What's Your #1 "I've Made a Huge Mistake" Moment?

what's your best i've made a huge mistake moment i was constipated for a week once so at work i ate a whole box of fiber one bars and drank a large hot coffee i shot seven or eight times before lunch one turd was pure black and i swear to god one had veins i had developed a belly over the course of that week from the build-up so my skin felt loose for a while afterwards also i could not stop farting even after the turd storm ended one fart was so bad i actually vomited from the smell also have you ever smoked a cigarette and then blown the smoke through a napkin to see the tar well that's what my pants looked like after farting for 10 hours straight tl dr don't eat too many fiber one bars just blue cigarette smoke through a napkin to try this i think i'm gonna quit now in middle school i was on the track team i used to avoid peeing in school for no other reason than inconvenience oh yeah and a two inch pool of pee on every restroom floor anyways one day at track practice i couldn't hold it but i was at the starting line getting ready to run before i started running the urine did i pretended i was stretching and got really close to the ground it didn't help much i had pee all over my shorts how no one found out i'll never know they knew i accidentally left an adult toy in the bathroom last night since i live alone this is normally not a problem had unexpected guests today one of them had to use the bathroom oh god why oh my god ouch when i was much younger around seven or eight i had the urge to pee very badly at this time in my life my family frequented the local community swimming pool and i had just passed the test to go into the deep end i even got one of those sweet stretchy anklets that signify my deep end bullet status anyway i really had to pee like really bad bad enough that i achieved a prepubescent p erection i ran as fast as i could towards the restrooms that were at the end of the pool near the deep end i made it to the urinal but it was too tall for me and there were no giddy ones so i hopped onto my tippy toes and whipped it out but since i was at full mast and angled slightly backwards the stream went right into my freaking eye like balum a sure shot right to the iris and i couldn't very well correct my trajectory due to the circumstances at hand so i pulled my bathing suit back on continued to pee my pants and ran straight into the deep end opening and closing my eyes to get the pee out you should have been in the pool like everyone else alone in our home hot tub high school years the water jets felt fantastic spraying on my uh butthole so i stood there for about two full minutes it felt so dang great when i got out i went to take a dump and i was very surprised to notice i had explosive diarrhea like never before it just kept coming and coming coming then i realized it was not diarrhoea at all it was water i filled myself with hot tub water i was so worried that i poisoned myself somehow because i was filled with chlorinated water i was afraid of the medical consequences and having to explain to my loved ones what happened thankfully i managed to empty out after a few minutes and i felt fine and that's when a swipe johnson had his very first cinema i was the drum major of my college marching band there were two of us and i was junior so i was assigned to conduct the band when they were facing backfield we were hosting the state band competition biggest crowd of the year by far all the kids from every school around in rehearsal i ran back across the field during a big crescendo as they were turning around rang up the podium and hit the downbeat just as they were hitting the big note at the top of the phrase pretty awesome except it rained the night before the performance and marching band shoes are flat sold no tread at all and the uniform was all white i started running crossing the field slipping just a little and couldn't stop wiped out completely slipped right into the metal podium climbed up finished the song slumped to the ground i killed the applause as the crowd was wondering if i was dead which would have been better epilogue the next morning at the doctor's office the nurse asked how did you get hurt i told her slipped while running on wet grass she says oh my god you're the drum major for her derp state tl dr wiped out at a marching band contest in front of a few thousand people a couple of years ago i sat down to relieve myself little did i know that somehow and don't ask me how because i just don't know the tip of my dong was not aimed into the bowl when i started to pee i literally got it all over my shorts i had no idea what to do at that point yeah been there except i was sitting down about to juice drop and somehow perfectly aimed between the seat and the bowl and peed right through the crack i went on a first date with a girl that i had been talking online to for a while we decided to go to a movie together one weekend so i met her at a theater an hour away i let her pick whatever movie she wanted to see so we saw flicker a stereotypical horse movie you can probably guess the plot better than i can remember girl finds wild horse loves it tries to time it no one thinks she can blah blah blah we get inside and there is not a single other person in the theater the movie is pretty bad and at one point this giant mountain lion jumps out of a tree and tries to eat flicker himself it just seemed so random to me that this mountain lion either wanted to eat this giant horse or at least just kill him