What's The 'Dentist Knows You Haven't Flossed' Of Other Careers?

what's the the dentist knows you haven't flossed of other professions your professor knows you sent the wrong file on purpose recycled an old research paper paid someone to write your essay changed the font size of the punctuation didn't do the reading etc if i haven't confronted you yet it's because i'm so freaking tired when i ask how you're taking your medicine and you say like it says on the bottle but your one month supply has lasted 56 days waxes who know you didn't shower before coming to your appointment another itty guy here rice inside your machine when you swear blinded hasn't been liquid damaged so many factories are plagued with button fairies and handle pixies they come out at night and press buttons and adjust valves then when the machine stops working i get called out and have to reset everything nobody has touched the machine yet adjustments have clearly been made some factories are infested but nobody seems to take the problem seriously i t guy knows you didn't try turning it off and on again lawyer when i asked people what happened and they mentioned their rights were violated i know they have no idea what their rights are magician i know what card you picked don't lie to me and say it wasn't the seven of spades you're making us both look like idiots customer i'd like to use this coupon server that coupon isn't valid for this type of meal customer but they let me do it all the time server but there is not me customer but i eat here every week server h i work here every day and i know you're lying i work in a bookstore i always like when someone returns a book and says i just didn't get a chance to read it please the spine is cracked the dog tagged each chapter and there's a little smudge from where you ate popcorn and then turned the page so full of lies work in retail we charge five cents for a bag person makes large purchase with many items me will you need a bag customer no customer pays customer actually yeah give me a bag i know you just wanted it for free itch my dad was a cop everyone had only had two drinks m's call for unresponsive patient walk in patient is blue in the face taking about four breaths a minute me to bystander what did he take bystander i think maybe he took an extras and axe me wrong how about heroin bystander oh yeah whole bunch of heroin i don't know why it's always xanax the auto mechanic knows you didn't change your oil when you are supposed to communication professor i watch critique about 1 200 speeches each academic year when you have been in class all semester on time and have mostly done all your stuff but on speech day suddenly you have a major crisis and don't show up yeah i know you're not ready for your speech speech day is a day like none other grandmas get sick all dogs have major bouts of rabies and have to go to the vet tires suddenly explode stomach flu for everyone it's okay i know you're nervous just show up next week with your stuff together and we'll get it done and get you through this course hope your grandma dog tire is okay i t guy totally knows your browsing history don't play dumb no you didn't lose all your diazepam in a house fire again mr smith pet store guy here you can tell me you do regular water changes filter changes and gravel cleaning on your aquarium but the test kit doesn't lie to me no replacements fish for you your aquarium has more nitrates in it than a cheap hot dog x-ray tech not supposed to eat anything four hours prior to exam stomachs full of what i can only imagine is a full-grown cows worth of burgers i didn't eat anything all day you know how x-ray works right in music lessons the teacher always knows how much you practiced they are mostly polite about it since you're paying them and kind of a side note if you teach lessons always start off by asking what they worked on this week also try to have them play stuff they listen to my base teacher did this and it worked so well i had multiple teachers up until that point he was my second base teacher and he always focused on what i wanted to learn first you want to play primus and green day okay let's do it he was great i felt like i could be honest with him when he asked about me practicing to be honest though i was way more dedicated than most kids edit not all dentists are nice about you not flossing either the sysadmin can read the logs the uptime on your machine is 221 days you didn't reboot it when we told you to do so i know you are the reasons for the viruses on your computer your downloads folder is filled with malware installs so don't try to tell me you didn't do it surgical nurse here if you are having abdominal surgery just a sr clean your nasty ducking belly button get some q-tips and dig in there beforehand and scrub that it out you would be surprised at what we find in there i have had to use surgical instruments to dig out nasty brown curds clean it out regularly that stuff doesn't just build up overnight i have discovered decades worth of crud in yellow's cavernous belly holes what the duck people hvac guy knows you don't change your filter every month or every two months or even three chances are good you're still using the same filter we put in when we installed the damn furnace er docs know how that thing got in your butt you put it there that's just fine we don't care you can say you fell on it or give an even less plausible account of the events that led to this nobody is going to call you out but we all know wedding gown fittings they all say this when their dress doesn't fit every single one of them if anything i've lost weight um obviously you haven't the dress used to fit and now it doesn't thinking hairdresser there's no color box color on my hair it doesn't just wash out or evaporate and i can see your hair is two different colors i totally use professional products i don't care if you do or don't but stop lying the teacher knows the kids who didn't do their homework accountant