What Is Sex Like for Trans Women? | Sex Ed

[Music] when i was pre-op oh the orgasms were good but honey when i got that vagina [Music] how do you have sex are you able to have penetrative sex i am a post-op trans woman so that means that i have undergone vaginoplasty um which is a form of reconstructive surgery and that allows me to be able to have vaginal intercourse it's actually really weird like having sex with a vagina obviously because i went 22 years of my life without one every single time i'm like oh my god what if it hurts or like what if it breaks or what if i like have to get another surgery or something personally i am pre-op so i haven't had a vaginoplasty and i don't plan on getting one probably until i decide to have children just because i don't really have like gender dysphoria as much like down there it doesn't really bother me as much i do the penetrating i guess what is your sexual orientation if you have a partner now how do they identify um i'm straight i am married to a heterosexual cis male i would stay straight because i am attracted to men and the men that are attracted to me also they would consider them straight because they see a female in me a lot of men are scared to date trans women because they're scared of being gay in the eyes of other men i don't have muscles i don't have hairy legs i have nothing that would attract a gay man to me you know so i don't consider my partner gay as it stands now i would identify as pan or bi so i'm still married to my cisgender wife we were married before my transition the vagina is still something that i am exploring and open to it isn't my number one preference but i recognize that my wife's number one preference wasn't at the time having a wife at what point do you disclose to your potential partners that you're trans it's such a touchy subject because a lot of girls disagree with me but i believe that your first conversation point blank i wouldn't want to talk to somebody like have feelings for them and then they find out that i'm trans and they're not into it which is totally fine because you know it's not everyone's cup of tea and you can't be mad at somebody because they're not into you but i definitely think that before you do anything sexual with somebody you need to disclose that you're trans that is like a number one thing so before my surgery um i think it was a little more important i would literally be with a guy and just like get caught up in the moment and think he's like so perfect so amazing and i was like wait like i have to tell you something and now having a vagina um i've like fully had sex with people and like just not even told them they just like don't know when guys get upset when they find out you're trans it's honestly based off their own insecurities of like oh i find someone so attractive oh she used to be a boy oh my god if you're attracted to me if you literally just had sex with me it doesn't matter like who i was born as like i'm not that person anymore have you ever feared for your safety while pursuing a hookup i was hooking up with a lot of people without telling them i was trans i had an instance one time where i was hooking up with a guy and one of my friends at the time who i thought was my best friend told him after i hooked up with him and he lived in the same apartment building as me and it was not good him and his like friends starting to beat my ass i literally had to move out of my apartment because i was scared like literally for my life well i do sleep with like a bat and a knife for sure like i've thought to myself like two [ __ ] do i have to grab my knife i have been in bars where i've had guns put up to my head here in california honestly a couple months ago i was with this guy and it was just going really good didn't expect like hook up with him or anything but then one thing led to another obviously didn't tell him i was trans because i didn't expect to hook up with him he was like oh was like lila your birth name and like started like asking very like weird questions and he was like oh your vagina like looks new i didn't know where it was gonna go i was like what if he like drugs me or smothers me or literally kills me because it happens all the time you have to be so careful and so i was like oh this is a really unsafe situation like i have to go are orgasms better after your transition when you're more comfortable with your body yes orgasms are better when i was pre-op oh the orgasms were good but honey when i got that vagina it feels so nice to just be able to just let her just flow just let it flow i think now that i'm on like hormone pills my libido went from here to like hear when you're on hormones for so long it does a lot to your reproductive organs so you don't produce sperm and your sex drive goes down a lot i almost went like a year without having sex just because i really was like not feeling well about myself because i was still in kind of like that beginning phase where i felt like i really wasn't a full woman yet my sex life with my partner has improved since my transition it can be magical and epically more romantic and epically more because i'm so much more engaged i was never able to be fully engaged with almost anything across the spectrum of life not just sex before i came out it's much better much more beautiful how often do you encounter people who fetishize you um very often they go instantly into like oh like do you like the top you know can i give you oral there's always random people who will instagram dmu twitter damn you i've been so many people who were like oh my god do you have a dick or like blah blah blah and think it was like so hot and stuff like that and it's like baby i'm not a fetish and like that's what so many people like think or they're like oh i'm not into that and it's like into what you're into girls like that's it's like not something to be into it's just like are you attracted to me or not when you have sex do you ever struggle with feelings of dysphoria yes i do my voice and my face for making out and