What Is Your Worst "Body Fluids" Story?

rajat what is the worst most embarrassing thing to happen to you involving bodily fluids I was traveling across Malaysia and ended up on an island off the coast called Sherman I think now I always like to sample the local cuisine so you might think you know where this is going after a local fish dish I have a very dodgy stomach the only toilets of the hole and the ground type and I'm not too good with us in fact on the second day I am soil that I begin to hallucinate and scare the living crap no pun intended Alba the girl I'm traveling with and wouldn't have been sleeping with if I could stay out of the toilets for more than five minutes at a time honestly I thought I had malaria or something I saw freaking worms coming out of the walls anyway when I was a kid if I ever ate boiled eggs I would become heavily constipated so I reason that if I eat a load of boiled eggs here it should have a similar effect and bug me up I go to the local restaurant and ask them to boil me a load of eggs I don't speak the local language so I point at stuff and somehow we sort it out I didn't do it myself because there was no cooker in our room just a bed and a mosquito net so the cook serves up my boiled eggs but for some frickin reason he's put them in a curry sauce of some kind WTF but at this point I'm too ill to argue I'm losing body mass and look freaking terrible iev eggs what happened next well this pretty much scarred me for life the girl I was with has not spoken a word to me since this event back in 2002 for most of that night I was okay I farted every now and then but it won't too bad the smell was awful but that was it and then it happened I felt a fart building this was in the early hours of the morning and I thought I'll let it out slowly do I don't wake her but no a gentle fart turns into something wet I bowled for the toilet but it's too late I'm freaking spraying liquid crap everywhere and I can't stop it i pebble - the bedroom the toilet end up standing in the shower desperately trying to wash this crap away she is in the bedroom weeping I'm in the shower crying it fricking lasted hours I was about three stone lighter when it ended and it took a whole day to clean that frickin place up she couldn't even look at me she took a ferry off the island without even telling me and I ended up traveling alone for a couple more weeks before I went home crap happens I guess I sneezed the giant bull of snot into some woman's heir who was sitting in front of me at a movie theater if she put her hand on the back of her head came away with a palm full of snot and turned around with the most disgusted piaf look on her face that you could imagine I just got up walked out and went home leaving the rest of my friends there I lived with a roommate that used an entire roll of toilet paper a day so eventually we started taking our own rolls into the bathroom every time we had to book so he didn't use all the toilet paper well I just got done turning my toilet paper into fab khun's one slow Monday and then threw them away well about an hour later my room mate who uses all the toilet paper went in the bathroom after five minutes we just hear him scream frickin then ten minutes later comes out the trash can was now empty back in my first job out of college I worked a job that's required traveling three states and about once a month one of my bosses would fly into town to ride with me a couple days but well one weekend a boss calls me and tells me he is flying into East Texas and I need to pick him up at the airport at 10 a.m. Monday I live in West Texas so I Drive the night before and spend the night in a hotel well that morning I grab a quick breakfast that I would regret I pick him up and the rest of the day I just feel off and that night we spend the night in East Texas after working the area that night I come down with chills and diarrhea but I think I am alright to go the next morning we begin to drive back to West Texas and we get to between Sweetwater and Schneider now I doubt very many of you have ever been there but there is nothing in this area no trees no houses just a lot of flat land with a major interstate running through it all of a sudden it hits me that I am sick very sick and I have two options crap myself in front of my boss ople over and run out into a field that had been disc stop and therefore didn't even have any coverage I chose option B I proceeded to crap my brains out in a barren field with a lot of traffic driving by well my boss sits there in my truck once I finish that humiliation I realize I lacked Olli paper and I remember from robbing big about how big black uses his sock occasionally when in such an emergency so I used my sock hop back in the truck and pretty much make it back to my hometown by frog hopping from truck stopped a truck stop I must be one of the few who have actively used a life lesson from MTV the owner of the company heard the story and decided my Indian name would be Danny one sock which I was called the rest of my time with that company in high school we had a college type modular schedule so we had free time during the day during one of the more popular free mas we'd lots of people were out of class my girlfriend was sitting on my lap and when she went to stand up because she had to go to class the look of pure horror was on all my friends faces she was wearing a skirt that day and also conveniently started her period on my pants there were blood marks up and down my pants from knee to crotch region luckily for her I was wearing stain defenders that day and everything washed off in the bathroom not really that embarrassing to me but to the girl I was dating