What is Gaslighting? 9 Signs This Type of Manipulation is Happening to You!

have you ever been gas lit before and besides that do you know what gas lighting is well it's a form of psychological manipulation meant to make you second-guess yourself your perceptions your thoughts your reality and it's often done by people who are wanting to either control manipulate you or avoid responsibility so if you are someone who second-guesses yourself a lot who doesn't trust yourself who is oftentimes looking for other people's opinions about things and don't really believe that you can make your own decisions then chances are at one point or another you have been gas-lit maybe you've been guests like quite a bit in your life and you didn't even realize it and I've mentioned it briefly before in a couple of my other videos but today we're going gonna go into detail and I'm gonna talk to you about exactly what it is and the nine key signs to look for to know whether or not you have or are being gas lit so stick around I've got a lot of good stuff for you today if you're new to me and this is the first time we're connecting my name is Julia Cristina and I'm a registered clinical therapist a researcher a coach and an online course creator of a master's degree in counseling psychology and I work to help men and women get through the crap that is holding them back so they can like themselves and their lives more every day so now we're gonna look at the nine key signs to know whether or not you have or are being gas-lit and this is something that can be done by anyone who is or has been close to you in your life so that could be a friend it could be a partner a husband a wife a mom a dad a brother a sister a co-worker a boss really anyone who are you are spending a significant amount of time with can Gaslight you and the first sign to look for is if you're someone who frequently second guess is your ability to remember the details of past events in your life so if you don't trust your memory and you oftentimes wonder if something that you think happened actually did happen so you really do second-guess your memories about different events or different situations it can be really about anything that you don't trust your memory the next one is that you may feel threatened or on edge around that specific person who is doing the gaslighting so you're not aware that they're doing something overtly emotionally or psychologically manipulative but you often notice yourself feeling tense around them you just have this kind of odd or weird or uncomfortable feeling maybe you feel like you often are walking on eggshells around this person but when you're with them something just feels off but you can't put your finger right on it the next one number three is that you often feel like you're the one who needs to apologize and take responsibility for most things if not everything that you often feel like everything is your fault whenever something doesn't go quite right or doesn't go according to plan or there's any kind of conflict or any kind of upset you feel like it's all your fault and yeah you know when something doesn't go quite right and we play a part in it chances are we have some responsibility for it but that's different than feeling like it's all your fault there's a difference between saying like this was my part in it I take responsibility for this part and feeling like oh my gosh I'm such a bad person this is all my fault you know everything I do is is wrong or bad or no good and you know it's just it's all on me the next one is that you oftentimes find yourself trying so hard to make other people feel happy and often it's to your own detriment so this isn't about wanting other people to feel good feeling you know caring and loving and generous and thoughtful of other towards other people and doing nice things because that's what you want to do and and that's how you show your love and that that's how you you know show other people that you really care about this is when you oftentimes feel stressed or anxious or on edge or overwhelmed with trying to make sure that everybody is happy all the time and then maybe even feel like it's all your fault if they aren't or if not everybody is always having a great time or not everybody is you know full of excitement and joy and bliss whenever you're around that you feel like it's all your fault or it's because there's something wrong with you or something that you've done wrong and so you oftentimes try so hard to make other people feel happy and oftentimes it's to your own detriment the next one is that you feel like there's something fundamentally wrong with you maybe it's this nagging feeling sort of in the back your mind or maybe it's something that is often kind of right there at the front of your mind you feel like there's something fundamentally wrong with you like you're you're crazy or you're too weak or you're too sensitive or you're broken or you're flawed beyond repair and you just have this feeling inside and chances are if you feel that way then you have been victim of ICTA of gaslighting during your formative years like during your childhood or your adolescence when you're a child or a teenager that you had somebody in your life who was emotionally and psychologically manipulating you through gas lighting the next one is that you oftentimes find it hard to trust your own judgment and you're often looking to other people to give you answers that you feel like almost paralyzed when it comes to making decisions you feel like you can't often make your own decisions and you have to almost feel like you have to get other people to tell you what to do like you do you sometimes just actually get paralyzed and cannot make a decision until somebody else comes in and says this is what you to what you should do this is what you need to do that you just don't really have any trust for your own judgement you oftentimes maybe even don't trust your own