- Do you ever experience
shame when it comes to your sexuality and where
do you think it stems from? Okay. Okay this one, okay (upbeat music) - When did you lose your virginity? How was it? Okay. - Don't get me wrong. It was amazing. I had fun and I enjoyed experience but I wish it was somebody
a little bit more special but you know. - The first time I had anal sex, it was, I believe sophomore or junior year. It was not for me. It was pretty painful and we
were a little unprepared too. So yeah. - We're both 16. No one can really do it at their place. So it was kind of not in the place you should probably be, be doing that. - I was 19 and I was in Austin, Texas and I was visiting a friend
who went to school there and I met this man on Tinder and we were talking for a little while. I went to his house and then
we had sex the first time. And then like recently I
checked on like Instagram. He's like married now with like two kids and like, great, thanks. I feel good. - Do you always have
the same roles in bed? Are you exclusively a top
or bottom or can it change? Interesting question. - I'm pretty much a bottom. I mean, I have topped, I'm
not putting it on my LinkedIn. - My mom thought I was a
top and I had to correct her and she's just like what? She's like my son bot,
like, it broke her heart. I swear it broke her heart. - So when I first started
having sex, I was, I guess more in the bottom position because that was just like
what people expected of me. I, I think look young and I'm small and I'm relatively not very hairy. So people put me in that category of like I have to be a bottom and I have to do this and
I have to be a certain way. It's frustrating. - I like to think I'm
a person of the people. So I just will do what I need, what needs to get done to make
sure that everybody's happy. - If they prefer one thing
it's like, okay, well then I guess I'll do the other thing, I can kind of go either way. I just need love. I'm kidding. - Does sex hurt? Depends. If you both like communicate
and talk and chat and then get the vibes going then, no. - I almost always try
to and avoid anal sex. It's a whole complicated
process just to do it. And, and then it ends up not even being that pleasurable for me. - Sex should be pleasurable. So if it's a little bit of discomfort, you can work past it with a lot of lube, relaxing, communication. - I haven't bottomed in a very long time. So even when I, the thought
of it, you know, as much as I crave it, sometimes
it's just something that I try to avoid. I am a survivor of rape. So it's just getting into
the idea of bottoming is you know, feeling submissive
at that moment is just not something that I'm still
comfortable with at times. - My partner will wanna keep going and I'd be like, no, it hurts. We can't keep doing this. Or like, it's gonna be really bad. And that's totally okay. Don't be afraid to stop
whatever you're doing. If you're in pain. - Have you ever had a sexual
experience with women? No. Never have. Never will. - I've only kissed girls. I've never had anything besides that. - I've, I've hugged girls - Oral, oral. And then after that I was just like, mm-mmn I don't know what's in there. - Once. It was like at a party,
a little, little drunky. It was all right. I mean, I'm not gonna say it was bad but it was just like, you
know, once was enough. - Sexuality is such a spectrum. So for me, it's something
more like, oh, why not? I'm not super interested
in it, but like, yeah it could be fun. - I'm open to it. I'm like, you know what I'm saying? Like, if like the
opportunity were to arise. I want it to be a threesome. So that way in case I don't like that I have somewhere else to go. - How many sexual partners have you had? - I wanna say more than 50, I
don't know the exact number. - Maybe like 10 to 15 - Total sexual encounters are 323. It, it's not all anal sex. It's some, I, one of the encounters is like making out someone
on the dance floor. - A lot of my friends do. They're like, oh, I only, you know had sex with seven girls or whatever. I'm like to me, that that seems so low. And I mentioned, oh, it's
like probably around 30 or 40. And they were like, they
were shocked about that. Like 30 or 40 that's a lot. And I'm like, is it? - There is a big hookup
culture in the gay community but I feel like it's really more so maybe because we don't really
get the opportunity like how a lot of straight people do. - People couldn't be
out and proud and, and in certain places you
still can't be, you know, like or you can be, but it's dangerous. I think that combination
along with the fact that there was the aids crisis,
there was some suppression of sexual activity in the gay community. I think like, we're almost like in what one can consider like
a gay Renaissance right now. - When I was 17 and 18,
I was a hooker in Philly. And I had a list of all
the dates that I went on. The 116 clients added up to
like 160 something dates. And that was the money that
I saved to move out here. Four digits probably. And there's nothing wrong with that. - Is it hard to find something that's more than just a hookup? Yes. - I've never had a boyfriend who is willing to love me openly. Like I've never had anyone be
like, Angel's my boyfriend. Like, it can kind of make