at the time TL DR I got Superbird before it was cool was working at a restaurant kid and father come in kid has a hot dog our hotdogs were not the greatest kid asks for a balloon I bring both the balloon and the hot dog excited kid wants to be able to hold both so the dad ties the balloon to his the kids wrist the kid eats the hotdog and projectile vomits all over the table the booth the floor and importantly the balloon but dad cuts the balloon off the kid's wrist takes the kid to the bathroom while they're doing their thing the balloon starts drifting dripping vomit on other tables and nearing a ceiling fan I oh so I grabbed the balloon and say hey I need to deflate this so I also grabbed a fork let me pause here to say that my concentration face when doing a meticulous task involves a slightly open mouth I'm a genius so I grab the skin near the nipple add the vomit balloon between my fingers and try to puncture it with the fork to let the air out slowly the balloon popped spraying my agate face with hot dog vomit the father didn't leave a tip I was not allowed to go home early that day TL DR vomit balloon ahahahahahaha I was also around 13 I was hanging out by myself downtown waiting for one of my friends to meet me down there I happened to walk past these two girls we all call them Sam and yes I had a crush on Jess so I walked up to them and started talking it was really hot out that day so Sam suggests that we go back to her house where there was their conditioning and wait for my friend there they both had bikes and I was on foot they walked their bikes with me for a bit and then got on a road a bit ahead of me that's when it hit me this giant urged to fart good thing too because they were not in range for the unleashing of the beast I let the fart rape accept this wasn't any fart Oh Nene this was an explosion of diarrhea in my pants I mean I could feel it running down my leg and everything i frickin panicked I was going to hang out with my crush for the first time ever mind you and I freakin crap my pants for some reason I decided to keep walking to her house and I figured I'd use the bathroom there to a assess the damage in my trousers and be clean up we finally get to her place and I immediately asked to use a bathroom just shows me the bathroom and I lock the door behind me and sigh a little sigh of relief although that relief was extremely short-lived as I slid my pants down and saw the horror that was my human excrement all over the inside of my pants boxes and even in my socks I went to go reach for some toilet paper and the roll was empty [ __ ] [ __ ] I scampered around the bathroom with my crap covered pants around my ankles waddling like a penguin searching for a roll of toilet paper at this point I have already been in the bathroom for a couple minutes and I know it's going to take a while to clean myself man dammit I wanted to hang out with my crush I finally found a roll of toilet paper in a cabinet outside of the bathroom right next to the door I cleaned up as best as I could but no dice I still smelled like fat bastard sumo wrestling thong in Goldmember I needed to make an escape so what did I do I put on my crappy pants opened the bathroom door and ran I just frickin booked it out of the house I went to my best friend's house who I was originally waiting for and told him what happened he laughed but then gave me a change of clothes and led me shower I never had the balls to talk to Sam or Jess again the funny part about these stories is the girl probably always had lower self esteem after this crap because you didn't tell her WTF was going on and just left poor Jess Hanna for a while my blub out whenever I sit down and to be clear I only use it for three things sitting farting and pooping so no one gets any ideas being a guy I just ignored it and didn't get it checked out so a few weeks later I went to take my last final for the spring and wore gray sweatpants i sat in front of the class and finished while half the people were still there upon getting back to my house my friend told me I was bleeding I ran to my room and took off my sweatpants and realized the back of them will pretty much covered in a red stain then I realized that half of my class must have seen my brownish red button assumed the worse long story short I had an infection which led to surgery and I had to deal with and what that leaked blood and pus for a few weeks kill count one pair of sweatpants approximately three pairs of underwear and and but full of tissue paper and gauze TL DR had a man period masked ruin I seem to remember reading a story in one of these about some camp counselor riding in a car with two girls long story short he shoots jizz all over the dash where's that guy I caught a bad stomach flu when I was based in Turkey I eventually felt so bad that I went to the base hospital to see what they could do turns out I was sicker than I thought they put me in a patient's gown and they sent me to the lab to take blood usually I'm okay with my blood being drawn but this time seeing the needle go into my arm kicked me into hyper Knossos mode seconds away from hurling I forcibly tried to get up and go to a trash can to puke in it jerking the needle appliance out of the lab techs arm blood starting arcing out of the needle still stuck in my arm and I couldn't get up and across the room in time to make it to the trashcan the blood made me violently throw up the hard clenching of my abdominal muscles forced me to shoot explosive diarrhea out my boss and be myself too the end result looked like a big disgusting stinking Jackson Pollock painting on the lab floor but the lab tech was stunned and I was led to the room where my blood