because he hated it for some off-screen reason also it looked super cheesy so i accidentally started laughing a little bit and then the girl that i was with slowly turned towards me with a face of such disgust such venom that i immediately stopped all giggling i then realized that she had tears streaming down her face and at that moment said to me in that completely empty theater loudly how can you be laughing at a time like this i slowly turned my attention back to the movie finished watching it said good night and drove back to school i will never forget those words i often repeat them back to myself in the varying ways that you can say these pretzels are making me thirsty everything about that night just seems so ridiculous now it was like it was destiny that that movie was made entirely to have that ridiculous scene in it so me and this girl could be in this empty theater together so i could chuckle and she could deliver the perfect line of how can you be laughing at a time like this i got on mata atlanta's attempts at public transit wearing only a giant banana suit to go to a halloween party not realizing that black people in atlanta do not dress up on halloween and two are apparently the only people who really ride marta about two stops in i start hearing aww hail no that in a banana shorty hell no it got worse and worse and by the time i reached my stop i was trying to hide my shame as an entire car full of rowdy folks from the dirty south laughed openly at me marta moving african americans rapidly through atlanta having realized too late that i no longer possess the upper body strength nor small feet i had when i was a child at 18 i tried to scale a chain link fence making it halfway up before my arms gave out feet slipped and i was left hanging by my shirt and bra t waving in the breeze shirt pulled up over my face hooked on the top of the fence the kid walking by had the biggest eyes mouth or gape as he walked by as i flailed jumping trying to free myself good times for those who did not see this response was hanging by bruh in front of shirt so up over my face but i could see around i didn't go in the shirt that and the desperate flailing to get free i was very aware of my surroundings i ordered a pizza at 5 p.m for it to arrive at 8 p.m the pizza arrived at 6 p.m and i was very surprised since i was wanting to delay it but i happily ate it anyway 8 p.m came and another pizza guy turned up and stupidly i told him i'd already had the delivery so he left with a potential free pizza as i closed the front door i realized what i'd done but it was too late i should mention that i had paid for my order online already you will always remember the pizza that got away kind of like arp's post but for me the fly broke glued it and on the underside placed a sewing pin vertically it helped but you can imagine what happened when i sat down it stabbed the foreskin no permanent damage i was one dumbass high school student sounds to me like you got a free prince albert back in elementary school where had silent reading i had to fart quite badly and decided it would be a silent fart unfortunately it was one of the highest squeakiest farts of my life to this day some of my friends when they joke about me will just go ee yep i made a mistake one time i think i was about 13 or 14 i came home from school and found the door locked and i did not have the spare key it was freaking cold i live in nh and it was the middle of winter so i'm with my little bro and we talk it out i decide the best thing to do is to run up the stairs leading to the front door and kick the freaking door in it seemed reasonable then i walked back outside to inspect the damage from the front and my brother points out a pair of boots on the front steps the freaking key was in them i then realized i had made a huge mistake a while ago i was taking biotin supplements to strengthen my hair and nails i had never taken them before and my mother warned me that the supplements had made her nauseous and she had to stop taking them well i didn't listen let me just say that i took my mom's advice to heart when i started getting nauseous during my morning choir rehearsal the girl in front of me was showered in love a friend was introducing me to guy and the guy reached out his hand a little instinctively i reached out and shook his hand as i did that i heard my friend say a number under his breath and that's when i realized he didn't reach his hand out to shake mine it was paralyzed that way well that's awkward was freaking doggy style reached that moment of joy and with incredible timing happened to pull out too far on the outward pump not realizing this quick enough i thrust it forward again only to realize my dong was not inside her but was actually point straight up right at my face yes you guessed it i gave myself a facial i think this story is hilarious though and have probably told it way more often than i should i had an ex-boyfriend do this once i thought it was cute lol this happened in a pool hall bar back in 2000 or 1999 somewhere around there we were playing pool by the front door of the place me and my three friends were getting ready to leave and had settled up while getting ready to go my friend tom and i noticed one of those first generation internet kiosks by the door where you pay one dollar to have x minutes of surfing time the previous user had left the machine with some time on it our pranking selves become motivated and we decide to pull up goats on screen we hit enter and start to run out the door we were scared