8 Comments That Reveal A Narcissist's Dishonesty

being very entitled and controlling narcissists have no difficulty stepping all over your personal boundaries so that's why I put together an extensive video class called this is me it has 25 videos written documents guided questions I'm going to teach you how to have healthy boundaries there's a link below and I hope you'll find it to be quite therapeutic [Music] [Applause] [Music] recently I was speaking with a small group of individuals and one of them piped up and actually spoke on behalf of the rest and that individual said you know they're just some people in my world that I cannot be honest with these individuals are so judgmental and so harsh and so difficult and argumentative that if I tell them what I really think and feel then it's going to be curtains and the other people in the group were nodding their head saying oh I know exactly what you're talking about and each of them had stories to tell about that you know isn't it sad to think that there are some individuals where truth is so slippery or even dangerous that it's like I don't know what to do around that person one of the reasons that you can feel afraid of being fully honest and disclosing toward a narcissist is because they themselves play Such major games with the truth and by the way there is such a thing as discernment there are times when you need to discern whether you need to reveal certain things about yourself or not and that becomes part of your boundaries but narcissists take the the lack of trustworthiness and lack of Truth to a whole different level and there are so many things that they can say and do that reveal to you that they in fact are committed to their own dishonesty and part of this the dishonesty is they won't admit that it's even happening I want to run through eight of the most common comments or thoughts or ideas that can roam through the mind of that narcissist that you'll eventually hear or pick up on that reveal how they're coming toward you with a great deal of dishonesty the more you're able to see what's going on than the more capable what you're going to be to come up with much cleaner Alternatives in your own personal life and by the way it says narcissists speak these these comments they can be extremely persuasive and convincing uh in the process as they have these thoughts they can be invalidating toward you and they can be smug and all the all the while it's going to be important for you to know what's going on inside their mind that you can you can just sidestep thinking nope I'm not playing into this now the uh the first thing I'm going to say a comment that reveals that they're being dishonest and I'm picking an easy one to start with here uh narcissists may say to themselves and say to you you don't deserve my favor these are individuals who have somehow pronounced themselves as the keeper of worth in other words they Dole out word toward you if if you've pleased them and you should feel thrilled if you receive their blessing uh and so so many times you should show up or you say something or do something is counter to where they are it's like nope yeah you didn't deserve it today next and and uh and you're constantly feeling like you're in a favor deficit or a worth deficit when you're in that person's presence a second comment that illustrate and by the way you have worth regardless regardless of what they say to you or not a second thing that illustrates their dishonesty they they can point blank say I'm not the one here with control issues you may have actually said out loud I don't like it when you're so stubborn or when you're so overbearing and so they can come along and say I'm not the problem you are but I'm not and what they'll what that means is they want to reserve the right to be the one who calls the shots and has the agenda and if you don't go along with that then that means you're being controlling and they have such poor Insight regarding the the way that that plays out now speaking of which a uh another thing that they'll uh another dishonest thought that they'll hold on to is you would be a better person if you shared all my opinions now of course everyone has opinions about all sorts of things whether it's what you like for breakfast or what you believe about politics or how you think kids should be disciplined there are all sorts of things you have opinions about but one of the things that we want to make make room for is variety diversity and so when a narcissist comes along and says you'd be a much better person if you shared all of my opinions what they're implying is I have no respect for diversity I have no curiosity about you and why you think and feel and do as you do and frankly I'm threatened by your defenses but now what they'll say is you're just going to be a better person if you go along with my opinions when in fact no variety is not always a bad thing now speaking of feeling threatened it takes us to comment number four and that is if you think that I'm fearful you're wrong sometimes a narcissist might pick up on you saying like well you're just threatened by me you're fearful of me and they may say no I'm not fearful of anything you don't you don't scare me and it when a narcissist says something of that nature it reveals ridiculously low Insight because my question is well if you're not free afraid then why are you so defensive why are you so unable and unwilling to receive someone else's thoughts why is it that you must have someone else's Conformity you're fear-based you fear being rejected you fear being on the outside just be honest about it it's like no you got it wrong if you think I'm fear-based and uh you missed on that it's like okay that's your dishonesty or uh playing right off of that we can go with the fifth comment that they can make that show their lack of honesty and that is and by the way shame does not define me either you may say something to the effective I don't like you shaming me in fact I think you're you're struggling with your own sense of Shame it's like no no you missed it on that one too which is another very low Insight that they have narcissists have a deep history of knowing that judgments and uh and condescension are out there and could be aimed at them and so what they've done throughout their entire