here we know you won't budge till the last minute to come to us for tax filing no matter how much you swear that you will do it early next time ophthalmologist assistant here you can lie to me all you want about taking your damn pressure lowering drops all you want for the glaucoma you have once he tests your pressures he will see through you i ask you every time you come in about what drops you are taking and if you are taking them like you should and you keep lying to any then you complain your sight is failing and try to blame it on your glasses not being strong enough and how the optometrist gave you the wrong prescription really if you have glaucoma take those pressure lowering drops or you will have optic disc damage and vision loss man oh man quit lying to me i ask you the name of your drops and you can't tell me even though you say you have been taking them for years listen old lady you're not fooling any of us you better have the name of the drops memorized by now cause you're not pulling the wool over anyone's eyes but your own if you keep this it up damn it hugh that felt good carry on the debate moderator realizes you have no idea what the nuclear triad is physiotherapists totally no you didn't do the exercises they told you to do between consultations i pulled something in my lower back last year doing deadlifts and went to see one to get fixed up she recommended i stop all the lifts that hit the general area and gave me a simple 20 30 minute exercise routine to help with recovery needless to say i didn't do either of those things cause duck me i'm dumb when i went back the second time she asked if i had done those things and when i delivered what i felt was an oscar-worthy hair she just sighed sits in exit row doesn't read the safety cards agrees to hero duties security guard here no the other guard doesn't let you down though he does well then he's back on duty in two days so you can wait for him chef knows you don't have a gluten allergy when you're okay with soy sauce in your dish i'm a body pisser if you come in with an infected piercing and say you never touch it but then proceed to touch it while telling me that i know that you touch it garden center employee knows when the plant died because you didn't water it the range safety officer and everyone else on the line knows damn well that your firearm did not just go off on its own you're a [ __ ] that didn't unload and make safe when you should have didn't engage your safety and didn't keep your damn finger sosi away from the trigger and you're just lucky that you didn't actually hit anyone or you'd be in a lot more trouble than you already are the carpenter knows the wind didn't damage the doors looking at you master of anger management dad and sadly i'm not even better dietitian knows when you have been cheating on your diet former personal banker we know you are buying drugs my dog stopped eating two days ago dog is skin and bones life of vet lawyer here i know you're lying seriously you bad at it student radiographer here when you come into and after punching something someone and tell us you fell onto your hand we can tell it's a punching injury graphic designer here when i've asked you for a high-res version of your logo i can totally tell that you've gone on google images also when you ask me to drop an image in your ad or whatever else i totally know if you've stolen it from google images i work in a lab testing blood we get diabetics particularly teenagers who don't stick to their diet for the weeks before a nurse's appointment but a good for a day or two before so their glucose levels are fine on the fingerprint tests that's why we do hba1c levels which measure your average glucose levels over a longer period so yes we know when you aren't sticking to your diet dominatrix i know when you've been a bad boy in my field as a welder of jet engine parts the inspectors know when a welder gets lazy when they x-ray the part and see heat marks on the backside that's usually brought on when they don't use backing shielding gas and the backside gets contaminated your dog or cat groomer knows that you don't really brush them every day when you bring them in matted all over we also know it didn't just happen when they got out last night we can tell the difference between weeks of matting and some tangles from an excursion i t guy knows you didn't get that virus randomly and knows your search history includes selena gomez naked neovascularization of your cornea from contact lens overwear so you take your contacts out every night huh this might be hard to relate to depending on your interaction with chimney sweepers now bear with me ill try and do this with the correct terms and words not an english chimney sweeper but the most fun and futile thing for a customer s when i ask them so there is more tar than there is have you been burning anything tower shouldent note there are all sorts of plastic containers and other resorted non-fireplace materials ready to be burned the answer you get is usually something like no we just use the dry enough wood and we usually close the air intake so it doesn't burn too quickly so now we have a recipe for doing everything wrong while using your fireplace i try to explain the dangers of having a fire inside the chimney car has good energy value most times you just get ignored and told they know what they are doing in this particular case the house sadly burned down and the owner tried to make a case against me tl dr the chimney sweeper will know if you are using your fireplace correctly and try and listen to advice or your house might burn down source been a sweeper for almost 10 years french teacher here i know you used google translate when i was in banking we knew what epoch.com really was on your credit card statement the game stop employee knows that game doesn't play fine they also know when you've stolen those games from a red box or library retail workers know when you've worn the clothes you're trying