pressure dropped drastically and I almost died made a full recovery after a couple weeks though TL DR I got sick projectile vomited spurted blood projectile diarrhea pee all at the same time while standing in a medical lab you need to name this projectile vomited spurted blood projectile diarrhea pee all at the same time and then you go to urban dictionary and who had it do it now I had colorectal cancer a few years ago part of the treatment was chemotherapy every other week they'd put two kinds of poison into me then they'd hook up a pump that would trickle another poison in over the course of two days for the next three or four days after that I'd be sick as a dog on one occasion it was particularly bad I woke up very sick barely made it to the bathroom for a lower intestinal emergency then I had to vomit very violently and unexpectedly trying to turn around and get everything in the bowl was highly unsuccessful poop and puke was spewed from opposite ends and sprayed all over the toilet floor and walls I was able to drag myself to the shower and laid on the tile floor there contemplating how much money I was going to lose trying to sell the house as is with a bathroom that would have to be gutted down to the concrete slab a about this time my wife woke up it was probably round two o'clock in the morning that bathroom was spotless before she went back to sleep it was one of the worst nights of my life but also one that I am most thankful for as I have the most wonderful wife I could ever imagine your wife is a keeper but you know that already a couple of years ago I was at a nightclub with my best friend my boyfriend and his best friend me and my best friend had just come out of the washroom which was in a separate hallway parallel to the dance floor while walking through that hallway a random blonde girl ran past us and while she was running she was spewing nasty red vomit out of her mouth it got all over me and my white shirt I freaked out and darted to the bathroom where I was greeted by another girl who said hug that girl comes here like every weekend and always does that seriously who vomits on people every weekend she's a nice lady right okay this just happened last night I was flicking my soap but because I was menstruating we decided to ride back doors everything's feeling pretty good and after were done he pulls out and I feel a wet sounding fart and bursts of air come out we both laughed it off and he went to the bathroom to clean himself off I waited in bed keeping my butthole squeezed as tightly as possible and I heard him kind of scream and then laugh during our steamy time my tampon came out and I leaked all over his dong and balls but wait there's more so he returns and I get up to clean myself off as well I searched for my panties under the covers and find a wet object aha there's the errant tampon I grabbed it so I can't throw it away in the bathroom I turn on the light and I look at a tampon only it isn't a tampon remember that wet fart with the burst of their yeah that wasn't air that burst out it's a tampon shaped piece of crap I'm disgusted and quickly dispose of it and clean up and a shower but where did that tampon go I return to bed and start searching for it I'm having a hard time finding it though I even have my so get up and help me look for it but to no avail then I hear our dog making licking and smacking noises yes that's right she had gotten a hold of the tampon and was eating it I got it away from her and disposed of it then changed the sheets I told my so I wanted to change the sheets because of bloodstains no need for him to be aware of my projectile turd TL DR Road back doors with my so well on my period lost my tampon during the acts which caused me to bleed all over his genitals farted when we were done which was actually a projectile turd my dog ate the bloody tampon had to change the sheets God dang okay and sin fest at our house had to take a huge crap hadn't chubby worst combo crouched over the toilet like a caveman or a Japanese so the ants wouldn't crawl up my butt went to take a crap then I pee all over the wall across from me then I sat down and had scrawled on me there was a time that how I went to Six Flags and I couldn't keep anything in my body one of my friends had me get on a roller coaster and when we started to get cranked up the first hill I had the urge to take a crap this roller coaster we were on was one of the minutes attractions with a huge loop mind you the car was one of the ones that your feet dangle so we went down the first drop and I clinched my butt cheeks as hard as I could but the g-force going into the loop was too unbearable i crap middle oop sprang poop everywhere I couldn't believe what had happened I looked back I had crap on about 15 people when leaving the ride I booked it out off there with my friend and on our way out we looked at the pictures to see everyone covered in crap screaming with horrified looks on their face TL DR crap while on a roller coaster Luke sprayed poop on everyone ma you should have bought a copy of that pic souvenir I don't think this will get seen since it's a little late but here we go I am a paramedic and I'm subjected to vomit and other body fluids every day I have lots of stories here's one of the better stories we went on a call for a kid who took GHB I believe that's what it was and was in Hulk mode when we got there he was throwing tables chairs punching holes in walls and destroying everything he could get his hands on after a scuffle we finally got him in the ambulance and on our way I was at the head ventilating him because he had a seizure and wasn't breathing so well the way I was sitting in the seat made my