lives is they've learned how to sidestep the possibility for shame and judgment and one of their favorite tactics is they become the one who pronounces shame but it illustrates that their whole way of thinking is built upon the ashamed Dimension give shame before you receive shame is kind of their mindset they carry that kind of thinking strongly from the inside out now a sixth and I comment that they might make that illustrates their lack of honesty is they may say something like well my personal life is none of your business which is translated into meaning I reserve the right to be very secretive uh and they don't want you to know about certain things about who they are whether it's the way they manage money or their sexual proclivities and acting out or Associates that they socialize with or just where they are at any given moment it's like accountability is something that I run from I don't want it my personal life is none of your business when in fact even though you may not be present what they do in their personal life has an impact on many other elements of their relationships they're just not willing to acknowledge how there's a ripple effect when they live in scheming kinds of ways behind the scenes now going a little bit further there's a seventh comment that they can make and that is if you find out their secrets or if you call them out on their improprieties what they'll say is you are the one who's judgmental uh you are judging me just because you don't agree and it's like um no not necessarily for example if you say uh you you told me that now you're going to spend your money on this but you did this instead and it was very self-serving or something much worse than that it's like yeah you're just judging me it's like no I'm just saying let's let's talk let's figure out what's going on and so and actually again we go back to that shame thing uh they're the ones who get to be judgmental toward you but just by virtue of you being a bit cautious or you asking questions uh they're gonna immediately project their tendency Onto You by calling you the judgmental person and then how about an eighth comment that reveals their dishonesty and that is they'll say well if I'm mad and sometimes their anger is just so uh way off uh way off the charts if I'm mad it's because of you and my reaction to that is well can you just say if I'm mad it's because I have anger issues no that's not it if I manage because I'm around the wrong person you and so they simply cannot take responsibility for what they are which goes back to them being fear-based all over again now the the sad thing is uh all of this is gaslighting but their gaslighting of you stems from their inability in going way back into their past to be authentic it's like authenticity does not work well for me so they they come up with their alternate reality they come up with their fault self they come up with all sorts of narratives that that make them look good and you look bad so they can Elevate themselves at your expense I mean that's what narcissism is all about they're so self-absorbed and entitled uh and the the bottom line is in doing so it implies I am all in in the dishonesty category now my response to all of that is to to think and if if I could say it out loud to them uh I think it's tragic that you would run away from honesty you must be embarrassed to being fully you uh which is an understatement and that's something they will not take ownership of but they're embarrassed for you to know who they really are and uh and basically I'm I'm going to be thinking but I see how dishonest you are and I don't want to be a dishonest person myself so I have one major conclusion that I'd like to draw as I realize all of this and that is life is far more manageable when we're able to speak and think truthfully especially inside one's own mind that's what I want to do that's what I want to be and I hope that this gives you some good awareness of what you might be up against as you try to engage with some of these narcissistic individuals in your life if you've not already hit the Subscribe button I would encourage you to do so I would encourage you to continue watching other videos so that you can get that cumulative element there uh if you've not hit the Subscribe button like I say go ahead and do so there uh likewise you know that I'm sponsored by the people at betterhelp.com many times uh as as you watch videos such as this you think you know I could use somebody that could help me sift this out and you know I'm a therapist I'm retired now but I I strongly encourage you to seek the therapy that you could there's a link below this video that will take you to the people at better help and I've had good feedback it's very accessible it's very affordable and it's just simply a matter of filling out some forms and you'll be introduced to some people that you can select from please get the help that you would need in that category likewise I have my videos it's like signing up for a class my online courses uh we in each video each core has multiple videos with teaching documents and guided questions and it's a lot of work we have Ready Set connect about making good connection skills this is me about establishing boundaries free to be finding yourself despite those controllers we also have my webinars that have been presented but you can still purchase and we have my podcast we have our website with many articles my books there are plenty of resources there for you narcissists can be honest but I'm hoping you can decide you know honesty is going to be Central to who I am and if that's the case uh me being honest and them unable to be honest we don't have much of a match there I get it but I'm hoping you can move forward knowing that you want to have steadiness and reasonableness in your manner of life and when you do it positions you to become a person of peace that the narcissists in their dishonesty is not going to be able to join you in but I do hope you're able to find your peace foreign [Music]

Channel: Surviving Narcissism

Views: 147,384

Keywords: NPD, narcissists in relationships, gaslighting, self esteem, boundaries, anger, passive aggressive, Dr. Les Carter, psychology, surviving narcissism

Id: UIb7vY6iyYE

Length: 13min 19sec (799 seconds)

Published: Sat May 20 2023