What is Emotional Abuse? | The Top Emotional Abuse Warning Signs

how to know if you're actually being emotionally abused now this is a topic we really need to look at because it's a lot more common than many of us realize and I think oftentimes in relationships we might just sort of blow things to the side or just sort of brush things off or just sort of like let things slide but they're actually things that are a lot more serious than many of us even know so today we're going to be talking about the main signs to look out for to know if you or somebody that you know is being emotionally abused if you're new to me and this is the first time we're connecting my name is Julia Cristina and I'm a registered clinical therapist researcher and online course creator and this is a topic that has been coming up a lot lately as we look at different kinds of abuse in our culture and people that are being abused sexually physically emotionally and so we need to actually talk about this one because it can be a lot more subtle we need to be talking about all the different kinds of abuse but emotional abuse is oftentimes not quite as obvious so it can even sometimes be even more dangerous because people don't talk about it people don't reach out for help because they don't actually realize what is happening abuse is always about power and control so the person who is doing the amusing is always trying to get more power and control and it's usually done by people who were abused themselves as the saying goes people who were abused typically abused because they felt overpowered they felt small they felt kind of pushed down they felt controlled when they were growing up maybe if it happened in the family and so now they kind of have this need or drive to overpower others or it's even sort of this subconscious thing that it's because how they were treated that it's a subcon way of kind of thinking this is how this is what's normal this is what it's a normal way to treat other people so it can be kind of this learned behavior as well and again it can be so damaging because oftentimes we're not totally aware of what's going on so let's go through our main sign so I'm actually going to go through ten main signs to know whether or not you are being emotionally abused whether or not you're in an emotionally abusive relationship and it doesn't mean if one or two of these are present that you're it's you know for sure that this person was emotionally abusive but it doesn't have to be all of them in order for this to be a serious issue it can actually be one or two of them if one or two of these are present it can actually be that this is an emotionally abusive relationship but it's pretty much guaranteed if many or most of these if you notice many or most of these are present in your relationship that you are being emotionally abused and something needs to be done about that so our first sign is that this person pushes your boundaries doesn't accept no or doesn't listen to you and just bulldozes over all your needs so they just actually don't listen to you when you say no when you say something's not OK they completely ignore it and completely disregard it the next sign is that they they oftentimes will humiliate or degrade you so if it's in private or even especially in public they'll put you down or make you kind of the butt end of their jokes in front of other people or you know if you say something about if you say hey that's not very nice or I didn't like that they'll kind of make a joke and make you look stupid again and say oh my gosh you're so sensitive why do you take everything so seriously like learn to take a joke it's no big deal and will make you feel like you're wrong for having your feelings the next sign is that they will oftentimes if they're upset the give you the silent treatment or they'll kind of just really shut you out or Stonewall you to punish you and it's not because they're trying to take a timeout like they're feeling emotionally overwhelmed and they just need a timeout a minute to regroup if you know a few minutes to collect themselves that they come back and come back and kind of deal with the issue they're doing it to punish you and have power over you that in a way they're they're removing their love in order to punish you basically saying if you upset me or if you cross me or if you do anything that I don't like I am gonna take away my love and I am gonna remove myself and I'm gonna make I'm gonna punish you I'm gonna make you pay for ever doing anything to hurt or upset me that they don't really actually address the issue they punish you for it the next one is that they are really passive aggressive and passive aggressiveness I have a whole other video on this well link to it but passive aggressiveness is otherwise known as covert aggression so it's when they're being actually aggressive with you but they're doing it in kind of sneaky or kind of backdoor ways that they're not explicitly saying something that they're upset about or something that they're not okay with there's something that's bothered them they're using things like sarcasm or like underhanded put-downs or gaslighting so they're kind of like making you like manipulating your emotional state by kind of saying something and then if you're like oh like was is everything okay or is something wrong and you can kind of feel that something's off and they're like oh no no everything's fine everything's great you know no no no no everything there's there's no problem so they're not really addressing it or they're just making sort of underhanded digs at you they're making these kind of these underhanded remarks that are really cutting but if you ever address it with them if you ever bring it up with them they're like oh no no that's not what I meant oh no no you took that the wrong way or oh no I'm just I'm just joking it's just a joke and so you almost feel kind of crazy for for your feelings you almost feel like you're crazy for being offended by something for being hurt by something because they won't own up to it they're just sort of making these passive-aggressive comments or acting in really passive-aggressive ways and again I have a whole video about that where I go into detail about it but if someone is doing that a lot if they're doing that often and if they're doing it in really hurtful ways then that is a sign of emotional abuse the next one is that they will oftentimes be really inconsistent and say one thing but then do another so they'll agree to do something maybe you guys will have an agreement that they'll agree to do something or you'll talk something out and you'll come to a resolution you'll come to an agreement and everything seems fine but then when it comes down to it they won't do that thing at all and then and completely ignore the conversation that you had completely ignore your needs or even just deny that they agreed to it in the first place and just completely just disregard it and so really you can see you know there there's this real there's a real theme of disregarding you and your wants needs preferences your voice you know they just disregard you and make you feel small and almost make you feel like the bad person or make you feel like everything's your fault all the time and almost even make you feel crazy these are some really serious things that often happen in relationships so our next one number six is that they often will deflect any responsibility so they'll blame you they'll twist things around even if it's you coming