What Happens When You Don't Fear The Narcissist

if you have ongoing exposure to controlling people it's a virtual certainty that you're going to experience blurry boundaries which is why i have created the extensive online course called this is me establishing boundaries with the controllers in your life there's a link below that will give you all of the details and i hope that you would find it in therapeutic [Music] there's one thing we can say with a great deal of certainty and that is the more you engage with narcissistic individuals the more it arouses all sorts of emotion on the inside of you let's keep in mind that narcissists by definition bring a great deal of psychopathology into the relationship with you they have an an unnatural need to be in control over you they don't want you to have any freedom uh other than to about you filtering your thoughts through their ways they're very self-absorbed they're self-centered and self-enamored which means they don't really care about you it's all about them they can be highly manipulative and exploitive they must be in the superior position you cannot talk common sense with them because it's all about their agenda and so it arouses much emotion now one of the emotions that narcissists actually want to see in you is fear that many of them actually take it as a badge of distinction when they realize that other people are afraid of them it's kind of like yeah i really am a force to be reckoned with and don't you forget it so the question is should you fear a narcissist well let's keep in mind that fear ultimately is based on the lack of trust and we can say with a great deal of confidence given all the those ingredients that i just mentioned about narcissists they're not trustworthy individuals and so sometimes the answer is yes you should fear that narcissist other times the answer is no and we're going to get to that in a few minutes but let's keep in mind that because of their lack of trustworthiness you want to have a healthy regard for what they're capable of doing narcissists can lie easily they can say one thing and then do another you just never quite know where you stand with these individuals they definitely don't have any feelings of protection toward you but they do have destructive thoughts and feelings toward you you need to fear that sometimes they can be quite mean and vicious in their anger toward you it's part of that need to be in control and it can come on super strong they have no trouble slandering you to your face behind your back they honestly believe that you are stupid that you're beneath them and they can give the appearance of being into you and yet they're not and so it's necessary to have a healthy fear of that because of that fear it can prompt you to say you know what boundaries are crucial with this kind of an individual speaking up and and and and letting other individuals know what you're up against that's crucial they want to keep you isolated but the the fact is you need to let other individuals know what you're dealing with because the more eyeballs that are on them it can create at least a little bit of accountability consequences are necessary your fear can prompt you to say you know i need to put up my boundaries and i need to put up some stipulations when they act in a very untoward kind of way you want to have the least amount of self-disclosure in your dealings with these individuals and you want to have the least amount of contact as you can with these individuals now let's keep in mind what happens when you don't have this kind of healthy fear toward a narcissist if you don't fear them then they're just going to keep coming after you and they're going to to double down on their many efforts they can sometimes feel emboldened thinking okay game on i i am not going to stop until i get my way with you they can try to wear you down they'll continue to gaslight you they'll become more and more isolating of you they want to keep you away from other individuals who might not keep you grounded in reality and as a result of a lack of fear you can remain stuck in tension because they'll continue to play their games with you it's necessary to have a fear as long as that fear leads to proper boundaries and proper self-care now at the same time you don't want to have an excessive fear to the extent that it causes you to lose yourself there are times when you'll need to think well i i have a fear in the sense that they're not trustworthy and we need to have accountability but there's just some things about that narcissist i don't want to be afraid of let's see let's keep in mind that narcissism itself is built upon a fear-based way of living narcissists are living behind a false self they concluded a long time ago that they can't afford to be authentic they can't afford to be honest about themselves toward other individuals they they're in constant cover-up that's their fear and i'm hoping that as you see that and recognize there's a great deal of of insecurity that derives them that you'll finally conclude you know what i don't fear their opinion of me uh whenever a narcissist comes down in a real harsh or condemning or critical kind of way toward you you know what that means it's there are some critical kind of person it's about them it's not about you it's about their