to return and they also know when you're trying to return something you shouldn't too old faulty because your long fake nails ripped a hole in it etc stop trying to fool me karen you're faker than your ratty extensions the teacher knows your parents did your project i think this is similar anyways i'm a lifeguard i always hear parents tell their kids the lifeguard knows when you pee in the pool truth be told i actually don't know nor care but it's funny nonetheless bartender i've only had two drinks okay but you're slurring when you said that and have to hold the bar to stand up plus you've spilled some on your shirt how about a water mate when i worked in tech support for internet tv and home phone and had a guy call and claim he was a software engineer and normally doesn't need tech support for obvious reasons okay bye whatever enjoy your solo pissing contest but in the meantime how can i help with your internet tv and home phone related needs i actually don't have time to validate your probably made up career choices i ended up needing to release renew his ip address which should be a relatively simply process for a ducking software engineer the guy had no idea what i was talking about when i told him i needed to help him release and renew his ip address he very confidently informed me that doing so was impossible and i didn't know how to do my job i assured him i knew what i was doing and asked him to open a command window he got flustered tried to say something that just came out as sputtering nonsense and hung up good luck with your career guy you go engineer those softwares stop going to porn sites at work it guy unrelated but dentistry my dentist told me that it takes two weeks for gums to recover from bacteria build up so if you spend the two weeks before your dental appointment flossing every day they may not be able to tell you aren't consistently flossing i'm a prop maker and i guess this is a long shot but when you lend out one of your tools to someone and forbid them to do one thing and it comes back and you can see they went and did it one example i lent stupidly my favorite wood plane out to someone and told him to only use it on the pine he was working on nothing else turned out he tried to use it to thin down the side of a crap door he made too big to make it fit some set he was making he hit a load of brad nails and totally ruined the blade it4 retail website when you call in stating you have been wronged in some slight way and claim you've been ordering from us for years dartmouth erdoga do you not realize that i have the history of every customer order since the beginning of time at my fingertips this is your first order and you are being an [ __ ] his complaint the post office didn't deliver to his house because he put a sweet number on the shipping label so they were holding it at the post office for pickup why did he do that cause he works from home and he didn't want his clients to think he worked from home so his bright idea was to put a sweet number on his address and because of this it was my goddamn problem the usps system can't deliver his order the guy refused to go to the post office to get his package and was demanding a refund duck you [ __ ] not happening i can tell you already aren't going to be a returning customer the waitress knows you're on drugs there's probably a betting pool in the weight station on which drugs we especially know when you are stoned out of your mind and trying to call in a to-go order we take bets on whether or not you are too stoned to pick it up yourself your midwife knows you smoked during pregnancy your placenta doesn't lie banned teacher knows you didn't practice you didn't get better at anything your endurance is it your range is it your finger dexterity is it your articulation is it your intonation is it you take forever to put the instrument together you forgot how to put the instrument together you can't even remember how to open the instrument case you can't even remember that you left the case at school i have a friend who worked in a piercing studio this lady wanted her clt pierced but it was so full of cheese she couldn't locate a [ __ ] she asked her to come back after a shower tree cutting when i look at the trees of our city and they have their branches cut in the middle which makes the tree sick on the long run because it can't heal that the city tells us everyone knows what they are doing either you are cruel [ __ ] who don't want trees you don't know what you are doing edit better sentences did some work as a carpenter and general handyman and just so i knew what to build them i'd ask stuff like when was the last time you treated the fence outdoor table chairs shed with any varnish or teak or what condition is the item in answer was usually we do it every summer or good but we just want it looking nicer and then i'd rock up with my stuff to see rotten chairs and tables with fences falling down then they would kick off about me charging more than i would estimate on the phone very quickly stopped quoting beforehand and would just wait and see the damage tech support customer my internet isn't working me did you reboot the router customer yes several times your service is down me i'm sorry let me just see what i can do about that browser edit for long enough to seem like i did something okay i've made some changes on our end please reboot the router again customer hey it works now me oh circumflexo gravo circumflex user conflicts i acute diuresis oh circumflex so grave copyright acuto circumflexo diaries is so circumflexo diaries you diaries is so circumflexo diaries my girlfriend works at an adult video and toy store you can tell her that you're buying stuff for a joke for your friend and she'll smile and nod but she knows she knows [Music] you

Channel: Storytime With Reddit

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Id: hdg7Q0WIoOE

Length: 19min 40sec (1180 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 16 2020