How To Stop Getting Offended Too Easily

it's really hard being someone who gets easily offended when someone does something or says something that hurts our feelings that we take personally that makes us feel upset or angry or like there's something wrong with us it feels like we have these big emotions that come up too easily and we can't just get over it even if sometimes we really want to we don't want to let affect us we don't want to let things get to us we want that water to roll off the duck's back and to just be able to take things in stride and move on and not let ourselves get easily upset by what someone else might be doing or saying so if telling ourselves to just get over it or to not take it personally or to just not let it bother us isn't working what are we going to do instead in this talk I'm going to teach you five ways to stop getting offended stop taking things personally stop getting easily upset hurt or wounded by what other people say and do so that we can build that emotional resilience build that mental strength and go through life not feeling like we are being tossed around emotionally by whatever somebody else is doing or saying and we feel more solid and secure and St dirty within ourselves but first if you're new here Welcome to our incredible little corner on the internet take a second introduce yourself in the comment section below if you're back again always good to have you um if you haven't already subscribed to the channel the button about right down there like the video if you get something out of it that would be amazing and either way my name is Julia Christina I'm a registered clinical therapist a researcher a coach a speaker and an author and the creator of my membership Community the shift Society where heart centered human are taking this work to the next level being guided and supported the whole way through speaking of I help heart- centered humans learn how to manage their minds and emotions so they can think better feel better and show up better every single day and being easily offended makes it hard for us to show up as our best selves when we are spending a lot of our time licking our wounds feeling sad feeling upset or even the the opposite blaming other people for being mean or rude or difficult or inappropriate or disrespectful going through either the blaming of others or coming down hard on ourselves for not being good enough or not meeting the Mark or thinking that there's something wrong with us when someone does or says something that hits us the wrong way it's not fun going through life like that and I can tell you from my own personal experience as someone who used to get offended so easily it feels terrible so what do we do about it the first thing and this is going to be the biggest thing and it's going to actually take the most work but you are going to get the biggest bang for your mental Wellness Buck by doing this one what you need to do is get clear and secure in your own thoughts about yourself so often we Outsource our sense of self to other people what do we mean by that well we are going with what other people think about us to decide how we think about us and maybe somebody is having a bad day and they're taking it out on us and they're being rude or disrespectful or critical and then we're thinking well oh my gosh that means that there's something wrong with me that I'm doing something wrong that I'm not good enough that I am deficient or incompetent in some way and that is somebody else's thought that we are now taking as our own without actually first deciding what we think about us makes me think about my kids so I have three small children and sometimes they get at each other and they bug each other as siblings do and just the other day my son was mad at my daughter and he said kellia you're dumb and first of all you know we don't do name calling in this house and there is definitely a talking to that happened after he said that but Cia came to me immediately she said mom Everett called me dumb and I said man that doesn't feel good does it and she said no and I said are you dumb and she said no and I said okay so that is Everett's thought and you leave that with him because you know that you are not dumb so you can just be sure of that and let him manage his own opinion because that's not your opinion about you and really thinking about this how I use this with my children but how often those of us get offended and take it personally and someone has a thought about us maybe it's not so overtly as someone saying you're dumb but they're you know criticizing something or they're making a passive aggressive comment or they're picking apart one of your decisions and you're taking that to mean I'm not good enough I did something wrong I'm a bad person um I don't have what it takes I'm a failure and you're Outsourcing your opinion of yourself to someone else and what we need to be doing is getting more clear on our own thoughts about ourselves what do I know to be true about me so that if someone has some feedback like oh that was stupid I can really reflect and be like am I stupid I'm not going to think that I'm stupid maybe something that I did wasn't as thoughtful or as thought out as it could have been but them thinking that I did something stupid or even that I am stupid I'm not going to receive that because I know that it's not true I know that I'm not an idiot I know that I'm not a failure I know that I'm not dumb I know that I'm not incompetent or incapable or selfish or whatever that is that you are taking as somebody else's thought and adopting it unconsciously as your own so what I want to invite you to do is start getting more clear on your own thoughts about yourself learning how to trust yourself and who you are and I have a a uh download that's going to be really helpful for that it's called the simple steps to self trust and that's going to help you get a lot more clear on who you are and why you are and what you are and what you stand for and becoming more sturdy and solid within yourself so get clear on your thoughts instead of so easily making yourself susceptible to the thoughts of others the second thing is to think about the garbage truck analogy often there are people going through life with a lot of garbage in them they may be walking around with a lot of pain a lot of Shame a lot of anger a lot of upset you don't know what's going on with someone else there's always a reason why someone acts out this isn't to just justify it but to create that understanding that people are going through life with stuff inside of them which is why they might react or overreact to something why they might be unnecessarily rude or disrespectful or downright awful to you when it's unprovoked and seemingly really unreasonable know that people are carrying around a lot people are carrying around tension they're carrying around stuff that is happening at home stuff that is happening with their family stuff that is happening at work and they haven't dealt with it they haven't processed it so they this big ball of emotion that the smallest thing is going to cause them to react and overreact and kind of put that garbage on to you and so thinking about that that there is this garbage that someone might be just sort of dumping on to you that is actually not about you and it's your job to just get out of the way and not get caught up in their mess because it's not your mess it's not yours to pick up and carry a few weeks ago we were having a family gathering at my house and a bunch of my family was here and my sister and I were having this conversation and it was kind of a bit of a funny conversation we were just sitting down and analyzing what makes some people have the cool Factor you remember those people in like high school University or even at the office who just seem to have this little bit of cool factor or maybe a lot of the cool factor and you can't really put your finger