer just behind my head and tried to grab onto it and push it away after several minutes of unsuccessful groping I turn around to see that I have been manhandling the chin of a very tall guy behind me I was too mortified to say anything to him just turned around and walked to another part of the dance floor I was at work and one of my contacts was on the upper roof of my islet my boss walks by and goes you all right to which I replied yeah I just got my condom stuck in my eye instead of saying contact he just casually walked away I know he heard what I said my sister did something similar except that she told her crush that her cervix was swollen instead of her cornea we still laugh about that one while trying to explain to someone how we had hard water I actually said the water here is really dry English drama course at my uni we're discussing some film adaptation of Hamlet from the psychoanalytical point of view the discussion moves to the symbolism of some sword me the sword can be a symbol of chastity teacher or phallus me thinking of the story where Tristan and Isolda slept together with a sword between them as a sign of chastity it depends where it is put it took me a moment to realize why everyone was laughing oftentimes when I am trying to multitask or just focus on something when I am asked something I just repeat the question back to them them how's the project going me how's the project going WTF brain last year we had quite a large snowstorm and when trying to explain the size of it to a friend I proudly said so there was snow on both sides of the road today yeah Stone didn'e budgets I needed a creme egg we all know those times when you crave it's creamy eggy goodness I don't usually get nervous about talking to people while I'm ducked up but this particular day a really hot girl was working behind the counter I mean really hot I was so stoned that I lost control of my motor functions for a moment that I dropped the creme egg onto the floor I quickly picked it up and when I rose up I got distracted by how hot she was in just stared at her blankly for maybe 7 to 10 seconds when I realized what was going on all I could think to say was I dropped my egg needless to say she looked at me like I was [ __ ] and as many records show this Native American tribe proved to be very horny I meant to say Hardy goddamn it I cringe every time I remember the dead silence that filled the classroom once in my physics class back in high school I was really bored and daydreaming and as the teacher was talking I said blah blah blah I'm bored I didn't realize I said that out loud and everyone in the class turned around to look at me I used to work as a legal assistant in the legal department of a technology company all of my colleagues and most of the lawyers we supported were women in an email that had the entire department copied I offered to mate with rather than meet with senior counsel later that afternoon my team never let me live it down I sent out an end of [ __ ] report as opposed to an end of shift about a year ago they still won't let it go [Music] girl I love you me I love you too no wait I love YouTube go ahead say it if you think about it the widest part of a circle is the middle the understated obvious 'no siz amazing while mingling at a conference dinner in an elegant seafood restaurant on the Mediterranean coast our french host inquires if i've tried the sea urchin appetizer which I did reluctantly after a few glasses of wine noting that the bit of goo that I ate from the shell was the female genitalia of the animal trying to seem agreeable and to complement his fine dining arrangements with my wife to my right and a female colleague to my left I enthusiastically blurt out well that's the best female genitalia I've ever had time stands still as we all stand there utterly speechless some friends and I were having a discussion about something and I was trying to emphatically agree by saying oh man I know and all that came out was a very passionate sounding Oh Moo my friends still make fun of me for it two of my friends and I were eating lunch in the cafeteria where I work at this lady walked by who had a really nice rack I have no ducking idea why but when she walked by I pointed and said very loudly titties i docking immediately covered my mouth in terror as my friends looked at me with the most WTF look I think I have ever seen I was at a festival with my friends we're Norwegian but we were accompanied by an English friends so we kept it in English as we got drunker we started talking about cats this is when my drunken self couldn't stick the words together correctly and I uttered these words I love dunking cats they're smooth and flexible like ninja of course I'm anti ducking love cats but it just came out wrong everyone went silent before we broke out in laughter for 10 minutes straight it's safe to say that I've been recorded a couple of times TLDR I got drunk and started talking about ducking cats car rental person have a safe trip me thanks you too host in a restaurant have a good meal me thanks you too hotel clerk have a great stay me thanks you too I got a stop using thanks you too is my default response I used to do this all the time now I just say thanks my friend once accidentally describes someone living in our dorms by saying he looks like a beard and has 25 years old on him basically everything I say during a job interview everyone tells you to think about what you're going to say before you start answering not me I just launch into it and then a giant stream of [ __ ] comes out of my mouth the one that takes the cake though is when I had an interview at Canadian Tire for the garden center they asked me why I wanted to work in the garden center I replied the plants relax me I'm neither an avid gardener or a pot smoker but the manager seemed to buy it anyway when I was in grade 6 to a girl I found attractive while I was amongst her in my own friends talking at a party to celebrate the end of the school year she was saying something to one of my friends when he replied I'm not interested in your [ __ ] I thought I would save the day try to swap all the words around that he used around to be comforting and defending of whatever the hell she was talking about it abruptly replied I'm interested in your piss ya didn't go down well the awkward years I had just started an internship for a software company my third year of college and I attended my first weekly status meeting a day or two after I started I was still at the point of setting up my workstation learning about the project etc so I thought I was just going to be an observer in this meeting while they went around getting updates from everyone and when I was called on I just said sue out up in a really stoner sounding voice a few of the younger engineers giggled but most were just startled and I got super ducking embarrassed I was caught completely off-guard and as I did not expect to have to talk they ended up liking me a lot there so at least I have that but whenever I think about that moment I cringe thanks for listening to another episode of red attacks subscribe and activate the notification bell so you won't miss any stories feel free to share your own stories below in the comments have a good day

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Keywords: reddit stories, r/askreddit, reddit, top posts, reddit scary stories, reddit top posts, r/askreddit questions, Reddit X, reddit all, eipc reddit, epic posts, epic stories, reddit posts 2019, reddit top posts 2019, ask reddit nsfw, r/ask reddit, reddit ask, top comments, reddit compilation, dark reddit, askreddit

Id: QiWZhWrjtAs

Length: 17min 24sec (1044 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 10 2020