wants needs or preferences or trusts that they're okay that you're allowed to want need or think or feel what you do you just don't trust yourself in so many big ways the next one is that not only when you're around that person that you feel kind of on edge or uncomfortable but maybe even in general that you oftentimes feel kind of scared or on edge or just kind of anxious but can't pinpoint why there's just sort of maybe this general sense of uneasiness often or maybe even a lot of the time or most of the time you just don't something doesn't feel quite right and that's again because you've been psychologically manipulated in these ways that things are just sort of off-balance things are things are off inside of you and it's not it's not permanent it's not damaged beyond repair but it is something that needs to be dealt with and looked at and worked through but I need you to know that it's not you it's not because there's something wrong with you it's not because you're flawed or broken it's because you have chances are you have been psychologically or emotionally abused at some point in your life maybe it's been through gas lighting or through some other means but you are not broken the next one is number eight is that you feel as though now compared to maybe before that you're a much weaker version of yourself that you feel like you used to be a lot stronger and more confident or maybe even you know you used to be a lot stronger and more confident and when you kind of think about it and kind of reflect on yourself you're like what happened where did that person go I feel so small so often I feel so weak so often I almost even feel like a shell of myself and I don't remember feeling this way all the time I remember a time when I felt a lot more confident a lot more comfortable a lot stronger within myself where did that go what happened and then our last one is that if you have been a victim of gas lighting in a more severe way that you now often become afraid of speaking up or expressing your want needs or preferences or feelings and so you often stay quiet because of that belief that they don't matter and that often times yeah that maybe even you don't matter because you've been manipulated in these ways to second-guess yourself in such an extreme form now these are more extreme signs that you have been that you have been gas lit in a more extreme way and like I mentioned before people who in that's more sort of mild or moderate form it can be away from people to avoid taking responsibility so maybe these these nine signs aren't quite as severe for you maybe they've just come up here and there every once in a while or maybe it is that specifically that there's one or two or a few people in your life or from your past or your present that you just don't feel good around that you just feel like something is off and you can't put your finger on it you don't know exactly what's going on and so I'm hoping by learning these signs that you'll kind of get to know the signs a little bit better and that you'll be able to spot it a little bit better that you'll be able to see that it's not you it's not because there's something fundamentally wrong with you it's because you have been manipulated or even abused emotionally or psychologically abused in these ways and the first step to dealing and healing from stuff that we've been through is awareness and understanding and being able to recognize what is really going on and that's the first step that we can take in my next video I'm gonna talk specifically about tactics that that people who are doing the gaslighting tactics that they use and how you can deal with gas lighting how you can deal with the gas lighter now that you can kind of be more aware of what's going on and we're gonna talk about you know specifically how to pimp point that you are being gas-lit what the specific tactics are and then how to deal with them and here's a hint a big and important way to deal with gas lighting is learning how to have healthy boundaries and how to express and speak and stand up for your healthy boundaries speaking of boundaries I have a handout for you just to get you started just to get the kind of boundary wheels turning I'm gonna put it in a link below it's called 25 ways to say no and this is kind of the first step in learning to have healthier boundaries is just learning how to speak up and say no in ways that feel that feel good for us that feel right for us that don't feel like we're being mean or harsh or or or offensive or difficult or whatever it is so make sure you grab that download 25 ways to say no like the video share your comment have you ever experienced this now that I point out these these these signs of gas lighting have you noticed this come up in your life is there someone in your life who has gas lit you and in what ways share with us in the comments section below and share this video out so that more people can start to realize that it's not them that there's nothing that it's not that there's something wrong with them it's that they have been taken advantage come and join my facebook group goes from e group calm full of some of the most supportive kind compassionate encouraging and fun men and women I will look forward to connecting with you more there and until next time take good care

Channel: Julia Kristina Counselling

Views: 826,448

Keywords: gaslighting emotional abuse, gaslighting explained, what is gaslighting, gaslighting in relationships, gaslit, gaslighting signs, gaslighting meaning, julia counsellor, julia kristina counselling, Terri Cole, Stephanie Lyn Coaching, psych2go, how to know if you are being gaslit, how to know if someone is gaslighting you, angie Atkinson, types of emotional abuse, how to know if you are being manipulated, emotional manipulation, lisa a romano, manipulation, emotional abuse

Id: 4uxipIsaUGA

Length: 12min 49sec (769 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 11 2018