you question like, you know am I the issue here? And I think for a long
time, I thought I was until I realized I was
like, no, I was like, I, I'm not the issue here. It's the other person being so obsessed with the perception of others. And like, I can't worry about
what everyone else thinks in this world or else
I'm never gonna be happy. - The gay community
likes to promote, like, you know, it gets better. And, and like, you know,
supporting each other. In actuality it's different than that. You know, I, you know, experience racism in the gay community more,
which is kind of weird. And for me, it hurts more
because in the gay community, my heart's on the line. - It's really hard to like,
get someone who's like really into like investing the time
and effort in a relationship. And then like, there's some
people who say they are but like, then you, like,
you show your interest and they're like, mm you're
a little too interested. And it's like, okay. - I personally have
encountered men who, you know, are into me one second and the moment I say,
I'm not gonna hook up. They're, you know calling
me all these names or, you know, telling me off - Eventually I do wanna have,
you know, a family, kids. So having a partner
would make that possible. - If you really want it. And you really are like, you know praying about it, manifesting it. I think it's, it could be possible. You know, it's hard not gonna lie, but it's not impossible for sure. - Any advice for someone's first time? - Lube, breathe. - For my tops, listen to the bottoms. - Gay porn makes it look so easy. Like it's instantaneous,
but like the truth is that it's not, things are
supposed to go out not in, clean out and eat lots of fiber. - You don't need to clean
all the way up in there. You just need to clean out the
lower hall, like the foyer. You don't need to do like
the second story in the roof. - And also there's so
much more fun to be had than just penetrative sex. So if it's hurting, do something else. - Do you always practice safe sex? Yes and no. - When it comes to hookups, I
will always practice safe sex. You just never know. - I'm not a stranger to a slip up. So, you know. - Totally about to lie you. I was like, yeah, no. And I should, and everyone
should be on prep, everyone should be using
condoms, and stuff like that. - And if you don't know what
prep is, it's a pill you take. So if you come in contact
with the HIV virus it can't replicate in your body - But that does not protect
you from other, you know STIs like hepatitis, herpes, gonorrhea. - Even though I'm on prep and I'm practicing those
practices that are safe I just feel more comfortable, practicing safe sex with a condom. - I had a gay uncle and a gay aunt and my parents always told me
condoms will save your life. And they probably did. - Do you ever experience
shame when it comes to your sexuality and where
do you think it stems from? Okay. Okay, this one, okay. - Even before I knew what gay was, I knew you didn't want to be it. - When I'm around certain family members, maybe like my uncles or
something like that, you know where I kind of like play
down, maybe like my mannerisms with like my hands or the way
I talk or say certain things. - Something that I'm still struggling with being comfortable, when I was raped I wasn't very open to the idea of sex, especially because when I told my friends, they kind of blamed me for it. And when I did try being more open to having another sexual
experience with a guy, I almost got raped a second time. And that was very, very troubling for me and not knowing why these
things were happening to me in a way made me feel like I deserved it. Like who goes through it
more than once, right. And it's taken a very long time. I still feel some shame. For me at least it's
become very difficult to even think of the idea of sex. - When I was young. It definitely affected me more
because I was so confused. And I didn't know what
like being gay was, and I'm getting all this like
negativity, oh, being gay is bad. You're going to hell,
blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm just like, I just wish
that people could not focus on like who I'm bringing the bed, but focus on like their own life. - I have a lot of friends
and family who do accept me but my biological Dad's
side really doesn't. I don't care who you are to me. I'll cut you off. Like you, you, there,
you can be my family. You can be my great grandma. I don't care. Like if you can't love me for me when I am not
judging you, I'm good. - What is something that
you wish you learned in sex ed or something you
wish you learned sooner? - Things about anal sex and like how to prepare yourself, what to expect and how to be safe with it. I wish that's something
that I would've got told instead of something I, to kind of learn through trial and error with hookups. - I've had some situations
where I was a bit uncomfortable or consent wasn't fully
talked about or discussed or it was a little bit blurry or I did something that was a bit reckless and irresponsible instead
of like shying away being like, don't do that. Be like, Hey, if you do
that, here's a helpful hand on how to experience that
safely and have fun doing it. (chill music)