on what it is so we were just sitting there talking about like what is it that makes some people just have this like automatic cool factor and someone else who was at my house was obviously getting triggered by this conversation and they felt the need to express it and so they're like what a stupid conversation you girls are having this is ridiculous and initially I was a little bit taken aback because I wasn't having the conversation with that person it was my sister and I who were having I was a little bit taken aback and almost got offended but then I realized that their words their criticism had nothing to do with me it was because something in them was getting triggered and then I said to them hey it sounds like this has upset you are you okay what's going on and it genuinely meant it it wasn't like a passive aggressive or even aggressive way of saying what's your problem this is none of your business just stay out of it I was genuinely curious cuz I had seen that they were upsetting themselves by our conversation and that it had nothing to do with me so I could find that place of getting genuinely curious they had their garbage that they were carrying and in that moment something triggered them to dump it on me and my sister and instead of taking that garbage just kind of stepped out of the way and asked them why they were putting their garbage in front of me in the first place and then the third thing we can do to keep ourselves from getting so easily offended is to take a step back and consider what the person is saying and deciding if there's anything helpful in that feedback even if it's coming across originally as being critical or judgmental or even just not very nice having that emotional maturity to ask ourselves is there anything helpful in that feedback if the person is saying something like oh you're lazy or oh you're selfish or oh you're so difficult or oh you're too sensitive being able to just take a step back and be like okay could there be any truth in that have I been overly reactive myself and taking things too personally and being too sensitive about stuff and do I want to work on becoming a little bit more robust and managing my thoughts and emotions in a more effective way so that I'm not getting so easily upset by stuff or have I maybe been a little bit more selfish lately and is that something that I need to be doing for myself right now because I've been running on empty and giving so much that now I need to take some time to be selfish and I'm okay with that or maybe I've been doing it a little bit too much and not really considering at all how my choices are affecting someone else so maybe I want to again then be more considerate of others because I have been going too far the other way by only ever considering myself so just kind of deciding is there anything helpful in that and if there truly isn't anything helpful anything that we want to kind of take and reflect on and learn from then we get to discern to give that back and be like you know what that is their thought that is just a reaction that they are having that is a trigger that was hid in them that is their garbage that they are unloading and I am just going to return those thoughts to Sender but learning how to be maturely Discerning with that feedback deciding what might be helpful in there to reflect on and what is just not helpful or useful and returning it to Sender the next thing simple not always so easy is choosing not to take offense we have to take offense offense is not given to us it's not put on us we take offense we decide what we want to make something mean we decide whether or not your friend not calling you back or inviting you to something or texting you back means that they don't like you they don't value you they don't care about you that they're not a very good friend you get to decide whether or not you are going to make it mean that you get to decide whether or not you getting passed over for a promotion means that your boss is terrible or that you are terrible and that you get all worked up about that we get to decide what we are going to be offended about and take offense to and this requires us to take a little bit of a step back and get curious and our next one is simply but not always so easy and this one is to decide not to take the offense offense is not something that is put on us it's something that we decide to take we decide to make something that someone does or says mean something negative or bad or awful about us we are going to offend ourselves with their words their actions or even their sideways glance remember what we talked about with the first one is getting a lot more clear on our own thoughts about ourselves and when we are more clear about our thoughts about ourselves then it's a lot more difficult for us to take that offense we kind of just decide to leave that offense and go in a different direction because we have decided that that we are not going to take that on as something terrible awful deficient or inferior or competent about us which leads us beautifully into our fifth one and this is to go a little deeper and get curious when you are being offended when you are taking offense to something when you are feeling triggered put off upset reactive to something that someone does or says looking a little deeper and asking yourself what wound is being irritated right now what trigger is being poked what vulnerability is being hit is this a reaction to a past pain to a deeper kind of Shame belief that I have about myself am I making this mean something derogatory or degrading or defeating about myself why what's Happening Here taking that time to get curious about what is being triggered and usually when we have a big emotional reaction to something that isn't necessarily that big it means that we are not even actually reacting to what is happening in the present moment we are reacting to a pain or a vulnerability or or uh a hurt from the past getting curious is incredibly powerful to notice and to pay attention what's happening right now and if not really knowing what to do with big feelings when they come up how to process them how to understand them how to regulate yourself through them so that you're not getting so upset and reactive so easily as something that you want to learn how to do then I have the sensitive Person's Guide to handling big feelings and that is a really comprehensive Workshop stepbystep guide on how to process your emotions mentally and physically in order to create a more grounded and regulated self no matter whoever or whatever is going on around you so you can have a look at that the link is in the description below which one of these are you like yep that is what I'm going to start with I can see how I am getting offended easily because I am doing this and I am going to work on bringing more awareness and attention and attention to that let me know in the comments section below what connected with you what created a shift what are you going to go with from this talk get that sensitive Person's Guide to handling big feelings and or the simple steps to self-trust either of those are going to take what we talked about today to the next level on your healing and growth Journey always good to have you here thanks for joining me for this one and until next time take good care of yourselves take good care of those around you bye for now

Channel: Julia Kristina Counselling

Views: 4,666

Keywords: taking things personally, getting offended, don't get offended, don't take offense, don't take things personally, how to not get offended, easily offended, stop being offended, how to stop getting offended, how to stop taking things personally, julia kristina, self-help advice, self-help, mental health, psychology, how not to be offended, being offended, how to stop letting things get to you

Id: IwuuZyx4_sw

Length: 18min 27sec (1107 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 21 2024