overarching pessimism that they bring in the way that they engage with life i'm hoping also that you know with a lack of fear you can drop your need to go into high persuasion with these individuals how many times have you felt like you had to persuade and plead your case and justify who you are that implies that you're in your fear base and it's like you know what i'm not going to let that kind of fear guide me i can plead my case as much as possible but the bottom line is they're going to continue to be pathological and i'm not going to be so afraid of it that i have to just keep trying to win them over in the public opinion polls it's not going to happen when you drop your fear of that it causes you to realize doing life in a deep kind of way with that narcissistic person is going to lead to futility i'm not signing up for that and your lack of fear towards that narcissist can lead you to become more decisive you'll make room for the fact that they disapprove of you and it doesn't blow you away you'll try to remember i'm not going to cower or rearrange my life for a narcissist for someone who doesn't understand life well at all and so uh your lack of fear can lead to an unhooking from their invitations if you will to enter into their many many different games that they want to play with you now if you refuse to uh to have uh the fear with these individuals hopefully i'm gonna you'll notice some positive repercussions and that is when you say i don't fear their opinion of me your self-esteem will remain intact and you'll remain true to your values as opposed to them establishing what your values and priorities and opinions and all the rest are supposed to be it's like no i get to decide those kind of things when you don't fear that narcissist hopefully it'll take you to more of your place of decisiveness and determination it's like you know somebody in my world needs to take care of who i am and and uh act upon my initiatives that somebody's gonna be me i'm gonna stand up for what i know is wisest and best you'll see assertiveness as being a thing that's that's good and right and necessary a characteristic you'll that you'll claim gladly and you'll disconnect from the co-dependent dance that the narcissist wishes for you to remain in with them keeping in mind uh that when we talk about codependency it's react and react react you're this way i'll be that way with you it's like no i'm not afraid of you and i'm not going to enter into your little codependent dance so should you have fear yes and no what happens when you don't have fear if you don't have a healthy fear then they can just keep coming at you but if you do uh let go of the unhealthy fear uh then it leads to you anchoring down in your own uh self-esteem uh keeping in mind emotions can be two-sided uh there's a plus and there's a minus each one so i'm hoping that you can decide i i i want to uh to understand that these are not trustworthy people but the bottom line is i trust myself and in your fear of them uh you want to have a trust that says i i can stand upon my impressions and my interpretations and i'm going to live according to what i know is wisest and best because uh it's it's a certainty that that narcissist isn't over there thinking about those things regarding you in the least i hope this gives you a good perspective about how you're going to manage your emotions and like i say the they're uh they're the kid that keeps on giving and so you'll you'll need to be the one that takes initiative uh to that effect i'm hoping that if you've not already subscribed to this channel uh i would encourage you to do so because we'll keep more videos coming towards you hit that notification bell when you do that if you have a need for therapy and many times as you try to unpack your reactions to these kind of people that would be something that you would recognize is good and necessary we have a sponsor there's a link below that can take you to a whole team of online therapists that can assist you in doing this and you can select somebody that you believe would be able to uh to help you in that regard i strongly encourage that if the need is there also i've put a lot of work into making courses and these are very extensive courses they're kind of an online classroom if you will where we have multiple videos and teaching materials written along with it along with questions that go with each lesson and so there are many of those and i would encourage you to seek out and this is me free to be and then we're going to have other courses that are going to be coming along in this calendar year and so avail yourself to that excuse me and we also have books and other kinds of resources below you know narcissists want you to remain stuck in your fear i want you to have a healthy fear but i also want you to walk away from the unhealthy fear that they try to instill in you and in doing so it can lead you to be a person of steadiness and especially it can lead you to become a person who lives in peace they don't want you to have peace but i'm hoping you can find your peace [Music] you

Channel: Surviving Narcissism

Views: 229,076

Keywords: covert narcissists, malignant narcissists, self esteem, psychology, counseling, anger, sociopaths

Id: rXwALIzLKow

Length: 12min 0sec (720 seconds)

Published: Sat Feb 12 2022