pants rise up above the top of my boots and left the opening exposed he ended up vomiting and it went down my leg into my boots so now I'm sitting there with shoes full of vomit and pants covered good news was before he took the GHB he had a blue Slurpee from rich Dale and it smelt not so bad when we got to the hospital it was like walking with shoes filled with water squish squish squish squish it was pretty gross but smelt all right I guess I forget what it was he was on for some reason GHB stuck in my head I know it wasn't PCP but I guess I'm wrong about the GHB it'll try to remember what it was I was getting a bj from my girlfriend current she doesn't read it so it's okay I hope anyways let me preface this by saying my previous girlfriend swallowed she wouldn't hesitate and always let me finish my current girlfriend not a huge fan of the sperm she of course decided not telling me was the best course of action she was going to town on me doing great I might add when that feeling hit you know that feeling when you're just about to [ __ ] i moan and tell her that I'm about to [ __ ] she takes it as a cue to jump up and move six feet to the right I'm shocked but the cannon was already firing the trajectory of my dong was aimed backwards my [ __ ] shot backwards and the first and the biggest load hit my face the second shot off and hit my chin I then finished like a crappy [ __ ] fountain gave myself a facial lovely I'm taking a nap at my boyfriend's house I dreamed that I'm taking a glorious superiorly pressure relieving pee wake up to find myself covered in my own pee back when I was probably 16 or 17 a bunch of my friends and I were getting drunk at a house party for New Year's one of my friends had eaten an entire large pizza to himself that night then drank a 20-6 of vodka yet he barked the thing is he had the presence of mind to understand he was about to blow and decided that the best course of action was to simply cover his mouth in some kind of vain attempt to dam the ensuing tsunami of vomit puke sprayed out from between all of his fingers in what I would describe as a shotgun effect everyone in the entire room got at least a pellet from his puke buckshot on them it was glorious it's an acquired talent bill the one time I threw up some drinking in the past five years I managed to fill three empty beer cans and not a drop spilled anywhere else if it makes you feel better I guarantee you that's not going to be the only time something like that happens to her it might not have even been the first because she's Asian I get it I've been to a few ultrasounds with my wife when she was pregnant the lube was always cold and took about three seconds to apply I think you were physically shamed had a testicle assist when I was 18 in the lube for the ultrasound was definitely warm I am gay and the nurse remains the only woman to have touched my balls in my adult life much much longer than three seconds and not was gay and know there was definitely no boner first time going down on a guy all is going well until he was ready to see em he had too far back in my mouth causing some of the CM to go up my nose and into my sinuses it was not pleasant feeling I did finish him often swallow like a boss though I'm pretty sure that's called a Chinese dragon sitting on it but with a few of my friends and one of them who had been out the night before and was looking rather queasy had the biggest sneeze ever I'm talking about it spraying and the air kind of stuff and I felt some stuff go on my face so I started to wipe it off already thinking it was pretty disgusting when I look at him huddled over with a pool of vomit in his hands dripping onto the floor at which point all of the start laughing because he managed to get my face and literally no one else's out of a group of about eight never have I been so amused by something so innately disgusting before TL DR friend sneezed in vomiting at the same time managed to get me on my face I felt a sharp pain in my groin area while playing pool at the bar I went home ran to the bathroom and pulled down my pants staring back at me is the biggest infected hair pimple I've ever seen in my pubes my sit on the toilet seat and leaned over to pop it I squeezed and before I can react what must have been a tablespoon of pubic pimple pus hits me square in the mouth lochley my mouth was already closed and I avoided a major growth out it looked like someone had shot me in the face with a squirt gun filled with pus still disgusting nonetheless TL DR I popped a pubic pimple and who punched me in the kisser say it five times fast heavy murky obsession with girlfriend at the time we are sitting on a couch and kissing while she's jerking me off I tell her that I am going to see him she quickened the pace I explode and while I am moaning I end up squirting some in my mouth dot she kept kissing me though yeah same here except mine involved me masturbating myself and then after 12 seconds thinking to myself oMG I'm going to see him before you know the mouth thing I promptly kissed my pillow girlfriend catarah not human bodily fluids but I used to work as a meat cutter and on my last day on the job went to throw an old bag of fat blood in the garbage and it wasn't tight good enough the bag exploded as it hit the back of the compactor the blood drenched my nice white overcoat my hair and was all over my face not embarrassing since no one else was present but anyway I was messing around online thinking of taking a nap when I came across something probably just some girl in a bikini or something that I wasn't looking for but there it was I hadn't planned on fapping build now I was a little turned on so I just thought Frick