that a bartender or waitress would notice the goats and get us in trouble so we were bolting out as quickly as possible at this moment i noticed my friend's purse on the side table next to where we were playing pool crap i thought so being the good friend that i was i ran over grabbed her purse and started bolting towards the door again this other girl starts chasing me with a huge rage face i start to run faster because i figured she was a waitress and wanted to get me in trouble for the goats when i reach the front door she yells my purse my purse for anyone to help her get her purse back from me i froze solid and realized immediately that i had made a huge mistake i handed it back to her and yelled i wasn't stealing i.t i wasn't stealing i.t then quickly bolted out the door after my friends tiger what happened what took you so long just go i accidentally stole a purse don't worry about it just drive i still kick myself for almost stealing that purse rip the seam of my pants at work one evening while fixing cables the seam ripped from the bottom of the zipper all the way back very obvious i thought macgyver could fix this so i got a stapler and some tape stapled the seam covered the staples with tape and was on my way home somewhere between 7th avenue in nyc and queens while on the train the tape came off while i was walking i first felt one pinch then several by the time i made it home i had snagged my balsack so many times it was bleeding we'll never do that again and i'll never accidentally put bengay on my balls either near the start of my junior year in high school i signed up to join the marines after graduating i signed the papers picked a job swore the oath and took the physical the date all this happened the 1st of september 2001 man was iron for a surprise we were mixing concrete in a portable mixer because we were making a ramp for our disabled neighbor ramp created everything was good except that we had way too much left over concrete somehow we made about ten times as much as we needed we filled the mixer with water to dilute the concrete and then poured it into a ditch in her yard it completely overflowed flowing down her driveway down the suburban streets into drain pipes onto the tyres of cars parked on the curb and eventually into the person at the bottom of the hills front yard there was nothing we could do but watch it all flow all in all we basically cemented four cars in place and created a new patio for some guy and the evidence all appointed to our disabled neighbor's house one time i was driving to this water park in tennessee called dollywood splash country anyway it was about a two hour drive halfway there i can feel my stomach starting to grumble and not the hungry grumble the your butt is about to explode grumble well it wasn't so bad at first so i made the decision that i would hold it until i got there unfortunately i forgot to take into account how long you have to wait in line before you can get into the dang park and reach a bathroom so when we finally made it to the place i found myself at one point sitting on on top of this tiny pole that was part of the queue line i literally thought i was going to crap in my pants and all over the ground so finally we got through the line and made it into the park i immediately spotted a bathroom from a long ways away began waddling to it i say waddle because walking normally at this point was impossible so i made the humiliating waddle to the bathroom and went inside and then i discovered that in fact there were no toilets in this bathroom it was only a shower room i looked from the doorway to find another bathroom there were none in sight so i took a dump in the shower and i am sincerely sorry to anyone on here who cleans the shower room at dollywood splash country seeing that wired mag's top internet sites was provided by raditz.com hum what's with it ill just type this in my browser and you poor soul the first time i changed oil on my motorcycle i drained the transmission oil pan and not the bigger engine oil pan i noticed that i only drained a little oil but i figured that i was just running low on it next day my motorcycle starts pushing out the excess oil out and i ruin the pair of pants i'm wearing but it doesn't stop there i start draining the oil the right way this time but the container i'm using is made to hold only five quarts and there are seven plus quartz in my bike the excess oil makes a mess of my garage and i had to spend a good hour cleaning it up and buying cat litter to cover it i left the cat litter overnight and stray cats did their business on it motorcycle is a 09 yamaha v star 950 first year the model is fuel injected and took the place of the old 1100 model that was carb if you hadn't 1100 you know what a pain in the butt it was to change the oil as you had to remove the exhaust pipes to get to the filter from the owner's manual 3.70 l 3.91 us quarts of oil without replacing the oil filter and 4.00 l 4.23 us quartz if oil filter is replaced i made the huge mistake of not wiping my butt well enough i needed toilet paper one night i had been yelling for my dad to get me some but to no avail as he was upstairs in his room as i was screaming i didn't know my aunt walked through the back door of my house as i screamed for some she had asked if i needed something me being young i guess and incredibly embarrassed i replied nope i'm fine i ended up wiping my butt with nothing more than a square of tp i went to bed and the next morning had to go work out with a trainer for an hour i