sometimes my stubble you know i haven't had laser hair removal there are certain surgeries facial feminization and things like that that i still haven't had i don't feel dysphoric about my genitalia a lot of trans people do i don't i like that part of my body i know so a lot of trans women are very like against their parts and you know because mentally they're women right well this is me trans women you know i'm i'm not mentally a woman i don't want ovaries i don't want a vagina you know so i like using my penis to have sex for sure it's so important oftentimes as a trans woman to feel that we need to be the prettiest we need to be the thinnest we need to be the curviest just so we can't even feel less dysphoric early on i remember she even asked if it was possible for me to sometimes you know role play like the role of uh of a guy even just for like almost like dress up i think she was just coming to terms with the loss of that i was very honest and said no because i'll be in tears by the end of that was sex talked about in your heart growing up uh no there was no sex talked about in my home i grew up in montgomery alabama so very deep bible belt south so sex was not talked about at home and um i actually had sex at 13. asian people they have like this like strict rule and like also the way that um they want their sons to grow up as so if they're growing up trans like it's kind of a big no-no i told myself and i made a promise to myself that i won't transition medically until my mom like fully accepts me yeah she disowned me for like five years i just wanted that path for me i know that a lot of trans girls would be like xyla you need to take hormones right away or else you're gonna turn into an old man but for me i wanted to do it my way i mean now we're like best friends and like she buys me underwear and like bras and stuff so is it transphobic if i want to wait for sex until my partner gets further into her transition oh whoo that's a tricky one there's no issue with wanting to wait and you need to definitely communicate that because it really sucks for someone to have to wait and expect something and it never comes and then for also them to have to feel that you really don't desire them at all no i don't think that's transphobic i think honestly certain things especially sexually with pre-op trans women is i guess just your like own opinion and your own preference i guess like certain things make you uncomfortable that's one thing but if you genuinely don't want to have sex with them then it's like why are you together why are you talking like it's like it's a conditional kind of love it's like you don't view them as female or male until they're completely transitioned which is not fair if you can't love me at this point you can't love me at this point you know has sex ever made you regret your transition i would say no i don't think sex really has anything to do with my transition because i guess for me like i could go the rest of my life without having sex not regret i would never ever regret anything but right after i got my surgery and like got my first boyfriend i was like oh my god why is this so much work like because you have to dilate and like clean yours like clean and like all this stuff once you go that far there's nothing really you can't handle so it's just all about patience at that point and like letting everything heal and your day will come i'm at a point in my transition where like sex doesn't give me any validation anymore i think when i was younger that was definitely an issue and i thought i needed to be having so much sex to have people really think you know that i was the most perfect and beautiful woman what's one thing you wish you could debunk about being a trans woman this whole like pervert thing and like um you know us trans women using the restroom it's like honey all we do there is wash your hands or pee or poop and then we're gone i am not there to look and stare at your anything one of the things that i wish that we can debunk is that we often don't get tested we often don't want to know our hiv status people think that you know we're just walking around you know just like i'm walking a cd we're not we just want to be normal we want to live a life we want happiness we want to boyfriends we want husbands we want to not be killed we don't want to be threatened we don't want to be somebody secret we don't want to be your side chick every night i get texts from midnight to five in the morning and it's so annoying because those are whole hours and i'm not nobody so i'm special i'm unique i wish that i learned being trans isn't a sexuality it's a identity like i thought because of my own experience i thought okay all trans women who transition from male to female they like men but that's clearly not the case like you can be trans or trans women and love women you can love both or you can love men i wish that i would have learned that sex has an equal love i think i wish i would have realized that just because i was 13 and i thought that i loved him and we had sex so that meant that he loved me too the emotional connectivity that comes from having sex with someone after i've had sex with someone it has never been the same when i'm in the room with them when when their name is brought up there's there's a connection there that for better or worse those are pieces of me that i wish i had guarded a little more in a lot of circumstances everyone should explore their own bodies and find out what is best for them you know it shouldn't be about making other people happy or fulfilling a societal standard sex is fun and it should be about that [Music] [Music]

Channel: Jubilee

Views: 850,672

Rating: 4.751729 out of 5

Keywords: jubilee, jubilee media, jubilee project, middle ground, spectrum, odd man out, versus 1, embrace empathy, live deeper, love language, blind devotion, sex ed trans women, sex education, sex positivity, sexual health, trans women

Id: vx63Qe-sY3s

Length: 12min 53sec (773 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 17 2021