it now I have to just so I'll stop thinking about frickin I finished to the first P clip I clicked on not very enthusiastically just sort of getting it out of the way just to get it done with not an especially powerful orgasm I cleaned myself up rolled over went to sleep now the thing about ejaculate is that it's always somewhat viscous even while hot and like most things it is more dense once it cools down anyway a few hours later I wake up and have to pee I walk to the bathroom unzip start to release but just as the urine gets to the tip I feel a pain not quite agonizing but sharp and very uncomfortable it gets more intense for a few seconds until urine comes shooting out all over the back of the seat apparently I hadn't orgasmed hard enough to get everything out and a small amount of ejaculate had congealed in the tip of my urethra creating a dam that blocked the wall of urine the urine had to build up much more pressure than usual before it burst the congealed cm gang out the tip of my dong TL DR congealed cm dam blocks wall of urine I was about eight or nine years old in a Taekwondo competition not really a competition percent more like a recital where some big hotshot from Singapore was coming to observe us anyways this man was really intimidating and didn't like to be interrupted when he was speaking the day goes by fine until he's giving his closing remarks before we can leave all the other students all ages and races and I are lined up standing in different rows and luckily I'm in the last row because suddenly I had to pee bad and hard I was too shy to interrupt him in front of everyone and it would have been disrespectful to just walk out so I decided to wait it out I held it in as best I could trying everything in the rulebook I take deep breaths I don't think about running faucets or waterfalls I cross my legs and squish my Crown Royal bag but then I just couldn't hold it anymore I peed it didn't stop and soon a puddle was forming around me and I went into panic mode I knew I was going to be found out and I was as stealthily as possible wiping away the liquid onto the absorbent Mathers best I could with my feet the urine just kept on flowing through and eventually the puddle grew enough to touch another person's foot I repeat another person's foot I accepted the fact that my life would be over but strangely enough the person didn't react to it as everyone giving their full attention to the visitor not only was I surrounded by my classmates but there was also a spectator section near the entrance that was filled with people including my dad after I finished I acted like nothing happened and just tried my best to not draw attention to myself at that time I probably would have rather been naked in front of everyone when the visitor finished his speech I Power walked with my best poker face out of that building past my dad and straight to our car outside to this day I still have no freaking clue how I got out of that Audio TL DR Peter Taekwondo conference it touched someone's foot came out innocent I was in church with my dad when I was say sevenish and I didn't feel well my dad liked to sit up close to the pulpit so we were in the second row my mouth started watering and I knew that meant I was about to vomit I tried to make it out but I wasn't fast enough and I vomited in front of the entire church I have no idea who cleaned it up because my dad and I left immediately I did this once at a church made it to the bathroom but not to the toilet so I heaved a bunch of pink vomit all over the floor I felt really bad because when I left my mom asked me if I flushed and I said yes after a night of partying teenage me and my friends are walking back home as the Sun comes up when I suddenly feel the intense urge to puke I open up and just a little vomit comes out followed by an entire wiener from a hotdog I had eaten a few hours earlier the Wiener had three breaks in it but was still 100% intact held together by its skin apparently it didn't occur to me at the time that chewing a wiener is usually the best thing to do I don't know what hurt more the pain from passing a wiener upwards through my throat covered in searing vomit all the taunts from my buddies about deep throating a hotdog one friend snap to pick off just the wiener with a disposable camera none of us had seen it until a few years ago when the photo made an appearance at our friend's wedding when his best man was giving a speech although we didn't know him he reached out to us for some funny stories and pictures to share about our friend growing up our friend just shared the pic without a story as soon as we saw this all simple jetted on the wall we were all in tears I had to get up and provide an impromptu explanation for the benefit of all the guests it wasn't too big of a deal and nobody noticed but it was my senior year of high school and I stood up to leave my psych class and I was wearing a skirt that day there was a wet spot on the seat not on my period Wilson sweating not particularly frisky nothing just a wet spot where my crotch had been I went to the bathroom and the crotch off my undies were soaked through something in that class must have made me incredibly subconsciously frisky Dart yeah if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video bye for now

Channel: Updoot Everything

Views: 17,809

Rating: 4.8691206 out of 5

Keywords: worst thing that ever happened to you, worst thing that ever happened to me, worst, embarrasing, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2019, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh

Id: Cok_ZdOzF-s

Length: 30min 8sec (1808 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 18 2020