felt good for the first five minutes of walking on the treadmill until it happened i started sniffing and smelling this stench in the air around me you know how you're adjusted to the smells of your farts this was not like that this poop like stench followed me everywhere i thought it was the gym it wasn't till we did some squats when i realized every time i dipped this poop stench was coming from my anus i was so embarrassed for so long i tried standing under the huge fan at the gym to try and waft the smell out of my butt very conservatively though to this day i still wonder why i never just went to the bathroom and wiped my butt i felt so bad for my trainer and everyone at the gym who had to withstand my butt smell for that hour after i was done with my session he asked did you wear deodorant today me accepting the fact that everyone knew i had smelled up the place with asholina stench replied nope bryson that's my butt i tried standing under the huge fan at the gym to try and waft the smell out of my butt i imagine this created a tornado of stink great stuff while i was gunning for what i think was my second convoy security mission in iraq when my sgt told me to shoot a flare over a bridge we were rapidly approaching and so i prepped a white flare when suddenly my driver decides to pull out of the convoy and drive along the side of one of the supply vehicles so i set the flare aside and turn the turret to keep my weapon pointed away from the convoy the flare proceeded to roll right into the gun truck and explode forcing me my driver and my tc to bail while the truck was still rolling i watched as the flare set off all our ammunition melt our weapons gear and the truck itself as i thought to myself i made a huge mistake didn't happen to me but a friend of mine was on her period and decided to wear a white bikini she thought that a tampon would secure her flow but he didn't being a good friend i told her she should probably check herself she was embarrassed beyond belief but alas for it was too late she had already wrecked herself i was totally in love with my best friend's brother when i was 16 one night he came to my room and wanted to freak i really wanted to but it was shark week so i told him no i never told him how i actually felt about him and we just stayed friends they moved away a few months later and he died in a car accident about a month after that nearly 30 years later and i still wonder what it would have been like if i had admitted my feelings read shark week oh discover a channel got it read nearly 30 years later wait shark week didn't exist back then got it i ate an entire clove of raw garlic it went like this before biting no regrets immediately after biting it burns 10 seconds later no regrets and on and on until it was all gone and then my stomach screamed at me for a few hours no regrets yes i meant a head not a clove i assume i ate a whole garlic whatever i hope by clove you mean head otherwise this is a big man decided to get spray tan nhs before heading to the beach just got done with two hour low cross practice kinda had to pee decide frick it i'll wait till it's over well if you've never done spray tan it's a cold blast of freaking crap hitting you in the face and all your body and you have to stand with your legs slightly apart it hits me oh my god i'm going to pee myself so naturally i do in the spray tan booth try to play it off praying that crap ice and recycled hopefully they won't notice run out of there we got away with it wake up the next morning for our flight and every part of my body is tan except a nice white long thick streak going down both my inner thighs to my ankles my pee had wiped out the spray tan so i went to puerto rico like that for a week my mother still loves to tell the story at gatherings dang that woman i was nine years old after school one day a bunch of us were playing baseball at a neighbor's house the game was rapping and i had to take a crap i tried to stop the game so i could relieve myself but my neighbor wouldn't allow it he was a few years older than me and loved bossing me around the game continues for another 20 minutes or so at this point i was extremely uncomfortable turtle head peeking out of the shell uncomfortable the game finally ends i make my way into his house proceed to the bathroom and pull down my pants sadly i didn't make it to the toilet i expelled a steaming pile of rancid dark matter directly onto the floor in front of the toilet instead of telling my friend's mother what i did i thought i could clean it up not a good decision i ended up making more of a mess than my initial mess i vaguely remember brown streaks on the floor i ended up leaving the bathroom and going back outside as if nothing happened a little while later we all heard a loud shriek coming from inside the house i'll never forget the feeling of dread i felt at that moment for the rest of my life when he said that he only felt that making love is only meaningful of its missionary oh he always wanted it to be making love boy do i know his female counterpart if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: AskReddit Is Fun

Views: 11,002

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Keywords: #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, emkay, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub, askreddit school, r/askreddit how to, biggest mistakes, mistakes, huge mistake, regrets, worst mistakes, worst

Id: A4ALQnQrP6w

Length: 24min 9sec (1449 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 09 2020