to them with a problem and saying like when you did this it really upset me or I'm just really not okay with this so you can can you please not do this then they will they have a way of like turning it around and making it your fault like they'll say well I wouldn't have done this if you didn't do this or you know you're just you're just overreacting to stuff and that's really not that big of a deal or you shouldn't be upset about stuff like that that's you know even as as Point Blank is that's stupid like that's not reasonable you shouldn't want that you shouldn't do that or they'll just sort of twist it around and make it your fault have you ever had that happen where you go to someone and you say you know what you did was really upsetting and I really didn't like him it didn't feel good and by the end of the conversation you're the one apologizing to them and they've taken no responsibility it's not that you know you've had a conversation you realize that you were both in the wrong and they say they're sorry and you say you're sorry but no it's that you are kind of left to feel like it's all your fault and they've taken no responsibility the next one is just point-blank lying if this person is lying to your face sneaking around behind your back and then completely denying everything again it makes you start to feel crazy if you know that like something isn't right that they're not being honest and when you address it and talk about it or bring it up they completely deny it but you know you know kind of that gut feeling deep down that something's not right you can actually start to feel crazy because you're like I know it but they're completely denying it and so it really messes with your head and you know that's a lot of what emotional abuse is as well is making you really second-guess yourself and not be able to trust yourself so you really just just really stop being able to trust yourself you stop being able to oftentimes even know yourself because you're like I'm just everything feels just I don't I can't trust myself you know my needs are not important you know this person will kind of say one thing and then do another thing like I feel crazy I feel small I feel controlled I feel overpowered and I don't really know what to do about it number eight is that they will criticize you a lot of the time they'll turn against you even when it's something that you're happy about so even when you come to them with something near you're feeling good about they'll kind of find this way of making you feel bad or feeling good so if you're you say something like oh I just you know completed this big project I just reached this big big big goal and I'm so excited and they'll respond by saying something like well it took you long enough or like oh like really you think that that's that big of a deal like what do you want like some kind of an award like they'll just have this way of sort of cutting you off at the knees even when it's something that you're feeling good about them make you feel small or maybe even stupid for being happy about it in the first place and then number nine is that they'll control your decisions so in maybe even explicitly or overtly try and control your decisions or maybe even just in subtle ways that they'll kind of always criticize or put down your choices or always find a reason why your choice is like a bad choice or a stupid choice or a dumb choice and they'll kind of do it and sort of like I said like sometimes it's in these manipulative ways and sometimes it's in really overt ways but at the end of the day you're always second-guessing or questioning yourself and not trusting yourself and then our last one is that they are really good at manipulating you to get what they want they'll use guilt they'll use you know they'll use that like seeds plant seeds of doubt in you to make you second-guess yourself in your decisions they'll make you feel like you're being mean or selfish or like a bad person if they don't get what they want or you don't do what they want you to do all the time so they have this way it was really manipulating you and really kind of getting in there and making you again feel like a bad person or like it's not okay for you to have your own wants needs or preferences and they might even say things that are really kind of manipulative and they'll play the victim and they'll say things like well well I do everything for you the least you can do is this for me or you don't do anything for me or you know if you don't help me with this well what am I gonna do or if you don't do this for me what am I gonna do and really use is sort of that guilt and manipulation in some way shape or form to get you to do what they want basically they will do whatever it takes to get their way to avoid responsibility and to have power over you and so often times try and have power over you by boosting themselves up by putting you down and making you feel small and this stuff is not good it chips away at our self-esteem like I said it makes us stop being able to trust ourselves and over time it makes us stop being able to even really know ourselves because this person becomes so powerful overpowering and controlling and really making us doubt and guests that can guess ourselves that we stop being able to even really know ourselves because we stop feeling like we can trust ourselves we need to learn how to have healthier boundaries how to recognize this when it's coming up and I hope that after going through these signs you can start to see some things maybe in your own life or in the life of someone that you know so pass this information along to them but you can start to see that these are some really serious things that they're not just sort of like these you know not a big deal or like oh whatever but they are really kind of serious things that we need to be paying attention to and need to be learning how to set clear boundaries around them now I have a document for you that pertains to kind of starting off with learning how to have healthier boundaries and it's called 25 ways to say no and not all of them in there will be you know specific to these kinds of situations where there is some emotional abuse going on but it will give you there will be some in there some in there that will give you some ways to learn to say no to learn to start having healthier boundaries and to learn to start speaking up for yourself and start putting a stop to any kind of emotional abuse that's going on in any one of your relationships like the video share this one out let's get this information into as many hands as possible and subscribe to my channel so that we can stay connected and also come on over to Facebook during my Facebook group good for me Group calm it is full of some of the most kind supportive encouraging and fun men and women would love to have you over there to keep our connection going strong until next time take good care

Channel: Julia Kristina Counselling

Views: 288,232

Keywords: signs of emotional abuse, signs of emotional abuse in relationships, how to know if you are being emotionally abused, what is emotinoal abuse, emotionally abused, kati morton, emotional abuse warning signs, signs you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, emotional abuse signals, red flags emotional abuse, emotional abuse controlling, how to handle emotional abuser, julia counsellor, julia kristina counselling

Id: W9QHncUU3IA

Length: 16min 11sec (971 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 28 2018